A
female
age
30-35,
*ewgirl92
writes:Im 21 and my boyfriend is 62. I am falling in love with him. When we go out Im a little nervous about people staring or asking questions. How do I get over this? He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Hes so patient, kind, and understanding. He is romantic, sweet, and humorous. I love how great of a father he is and how passionate he is about his work. He literally amazes me every time I think about him. We have a great emotional and physical relationship. Im just not sure what to do with my hangup on other peoples judgments....thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 I'm Not angry at you OP, I am just letting you know ( which you have now decided advice from others you DON'T want ) that maturity comes with age, age comes with experience, and you are barley mature enough to fully appreciate your situation. I will be very happy for you if it all works out, however Sorry to burst your bubble I think your kidding yourself if you think this is going to last. But like I said in my last post each to their own, only YOU can decide what makes you happy right now, and if it's a man old enough to be your grandfather then so be it. sorry but if my daughter came home and told me she was totally inlove with a man the same age as her grandfather I would take her on a girls holiday and show her what life at her age is really about. some may feel i'm being a little harsh, but I speak nothing but the truth and how I feel into responding to certain posts. So I guess were the same in some way, either love us or hate us ( like marmite )
Good luck
Mandy x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 May 2013):
 OP no one is angry with you.
We really do want everyone here to be happy healthy and whole.
Sometimes with age and experience comes wisdom that we could not imagine ourselves at your age. I know it has for me. And every day I get older, I learn more and more and see more and more how mature I thought I was, how grown up I thought I was.
I think most of us try to impart that life experience on folks in hopes they won't have to gather the scars on their hearts and souls like we did. The scars however are what make us who we are.
If you are happy and our posts upsetting you have validated your feelings for your partner enough to know that you really don't care what others think, then maybe we have served our purpose.
Do me a favor please, as a person fascinated by age gap relationships with larger gaps than my "baby" 13 years, please keep us updated over the coming months and years as to how things are going.
best of luck to you OP
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): If your happy in the moment then fine. I think he's gotta have something going on that's not right he would have been 52 when you were 11.
It won't last so make the most of it.
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female
reader, Newgirl92 +, writes (17 May 2013):
Newgirl92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI said what I meant to say. I am very mature as well. I dont need validation from any of you. I am happy that I realize I dont care anymore what people think, which is what I was struggling with. Dont be so angry at me, be happy. I am very happy. :-) Hes my soul and my love. I hope you guys are experiencing this or will at some point in your life. wish everyone who replied objectively much luck! thank you.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (9 May 2013):
HI
Clearly you are still quite immature to really understand the situation you have put yourself in with that kind of response. I agree with what most have replied back to you especially the fact that in 1-3 yrs you won't be together. The mere fact that you are younger than his OWN children suggests he also is immature/desperatley hanging on to youth. I am 40 and if someone under the age of 30-35 asked me out the answer would be no but thank ou for the flattery. And if someone my childrens age or younger were to ask me out i'd be likely to frog march him back to his mothers ( I could NOT be a craddle snatcher OR cougar) .
each to their own I guess
Mandy
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2013):
OP, he is 62 with children that are young for his age. I assume their mother is also YOUNGER than he is by a bit…. In which case, carry on as happy as you can be but look closely at why his last relationship ended…. Does he TARGET younger women? That is NOT a good sign.
As an age gap partner with a husband over 13 years younger than I am, I always have a great discomfort with age gap relationships where one of the partners (usually the older man) targets younger women to date specifically. The ONLY age gap relationships I have ever seen that work long term are those that the partners go into it “kicking and screaming” and NOT being happy about it. I LOATHE that my husband is 13 years younger than I am. HE FORGETS how old I am. See that’s the KEY to making it work… AGE really should NOT matter, and if it does, that’s a red flag for you to watch.
AS for children, since you are ok not having kids with him, in 10-15 years when he passes on will you then seek a father for your children? The reason I ask is that the biological clock women have, goes off often without warning and by that point there is very little time on the ‘snooze button”.
