| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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My boyfriend wants me to put my life on hold for a while is that right of him to ask?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a former navy recruiter, and he told me of a new opportunity that would let me enlist in the military, but it is only valid for the next two months. I was very happy about it since i have been wanting to do ...
A. 14 February 2012: Wait for a year? What difference would that make other than you losing that opportunity? I've been wanting to get into the military myself and I'm going to have to wait at least another half year before I get my shot. You are getting yours right ... (read in full...)
If the "I have to pee and it feels like you're stabbing me" pain during sex is g-spot stimulation, how can I cum and make it GO AWAY so I can enjoy sex?
Q. I don't get it. I've been sexually active for years and have had sex partners of ALL sizes. EVERY single time, the result is the same: I use the bathroom before intercourse JUST IN CASE I wind up squirting. ...the first 2 or 3 minutes of...
A. 13 February 2012: Why do you want to squirt? The whole deal with the G-spot is sketchy as it is, it's not a proven fact. I don't squirt when I orgasm, in fact the whole squirting deal has never happened with me. I don't get why it would be a desirable thing either. ... (read in full...)
Wishing everyone on Dear Cupid a very Happy Valentines Day!!
Q. Happy Valentines Day 2012 I don't have a question... with the time difference I wanted to be the 1st to wish everyone on this site, whether you are a one time visitor or a regular, a very HAPPY VALENTINES DAY this year. If you are married, ...
A. 13 February 2012: Great post! Have a lovely valentines day yourself!... (read in full...)
I have fallen desperately for my ob-gyn
Q. Hi I am 37 and gave birth to my second child by Cesarean Section 7 weeks ago. Ever since I came back home from the hospital, I have fallen desperately for my ob-gyn. I spend all the time thinking about him, dreaming about him and imagining myself w...
A. 13 February 2012: I think it's a crush. A few years ago I was infatuated with a married man. It just happened one day, whereas I had never had feelings for him like that before. And then suddenly, just like that, BAM, I was infatuated with the guy. I daydreamed about ... (read in full...)
I keep fighting with my girlfriend. I'm clingy, sad, and have put on weight. And I do not want to be alone. What can I do?
Q. I keep fighting with my girlfriend. I can't stop being jealous of every single little thing. I can't stop being clingy. I'm insecure about everything and I feel like I am going mad. I think it has to do with my infidelity and her plans to move in w...
A. 13 February 2012: Oops sorry, I said "man" while I meant "woman". Unfortunately DearCupid does not allow us to edit posts, so I'm adding it this way.... (read in full...)
I keep fighting with my girlfriend. I'm clingy, sad, and have put on weight. And I do not want to be alone. What can I do?
Q. I keep fighting with my girlfriend. I can't stop being jealous of every single little thing. I can't stop being clingy. I'm insecure about everything and I feel like I am going mad. I think it has to do with my infidelity and her plans to move in w...
A. 13 February 2012: This may sound harsh, but now is the time to make your back straight, keep your head up and tell yourself that this behavior is no longer acceptable. Sometimes we need to be the ones to kick our own butt. You're a grown man, OP. Your "crumbling ... (read in full...)
What do you think of older adult virgins?
Q. I have to admit I am a little over 40 and still an adult virgin. I am a little naive and socially awkward guy but I believe that being a virgin for so long, that I probably have shot myself in the foot, figuratively dating wise with any future ...
A. 13 February 2012: Well, it is quite unusual, yes. That said, I don't think it should withhold you from getting into a relationship with someone. But you will have to really work on your social shyness now and really put effort in overcoming it and being more ... (read in full...)
Online dating/friendships, general safety and security. Protecting yourself and your privacy.
Q. I'm still shocked and surprized far too often by the number of people who have been stalked, harassed or "hacked" online when all they have to do is implement some very easy safety procedures. It is a known fact well over 90% of people who claim...
A. 12 February 2012: Good stuff Cerberus. People have gotten way too careless with the internet in my opinion.
I remember when my family got a computer and internet for the first time. Back then my parents were very protective of privacy. "Don't ever put somethin... (read in full...)
Why do so many people seem okay with such a mindset?
