| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 13 March 2012: Please please leave Bill. He's is horrible to you 24/7. If you leave right now, it'll be the best thing to happen to you AND him because then he may finally get that nudge to get his act back together. But even if it doesn't (because let's face it, ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 9 March 2012: That's great OP! I'm sure that if you stick with this you will get the happiness you want. Please keep us updated on how things are going!... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 8 March 2012: Pitying him and staying for him is the worst thing you can do for him. You are in a way enabling his destructive behavior because you attempt to be his safety net. This does not motivate him to change, it only assures him that he can keep screwing ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 8 March 2012: Please get out of this relationship OP. This man does not deserve the wonderful and talented girl that you are. He will destroy you, in fact he is already in the process of doing this. From your follow up it seems you are beginning to realize this, ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 8 March 2012: Bill is bad news, just like all the other losers you have turned out to be dating. Don't listen to your mom, she obviously has no clue what she's talking about. Bill is addicted to alcohol and this will not change. Him being nice sober does not ... (read in full...)
Should I take the risk and go to meet this man about a job? Parents told me not to go because it sounds dodgy
Q. A man called me about a cleaning job last week, but i missed the call, and when i called back, he said he had given the job to another lady, but he said he would call me if it didn't work out with her. I got a phone call from him again today, saying ...
A. 8 March 2012: You ask this question which means your own gut is trying to tell you something. Listen to it. And keep listening to it in the future. Ditch this and walk away safe. I would also report it to the police for investigation incase other gals do fall for ... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man thinking he was single and now he won't explain himself!
Q. I slept with a married man he acted single but now I fell for him a he is ignoring me he doesn't email, text or anything not even to apologize to me. How do I get closure? I feel so low and guilty about this plus I like him all @ the same time. I ...
A. 7 March 2012: Just accept he screwed you over and be happy he's out of your life. His wife is stuck with him, a position none of us envy. Learn from it and move on. And be more alert next time. Don't waste your time energy and thoughts trying to contact this man, ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 7 March 2012: In general I have no problem with age gap relationships, but I'm always wary of the ones between mature men and super young, impressionable girls.
What I'm seeing here is a man who is around 30, maybe even older than that, who strives to control ... (read in full...)
I have a phobia about porn actresses looking better than me! Is this normal?
Q. Hi, to the females, why don't you like you're boyfriends/husbands using porn? My reasons: because I hate the idea of them getting turned on by someone else who I think is way better looking than me it actually scares me the thought of it?...
A. 7 March 2012: No this is not normal. You have really low self esteem. I suspect this has been a problem before the porn issue as well.
My bf watches porn from time to time but I never get upset at it, not even if the girl is pretty. Look, the reason people w... (read in full...)
Could a girl ever accept my love of supermodels?
Q. Ok, I like supermodels and always have. Not the big-boobed, blonde bimbos in men's magazines but the high fashion models. When magazines like Vogue or Photo have their "Top Models" issue, I get it. If there's an interview with a model I like, I'll ...
A. 6 March 2012: Impossible? No. I am actually like that. I don't really talk about it to others when I know their interest lies elsewhere; I usually went to places like The Fashion Spot or Bellazon to talk about models, etc. (Plenty of straight guys there too btw). ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my friend's dad.
Q. Dear Cupid, Okay so this is kinda tricky.. i'm good friends with this girl, not like my bestie or anything but we still hang out often enough. Started getting to know her through college, been hanging around with her for about a year, we're both...
A. 6 March 2012: Sometimes women accuse guys of "thinking with their dicks" but you obviously didn't use your brain when you embarked on this either. You and your friend's father should be ashamed of yourselves. I blame him more because he's older and used your ... (read in full...)
After 1.5 year of planning trip now g/f says she wants us to go separately and she's going with a male friend
Q. My girlfriend and I have been planning on hiking the appalachian trail together for the past year and a half. The departure time is getting close, so 2 weeks ago she tells me that she wants to hike the trail separately now. That consists of me going ...
