A
male
age
51-59,
*hailandrules
writes:Hi. I am 34 my wife 44. Been together for 10 years and not had an argument until about 6 months ago. I am stepfather to her 5 teenage kids.Both work full time. She finishes at midnight. I try and stay up til half one to be with her and get 4 hrs sleep on average.She enjoys going out every Fri, with or without me, but recently without me because she says i am boring and am too protective in that i try not to get drunk so i can be a look out.Or i get too drunk and wander off.By herself recently she went out all night with her daughter and came in at 7 am. I was on earlys and she never msg me or phoned and i got worried. So i had a go especially with the kids alone, and i felt bad doing so.But it turned out she was at a guys house who i describe later.A guy at work about 20 has turned from bi to gay, and they get on well. People including her eldest daghter asked if they were seeing each other. She said no. I asked the same and she ripped into me saying she would have an affair with him if i asked the Q again.Been building up to a big argument and after one i walked off for 4 hours and came back. Several times i have left her letters saying i love her too much, and would leave.Even threatened suicide cos i was getting so depressed when she would not contact me so often, and had no incling to talk to me.My wife goes out every Fri til the early hours, lies in til afternoon on Sat and on Sun goes to her daughters most of the day. So i do all the cleaning, cooking, uniforms, ironing, washing etc, and it can go on until Sun. So she says I am control freak and i think i can do better than her, and this is not the case. I have explained that if i didnt do it, things would pile up, but i cant explain that.I can understand she works hard and plays hard, but i need to see her, and she should not put her mates first. the kids see little of her too.One Sun she went to her daughters and they were there from midday until late evening. Phoned up and they had been drinking booze and smoking weed with two guys from work who they both like and live close. I was not too happy especially when Sun tea was waiting. She came in and ripped into me but made no eye contact.We never have sex, because she is always on the monthly or too tired or not in the mood. But i may have put her off because when we first got together we were really kinky and she has gone off it.She messages this guy who is supposed to have gone from bi to gay, about 20 to 30 times a day, although it has cut back.She hardly messages me,phones me, or answers the phone, even if she is next door.I took time off recently to speak about ourselves. She stated she wanted to be single, lead a single life, and do what she wants. She does not want to be with me and at times i give her the creeps.So i left for a few days to give space and came back.She had moved out to her daughter and threatened me with eviction from our house (homeowners) if i did not leave the next day, and that she was applying for a divorce. Also stated the kids felt the same, so i left peacefully the next morning and now live with my brother.I spend 50 pounds going to work each week, have to work less hours because the trains are not early enough and have lost money. She threatened me with the police one time when i used her car to pick up stuff that she would report it lost if it was not brought back by a certain time.Now she has confirmed several times she does not want to be with me, but does not want a divorce and doesnt want to live her life without me long term. My youngest stepdaughter say the boys are playing me off and loving watching me have nothing.I have tried to ask if she wants to get back, and she says no or it is way too early and that i am controlling her, although she has asked me to stay in touch.She was married before for 16 years to a guy who beat them all up. Now she is with me it seems because she can go out when she wants, she wants to be free.Now i cant afford the mortgage and she says the house will be repossessed. I have to find a new job because of the above moving out, and wont be able to affor to help her with bills, and there would be little chance of moving with her because of 6 month contracts.I feel she is stringing me along. She is at the same guys house again tonight when she said she would talk to me and it is now 1am. She leaves the house early often to see him although she says he is just a friend at heart.I am now starting to enjoy my single life and plan on backpacking the Far East end of this year. If i go back with her, i know we will just bicker and bring up the past. I feel as though i can leave her, but dont want to upset her as she may be seeing how far i push her etc.Should i do what i want to do or try and build it back up, with all the debts and doubts. I love her as a wife, but my heart is saying leave it. Please advise.
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affair, at work, debt, depressed, divorce, drunk, in the mood, money, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (26 March 2007):
 What are you waiting for? Pack your bags and trek the Far East.
She has made it abundently clear that she doesnt want to be with you, and she IS stringing you along. Fortunately you dont have any kids together, but you will also be feeling some kind of loyalty to the kids since you have been there for them since they were young. Its natural!
Perhaps this is just what you need, put your own needs in front of hers, since her needs have been all you have focused on for the past 10 years.
You seem like a really nice bloke! Cleaning, cooking, washing..........hell my boyfriend doesnt even know how to switch the hoover on!
She seems to enjoy the single life and having young friends will only deepen her feelings for being single! Its great being single! No ties to anyone or anything! Do your own thing, not what everyone else wants! I have a boyfriend, but we live in seperate houses across town from each other. And let me tell you.........its great! He has his own space when he needs it, and I have mine! We have talked about getting married and moving in together, but we also enjoy not having to deal with the pressures of living together. Not just now anyway!
Look after yourself for once and go do something that you want. Your debts etc together will be sorted out by the time you leave at the end of the year.
Have fun and enjoy yourself!
A
male
reader, Dos_Vinci  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 Man. I'm sorry you married her. I think you should driver her car into the closest lake.. I think you should call some type of child services to have the children taken away, because if she wants to be free, she can't have the restrictions of having to take care of a life. You sound like a great guy(I'm not gay!). I think you can find a woman 100x better than this... hmm... This.. There's no word in the dictionary that describes this terrible person.
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