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female
reader, Newgirl92 +, writes (9 May 2013):
Newgirl92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, he does have money (as he should at his age). I am not a gold digger and I am in love with him. Im ok with not having children with him. two of his children are younger than me (a daughter age 20 and a son age 18). Im not the partying type I like stay in. Im over what people think. Im the happiest ive been in a long time. I love this man he is my soulmate. I will be with him for as long as he is on this earth. He is the greatest lover I have ever had. Im making no mistakes with him. Most of you made me laugh at how judgmental you are. but its ok because you dont know how powerful our deep connection is. thanks anyway for helping realize how little I care about your(s) oppion(s).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): I myself am currently dating an older guy he is 60 an i am 47 and im having doubts due to the age gap
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 May 2013):
62 is way too old for a 21 year old. It will not work out long term. Not a guess.
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male
reader, cissy4use +, writes (7 May 2013):
My Dear, there you have the hangup problem and you have got to get you mind set around, you say he is all the good things in life, and good for you, when you go out with him does he show anxiety about the age gap?? Probably he does but he hides it from you,and does he know about your anxieties?? Talk to him about it. The answer is quite simple and not too hard to put in place, when you go out with him think about all the things you have done together that have made you happy and feel good, and all the things you are going to do in the future, and push the age difference into the back of your mind, and show people how much you love him and enjoy being with him. Remember that it is your life and your decision and we only live once so be strong and enjoy your luck!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Hi
I can understand love but in a few years that novelty will wear out as you are still going to want to party and live your life, he is going to want to sit on a couch and relax by the fire.
We all have good intentions but the age does eventually matter.
We all say its different but its the same. Age catches up. If you still want this relationship, grow thick skin, because its human nature to think it odd a 21 year with a 60 plus guy. Also they will think you are a gold digger (which of course may not be true). But perseptions are louder than the truth.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 May 2013):
The one thing you have to have when in an age gap relationship is a thick skin. Folks will stare. They will point, and talk… and wonder. If it bothers you, then you are not built for an age gap relationship. Truthfully even with the man being older, your gap is very very large. Even I, the biggest supporter of age gap relationships this site has seen in years (at least I think I am) am a bit concerned about the age difference here. FWIW, I am the older partner in my relationship and I am a mere 13 years older than my husband. It bothers him NOT ONE BIT to be seen with me or to be teased about “bagging a cougar” I cringe at the term and I hate that I am so much more physically limited than he is. And he’s no baby he’s 39. And yet 39 vs 53 there are clearly some differences that impact on our lives.
If you are with him for fun and games for a bit, then it does not matter what others think or say right? BUT if you are planning a life with this man, then I am concerned that your enjoyment of your current time is clouding your judgment of what the future will hold.
You are 21 not even done maturing. You speak of how great a father is… well his kids are probably parents already so like it’s been said, there is no fathering going on at this point and you have never really SEEN him parent. What you see now is the friendship that parents and adult children have. Spoiling grandchildren is not parenting, it’s the reward for parenting.
He’s 62… I’m betting he is planning retirement in the next 8 years or so… what will you do when your partner is retired and you are just getting started in your career?
How long have you been with this man? Do you think the great physical relationship will last past the blush of relationship newness?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 If you are really bothered by other people's hang-ups then that to me is a sign that deep down you dont fully support your choice either and you somewhat agree with their judgements.
After all if you saw another young woman in her early 20's with a man old enough to be her grandfather I'm sure you would judge her too - right? And why would you judge her? Because you would know that the old man is only with her because she is a bit of arm candy that he can brag about to his friends, and she is only with him for the money or because she has daddy issues.
I dont buy any of this 'I love how great of a father he is' - his children will be much older than you are, so there is not much fathering left to be done at his age. And if you like this 'father' idea then clearly he is not going to give you any children (I doubt many men that age are even fertile, let alone will live long enough to raise more kids), so perhaps you just have father issues from your own childhood and you are with him so you can have a father figure in your own life.
But either way regardless of what anyone thinks on this website you have to make your own choice - either you are happy with your old man and you want to be with him, therefore you dont care about anyone else's opinions. Or if you do care what others think, then no-one is ever going to be positive about this relationship so eventually their negativity will get to you and ruin the relationship anyway.
