A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused and any insight would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone else about this.My boyfriend is a sweet guy, I always knew he had a Pervy side but all guys do and that didn't really bother me....Until I found pictures on his computer that he ha taken of two of my friends sleeping, one was clothed the other was wearing shorts and you could see her junk. The other one was a full on frontal of my best friend in a bikini.I confronted him about it and he told me he actually took her phone while she was asleep and hooked it up to his computer and took the pictures. He also said 'it's more of a power thing'There was also pictures of his ex having sex with her new boyfriend he said he found when he hacked her email.As I'm writing this I feel like he sounds like a really shady guy but I can't help but love him, I know him and I know he would never act on it.But being of a rational mind I still find it very weird an I just don't know what to do with this information now I have it.Please help?
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 December 2013):
Hun, that feeling that propelled you to post this, that is your gut. Deep down, you don't need us telling you that he's crossing the line. You already know. Now it's just a case of admitting this to yourself, that he's not the sweet guy you thought he was.
And that's hard, because you might think you would have noticed before, that you would have seen that something's off. But people like him, they're good at hiding that part of themselves. That's why they're so dangerous.
This guy showed you his hand. He didn't mean to, but he did. He's hoping, no he's counting on you to be naive and trusting, the same characteristic he'll expect his victims to have, once he gets to that point. If he hasn't already.
I'm sorry. I know you want to believe the best of him. But he's not who you want him to be. He's not a good person. He's a rapist in the making, if he isn't there already.
A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (12 December 2013):
OMG - I felt sick reading this. Report him, take the evidence, tell your friends and get the hell away from this vile piece of filth. Beyond "bit of a perv" - waaaaaay beyond.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (12 December 2013):
 He would never act on it? He IS acting on it. He's BEEN acting on it, OP. This is no idle fantasy. He had to go to some lengths and take considerable risks to do what he did.
And what he did is shocking and the most vile betrayal, not only of these women, but of you. He is not a nice guy or a good guy, OP. This is well beyond shady or pervy. You have discovered a very serious and potentially dangerous character flaw.
I suggest you immediately take steps to secure your own safety; physical, psychological and financial. Change every password for every account you have and also change your security question to something he'd never figure out. Save whatever evidence you've found. Make a copy for each of the women and let them decide how they want to proceed. Be prepared to lose them as friends. Even if they don't blame you, your friendship will be tainted by the experience. You'll have your boyfriend to thank for that. Then contact police (not 999, dial the local number) and get advice from them.
Men who prey on women and children this way are never satisfied for long. He'll be driven to do it again and up the ante.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013): Not all men are perverts but this one sure is.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 You actually made me smile OP. It's innocent women like you who truly believe that their partners can do no wrong and you'll go to any lengths to believe that while your B/f has a "pervy side", he'll never act on it. Really? Did you really think that he was capable of photographing your friends in this way? You didn't but now you're rationalizing it by saying, "OK so what? It's harmless, he wont do anything". If he goes on to do something, you'll think, "OK maybe it was just that one time, he's learnt his lesson and wont do it again". And so it continues...
The others have said pretty much everything that needed to be said, so I'll just say one last thing.
Run for the hills.
You deserve MUCH better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): Not all men are perverts. Your boyfriend's situation sounds very scary. Get out of this relationship before he gets worse.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): Get out as soon as you can. You should never have to question trust. If you do, then it's an obvious
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): If I found out a boyfriend of mine did something like that it would freak me the hell out. I'd not only be worried for my own safety but the safety of my friends and those he intruded on. I'd call those concerned and inform them of what he did and let them decide if they want the police involved but before that I would make sure I am as far away from him as possible. RUN. Be safe.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 December 2013):
 He would never act on it.. ? But he IS " acting on it " ! maybe not in an openly sexual way yet- but didn't you say that he hacked his ex's email to retrieve her private sex pics ? That's a crime, !, and if one has to break the law, and do something both immoral and antisocial to get his kicks ... well, what would you want him to do more than that , bludgeon the girl with a lead pipe, to tell he is acting on his sick " power " impulses ?
What this guy does is very creepy. Even supposing that he won't ever do anything worse than now... I could not rest easy if I were you, knowing that who knows, one of these days he can decide of taking a pic of you sitting on the toilet and put it on line, just to indulge in a little power trip !
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Maybe I've watched too many "Criminal Minds" episodes, but he sounds like he has the psyche of a serial rapist / killer. Like all the other aunties advised...RUN!!!
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male
reader, devont +, writes (10 December 2013):
 "He is violating women's privacy for power"
This is the main thing. That is not acceptable behaviour.