A. 6 March 2012: **oops I meant "in your shoes" **... (read in full...)
After 1.5 year of planning trip now g/f says she wants us to go separately and she's going with a male friend
Q. My girlfriend and I have been planning on hiking the appalachian trail together for the past year and a half. The departure time is getting close, so 2 weeks ago she tells me that she wants to hike the trail separately now. That consists of me going ...
A. 6 March 2012: How should you react? I can't tell you that. However, I can tell you how I would react in her shoes.
"Let me get this straight here. We've been planning and looking forward to this for 1,5 years now as a couple and suddenly you've decided ... (read in full...)
My boss asked me if I am good in bed
Q. What should i do there a guy that the own of the market that i work at asked me if i was good in bed and told me that i could have who ever i want just have 2 let people what was he getting at am 32 his 59 how can i tell him that am not intertese ...
A. 5 March 2012: Tell him: "I'm sorry, but what part about "I'm not interested" did you not understand? The foundations of a marriage are love, honesty and loyalty. Even if you cannot grasp this then at least respect it and do not insult me by suggesting I should ... (read in full...)
Has anyone here risked everything to follow their heart? What was the outcome?
Q. Here is my question: aunts, have any of you (male or female) ever taken a major risk in order to follow your heart? If so, what was the outcome? Do you regret the decision? And here is why I ask. My boyfriend's job has given him notice that he m...
A. 4 March 2012: Personally, I don't think it has to be this black and white. If you two truly love each other, him moving back to Canada doesn't have to be the end for you two. I suggest you dont look at it that way because you'll set yourself up for failure.
... (read in full...)
I've developed a strong hate for gay men because of a failed legal dispute, how do I change this?
Q. Ive been involved in a legal dispute with a major airline the last two years over a discrimination claim. Ive now lost the case and the man I accused of discriminating me is gay. Since the incident (and a few bar happenings), Ive overall developed a ...
A. 2 March 2012: This reminds me of a man I know who is afraid to death of taxi's after he got an accident in one (and the accident wasn't the chauffeur's fault either). He didn't mind being driven around in other cars, just taxis. His problem was that he kept ... (read in full...)
As much as I love my husband, and as much as I love his company, I do miss having a girl to connect with. Does anyone have any tips on how I can overcome this or find better people to try and connect with?
Q. I like to think of myself as a good person. I put others before myself in most cases. I am responsible and punctual whether it comes to work or my personal life. I give a lot to others and don't expect a lot in return. I have a decent sense of humor ...
A. 2 March 2012: "When I walk into a place - any place - I get stared down and glared at. When I meet girls, they oftentimes roll their eyes at things I say, or try their best not to talk to me."
This is how random strangers / vague acquaintances behave towards ... (read in full...)
Ladies, would you go out with a guy who asked you out straight away?
Q. As the above question says, would you go out on a date with a guy who you had only met on that occasion asked you out at the end of the evening? If you perceive that as needy, if a guy fancies a girl when should he ask her out?...
A. 2 March 2012: Depends on the girl.
As for me, I probably wouldn't unless the chemistry/click was undeniable. My response to guys who tried this was usually a knee-jerk "no". I hate being put on the spot in an unpredictable situation and I usually take the easy... (read in full...)
She used to have affairs with married men. Is she dating material??
Q. I met this really beautiful girl a couple months ago. She seemed nice and sweet too. Almost too good to be true! I asked her to lunch and surprise to me she said yes. We sort of started a relationship. I mean not too serious yet. Just movies a...
A. 2 March 2012: Well if she has one thing going for her, it's her honesty. She could have kept her mouth shut but she played straight with you from the beginning. That at least, is a good sign.
Now, as for the whole married men deal, it gets a bit dicey. S... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a gangster! Should I marry him?