Q. I read it and hear it all the time: "He/She can look all they want, can flirt all they want, etc., but in the end it's me they come home to." What is this?! It seems that we've lowered our standards SO much that we accept this BS aISA "relatio...
A. 11 February 2012: Well it all depends on how you interpret those words and where your personal boundaries are.
We humans all appreciate beauty in one form or the other. It's why our movies are populated with pretty people, our magazine covers have flawless... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend's logged in on multiple sex sites but he swears it wasnt him, just a hacker using his details. Is that even possible?
Q. ok so here it goes, last year i found something on my bf laptop by accident he was sitting next to me and i asked wat it was,i logged into it coz his face was strange and it brought me to a profile with all his details on a fuck buddie site, logged ...
A. 10 February 2012: Oh and I just wanted to add, I used to run with the hacker crowd a few years back and though I did not write my own software I do have a pretty good understanding about how these things work and your boyfriend's story put my Internet Bullsh!t Radar ... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend's logged in on multiple sex sites but he swears it wasnt him, just a hacker using his details. Is that even possible?
Q. ok so here it goes, last year i found something on my bf laptop by accident he was sitting next to me and i asked wat it was,i logged into it coz his face was strange and it brought me to a profile with all his details on a fuck buddie site, logged ...
A. 10 February 2012: Oh so now it's suddenly not a hacker, but an e-mail with a link? He's not very consistent in his storytelling, is he?
OP, infected e-mails retrieve passwords to a bot that sends ads or bogus links to other accounts. Once you change your password... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend's logged in on multiple sex sites but he swears it wasnt him, just a hacker using his details. Is that even possible?
Q. ok so here it goes, last year i found something on my bf laptop by accident he was sitting next to me and i asked wat it was,i logged into it coz his face was strange and it brought me to a profile with all his details on a fuck buddie site, logged ...
A. 10 February 2012: The probability of a hacker using his e-mail to go on sex sites is as big as someone stealing your bank card for the sole purpose of using it to buy coffee once a week at Starbucks. It just doesn't happen.
If hackers want to view sex sites di... (read in full...)
I'm a guy and I hate sex with my fiance
Q. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I hate having sex with her, and the thought of it now sadly, turns me off anymore. Whenever I try to get her in the mood, I am always shot down. And I mean always. So I stop wanting it, and then my fiance c...
A. 9 February 2012: Talk to her and tell her exactly what you told us, but don't accuse too much. When there's a problem between two people, most of the time both are to blame to some degree.
Like others said, get rid of the porn. Then ask her to tell you what she... (read in full...)
A married millionaire spending time and money on a young beautiful model: Is it possible this relationship is NOT cheating?
Q. Hello, I am writing on behalf of a friend with who came to me with her concerns the other day. I tried to respond best as I could, but I wanted to tap into the wisdom pool here to see what I could tell her further or better. Basically, my fri...
A. 6 February 2012: He is probably emotionally invested in her. She probably makes him feel younger and positive because she's got a lot of energy and a whole life and career ahead of her. But if she's a young model looking to make it in the movie industry, she can't ... (read in full...)
Fooled around with my cousin.....I know it was a mistake, so how do I deal with what I have done?
Q. i made the biggest mistake of my life. when i visited where my parents had lived, i had met all my cousins that i hadn't seen since i was 2. one of my cousins and i got along really well, and i guess we flirted a lot, but thats the type of person i...
A. 6 February 2012: It seems like you were too weak willed to ward him off. So first accept your own part in this and learn from it. No is no. If you say it once, you have to keep saying it and keep warding him off. He took advantage of your weak mind and you have to ... (read in full...)
Surprise 50th birthday party and his wife didn't invite his Mother, how to deal with her!
Q. Hi Guys I have a situation which isn't about a relationship, it's more a family situation and I was just hoping you guys might be able to help me. My brother just turned 50 years old, and his wife put on a surprise birthday party for him, and she...
A. 6 February 2012: For me it would be simple. I'd call the brother and calmly ask why we were not invited and why when asked where we were, his wife told guests we had "decided not to attend" while in fact we didn't even know it was taking place. Tell him you don't ... (read in full...)
