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female
age
26-29,
*ittlemisshelpful
writes:Hello helpers! This is a relatively quick question, but one that i'd love some input for! I'm 18 years old, turning 19 this year. I'd say I was pretty mature for my age (alot of this coming from bad experiences in childhood). I'm currently dating my lovely boyfriend of about a month and a half who is 24. Now before anyone calls the age card, we've known eachother for years, and for the prior 2 years of our friendship, he really was my bestest friend. I am head over heals in love with him, and we have a great relationship. (Although I appreciate a month and a half is a short amount of time, but being we new eachother so well before hand, it feels longer). My question is simply this... Do you believe I am too young to be settling down? Ultimately kids and marriage is going to be more on his cards seeing as hes older (we've discussed this and hes agreed). I'm prepared to have kids in my early 20's, and I feel like i'm mature enough to do that. However it'd be nice to hear others opinions on settling down and falling in love so young seeing as this wasn't really my initial life plan (Although i'm very happy with him and could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with him!) Thanks tons! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): At 18 and 19, I was also mature for my age. I was more mature than most of my peers and even those older than me. I'm now 23, only a few years older than you, but a COMPLETELY different person than I was at 18 and 19. I'm FAR more mature in all aspects than I was then. TRUST ME, I'm telling you this as an older sister, that it is absolutely worth it to wait. A few years later at 23, you will think differently and make better decisions. I promise!
There are very many people your age (and mine!) who thought they could handle settling down and starting a family and regretted it. You can't undo it once you have a child. Maturity is only a small puzzle piece. Just ask your parents how expensive having a child is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): Do yourself a favour, travel and finish university first.
It will only take a few years, and you'll thank yourself later.
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reader, Questing for Love  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 Just a thought. If you guys are as in love as you say, then you'll still feel the same in a few year's time. There's absolutely no need to rush into things. If you both feel this strongly, you can most likely rest assured that the opportunity will still be there in the future. For now work on preparing yourself for what's to come rather than jumping right into it.
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reader, Serpico +, writes (31 January 2014):
From a financial perspective, it costs around $250,000 to raise a child from cradle to age 18. This does not include college costs.Are you ready for that expense?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): I personally do not see anything wrong with it. See, I grew up in the mentality that your 20's are for sowing your wild oats, educating yourself, having fun and figuring out who you are. It was taboo to even think of marriage or children in my early 20's. It was taboo even in my late 20's. So now I am in my early 30's, never been married or had kids. Do I mind? I don't know! If I had ever been married I would be able to weigh out the pro's and con's much easier. And to be frank, looking back, it's kind of left me scratching my head. As I don't see what the point is of delaying family life if that is what you want. It becomes harder in your 30's to meet a guy as you are now older and it becomes harder to have children for obvious reasons. I do know, however, that I have had a very rich exciting life. I've done a lot of cool stuff that I would have never been able to do if I had married young and had children. But everybody is different. What I find cool and the things I place importance on, you might not. I do not agree with the mentality that you are ever "too young" to do anything your heart desires. It doesn't matter how old you are, a good man is a good man, love is love, whether you find it in your 20's, your 30's or your 60's. If you have found yourself a good man, one you love, and this is the direction you want to go, by all means do it!
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 January 2014):
You're in the honeymoon phase of the relationship; of course everything is going to seem like sunshine and rainbows right now. It's the question what's left when that wears off (and it will.) So give it some time. A lot of time. You're very young. Might as well use that time to enjoy the relationship for what it is and let it develop before throwing kids into the mix.
You're tied to kids for about 20 years of your life. You're not even 2 months into the relationship. You haven't really gotten to know this guy yet and you're already contemplating kids? The best environment for a kid to grow up in is a stable one, with parents that form a stable unit. One in 3 marriages end in a divorce, so you can guess how many kids do not have this privilege. Heck, maybe you're one of those kids yourself. So do yourself a favor and don't jump into the whole starting-a-family thing headfirst. It's a decision that'll dictate what the rest of your life is going to be like, so please take your time while you still have it and get to know who this guy really is. Really knowing people takes time.
Lastly, the phrase "I'm mature for my age" usually indicates a person's immaturity, because people aren't really in a position to judge those kinds of things about themselves. Also, I've never heard anyone over 25 say it. Life experience doesn't equal maturity. It usually means extra baggage. If you haven't already, get that stuff sorted out so it won't interfere with your future. Meanwhile, enjoy your youth and freedom while you have it.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 It might feel longer, but a month is still only a month, and friendship is very different from relationship. A year and a half is the minimum amount of time before you actually know your partner beyond the exterior.
I absolutely can not stand the phrase "mature for my age". There is no such thing. You are you age no matter how you twist it, and maturity comes with age in addition to experiences. Not simply from experiences. Besides, your experiences was of childhood, and believe it or not.. Adult life brings experiences very differently from childhood ones. Having a lot of baggage doesnt make you older or wiser.