Q. Hiya, I'm 27 years old woman and I dated a 19 year old boy for 5 months last year. The very first time that we met, I doubted that we would ever got along as he's 8years younger than me, turned out, it was like love at the first sight for us both ...
A. 2 March 2012: Cool story, bro
... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to date but wants to "hang out" should I?
Q. I was seeing this guy for almost two months. Everything was going great but he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment and wants to see other people but he still wants us to hang out. Should i continue to be friends with him or just ...
A. 2 March 2012: I think you should make it clear what you want. Considering his responses, there are basically two possibilities here:
#1. He's too chicken to admit the truth, which is that he's not interested
#2. He "wants to keep his options open," which ba... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 28 February 2012: He's trying his old tricks again, saying 'nice' things while at the same time implying that you're to be blamed here. The difference is that now you're watching his actions and his actions don't show love. Keep it up, OP! As hard as it may be.
... (read in full...)
Is it fine to casually date two women before choosing whom I want to be with? Does that make me a player?
Q. After a tough break up last year, I've been only getting out to start dating now. I met one lady at start of February, I've met her 4 other times now, even cooked her breakfast. I met another girl two weeks ago, that wouldn't work out. I met another ...
A. 28 February 2012: It can become ugly fast. I just settle for dating one-at-a-time and once I sense things aren't working, I'll end it and move onto the next. That way no-one gets deceived or lied to and you can keep things clean.
Theoretically, this casually... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 28 February 2012: You're very welcome, OP :) Great you're taking the steps needed to get out of this. Please keep us updated on how you're doing and if you find yourself faltering or in need of a vent please talk to us, we're happy to help.
... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 28 February 2012: I hope you read your own update over well OP, because to me it sounds like a girl so afraid of her boyfriend who mentally and physically hurts her that she is manipulated and guilt tripped into doing things she does not want.
The reason he's try... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 24 February 2012: Like some others have pointed out, it seems like your boyfriend only has eyes for his needs, and not yours. The age gap only makes this worse because he DID have the chance and time to get a career and now he's denying you exactly that!
He's ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and he's 27, plus I lied to him about being a virgin....how do I approach the sex situation?
Q. So i've been seeing this guy for a few weeks - we've met up about 3 times and i really like him, he seems decent and nice - baring in mind i usually have terrible luck with guys. The only issue is that hes just turned 27 and im 18 in a couple of ...
A. 24 February 2012: PerhapsNot hits the nail on the head with her post. Everyone thinks they're mature for their age at 17. You don't hear 25-year-olds say that because by then they understand there is no such thing. No matter how mature you are, you only have 17 ... (read in full...)
In a LDR, is it normal that my gf thinks I should call once every 2-3 days?
Q. What does it mean when your long distance girlfriend complaints that you call her too much? Calling her once a day is appearing too much, she asks for once call in 2-3 days. To me that is extreme. She gets angry when I do. We are both are very...
A. 24 February 2012: Well that doesn't sound good. If it's become a one-way street that's not a relationship, OP. If she doesn't change soon she's not worth putting all this effort in. ... (read in full...)
He was once a cheater, so what makes me any different?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and I can honestly say without hesitation, I've NEVER loved anyone the way I love him. However, he has a past and it's affecting me and our relationship. Before I go any further, let me give you ...
A. 24 February 2012: I'm all for giving people chances, but if he cheated on the only two girls he had a committed relationship with (which basically means everyone else was just a casual fling), it would make me worried as well.
It just doesn't look good, OP. I un... (read in full...)
I had an abortion and am still grieving-but my boyfriend seems not to care, what should I do?
Q. I need some help to stop feeling angry with my bf about our abortion. I know readers might judge me for having an abortion, that's ok, I judge myself, I know I did the wrong thing, I feel guilty every day and regret my decision greatly. I'm trying ...
A. 24 February 2012: Don't be so hard on yourself. I know that's easy for me to say, but if I had been presented the same circumstances you were in at the time you had to make a decision, I would have done the same.