For your own mental wellbeing, I think you need to leave. Won't you just be worrying about what else he's been up to and/or will get up to now you've found this?
You'll find someone else much, much nicer and far better suited to you, leave while you can.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 I have one small piece of very pertinent advice for you..."RUN"!!!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Rapists don't rape because they like the sex, they rape because they like the power. Protect yourself and your loved ones.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Everything everyone else has said. Spot on. get out now.
Guys like porn. if there was a collection of porn on his computer, some of it kinky, etc, I would just say whatever. But he's got pics if your friends sleeping?????!!!?! Wtf??? You KNOW that's not normal. something is VERY wrong here. And you're not safe. And your friends are certainly not safe either.
You need to tell your friends. They need to know. They need to be protected. There's no telling what guys like him will do. For one thing, if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know? And two, how would you feel if something happened to them by this guy and you never told them and stood up against him?
This isn't just a typical "pervy" guy doing "pervy" things. It's against the law. And it WILL escalate. just wait.
The reference to Ted Bundy was spot on. He started off like this. Read his bio. Get out now. He's a serious creep. Lritdct yourself and your friends.
A power thing? Yeah that's bad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): These are warning signs that he is or will be a sex offender. The fact that he explained it was a "power" thing is hugely telling!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Ted Bundy had a long term girlfriend the whole time he was raping and murdering other women. He was considered handsome and charming and charismatic, and she didn't find out until he was caught. His last victim was a 12 year old with a strong possibility that he also did it to an 8 year old.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 December 2013):
 You know it's wrong, VERY VERY wrong, or you wouldn't be on here asking about it. I agree with the others, this is rapist child molester levels of creepy. Serial predators are INCREDIBLY charming and most of them had girlfriends and wives who also just knew they were good people down under.
He is violating women's privacy for power. Rapists also violate women for power. When you do break up with him, you need to change all your passwords to something very secure, i.e. misspelled words with upper and lower case with symbols as well as numbers with no personal significance to you.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2013):
This is really really bad, as in child molester, serial rapist, voyeur, flasher kind of guy, and you need to RUN away from him. This isn't normal. It's guys like these who would date and marry a woman in order to fondle her 5-year old daughter. It's guys like these who would slip a roofie into a drink at a bar. It's guys like these who would stand outside of an office peering into the window at the receptionist while jacking off.
He is exploiting and violating YOUR friends, and you're okay with this? So many people say of the guy who commits sex crimes that they never saw the warning signs. Well, you are seeing the warning signs clear as day that this guy needs to be locked up. He can go to jail for this, don't you know that? This isn't a normal "pervy" side. This is a dangerous pervy side.
And you say you know he would never "act" on it? He IS acting on it with those pictures, with hacking into an ex's computer! He's ACTING. It always progresses. This isn't random porn from people who willingly consent. These are your friends, people YOU should be protecting from assholes like this! I guarantee that he *took* those sleeping pictures, because of the placement of the pictures were intentionally of the sexual organs, which wouldn't be a "stolen" picture.
I would change all of my passwords and then break up with the guy under threat of calling law enforcement on him. I would also tell his ex if I knew her that he stole a sex video from her computer without her consent, because if it were me (I would never take a sex tape!), i'd want to be warned about someone violating me to this extent. And it *is* a severe violation. A "power" thing? You think you're immune? You think you're special? This is how he treats women. RUN. If you love him, STOP loving him and see him for what he is.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Hacking pictures of ex sleeping with new boyfriend is over the top he must just be with you. Power for what he is invading privacy he must still want her or the boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): Are you waiting for him to do something worse or are you waiting for him to do that to your little sister / mother / neice / daughter in the future before you decide it's not ok?
Ask him to delete them and get rid of him or get him to see a psychiatrist.
What he's done is really disrespecting boundaries.
It's usually the same logic that rapists use - that it's a power thing. Seriously, get rid.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2013):
 he's beyond shady and creepy and a perv. i"m pretty sure he's breaking the law.
don't doubt he won't take "sleeping pics" of you and post them on the internet with all your junk hanging out.
I'm overly forgiving and this is NOT a forgivable event IMO.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 December 2013):
 So hoe long do think before he takes creepy pictures of you little sister (if you have one) you mom, you?
It's not OK. It's MAJORLY shady.
I would be creeped out. The fact that he calls it a "power thing" is down right scary. He is invading his ex's PRIVATE e-mail - invading your friends privacy. It's WRONG.
DID you tell him to delete them? WHY are you OK with this?
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