A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, i have quite low self esteem and im not a very confident guy, i dont know if this has anything to do with the size of my penis, i would consider it small , but that may be just me underestimating my self. Its just short of 6inches erect and girth of about 4.7 or somthing, however i am not a virgin i have recieved oral sex and lost my virginity a year ago, i know size shouldnt matter its how you use it, wich i did have any complaints when i first had sex, but it does really feal like a issue that is holding me back. firstly is this size actualy normal? or is it on the small side? im a bit of a gym freak, ive been going about 2 years now, it has improved my confidence quite noticably, ive just ordered (£)100quids worth of supplements, and im always been asked to go into town clubbing but i get extremely anxious and nervous and will try find anyway out of going in. im always been told im good looking, but i never seem to get anywer with girls i have such problems striking up conversations with them, i just cant think of anything to say!! it is so annoying because it feels like i am not reaching my potential as a young man, i get so anxious and wind my self up over it. i dont know how to resolve this.I also go through bouts of depression, some times i feel awesome, really confident... but more often than not i feel down and that I'm going no where in life no motivation feel unnatractive and just generally s**t! i used to have counselling when i was younger, is this somthing i should look into or speak to a doctor about? it just somtimes feels like the world is againts me! cant pull, tiny weener and not attractive, i absolutly hate it how can i overcome all this?
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clubbing, confidence, lost my virginity, my penis, oral sex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): Hello, I'm sorry you feel so down at the moment. As someone who has suffered with low self-esteem and depression in the past I can identify with what you are going through. The main thing you need to stop worrying about is the size of your penis. Sure, as red-blooded males we think all the girls want the guys with the biggest packages, but in truth 99% of girls will not care. As long as you are a kind, loving individual willing to treat them the right way that's all that matters. Besides, you didn't have any complaints the first time you had sex so what's the problem? As far as finding reasons not to go clubbing goes, think about what aspects of it makes you feel nervous? Is it the actual clubbing itself? It's OK if you're not a fan of clubbing, lots of people aren't. Instead of waiting for others to invite you out why not turn the tables and ask them to do something else with you? You say you're always being asked to go out so obviously you're in demand and there are people who want to spend time with you so there's no reason why they would object to doing something else.However, if it's the social aspect that worries you I can completely understand. Back when I was in my late teens my social skills were extremely poor. I like you did not have the first idea what to say to girls and couldn't pull for Britain. The one thing I came to learn though was that girls love a good listener. The next time you meet a girl ask a few questions about her, like where does she work/study? What are her hobbies? Ask about her friends? Speaking from experience girls love to bitch so she might have some dirt on a mutual friend she's desperate to spill to someone. The main thing this will do is break the ice between the two of you. It may not lead to anything there and then but the next time you see her she will remember you as that nice guy who gave her your time and genuinely wanted to get to know her as a person. You should feel more comfortable around her and the conversations should flow from there.Good Luck!
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (14 April 2014):
Gosh hun, you're being way too hard on yourself! I'll tackle this one issue at a time:
- Do you ever notice, that when it comes to conversations about penis sizes and measurements, it's only men that actually talk and keep track of stuff like that? I wouldn't be able to tell you the average size of a male penis and whether you're on the 'big' or the 'small' side, because I honestly don't care about crap like that. It's never come up in a conversation with my girlfriends either. I can't speak for every woman, but the cliche is true: what matters is what you do with it. Work with what you have. As for me, the bigger, or actually longer the penis, the more painful the sex tends to be. So there's that to consider as well.
- Great you're taking care of your body by making it stronger. Just watch it with the supplements. I know there's a whole industry out there telling you you lack this and that and that you need all these supplements to max out your potential, but honestly: the human body built to adapt and to work with what it's got. If all these supplements and antioxidants and whatever were truly essential to thrive, we'd have all perished by now. Drink a lot of water, try to get a minimum of 200 grams of veggies/fruit daily, restrict the amount of 'white carbs' (from white bread, rice and potatoes) and get the whole grain ones (the true ones, not the marketing gimmic) and get your protein from fish, eggs, turkey, chicken and lean meats. That's basically all you need to do. Keep it simple. Listen to your body.
- Lastly, and this is going to be the hardest part: learn to let go. So you may not have the biggest dick in the world. Well, so what? Honey, in the big scheme of things that really doesn't matter, like, at all. Hell, not even in the small scheme of things. I sure wouldn't turn down a guy based on that. Learn to accept who you are. So you may have flaws. Wow, guess what, we all do! We're all broken in some way or the other, but all our glass shards are inside.
You are who you are and that's more than good enough.
If you have a hard time talking to girls, try talking to them in a normal setting. Like, at school (if you still study) or at work, or wherever. Don't make the goal scoring a date, but just having a nice conversation without ulterior motives. Just ask a colleague about her day, or her weekend, and just talk about that stuff. When you are at a bar you're pressuring yourself, which makes you nervous and stiff, and people pick up on that. Just put the goal at having a nice evening and having some nice convo's. That's easier and if you click with a girl you'll get to a date in a much more organic way because you are actually interested in her, not just the idea of dating someone.
Now, all that said, if tackling this on your own seems daunting, I'd definitely try counseling again. Get all the support you can get.
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