But Iamheretohelp you is spot on - none of this really matters because this relationship wont any more than a few months, maybe you might last a couple of years but there is no long term future. Your family will never accept him, his family will be even worse and will feel sick to their stomachs that dad is having a major crisis and sleeping with a girl young enough to be his grandchild - none of his children (who are older than you) will ever accept you as his long term partner because they will think you are a gold-digger waiting for their dad to die so you get his money. They will also feel sick at the thought of their dad with you, disrespecting them and their mother as well.
Putting family issues aside, he wont want to get married again nor will he want any kids with you (he most likely wont be able to have any more children). I reckon within the next couple of years you will start to want marriage and children, so when you realise he cant give you what you want he will soon lose his appeal.
Then you factor in his age and health - as you get older your health declines. He might be fine now, but as he heads towards 70 it will start to get worse. There will be lots of frequent bouts of minor illnesses, then they will get serious and you will turn into his carer. Sex will go out of the window in the next few years as he wont be able to get it up nor will he have any desire to actually have sex. Incontinence will follow a few years after that, he wont be able to bathe himself very well and you will have to move into a bungalow so there are no stairs for him to navigate as arthritic old limbs dont enjoy stairs too much.
No young woman in her late 20's/early 30's wants to spend every day looking after an elderly man, changing his incontinence pads and helping him in and out of the bath. You will have NOTHING to show from the relationship - no kids, no marriage, you will have lost contact with your family, you will have no friends as you wont be able to go out anymore (old men dont stay awake much past 9).
This wont last, so really dont worry about what other people are thinking because they are right, and one day when you come to your senses you will realise they are right too and you will leave, then life will go back to normal.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 May 2013):
Well, he's basically three times your age, so that alone would be enough to give most people pause. Get ready for 'oh is he your dad' or 'granddad' comments. And to be honest, an age gap that big kinda freaks me out too. I mean, you're in such different points in your lives right now, it's hard to see what you both could possibly see in each other romantically. To most people it looks like a girl with a daddy complex dating an old man who lusts after girls who are younger than his own children (would have been if he had them). It's highly unusual and therefore you will be judged.
Also, the fact you're nervous about what other people think about this may mean you're not as okay with the age gap as you tell yourself you are. Look, you're going to have to be very careful, okay? You're 21, you don't have any life experience compared to him and for him it's very easy to use that to his advantage. Don't con yourself into thinking he can't or that you're mature. You're not mature, not compared to him anyway. And ask yourself why you sought out this man, while there are plenty of younger ones roaming the planet.
Just some food for thought.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Living your life for other people and wasting your time wondering what people think about you is a boring way to live.
So don't do it. Do what you want and be happy.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Hi
If you want to stay with him then grow a thick skin. It is a *huge* age gap and most people will assume your his granddaughter not his girlfriend anyway. Just live in the moment if your happy.
However, will you be with him when he's 80 and your 40,will you have children together ?
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (7 May 2013):
HI
There ARE going to be many people wondering and judging you both, as the age gap is huge! why would a man of his age want to be with a girl who quite honestly looks like she could be his grandaughter? and why would a young girl of 21 want to be with a man so much older, who in 8 yrs will be 70! I personally feel that an age gap of more than 10 yrs is too much, but thats just my opinion and you will have to deal with everyones comments and opinions for a very long time if you expect it to work between you both.
What have your parents said about all this? and his children? I think you need to really think about this before you commit to this guy any further, And if after your family and his are happy for you both then don't worry what anyone else thinks. At the end of the day it's your life no one elses.
My only other concern is children....do you plan on having any? and with him? because lets face it he wont be around for long after you have children with him, not to mention running about playing football or other kinds of sports with the kids. I know this may sound very cold be he will probally not be fit enough at his age by the time the kids (if you have any with him) are old enough to want to play baseball or football or basketball. Friends asking them about there grandad ( not knowing his their father) so much to think about before you get in too deep.
Mandy x
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 I suggest that you ignore "other people"..... and live your life....
Good luck...
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