A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got engaged a few month ago and need some help. Since I was 10 I said I was going to get married at Disneyworld and I've never changed my mind. My fiance wants a big wedding here. I don't!!All we do I argue over it because I want to go to Disney and invite around 10 relatives and 2 friends then come home and have a party and invite everyone to that. He thinks that's stupid because why would you do that when you could do it all in the one day at home. He wants people to see him get married who are like cousins of his grandma.I then suggested just going away the two of us and getting married then coming home and telling everyone were married but he said no to that too because again its a stupid idea. What do I do? If I do what he wants I'm going to hate every minute of it and feel as though I've wasted my money...
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cousin, engaged, fiance, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 November 2014):
 A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States + ?, writes (2 November 2014):
Why don't you get married here and have your honeymoon at Disney?
I totally agree with this - HONEYMOON in Disney Land!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): With what you have added, I seriously think you need to reconsider your whole relationship!
This guy is controlling - do you want to spend the rest of your life being told who you can see, what you can do...he has told a cousin he doesn't like her so she can't be your bridesmaid?!
Sorry to say this is not a relationship, please escape while you still can with ease!!
My friend was engaged and then left the guy - best thing she ever did, he wasn't even as bad as your guy is!
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (3 November 2014):
 In light of this new information, I think maybe you should question whether this man is the right guy for you.
It seems like he is being a control freak, especially if he will not even opt to go to Disney World with you for your honeymoon. BTW, A LOT of people go to Disney World & other theme parks without children. On my honeymoon with my ex, we went to Disney World; and I have an Aunt & Uncle whose children are grown, and they go to Disney World every year--mostly just the two of them, for a nice little escape.
It seems to be a battle of wills; and a man who is treating you like a child more than a partner...and a fight for control.
If you are paying for the majority of the wedding, you SHOULD get at least some of what you want...
It's your day too. Not just his.
If he cannot even give you a "Wedding Moon" or a honeymoon as an alternative, he may be just too controlling.
As So_Very_Confused has said, if he is this controlling now, what will he be like after you are married?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 November 2014):
 I think what is very obvious is that you both want very different things and neither of you are willing to compromise.
YOU: I WANT DISNEY OR ELSE
HIM: I WANT THIS COLOUR AND THESE PEOPLE OR ELSE
You are making this wedding into a battle, and it does not bode well for your future relationship, as it shows neither of you is willing to compromise. You will always want your way, and he will always want his. The fact that you are justifying this because you "earn more" doesn't help this.
You need to compromise. And if that means coming up with a third option, then that is what you need to do.
If you really cannot cope without visiting Disney as part of your wedding, perhaps go on a tour of America for your Honeymoon, including a stop at Disney, rather than making it the soul reason to visit.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2014):
 I am with SVC here... I wonder if you and him should be getting married at all. Life is about more than a wedding, you need to spend your LIFE with this man! This man who doesn't take anything you say or want into consideration.. And it is just the beginning. This is a red flag, dear you. Think about how life is with him. Is this, right here and now, how you want to spend the rest of your life, regardless of where you get married?
Isn't who you are marrying more important than where you get married? And by that I mean, this man does not sound like a good and attentive partner who will listen to you, but he is a man who says "my way or the highway". These men do NOT make for good husband material.
If you worry about the cost of your wedding, which HE arranges as HE wishes at YOUR cost, then think about how he will run things in the marriage, with your money, to do what HE wishes, yet again. Is this the life for you?
Maybe you cling on to the hope of marrying in Disney land because your gut is telling you this isn't right, and you can't go through with it. I say listen to your gut feeling. You and only you can look out for yourself in life, and only you know what is best for you. If marrying at Disney is important, and he does not care... then I believe your following resentment and all the arguing that has been brought up, I think these things show that YOU are not happy, and this is not what you want. Your gut feeling knows it.
It is NOT a shame to call off the wedding. You can tell him you are not ready, and need more time to think about it. I strongly suggest you do this. Young women are so often living in the fairy tale of what will be, rather than seeing the reality as it is. You might have dreams and hopes of a bright future and lifetime with this man. But reality as it is is that he denies you your dreams, belittle them, does what he wants with your money, you argue constantly, and the dream is ruined. Carrying on with this wedding as things are now... I believe it is not what you want, and that you will only have more grief up ahead if you go down this path.
Always listen to yourself, and NEVER sacrifice any dreams for a man. It truly is better to never be married at all, but be happy, than be married and suffer and be miserable and have your money controlled by a man who cares only for his own needs. Take care of yourself, only you can take care of yourself... So if you don't do it, then no one will.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 November 2014):
 HE thinks he can pick your bridesmaids?