My best friend also had an abortion for similar ... (read in full...)
In a LDR, is it normal that my gf thinks I should call once every 2-3 days?
Q. What does it mean when your long distance girlfriend complaints that you call her too much? Calling her once a day is appearing too much, she asks for once call in 2-3 days. To me that is extreme. She gets angry when I do. We are both are very...
A. 24 February 2012: Well to be honest I would run out of things to say if the call came every day. Calling is different than being there face-to-face. So yes, if she finds the conversations are not as interesting and maybe even a chore, I can understand why she'd ... (read in full...)
16 year old girl sent pornographic video of herself to my boyfriend?
Q. So... I need some advice. My boyfriend is very nice looking and it isn't just me that thinks it, other girls also think the same. He talks to a lot of girls who he claims are just his friends he goes about talking to them through phone calls, text ...
A. 24 February 2012: And there he goes again with the excuses. I'm glad you seem to finally grasping that he's feeding you a bunch of lies, but the fact you posted his follow up excuse here again suggests to me you're not entirely there yet. This remark of his makes the ... (read in full...)
I cant go to senior prom with my G/f because of the age limit and so her ex is taking her but I know he still has feelings for her. I don't trust this guy and I don't know what to do
Q. hi agony aunts, i am in a relationship with an 18 year old girl. I am 22. the problem is that her senior prom is coming up, and we can't go together because her school has a stupid age limit, you can't go if you're over 21. so anyway, a gu...
A. 23 February 2012: I would just grit my teeth and trust her. It's unfortunate you can't go, but this is the only solution and if she can't ward off a guy's advances during prom she isn't suitable as a gf anyway.
I would tell her that you really hate missing ... (read in full...)
Would you be put off a guy who said his son was "just a baby I made"?
Q. I'm dating a man who is a lot older than me, and he has a son who is a year younger than i am . He hasn't had much contact with his ex wife since they got divorced 23 years ago. He also hasn't seen his son much since his son was three years old. He ...
A. 23 February 2012: I would talk to him first before judging him.
My dad has two kids from a previous marriage and he and his ex split on very bad terms. Nevertheless he tried to stay in his children's lives, inviting them over, going sightseeing with them, etc. unt... (read in full...)
16 year old girl sent pornographic video of herself to my boyfriend?
Q. So... I need some advice. My boyfriend is very nice looking and it isn't just me that thinks it, other girls also think the same. He talks to a lot of girls who he claims are just his friends he goes about talking to them through phone calls, text ...
A. 23 February 2012: Sorry OP, I wouldn't believe it for one bit. Here's why, and I really hope you will put off those pink glasses for once and listen to what your gut is trying to tell you instead of your heart.
- If he had in fact deleted those e-mails you woul... (read in full...)
How to deal with my son's inappropriate actions?
Q. Normally I am a very proud father who tries to stay out of my grown kids business but after a recent family vacation / wedding I am disappointed in my sons actions. My son Ryan is 23 yrs old and has been dating his gf Jill (20) for alittle over a ...
A. 22 February 2012: Being 24 myself I have noticed that 'youth' spans a longer time today than it did in the past. This is because of our educational system, where people in their twenties are often still studying for their degrees and therefore still 'stuck' as it ... (read in full...)
16 year old girl sent pornographic video of herself to my boyfriend?
Q. So... I need some advice. My boyfriend is very nice looking and it isn't just me that thinks it, other girls also think the same. He talks to a lot of girls who he claims are just his friends he goes about talking to them through phone calls, text ...
A. 22 February 2012: I want to second what Cerberus said. Harsh but true. The fact you felt the need to snoop shows that even through your pink glasses you could see something was off. So not only is he cheating on you, he's a criminal as well because he owns child ... (read in full...)
I'm turning into a jealous, paranoid person verging on control freak! How do I deal with this?
