| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Would it be harsh of me to tell my b/f he can't move in with me till he finds a job?
Q. Hi all heres the thing i wrote recently asking advice about telling my bf im moving in alone as hes unemployed but i have recently found out im pregnant i work 40 hours n he dont. Now im stuck my parents kicked me out which is fine ive gt money ...
A. 31 December 2011: I don't think it's harsh: it's realistic. If you're going to keep this baby it's going to stop you from working fulltime, which means less money. When the baby is born you have an extra mouth to feed as well. If your bf moves in without funds to ... (read in full...)
My BF's teenage child is coming to live with us - But I don't think I'm ready for that!
Q. I am 28 yrs old and have been dating a guy who is 43 for nearly 4 yrs now. He was married before and has one kid who is 16 now, he is divorced about 13yrs. My problem is the ex took his kid out of state over a yr ago and just a couple of weeks ago ...
A. 30 December 2011: I agree with Cerberus. Don't be afraid of the parent role, because that's not the role you'll be in. If you treat him like the adult he wants to be treated as, you two should be fine. You already said he is a great kid so that must mean you get ... (read in full...)
How do you learn to let go of the past completely so I can be fulfilled in my life?
Q. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for things that have happened in the past year, and it's starting to hold me back. With the new year coming up I'm hoping for some suggestions so I can let this all go. At the start of 2011 I was living with ...
A. 25 December 2011: From what I'm reading here your actions are nothing to be ashamed of. You found out that the man you loved wasn't who he led you to believe he was, not by a long shot. Anyone in that situation would be emotional. If you hadn't been it would have ... (read in full...)
What are your weight advice tips for the new year?
Q. Basically, for my new years revolution i want to lose some weight. I am overweight not majorly but yeah i would like to lose abit of weight. I am just over 11 stone (72 lbs) i am a size 12 to 14 ( european sizes) i...
A. 23 December 2011: I have to give a nod to Cerberus' answer: the point about age is an important one. Don't do anything too rigorous because it 'll mess up the processes that happen during puberty. If you go about this the wrong way your growth could be stunted among ... (read in full...)
I thought I would be a sex goddess by now but I haven't even been kissed!
Q. Hello! I have 16 years old and im about to have 17 next month, January! When i was 13 i made a promise to myself and to my closest friend that at 16 i would loose my virginity. However i have 16 years old now and there is only one month left for...
A. 23 December 2011: Girl, you're just 16! I don't get the pressure to lose it so quickly. Sure I felt it too at your age but I never took it seriously. Do you think that once you've done the deed you will gain something profound needed to continue your life?
Do yo... (read in full...)
The woman I'm interested in has just lost her husband, I know she is in mourning but I don't want to lose her to anyone else! How do I handle this situation?
Q. I fell in love with a woman at work but she was in a relationship and got married two years ago. Over the past 4 years I have not mentioned my feelings to her but it is fairly obvious that we are atracted to each other. 6 weeks ago her husband ...
A. 22 December 2011: Even the biggest A-holes I have come across in my life have never called the event of someone losing their love of their life "a great opportunity." Shame on you!
You should evaluate your own morals and values first before you even think of getti... (read in full...)
Is beauty a blessing or a curse?
Q. Do extremely attractive people have a more difficult time maintaining a relationship? With all their options and the multitudes drooling over them does it make it more difficult for beautiful people to stay in a relationship....
A. 21 December 2011: I think beautiful people have an easier time getting into a relationship as they have a wider pool to fish in. Maintaining a relationship however has little to do with looks in the end. Beauty is nice but after a while there needs to be more than ... (read in full...)
My Gf has asked me for £50, I said No, was I wrong?
Q. Hi all, been with my gf for 3 years she has never worked (she is 19) and neither has her mum I have worked since I left school. I spend quite alot on her having to buy food lending her bus money etc etc sometimes it annoys me sometimes it doesn't. ...