So how do I improve my life? Dad's a gambler, family is at war. Feels like dad ruins my life.
Q. Where do I start..? This is mostly a rant. My parents divorced when I was one because my dad had and STILL HAS serious gambling issues. My dad isn't mean to me, he's really cool and since I was young and spent every other weekend with him he alway...
A. 5 February 2012: I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I can understand it must be hard. However, over the years your father has proved himself not to be a stable and dependable man, so you must stop allowing him to get your hopes up, only to disappoint you again ... (read in full...)
Sweet 27 and never been kissed. Aunts what hope can you offer me that it will happen? Xxxx
Q. I'm looking for advice aunts. I've never kissed a guy before and I don't think anyone wants to. I'm kind of getting old and looking it and feeling it too. I feel too ugly and fat, and its not so much the fat cos i know i usually lose it quic...
A. 4 February 2012: About 4 years ago I had a very low self esteem and basically thought the same way you've written yourself. Then a friend told me: you are really narcissistic! I was shocked, how could I be that while I didn't want to bother other people with my ... (read in full...)
He's 50, fit, separated and I want it to work. BUT? Can this relationship work better? How?
Q. This is long, so thank you to whoever is reading this… I’ve been in a relationship with a truly wonderful man for just over 3 years. I am now 26 and he is 50. Fortunately he has aged well and he keeps fit. I met him when he supposedly was separa...
A. 1 February 2012: This guy could be your dad. Look, I don't give a damn about age gaps, but there's a line and it looks like you've crossed it.
This guy has twice the amount of life experience. You're just starting out in life. He's already experienced all that... (read in full...)
We have two children together. He's my fiance. Should I forgive him for kissing my younger sister?
Q. so my younger sister confessed to me that my fiance kissed her!! she seemed pretty upset and she didn't know how to tell me she said she pushed him away and told him that was wrong and was freaking out. he told me he didn't know what he was th...
A. 1 February 2012: I would only CONSIDER forgiving him if he gives you a good reason to. That reason being behaving like a future husband and father of your children ought to behave. But even then it would be hard. Ask him how you can possibly marry a man who has ... (read in full...)
Dating 3 months, no sex. Shall I leave?
Q. I need some imput. I have a new girlfriend and everything is good except for us not having sex yet. When we started to go out we both agreed that we were going to take things slow, and we have been to this point but Im a man that has needs and I ...
A. 31 January 2012: When I start dating a new guy I don't have sex right off the bat either. I want to make sure he's worth it first. It's been a failsafe strategy in protecting myself from players who just want to use me. 3 months is not a long time to get to know ... (read in full...)
My gf is really 21 but looks 14!! Is it wrong to date her?
Q. i am 29 girlfriend is 21 but she looks about 13 or 14. is it wrong to be going out with her?...
A. 30 January 2012: If that means you're attracted to 13/14 year olds and tend to fish in that age range pool then yes, I would say something is wrong with you.
However, your gf isn't 13/14 years old and she probably does not behave like someone who is. So when it ... (read in full...)
My little brother has aspergers and hurts me when he gets mad. How do I get my parents to believe me?
Q. my younger brothr is 9 years old and he makes me want to stab myself or him!!! the reason for this is that he has a type of autism called aspergers. all the time i have to hear "just ignore what hes saying" or "its only the aspergers" and even ...
A. 30 January 2012: I grew up with a violent autistic (he also has Aspergers) brother as well and my parents did the same thing to me. Everything he did wrong was blamed on either me or the syndrome, not him. In the end it only made him impossible to handle. I ... (read in full...)
I'm 24 and have never even had a crush on someone!
Q. My problem is that I'm asexual and I'm desperately unhappy about it. I'm now 24 and never in my life have I ever experienced so much as a crush on anyone. I don't experience any attraction, my feelings for other people never go beyond friendship. I ...
A. 27 January 2012: I think that family doesn't always mean having a blood bond with someone. There are so many families falling apart because people think it will be held together by that, but it isn't always the case. An acquaintance of my mom had 5 children, of ... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 27 January 2012: Personally I'm okay with it. I even watch it myself sometimes. And yes, of course people watch it for the act. They certainly don't watch it for the people. If all men need to get off is a hot girl I'd find a collection of Jessica Alba bikini ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got a lapdance at a strip club and now I am struggling to deal with this, am I just being silly?
