A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going to this college for two years it seems to be a very prestigious college but I am just not happy. It has been effecting my grades and it seems like the harder I try the more unhappy I become. I have stuck it out for two years. My social life is all but existent. I have trouble connecting with my conservative peers and teachers. I'm not meeting the goals that I have set for myself because I am usually so drained. I want to transfer so badly that I can feel it in my bones. My friends keep telling me to stick it out. They tell me that since I have stayed this long I might as well finish up. I don't know what I want to do. I really want to leave. I want to go to a different state. I want to feel happy again. I want to meet and exceed my goals. My question is... should I leave or should I stay? I also have social phobia so being in the right environment is very important to me. It is detrimental to my progress I feel. I have been trying for so long to just keep moving through. I'm bored with that. I want to go where I am happy and thriving. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 July 2013):
I stuck it out for 4 years at a place that made me unhappy, and let me tell you, those last years were a drag. I became seriously depressed and got behind and graduated a few months late. If I'd known in the second year that I'd hate it so much later, I'd have transferred.
Now of course you're going to have to closely look at the details the others mentioned. Money, credit transfer, etc. They say the college years are the best years, so honestly, make the best of it. If this place is making you unhappy and you can switch, go for it. 2 years may not seem like much, but it can become an eternity when you're unhappy or even depressed.
I myself am not really adaptable when it comes to social environments so I know how important it is to find one where you fit in and feel comfortable.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2013):
 You are not happy. You need to be happy.
DO NOT live your life for your friends. Or your family. LIVE your LIFE for YOURSELF.
IF you have the option to transfer to a different school (will the credits transfer etc) then DO IT.
I did one year at a college I THOUGHT I would love... I was not as happy as I thought and I transferred for my second year. It was much better for me after that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): Hi I think maybe you should evaluate first whether you feel this way due to stress at the moment that will pass? As a graduate student, I know it is easy to get overwhelmed sometimes, but I find that it comes and goes and is kind of part of the stress associated with college. There may be a way that you can reduce the number of hours/classes you are taking or work less if you are working, etc. to give yourself more free time. Also, there are many schools out there, and maybe this just isn't the place for you. Transferring schools is not uncommon and could be a good change and a chance to start over socially. Just make sure you leave the school on good terms or it may look bad on you when you go somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 I agree with Honeypie, the points to evaluate would be if this transition to another school would be simple, inexpensive, fast , would not penalize you in terms of credits , would not delay your final graduation, and it would not cost much money and trouble to you and most of all to your family , if they are funding your education.
Because, pardon the brutality, if you suffer from social anxiety, the "problem " is you, not them. If you have social anxiety, ANY kind of environment will pose some sort of a challenge, you'll have to sweat it quite a bit anyway to adjust and fit in. The next school could be better than the current one... or could be the same. Or worse . How do you know for sure you'd do better there ? You don't, it's a gamble. Therefore it only makes sense if there is nothing to lose in leaving your current situation for a new one.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 July 2013):
I agree with Honeypie, the points to evaluate would be if this transition to another school would be simple, inexpensive, fast , would not penalize you in terms of credits , would not delay your final graduation, and it would not cost much money and trouble to you and most of all to your family , if they are funding your education.
Because, pardon the brutality, if you suffer from social anxiety, the "problem " is you, not them. If you have social anxiety, ANY kind of environment will pose some sort of a challenge, you'll have to sweat it quite a bit anyway to adjust and fit in. The next school could be better than the current one... or could be the same. Or worse . How do you know for sure you'd do better there ? You don't, it's a gamble. Therefore it only makes sense if there is nothing to lose in leaving your current situation for a new one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): I would leave if I was you. I had to change schools when I was in year 9 (so I had already done 3 years at one school) and had 3 years left. I had to leave, everyday I was sick with worry and anxiety. I hated every single second I was there. But I was also scared to leave feeling that I was weak because I couldn't stick it out and fit in like everyone else. I wondered why I was so pathetic that I couldn't handle it when all the other kids could. Eventually, after coming home crying every single day my mother urged me to leave and got the ball rolling. May I say it was the best decision I ever made, and may have saved my life. My grades got better and I made friends that I have even now. Everyday at my new school wasn't a walk in the park, and it took a while for me to find my place. But truly if you want out and its been a while since you've felt this way, go for it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 July 2013):
 Who is paying for your college? Do you have a scholarship? How easy would it be to transfer? Can you finish the degree where you want to go?
I agree having a good environment is very important when it comes to making things easier, more bearable.
The thing is how do you know that the transfer will make you happy? You don't, and then what?
I would answer in more details if I knew more.
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