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What are your opinions when it comes to friends having surgery

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Question - (18 June 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 20 June 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

If someone say an ex girlfriend, someone you're friends with, or know really well got a nose job what would you think of them? Taking into consideration that their nose was bumpy, hooked and too big for their face...

Would you think any differently of them, as in would you think they were a shallow person, or fake? I know a person with that type of nose getting surgery would look really different after, but they're still the same person. And I know these are the main 2 things people place instantly on someone who had plastic surgery. but I want to know if this is honestly true what people think... I don't see why there's big negativity when if it's what the person wanted and they look far better for it. I want to know what would be your thoughts...

Be as brutally honest about it!

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (20 June 2013):

At your age, people can be pretty judgmental and unforgiving, especially towards plastic surgery. That said, good friends will shove those feelings aside and be happy for you because it makes you happy.

All that said, please take the time to really find a good surgeon. Nose jobs like the one you want are very complicated and often go wrong. Always look for before and after pictures. And when you look at those, don't just focus on the end result you want. Look at the before too and try to find pictures of someone who has a nose similar to yours so you can see what could be done. Because unlike a painter, who works from a blank canvas, a surgeon can only work with what's already there. So research, research, research.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013):

It's a personal choice, which everyone's entitled to but....I think it's shallow and vain...which is a personal opinion...which everyone's entitled to.....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 June 2013):

Honeypie agony auntMy best friend broke her nose and ended up with a bump that annoyed her (right where the glasses sit) so she ended up with a nose-job - she didn't change her nose she just got rid of the bump. BUT she could have gotten a button nose or a hook nose and I would still love her JUST the same. It's HER body after all. Another friend got boob-job - she's always been tiny and when she hit 30 she bought herself some boobs. Again, if that is what SHE wanted good for her.

I'm shitscared of doctors and surgery so I wouldn't do plastic surgery personally, but that doesn't mean I pass judgement on everyone who does get it.

I think 90% of the surgeries does are redundant and pointless, but again, it's not for me to judge the person who get them done.

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (19 June 2013):

Caring Aunty A agony auntStory is; many years ago a friend of mine had surgery to correct his nose, and sure enough it made him happy looking more handsome and slightly more confident…

As a friend I could see how this transformation changed his appearance :) yet his personality remained somewhat the same :( which I believe was the root of his problem and not his nose.

Had he a personality transplant he would have had money well spent and succeeded much nicer with dating the ladies. (As this was one purpose for his surgery.)

So in some cases, yes they are still the same person underneath their new exterior; be they good, brash or still insecure. However my negativity if perceived was derived by my knowing him personally well before and after surgery.

However, now when a friend discusses having ‘one’ bit of cosmetic surgery for vanity sake rather than health reasons, I honestly cringe. As for strangers or a friend having ‘endless’ cosmetic surgery for vanity reasons, that’s entirely another matter of opinion… as I‘d sadly view their (endless) pursuit as achieving nothing but more insecurity.

Cheers – CAA

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013):

I've had a nose job & I don't think it has made any difference to what people think of me. But I think it's how bad it wass in the first place, mine was really bad, so I think people accepted easier that it was more 'necessary' to make me feel better. I think if someone's nose was practically fine and had it done it'd be a different matter. (Saying that though, mine is a lot better, but could still use some improvement, and I'll be having some small revision soon-paid by the original surgery, but extremely minor, for the amount of difference it'll make)

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (18 June 2013):

My fiancee is from Colombia. I can honestly say down there women to DONT have any surgery are in the vast minority.

Totally a personal choice - you're the one who has to live with it. (And pay for it.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013):

"So yeah, when it goes wrong, serves them right."

Not friends of course, they've earned my respect beyond such judgements and I never gave a shit about strangers, they have no value to me and I'm free to condemn them any way I choose.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013):

I'd be happy for my friend if it made them happy, their body their choice OP. I think cosmetic surgery is for vain dicks but a person who is a friend has earned my respect beyond such judgements.

I'll put it this way OP, as cruel as this sounds when I see stories of botched cosmetic surgery etc. Inside I'm thinking "serves you right". Not the most pleasant of views but I like variety in this world, I like the fact that women and men come in all sorts of wonderful shapes and sizes and the idea that people would pay money for life threatening surgery to remove their uniqueness so they can look like a generic fool disgusts me.

On the other side though I do understand that a person who has a feature on their face they hate to look at would feel much more confident about themselves if they had that changed. but I still consider those people weak minded sheep for not embracing who they are and trying to fit into a false cultural ideal.

So yeah, when it goes wrong, serves them right.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 June 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWhen I was around 19 my very good friend called me from the hospital. She was in having her nose and chin done and having breast enhancement.

It made her happy so I was happy for her

2 summers ago I had a breast lift and a tummy tuck and people were very happy for me because it made me happy.

IF you want and or need surgery for physical or mental health, then you do it.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (18 June 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI think such surgeries should get no more/no less discussion.... should have no more impact on a friendship/ relationship than if someone chose to dye their hair a different color, got a tattoo, or had a "loud" color of nailpolish applied following a manicure.... What difference does it make?????? And.....

IF a person has a surgery to "correct" something as egregious as (say) a peculiar nose shape/size.... then God bless 'em that they decided to modify the offending member... It is THEIR surgery, THEIR vanity (THEIR body/breast/face) .... and I'd give it a "hands off."

P.S. IF I knew the person well... and knew that they had been particularly distressed about the feature that they had modified, I would be GUSHY with compliments about how good they looked, following the surgery!!!!!

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A female reader, ihavetoomanythoughts Australia +, writes (18 June 2013):

ihavetoomanythoughts agony auntHonestly? The surgically enhanced body part will be discussed once or twice, mainly about why the person decided to do it and how they felt now, and then I'll leave it at that.

Surgery isn't my thing but I can understand if someone else wants to have surgery. Unfortunately, attractiveness has been defined by society and some people are punished for their 'lack' even though it's not their fault at all. It would be unhelpful to suggest that they 'man up' and develop some self esteem because they've probably been beaten down their whole lives. If surgery is the only way they to make them feel better about themselves, then I say go for it. However, I would probably recommend other options through which they can feel better about themselves, because surgery can be dangerous and then there are people out there who won't be forgiving about it.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (18 June 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt That's a strange question, for me. Alas I don't have a very exciting life, all rather normal and predictable, and YET I don't think I could spare 30 seconds to think about how and why X changed her nose, and I can think of about 500 things that would interest me more than discussing somebody's else nose job.

So, my personal thoughts would be .. no thoughts basically, like, if they are happy with their new nose good for them , yawn - and if THEY bring it up fishing for compliments, ok I'll play along, I'll say very nice, or excellent plastic surgery. After which , I'll forget about it instantly.

I go by the assumption that anybody who's got a life or half a life or a parvence of life would to just the same.

Maybe I am wrong, but I do hope I am right, otherwise ,how sad and depressing would it be if I were wrong ?

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