A. 21 December 2011: Where are my manners? I totally forgot to add: happy holidays to you too! ... (read in full...)
My Gf has asked me for £50, I said No, was I wrong?
Q. Hi all, been with my gf for 3 years she has never worked (she is 19) and neither has her mum I have worked since I left school. I spend quite alot on her having to buy food lending her bus money etc etc sometimes it annoys me sometimes it doesn't. ...
A. 21 December 2011: You're welcome OP. Keep reminding yourself you're not there to decorate her world and that you're not a doormat. I think that resistance to her spoiled habits will make the relationship better, as we all know that spoiled brats appreciate gifts and ... (read in full...)
I read my wife's journal and now I am tormented by it
Q. I have been with my wife for 9 years, married for 6. I was a virgin when we met. She told me she had been with three men. Considering her great beauty and how many men were after her I didn't think that was so bad, especially because she is three...
A. 20 December 2011: First of all, you had no right to get in there and read her journal. That's hers to keep and if she wanted to share it with you, she would have. I believe in honesty and openness during a relationship, which means I will be open and honest about ... (read in full...)
My Gf has asked me for £50, I said No, was I wrong?
Q. Hi all, been with my gf for 3 years she has never worked (she is 19) and neither has her mum I have worked since I left school. I spend quite alot on her having to buy food lending her bus money etc etc sometimes it annoys me sometimes it doesn't. ...
A. 20 December 2011: She's 19, if she wants to pay a modeling agency 50 pounds she needs to come up with it by herself. I have done some modeling in the past and I never paid my agency a dime. After all, the agency is supposed to get you jobs. That's how they get paid. ... (read in full...)
My father does not like the older man I am dating!
Q. I have been seeing this wonderful man for the 10 months, I'm 23 and he's 38, at first I was sceptical about the whole age thing but I couldn't help myself so we'd sneak away and meet each other at the local park or go a drive.. Anywhere as long as ...
A. 19 December 2011: I'm 23 as well and I have also fallen for guys in the age bracket of the one you're currently dating. One thing you have to realize is that at your age you're really just starting out in life. You don't have a lot of life experience. This guy has ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 18 December 2011: Thanks for the follow up OP, but I don't think this negative attitude is realistic. While I agree that the ideal of losing one's virginity to someone you deeply care for is not something achievable for everyone, there are lots of decent, nice girls ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 15 December 2011: Read this article for some insight: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
It would be most preferable to lose it to someone whom you care about a lot, but sometimes virginity can become such an issue in one's head it ... (read in full...)
For years women disappear on me after 3 weeks.. why?
Q. Okay guys and gals, here's one I'm confused on. The background will take a minute. All about me: I'm a 28 year old guy and the last time that I was really involved (ie. relationship) was when I was 20. My adult life I've dated a lot of women, but ...
A. 15 December 2011: *rubs hands together* Here we go:
- How are you around your gf/fling in these 3 weeks? Romantic, Neutral, etc? By neutral I mean like how you'd treat friends.
- Are you affectionate? Both verbally and physically (not just sex for the latter)
- W... (read in full...)
Why wont he commit to me? I'm losing my mind!
Q. Im 34 years old and for the last 18months i have been having a casual relationship with my first love. I lost my virginity to him when i was 23 and we had regular sex for about 4 years. He is a bit of a commitment phobic. Maybe the reason for this ...
A. 15 December 2011: He needs to work on himself first before he can commit to you, or anyone for that matter. I think he tried but found out he couldn't and is now trying to ease his way out. You need to let him go. If you haven't been making progress over the last 10 ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel he wants to be back with his mother!
Q. I have been married for 2 years now and my husband and i have had our share of problems, and it seems like things are the same to a point, everyday he goes to his mother's house, don't get me wrong I love my mother in law very much, she is always ...
A. 15 December 2011: With some men, it's show, don't tell. Instead of waiting at home for him and bringing up the subject again which makes him angry, hold a mirror in front of him by doing the same thing. When you know he's home, go out with your friends and don't let ... (read in full...)