Q. My boyfriend went to see strippers and has got a private lapdance on a number of occasions. Im finding it hard to deal with, I feel inadequate and dont feel comfortable having sex at the moment. I just feel he'l compare the way I look to the ...
A. 26 January 2012: You're not being silly. I am a very grounded person without jealousy issues but this would rattle even me. A bf getting a lap dance could be a deal breaker.
This is not about retroactive jealousy, like an anon user implies. Retroactive jealousy... (read in full...)
I dyed my hair bright red, what do you think people think, when the see my hair?
Q. Hi. I am a teenager and like most teenagers I want to express myself. I dyed my hair bright red, and when I say bright red, I mean BRIGHT red; I love it! I am usually a shy and quiet person, and listen to my mother and teachers, im not a goody tw...
A. 18 January 2012: Depends if it's done well. I'm a hair person, I always pay attention to hair. I can see extensions from a mile away, just as I can tell whether hair is dyed or natural.
If you have the haircolour of Nariko in that playstation 3 game and you tota... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to feel like an outsider because I haven't had sex or dated anyone!
Q. I really don't know where else to turn. I am a 19 year old guy, who has never had sex, had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I despise this about me. Every one of my friends have had this experience before and I just feel like an outcast. Like, ...
A. 18 January 2012: Well for starters you really need to loosen up and get rid of this desperate attitude. I know guys like that and instead of attracting women, they send them running. It just comes off of you in waves and women can tell. So instead of presenting ... (read in full...)
We have lost our sex life because my partner has MS. Any suggestions?
Q. My Partner has a long term illness MS plus other problems related to the illness She has lost all interested in sex, maybe that is a bad way to put it .I will put it this way the illness has been the cause. Not my partner. The last time we had sex ...
A. 9 January 2012: My dad is your age and my mom also has MS. The illness has been very agressive in her case, as she is now in an electric wheelchair, only able to move her hands a bit and her head. She has been this way for more than 3 years now.
Their sex life... (read in full...)
What do I need to be told? What lessons do I need to learn? I have a huge Teacher crush.
Q. Hi I'm 14 years old...ever since this school year started i met my social studies teacher, and I'm heavily in love with him. I totally understand this is wrong and those of you who think so i won't listen to you so don't bother. Anyway he ...
A. 7 January 2012: Read this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html
Lot's of helpful and insightful info right there. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend rates guys and says whether she would date them or not?
Q. I'm a marine currently on deployment. I have a girlfriend back home and i just wanted an outside view on my situation so that i know im not thinking irrational or being too jealous. The thing is that ive noticed that lately my girlfriend has been...
A. 6 January 2012: I agree with CaringGuy, you really don't need this stuff on deployment. Your feelings are not irrational: it would upset anyone. I think it would be best to just cut things off with her because I'm afraid that if you let this fester you may lose ... (read in full...)
I cooked a special dinner for my boyfriend but he spent the entire time on the phone with another girl! Am I right to be mad about this?
Q. My boyfriend of one year is from another country and talks from time to time about foods he misses that aren't common here. Thinking I would surprise him, I went out of my way to make a dish he had been reminiscing about. Since I'd never tasted it ...
A. 5 January 2012: I hope you stick to it, OP. Sounds to me like he's trying to set up something so he can have it both ways, very sloppily though, I have to say that. Don't ever accept any crap from him again, period. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's crazy ex is harassing me. Should I just end things?
Q. my boyfriend had a crazy ex who pops up at his house and now she's calling my phone and writing me on fb off his pg she hacked into. they havent been together for almost a year. she got him put in jail a few weeks back for something dumb that she ...
A. 3 January 2012: Get a restraining order against her. I'm serious. If someone is interfering with your lives in such a way, collect the evidence and file a report. She is invading your privacy, using violence against you, etc.
Hacking someone's fb page isn't ea... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's crazy ex is harassing me. Should I just end things?