He picked the venue?
HE picked the color?
HE isn't taking ANY of your desires into account? (so says you)
IF THIS is true, what do you think will happen AFTER you get married?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 November 2014):
Don't glue yourself to an idea you had when you were ten. You are not ten anymore, haven't been for a long time. And if Disney is something he doesn't want at all, then it wouldn't be fair to force it on him. Like "whencowsattack" said, you can compromise by honeymooning at Disney.
Why is this so important to you? Have you asked yourself that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionId like to thank everyone for their comments however I should have perhaps added some more information. Yes it would be selfish of me to demand Disney and Disney alone but he has already decided colour schemes, picked a home venue, told me my cousin cannot be a bridesmaid because he doesn't like her and said no to a honeymoon there because who goes there with no kids. As for paying the wedding, I earn more than him and as a result will be paying 2\3's minimum. He isn't taking anything I want into consideration and what he doesn't realise is that my parents were going to pay everything plus give us £5000 for an engagement present but she they saw what was happening are no longer.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (3 November 2014):
 I agree wholeheartedly with celtic tiger.
The wedding is about celebrating the MARRIAGE but you've turned it into your very own fairy princess day.
Maybe now isn't the right time. Your fiancé seems to be the only with a level head on his shoulders.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 November 2014):
I think you are missing the point of getting married slightly. It is about forming a partnership, sharing and compromise.
I also think that perhaps you might not be quite ready for marriage.
From your question all that seems to come across is "I".
I want, Its not fair, I would hate it, it would be a waste of MY money.
Do you see what I am getting at? I am quite sure you will not be paying every single penny of a wedding ceremony.
This wedding is just as much about him as it is about you.
With the greatest respect, most grown men would not wish to get married at Disneyland. Most grown men do not like Disney full stop. Marriage should be one of the most special days of your life, and personally, being surrounded by cartoon characters really does not provide quite the backdrop that most people dream of.
This is a dream you have had since you were a child of 10. You are now a grown woman in her 20's, about to form a relationship with a fellow grown up. Perhaps you need to start looking beyond the glitter and fairy tales to what marriage is really about.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (2 November 2014):
Have you considered a Mock Wedding? You could have your dream wedding at Disney World, and then come home and have another wedding, reciting your vows again in front of your family and friends.
I agree with jls022 that it's all about compromise; and that the important thing is your love and commitment to each other.
You could also have a Disney themed wedding here, and a honeymoon at Disney world; or a "wedding moon" vacation there, and come back home for a Disney themed mock wedding and reception. ;)
Good luck and congrats! :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 November 2014):
 WhenCowsattack has the perfect solution.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): You've got to realise this wedding is for both of you, by saying "I've wanted this since I was 10" is really quite selfish and childish. People always talk about it being "the brides day" but it's BOTH of your day. You need to talk and find something you both like the sound of. He may have to scale down his plans, it can become very expensive inviting cousins of cousins etc...but it's also heart wrenching to know there are people you love who cannot afford, or perhaps are too elderly, to follow you half way around the world.My husband was massively involved in planning the wedding, he looked forward to it with as much enthusiasm as I did - he spent hours putting finished touches onto hand made invites and more. Getting married at Disney costs a fortune, but why not just go on holiday there after? You need to find a middle ground before someone feels completely let down and frustrated by the whole thought of the wedding. Ultimately what's important is you two are promising to spend your lives together, it's far too easy to get swept up in creating a bit of a show when the best days are those filled with love. This is a day for you two, so it should be what you both want it to be.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (2 November 2014):
This is going to require compromise on both sides to resolve it. For example, could you get married at home then go to Disneyworld for your honeymoon? To save money you could suggest a small/mid-sized wedding at home first instead of a huge one.
I do know how you feel - I have always loved the idea of getting married there, but my boyfriend isn't into Disney at all so I don't think he would be happy about it either. If he wasn't, I'd be happy with the compromise above because it is his day too, and I'd still get to enjoy the magic of Disney (and I'd maybe even ask him to have a small second ceremony while we were there) whilst still taking his feelings into account.
I know emotions are running high right now, but please try to remember that this is about so much more than the venue of the wedding. The man you love wants to commit to you forever, and he wants everyone (including his Grandmas tenth cousin twice removed) to see you become his wife. That's what's really important.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 November 2014):
Why don't you get married here and have your honeymoon at Disney?
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