My husband is chatting flirtatiously with a girl from his office. Should I be worried?
Q. So, I have had some trust issues with my husband in the past. Some of it he deserved, and some of it can be attributed to the fact that I tend to be a jealous person. I am having a similar issue tonight. He and I have been doing pretty well late...
A. 15 December 2011: A European thing? That must have been the worst excuse I have ever heard. First of all, there is no such thing as European. If the states in America are like sisters living in one house, Europe is like a student flat with international residents. ... (read in full...)
My husband is chatting flirtatiously with a girl from his office. Should I be worried?
Q. So, I have had some trust issues with my husband in the past. Some of it he deserved, and some of it can be attributed to the fact that I tend to be a jealous person. I am having a similar issue tonight. He and I have been doing pretty well late...
A. 15 December 2011: Thanks for the other follow up. Please understand that I only have your posts to go on and don't have access to the full picture. I tend to to compensate for that by presenting a more optimistic angle.
If your trust in him is completely gone, yo... (read in full...)
My husband is chatting flirtatiously with a girl from his office. Should I be worried?
Q. So, I have had some trust issues with my husband in the past. Some of it he deserved, and some of it can be attributed to the fact that I tend to be a jealous person. I am having a similar issue tonight. He and I have been doing pretty well late...
A. 15 December 2011: Well in that case I agree with you: it's not innocent. The deal with my dad and his coworker is something that has developed over the course of 10 years, which is why my mom and the rest of the family never viewed it as a threat: we all know her and ... (read in full...)
My husband is chatting flirtatiously with a girl from his office. Should I be worried?
Q. So, I have had some trust issues with my husband in the past. Some of it he deserved, and some of it can be attributed to the fact that I tend to be a jealous person. I am having a similar issue tonight. He and I have been doing pretty well late...
A. 15 December 2011: To be honest I'm on the fence about this one.
My dad calls his younger coworker and wishes her a nice weekend and sends her sarcastic e-mails every week/month. My dad talks of her like a sister and she's been here some times and there's absolute... (read in full...)
Caught her having sex with 2 of my friends at our housewarming.....I'm so hurt she cheated but turned on at the same time!
Q. Hi. my girlfriend and i met a year and a half ago and weve just recently moved in together. Its both our first place on our own. A month after we moved in we had a house warming party. after a night of drinking i woke up to find my girlfrie...
A. 15 December 2011: I have a hard time believing this post is legit. The situation and your reaction to it seems off and unbelievable, basically like some poor porn movie premise where people end up having group sex.
If I'm wrong and it is true you have self res... (read in full...)
Live with family or live with boyfriend?
Q. I promise it's a quick read, if a bit long! This is a two part question: Part 1: My parents are asking me to pay for bills now that I just graduated and got a job (I make $25,000 as a receptionist). I would be okay with that but 1) ...
A. 15 December 2011: I live at home and I'm your age. I pull my own weight in the household money wise but it's definitely cheaper than living on your own. I found that out when I was 19 and eager to spread my own wings and get out. I ended up with very little money ... (read in full...)
I am 15 but attracted to much older men. Is something wrong with me?
Q. I want a real man is that so wrong? but the problem is i'm 15 and no real man would go for someone as young as me, i understand that i'm going through "changes" but I've always been more mature for my age and i find myself day dreaming about older ...
A. 12 December 2011: It's not strange at all, but because of your preference you have to be extra careful about whom you date. You're more vulnerable to manipulation from older guys.
I am 23 now but I have always fallen for guys older than I am. When I was your age... (read in full...)
How Important Is Money And Career In Choosing A Partner?
Q. If you were, let's say, making 60k a year, would you date someone who is making 15k? If you had a college education, would you date someone without one? What about you, women? How would you feel if your man was 'inferior' to you in both money and ...
A. 8 December 2011: Personally it would only matter to me if it meant we would be on the same wavelength mentally. If going with someone far below my pay grade (which btw is pretty much impossible right now as I don't earn much as a student) means that he is far less ... (read in full...)