Q. my boyfriend had a crazy ex who pops up at his house and now she's calling my phone and writing me on fb off his pg she hacked into. they havent been together for almost a year. she got him put in jail a few weeks back for something dumb that she ...
A. 3 January 2012: Are you sure you have the facts right?
- First of all, hacking something isn't as easy as it sounds. You don't just get access to someone's page.
- How did she get him put into jail? She either must be very smart or he and the police must be ... (read in full...)
Why do people go out of their way to do things for you or give you things, only to keep reminding you of how good they have been?
Q. Why do people go out of their way to do things for you or give you things, only to keep reminding you of how good they have been? My friend has been good to me in many ways and I acknowledge that. Every time I disagree with anything, she tells me ...
A. 3 January 2012: A LOT of people do this. My dad did it, my grandmother does it, some of my friends did it too. It's why I've become wary of accepting gifts and I'm working harder to get everything I want by myself. What they're doing, what she's doing--whether ... (read in full...)
He hurt me and I want to get back at him and make him feel like an idiot!
Q. Say a guy mislead you and you ended up losing your virginity to him which was a big deal to you. You haven't experienced those sorts of feelings over a guy before a believe them to be love when in fact it was just confusion. You carry on seeing him ...
A. 1 January 2012: Question, OP: how exactly will this benefit you?
Like Cerberus said, basically all you'll be doing is giving him exactly what he wants, which is sex. He won't care if you go cold on him afterwards; he got what he wanted. And leading up to the act ... (read in full...)
He hurt me and I want to get back at him and make him feel like an idiot!
Q. Say a guy mislead you and you ended up losing your virginity to him which was a big deal to you. You haven't experienced those sorts of feelings over a guy before a believe them to be love when in fact it was just confusion. You carry on seeing him ...
A. 1 January 2012: Well in your place I would be angry as hell too, but if you go along with this will you be any better than him? What will you gain from this, other than more bitterness?
Both options sound bad to me, the latter being a recipe for disaster... (read in full...)
I don't have feelings for my girlfriend and feel guilty because of my real intentions behind having a relationship with her. What should I do?
Q. Recently,on dating site, I have got 42 years old American woman interested in me and it's been two weeks since we have expressed love for each other.I'm 30 years old. She has 11 years old daughter from her first love who left here 6 years ago. She...
A. 1 January 2012: Your conscience is catching up with you. You just found out you're too good a person to take advantage of someone like that. So go the extra mile and break it off with her. It's the only way you'll be able to live with yourself. This will eat you up ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain why people talk so positively? I think it inappropriate and don't believe it.
Q. Why are people always telling me ,that things are going to be all right, when it is not really posible in. my case. I feel deaf ears are listening my story. And they think, I m guilty. if I don t want to believe positive ideas. False hope is not ...
A. 1 January 2012: Why people try to be positive? Because it's better and more useful than to be negative. Being negative creates limitations. It prevents you from overcoming obstacles and basically dealing with life. By having the attitude you have now, you're ... (read in full...)
Should I see him? He's 28 and I really like him. I just don't want to ask him why he wasn't trusted with his own daughter
Q. Last summer, the summer of 2011, I went on a trip to Norway. It was only three days after the shootings in Utoya, and the explosion. I went there to meet my friends who moved there three years ago. I met a lot of interesting people, but it was all ...
A. 1 January 2012: The fact you're asking this question means that your gut is telling you to be careful. You are obviously not a stupid teenager, but this just sounds like bad news to me. His daughter being taken away by child services is a HUGE red flag. This... (read in full...)
Would it be harsh of me to tell my b/f he can't move in with me till he finds a job?
Q. Hi all heres the thing i wrote recently asking advice about telling my bf im moving in alone as hes unemployed but i have recently found out im pregnant i work 40 hours n he dont. Now im stuck my parents kicked me out which is fine ive gt money ...
A. 31 December 2011: I don't think it's harsh: it's realistic. If you're going to keep this baby it's going to stop you from working fulltime, which means less money. When the baby is born you have an extra mouth to feed as well. If your bf moves in without funds to ... (read in full...)
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