| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 23 September 2011: None of us are saying you're dumb. What we're saying is that you're too stubborn for your own good. You say that "maybe" you've added to the tension. It's not maybe, it's definitely! I just read the exchange and from your posts I was pretty much ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 22 September 2011: You didn't mention you called him after that text joke. You said your last contact with him was that text joke you sent him late in the evening. My post was based on that info.
If you did call him and he hasn't bothered getting back to you, ind... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 21 September 2011: Life isn't fair. That's just how it is. Not everyone gets dealt the same deck of cards. Some people can get away with stupidity for their entire lives, some end up paying for one stupid mistake their entire life. There's the kid who did a thousand ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 20 September 2011: You have been posting about this back and forth, keeping this in your mind for days at a time, wondering, analyzing, assuming, and torturing yourself because you have this rule in your head that it's the guy's turn to contact you.
I've seen fri... (read in full...)
What went wrong here? How did things change so suddenly?
Q. Hello to anyone who reads this. I have heard this is a good site for advice so here goes... Met someone and hit off big time. Always recieving texts and asking to meet them. Saw each other everyday and spent most nights at their house. Met f...
A. 19 September 2011: Hmm the dating site thing is odd. Maybe he's trying to prove something to himself. Whatever you do, pay him no heed anymore. You did what you could, he turned his back on you and that's that. He will never be able to keep a girlfriend if he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: I just posted mine before you posted your follow-up OP. Sorry about that.
Your dad will come around, trust me. He's just a little shellshocked right now. Just be calm with him, (not in a condescending way, mind you). Once he starts shouting... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: I fully agree with CindyCares on this one. Your family isn't handeling this well, but there are always two sides to the story and if you've given your family an attitude along with the irresponsible behavior that led this to happen in the first ... (read in full...)
What went wrong here? How did things change so suddenly?
Q. Hello to anyone who reads this. I have heard this is a good site for advice so here goes... Met someone and hit off big time. Always recieving texts and asking to meet them. Saw each other everyday and spent most nights at their house. Met f...
A. 18 September 2011: I think your man just realized that he isn't ready for a new relationship yet. The pain is all still too raw and maybe he doesn't like exposing his children to new partners when he isn't sure where he wants to take the relationship.
I think th... (read in full...)
Should I have a baby with this married man?
Q. I have a serious question that I know will ruffle A LOT of feathers but I'm sorry, I really need advice, I've been seeing a married man for a while and were very close, best friends more than lovers. Recently I have been getting urges to have a ...
A. 18 September 2011: The real question you have to ask yourself is this: would you want a child that grows up knowing he/she was born in an affair and that his/her dad is actually committed to another person that is not his mom? He/she is going to be the bastard child, ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 18 September 2011: Well, if your last text was that joke you sent, and he didn't have the time to reply to it (asleep maybe) he might have disregarded it in the morning. I mean, it's not like your last text was a question that needed answering. It was just a comment. ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 18 September 2011: Well, if you initiated contact again after the last text you wrote about in your original post, I'd say it's up to him now.
There are no written rules; everyone just does what they like. That's the problem. I don't think you 'gave it up' too soon... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 17 September 2011: I don't see the big issue. It's been a couple of days only. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. He may be trying to figure out his next move. He's been replying to your previous texts so that gives me an indication he doesn't view you as a ... (read in full...)
Can I delete my 'Step Mum' from Facebook ?
Q. My step mother seems to be utterly obsessed with me. She is paranoid that my Dad favours me over her, (we do have a strong relationship but I'm his DAUGHTER not his lover) I was open to her in the beginning when she proposed to him after barely ...
A. 17 September 2011: There's a reason I don't have facebook and your post made me remember it. The moment you start worrying about what you may and may not do on something as insignificant as a social networking site, it has become too important to you.
Look,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went through my emails and went ballistic over an innocent email from a co-worker
Q. I've been with my live in boyfriend for 4 years. He is 12 years older than me. I don't expect marriage (even though I want to be), but that is another topic. He's always been on the insecure side. I don't have a facebook anymore because young guys ...
A. 17 September 2011: So aside from trying to control every little detail in your life, including deciding whom you socialize with, he also insults you on a daily basis with a bunch of untrue claims!
These things he said to you just make my blood boil. You have sho... (read in full...)
I am worried about telling a man I had a boob job in case he is repulsed. How do men feel about breast implants?
Q. Hi, I am going to re-send this question as I have only had one answer and the answer that I did get only gave one - very strong - personal bias. Does anyone feel differently about this issue please? If the woman in question was otherwise a perfect ...