Girls, especially, do you think a guy being able to dance well is important to you?
Q. I hate dancing. I mean REALLY HATE IT lol. Its embarrassing and boring. And everyone else loves it, which makes me feel awful for dissappointing my friends, and i just end up hating dancing even more. Thing is, i keep hearing about how impo...
A. 8 December 2011: I used to have a bf who was a professional dancer and he was nice enough to teach me some things, but I still prefer sitting on a (heated) terrace sipping a nice drink, or standing at the bar of a nice cosy pub with some background music or a live ... (read in full...)
My professor is hitting on me. What am I supposed to do? Is this normal in college today?
Q. So I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college. One of my professors is always hitting on me. I'm not saying this to sound conceited, I'm saying it 'cause I know. The other day he told me I looked gorgeous. Also, in my college we have our teacher's ...
A. 8 December 2011: Yes, unfortunately it does happen, especially when the professor in question is still young-ish and attracted to girls in your age bracket. Personally I think it's a sign of a weak minded person, to lust after his students like that.
Stude... (read in full...)
Do you know anyone who has many college degrees, but is working in a job far below his potential???
Q. Hello all, This is a question on career options. I know...I know...this site is mainly dedicated to relationships/love/sex questions. But I am posting a career question here as my experience with this site has been good so far and I get the most s...
A. 6 December 2011: My mom always told me (and she's a very wise woman indeed) "It's never for nothing. Every piece of knowledge, every bit of experience is good for something."
I was skeptical of this at first but she is right. Your hard work was not in vain. It... (read in full...)
My Gf got pissed that I dropped some rice in her bowl of soup, that I was angry at her and that I didn't call her, and now we shouldn't see each other till the end of the year! How trivial is that!!
Q. My gf and I are mad at each other. We’ve dated for about 16 months. I’m 27 and she’s 26. We’re each other's first gf/bf. We were eating at a buffet along with her sister. My gf returned to the table with a small bowl of soup and placed it on the...
A. 4 December 2011: Sorry to reply twice but I just spotted your follow up (slow internet connection over here).
Your girlfriend seems to be too accepting of her flaws and not so tolerant about others. That to me does sound like a red flag. My dad used to be like ... (read in full...)
My Gf got pissed that I dropped some rice in her bowl of soup, that I was angry at her and that I didn't call her, and now we shouldn't see each other till the end of the year! How trivial is that!!
Q. My gf and I are mad at each other. We’ve dated for about 16 months. I’m 27 and she’s 26. We’re each other's first gf/bf. We were eating at a buffet along with her sister. My gf returned to the table with a small bowl of soup and placed it on the...
A. 4 December 2011: In a psychology class we talked about defense mechanisms. One of them was "projection". Basically what happens is this: someone is influenced by something, be it a bad situation, something stressful coming up (finals for example), etc. that does not ... (read in full...)
Do you know anyone who has many college degrees, but is working in a job far below his potential???
Q. Hello all, This is a question on career options. I know...I know...this site is mainly dedicated to relationships/love/sex questions. But I am posting a career question here as my experience with this site has been good so far and I get the most s...
A. 4 December 2011: I have two degrees and I currently work the night shift sorting packages. I have also worked as a receptionist at a hotel and I took care of snakes and spiders for a year at a zoo. I'm currently looking for an internship for my latest degree but I'm ... (read in full...)
What can I do to help my sister, who's a ballerina and has serious body image issues? Is she seeking constant affirmation that she's thin? Is she seeking attention?
Q. My sister has serious body image issues. Let me explain : She's a ballerina and , at 14 years old, in the pre-professional division. She's a very brilliant dancer with a beautiful physique. But her instructor constantly calls her "heavy" or tells...
A. 3 December 2011: That's the thing about being a ballerina: you have to be ridiculously thin. So if her instructor is constantly telling her she's too heavy for the profession, she probably is even though she has the perfect body and to most of us the ballerina's are ... (read in full...)
