A
female
age
30-35,
*s k
writes:hey i have a serious question.im currently engaged n my man isnt taking me seriously but he say he is. he doesnt call an let me kno wen something pops up at work where i wont see him that full day. ill call him every hour on th hour and the next day he'll text me saying hope u have a great day bae see you soon. an he also seems to always have things pop up.... we have been dealing with this for quite some time now and he keep saying ima change. im stressed out and i dont know what to do because ive given my all to him and i wish i did something to have caused this so it wouldnt hurt me soo much but im innocent, he'll even say it to any one. we have children together and nothing has changed
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 You can't make him change, but you can change yourself, and how you react to things.
Stop texting him every hour, stop asking him to come home, change the locks on the doors so that he has to ASK you if he can come in, dont be a door mat, stop being available, if he calls you, tell him you are (as he hopes) having a great day.
Changing the way you behave and react will cause a change in his behaviour, but once that happens dont change back and slip back into the same old patterns of behaviour that are causing you so much stress and grief now. If you change and he changes you have to keep the changes up!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2012):
 Honestly, I would not be happy either, but I do think calling someone "every hour on th hour" as you put it is ridiculous, specially if he is at work, he is supposed to be WORKING not chatting to his GF.
The thing is, it's not going to change if it hasn't already. So you have two choices, put up with it or put your foot down.
Since you two have kids, it is just not right for him to NOT check in when he KNOWS you expect him home. Sounds like he is "single" or acting single.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): stop giving him attention. Don.t chase. I know it will hurt like hell,but do nothing,just respond,only then will you see if he is serious. Pull right back. It could take a month to see,but be consistent no matter what. If he starts coming forward,great. If not,at least you know where you stand,and can then decide what to do. Don.t cave in. Good luck. X
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 March 2012):
OP, when the same thing keeps happening, how can you expect the outcome to be any different? The past, in this case, represents the future. If you don't do something about it, you'll be asking the same question 5 years later.
So don't marry him. And don't give him your all anymore unless he starts working to earn it. If you want change from him you must change as well. If this doesn't help, I doubt the relationship is salvageable.
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