Q. I don't know why but lately I have become extremely paranoid about a girl at work who happens to also be a friend of mine....I know I am being irrational but kind of just need to get it out there.... My boyfriend and I work for the same company...
A. 22 February 2012: ..just wanted to add one more thing: letting it go doesn't mean turning a blind eye. It just means not having tunnelvision anymore.... (read in full...)
I'm turning into a jealous, paranoid person verging on control freak! How do I deal with this?
Q. I don't know why but lately I have become extremely paranoid about a girl at work who happens to also be a friend of mine....I know I am being irrational but kind of just need to get it out there.... My boyfriend and I work for the same company...
A. 22 February 2012: Well, since your suspicions are basically just that, without any tangible evidence to suggest something real might be going on here, I would just let it go. Make a deal with yourself that you are not going to bring it up anymore and whenever you ... (read in full...)
My new husband is making me feel paranoid that I'm a slag because of my past! Is it really abnormal for women to be able to have guilt free casual relationships while young, purely for the sex and without any emotional connection
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, especially aunts, I am a divorcee who has recently remarried, and my new husband has a major problem with my past. We have an amazing relationship and he's the only one I've ever given my heart to, but not my body, and tha...
A. 20 February 2012: Here, read this thread: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
It has a ton of info on retroactive jealousy, which your husband is suffering from. Like another poster said, it is something he will hav... (read in full...)
If my gf is pregnant, she says she does not want to keep the baby but is afraid of the guilt of an abortion. What can we do?
Q. I've got a real dilemma here. Me and my girlfriend have been together for less than 2 months. About 3 weeks into our relationship we started having sex. We used protection each time. Anyway, her period was supposed to begin at one point during the...
A. 20 February 2012: Well if her condition basically rules out getting children, abortion is the only option. It doesn't sound like she has much of a choice.... (read in full...)
My G/f screamed at me publicly because I was looking at this gorgeous redhead on the train!
Q. Hi guys and girls im a bit of a chump - thats how i feel right now atleast... i made my girlfriend a beautiful silver necklace for valentines, took her away to a hotel/spa for the weekend, she absolutley loved it, as a treat for me she took m...
A. 20 February 2012: Your gf definitely has issues. We're human beings, we appreciate beauty when we see it. It wasn't like you were actively flirting with the girl. And the scene she caused in the train was completely unacceptable and very childish of her. I'm ... (read in full...)
I feel that my association with this girl is just screaming 'pedophile' even though it's legal
Q. Hey, In a weird situation right now regarding a girl's age. So the backstory is, I was out at a club with my friends, ended up talking and dancing with a few girls. As standard, try the whole 'are you coming back to mine thing' haha to whic...
A. 15 February 2012: I honestly don't see the big deal. It's just 4 years. And personally, I don't see a big mental difference between a 16 y/o gal and a guy of 20. Just respect any boundaries she may have, but that goes without saying for any girl or woman you may ... (read in full...)
I lost my fiance because of online dating sites! Why do I do this to myself and how do I get out of this hole I've dug for myself?
Q. I have been on and off dating sites now for over 4 years. almost 2 years ago my fiance walked out on me after catching me on them again after giving me several chances. Since that, I have met guys off the sites but nothing ever came of them, I was ...
A. 15 February 2012: Very simple, delete all your online accounts and pull the plug on your computer, every laptop, every smartphone, etc. right now. Take some time off and get used to living without the internet for a while. Get out of the house, take up hobby's that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to put my life on hold for a while is that right of him to ask?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a former navy recruiter, and he told me of a new opportunity that would let me enlist in the military, but it is only valid for the next two months. I was very happy about it since i have been wanting to do ...
A. 14 February 2012: Wait for a year? What difference would that make other than you losing that opportunity? I've been wanting to get into the military myself and I'm going to have to wait at least another half year before I get my shot. You are getting yours right ... (read in full...)
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