Spicing up your sex life!
Q. Sight is a major part of good lovemaking. Look after your skin, use moisturisers, dont overdo the makeup, unless you are being a character in a little sexual scenario you are playing out together. Your hair must always be utterly clean. Who wants to ...
A. 30 November 2011: Really good article, definitely gave me something to think about! When you're not very experienced (like me) it is always a treat to read well thought out articles like this that make navigating sex land a bit easier. I think everyone wants to be ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date a friend's daughter?
Q. I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter. We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc. personally, I couldn't see a p...
A. 30 November 2011: @the OP: yes I think having children of your own would have changed your opinion on that subject. To me it's the combination of things that makes it wrong, not necessarily the separate components. It's the idea of someone who could be their father ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the 26 year old I like how I feel? Do I even stand a chance with him?
Q. ok so here is how it goes.im a 16 years old teen who has feeling for a 26 years old guy with me in a department..ive always ignored what i felt because this is weird and stupid..but its just that the guys is amazing and i really get along ...
A. 28 November 2011: 10 years at your age is a pretty big age gap, as you've noticed yourself. Also, you don't really know him, so these feelings you have can easily be identified as infatuation. You seem to worship him rather than fancy him on an equal level and this ... (read in full...)
Is sex outside the marriage infidelity when it's a 5 year plus sexless marriage?
Q. I have a very long term friendship with a woman. Her marriage has been dead for many years but stays because of her high school children and financial reasons. My marriage has been over for 10 years. During coffee last week , sex became a topic. She ...
A. 28 November 2011: What Honeypie said. The reason you are asking this on here shows that deep down you know exactly what it is and that it's wrong. ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like my breasts, other girls are prettier than me, he treat his ex better than me....all these things are making me so insecure!
Q. Hello, I feel like this question is stupid :( but please help me out. So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 1yr and 3 months or so. At the start of our relstionship, it wasnt the best, i felt so upset with him at times with the things...
A. 28 November 2011: Your boyfriend obviously has his flaws, lack of tact being one of them. He obviously loved his ex very much, invested a lot in her (both mentally and financially) and was very hurt when she betrayed him like that. I think the reason he told you the ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date a friend's daughter?
Q. I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter. We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc. personally, I couldn't see a p...
A. 26 November 2011: Age gap wise I think it's a bad idea, but I've seen it work out for some people.
However the biggest obstacle for me is that it is the daughter of a FRIEND. Good friends to me are like family. Therefore the idea of dating their child seems ju... (read in full...)
Is a 30 year old man too old for a girl of 19?
Q. Ok so I met a guy in April met at a nightclub he was 24 we hit it off got together but within about a month weird things started uhappening he kept having serious accidents I couldn't get thru to his phone he could only call me he claimed it was a ...
A. 24 November 2011: Let me rephrase the situation
"So I met this guy who said [insert lie, excuse, lie, lie, excuse, lie, lie, lie, lie] can I trust him?"
Answer: No honey, you can't. Lying = NOT trustworthy.
Please don't be naive. The fact you're even con... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 24 November 2011: OP, this does not sound good. I don't get how you can be so infatuated with him while you don't know him at all. I know guys like that and they are either massive players or they're simply not who they say they are, which in both cases is bad news. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of 7 yrs isnt putting effort in anymore what should I do? is she scared of committment?
Q. My girlfriend of 7 yrs isnt putting effort in anymore what should i do? *warning this is gonna be long i apologize and appreciate any feedback*thankyou* Ok heres the situation.. Ive been with my girlfriend for 7 years and also have a beautifu...
A. 22 November 2011: If you're too old fashioned OP, that makes two of us. I believe in commitment and I also believe in taking responsibility. By choosing to have this child she chose this life. I think she should also carry the responsibility that comes with caring ... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 20 November 2011: If you have a profile picture on fb, refer to that. Tell him that since he's being careful about his privacy he should understand why you are being the same way. ... (read in full...)
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