If you have experienced many negative things from an early childhood, then I would encourage you to talk about these experiences with a therapist. This in order to learn how to deal with, and live with, these experiences. Baggage can mean you feel older, but baggage also tends to weigh heavy on the shoulders.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): For every woman your age who married and starts a family only to realize they weren't ready, there are just as many or more were completely ready and don't regret it one bit. Many women will have children at 25 or 30 or 35 and find they weren't ready. Age has absolutely nothing to do with anything.Honeypie nailed it completely. If you both are ready, there's no reason to wait. But there's also no reason to rush into anything when you have your whole life ahead of you.The thing that caught my eye was you said this wasn't your initial life plan. What was your initial life plan? College, traveling, a job? You don't have to throw away your life plan so you can settle down and start having kids right now, you can incorporate this guy into your Iife plan. He's older than you, yes, but he's still very young at 24. There's certainly no rush for him to get married and have kids.Ask yourself if there's anything you'd like to do before you get married and/or have kids. Do you want to attend college, get a degree? Would you like to study abroad for a semester? Go backpacking through Europe? Spend a summer following your favorite band around the country, or visiting as many museums as you can?There are so many things that are much easier to do when you're not married and don't have kids. By you can do them while maintaining a fully committed, monogamous relationship with the person you will eventually marry and have kids with. He should be asking himself the same questions.The simple answer to your simple question is no. You're not too young to be settling down. Just weigh all your options and consider all possibility before you do. Both of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): "I'd say I was pretty mature for my age (alot of this coming from bad experiences in childhood)."1) If you truly were mature for your age then you wouldn't be proclaiming how mature you are for your age, you'd be acting maturely when considering major life decisions.2) If you had bad experiences in childhood then I suspect you are seeking to heal the wounds and fill the voids by rushing into marriage and parenthood in order to have the type of family life that you always wanted but never had. Pardon my presumptuousness and forgive me if I'm wrong, but your eagerness to latch on to and start planning a future with an older guy leads me to suspect that your bio-father isn't in the picture as you are exhibiting what many consider to be classic signs indicating Daddy issues. "Do you believe I am too young to be settling down?"As stated above, my concern not your age but is your reasons for wanting to settle down so young. Most people your age are enjoying their first taste of life as young adults no longer under their parents control and free to make their own decisions. I know several people in their late twenties to early thirties (relatives and friends' kids) and none of them are remotely ready to settle down because they still have too many things they want to do with their own lives.Honestly, I find it a little sad that a young woman your age has no dreams, goals or ambitions beyond getting married and having children, which is something most people can reasonably expect to accomplish without making it their life's priority. That is why I respectfully suggest you seriously examine your reasons for wanting to settle down so young, and why I respectfully suggest you may want to consider counseling.Best wishes and good luck.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2014):
 I didn't met my husband til my late 20's so I didn't have kids til 30. Which I DO think was good (FOR ME). I got most of my partying, education (2 bachelor's degrees), 70 hours work week career job, traveling out of the way.
There are plenty of mothers who should never have had children. But age is rarely the main reason, why they shouldn't have had kids.
As long as you BOTH are READY for this and feel financially and emotionally ready I don't see the problem.
One thing though, I don't SEE the need to HURRY either.
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reader, PeanutButter +, writes (30 January 2014):
 I had a child at 16 and I survived. I am happy and life is good now at 34. it hasn't been easy but it is definitely not terrible, either. Don't listen to everyone else, choose your own path, your own life. You will be fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): There are many young women your age who believed they were mature enough to marry and/or start families. It's too late to discover you're not ready; once you're in the middle of it. :-0
Once they find out what raising children entails, they often wish they had waited. They needed more time themselves to gain more experience as an adult, and to enjoy the things we enjoy in our earlier years of growth and development. You're still physically growing until the age of 21.
Time is needed to grow, explore, travel, and just have carefree fun. Before we take on the responsibilities of marriage and raising a family, and making many personal sacrifices for the sake of our families.
Through dating and trial relationships with a variety of male-types; you learn how to build and maintain relationships, adapt to different male character-traits, and discover what type of man is most compatible with your own personality. Marrying the first guy who asks, isn't always the wisest move.
Earn your stripes by financially supporting yourself for a number of years; and knowing what it feels like to depend on no one but your own resources; and living by your own wit.
That builds tremendous confidence. Living in the 21st century is not easy. You need the tools for survival; so you're not totally dependent and at some guy's mercy. Who could turn out to be a total ass-hat. (I borrowed this word from one of the other aunts.)
You have to be experienced and strong enough to be able to survive as a single-mother; if it becomes necessary. You
won't be forced to stay in abusive or controlling relationships, for fear of being on your own.
Restricting your experience to only one man too early in your life, will limit your knowledge of how to view men, narrowing your opinion down to only one personality-type.
Women who do this, usually become very dependent on their mate for everything; and center their universe around him. He's all they know. All they have in the world.
The scary part is; when all the clouds of bliss clears, and you're out of the honeymoon phase. He turns out to be a jerk. He will rule your every move, and count every breath you take. He will boss over you like his servant.
You need time to get a formal education, decide if you want to have a career; then you need time to discover yourself and experiment with life. No need to go hunting for a husband; if you have no idea how to be a wife. Yeah, you have your mother as an role model. She will warn you as I am; based on her own wisdom and experience.
The more life-experience you bring into a relationship, the less you are dependent on your mate to compensate for your weaknesses and faults. You are less child-like, clinging to him to guide and protect you, for lack of your own power.
You will have more confidence, and bring more with you into the relationship to create a stronger bond; built on
equality and mutual respect.
You have to know yourself and be aware of your potential as a woman, and an adult. That takes a few years of living single and being independent.
Men also need to be able to rely on his mate for strength and support. Men are no longer considered the sole bread-winner or single source of strength in a marriage. It takes two strong individuals to make a healthy and lasting relationship or marriage. They make the best parents, and equally contribute to the upbringing of emotionally healthy and well-adjusted children.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 January 2014):
 Some people are "too young" when they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older.....
Unfortunately, the number of times you've been around the Sun is a fairly weak determiner of how successful you might be in a "..... now and forever... until death do us part..." relationship...
If you - and he - are satisfied that you love one-another... and want to - and will - make a life together... then GO FOR IT!!!!!
Good luck..
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