A. 14 September 2011: I'm a female and though I know you asked for men, I'm gonna chime in anyway.
People's issues with breast implants usually have to do with the mindset that caused one to get them. Therefore, someone who got breast implants to counteract damage s... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went through my emails and went ballistic over an innocent email from a co-worker
Q. I've been with my live in boyfriend for 4 years. He is 12 years older than me. I don't expect marriage (even though I want to be), but that is another topic. He's always been on the insecure side. I don't have a facebook anymore because young guys ...
A. 13 September 2011: Stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend's insecurity is the issue here, not you. Tell him. "I am a very open and honest person. I've shared every personal detail and password with you. Yet you accuse me of getting together with a coworker who is ... (read in full...)
How can I nudge him to confess? I'm way too shy.
Q. I'll just jump right into it, I had a minor crush on this really sweet, kind, shy, humble type of guy who would do all these little small things for me all the time and not asking for anything back. The problem was I was already currently seeing...
A. 13 September 2011: If you have problems saying it out loud, maybe do it through a thoughtful message on his phone. There are so many ways to do this. I once mended a friendship by sending a DVD with a videoclip of a song that mirrored everything I wanted to say in ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with my feelings after sleeping with my old coach.
Q. I'm 26 and I slept with my sports coach back in April. I've known him from when I was about 13/14 because I used to go to the sports camps and socials and when I was about 14/15 I started to develop a bit of a crush. I didn't know him well, he was ...
A. 13 September 2011: What happened here is that a 41 year-old man struggling with his divorce and the consequences of it, saw you as a welcome distraction. No strings attached sex with a young thing. Then you tell him you like him and he realizes that this isn't as ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between settling and being logical?
Q. What is the difference between settling and being logical? I'm 23 and single. It's strange but it seems like all of my friends are in serious relationships or have been. I haven't. I feel abnormal. I do have admirers but I think maybe I'm being ...
A. 13 September 2011: Well, what a coincidence. I'm 23 and I have struggled with the same problem for years. I do think it's about pickiness and being afraid of taking risks. I'm a control freak in the way that I plan everything in my life. More often than not those ... (read in full...)
Husband has been acting really shady lately
Q. I need some advice... My husband has been acting real shady lately... He'll be on his phone in another room, and then jumps when I walk in the door. He carries his phone into the bathroom with him, won't go anywhere, even in the house, without his ...
A. 12 September 2011: You are right to be concerned. Since you said he's being shady lately, it means his behavior has changed. If he wasn't secretive before and he is now, something is definitely up.
Tell him: "Look I understand the concept of privacy but don't pl... (read in full...)
Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: If you are asking this question then you must know the answer.... (read in full...)
Attempts at online dating are hurting my self-esteem. Advice, please.
Q. I am newly single after a long-term relationship (19 years) ended and now back in the dating game. I have never been the most sought after guy at the party, but I've attracted attention of women in my time. I don't have classic good looks, but ...
A. 12 September 2011: Because of the format, all you'll be judged on at dating sites is some text and a couple of pictures. Since people are visual creatures, looks weigh in a lot online. Plus, a lot of times, online dating is actually an euphemism for hooking up for ... (read in full...)
Why not cheat? I am interested in all your ideas and suggestions please
Q. I have been married over 10 years. Before marriage had a very active sex life. As soon as we were married, it became less, and less and kept getting less until it was 3 years. I brought it up to him, then we went to counseling, then I brought it u...
A. 4 September 2011: OP, sorry I missed your follow up. Well it's not up to me to decide if that's a good reason to divorce. But if you're really considering cheating and you've tried to fix the issue, this relationship is doomed anyway. Especially since there has been ... (read in full...)
Why not cheat? I am interested in all your ideas and suggestions please
Q. I have been married over 10 years. Before marriage had a very active sex life. As soon as we were married, it became less, and less and kept getting less until it was 3 years. I brought it up to him, then we went to counseling, then I brought it u...
A. 4 September 2011: Why not cheat? Because that would make you a lot worse than your unsupportive husband. Why not get a divorce and after that hook up with that old lover? Then you won't betray the person you pledged love and loyalty to, you'll be free as a bird to do ... (read in full...)
I want children but my partner doesn't & his ex is involved
Q. I have been with my partner for 3 years. He asked me to marry him, so we had the discussion about having kids, finances, religion etc. The sticking point was children – he said he thinks on balance doesn’t want (he has 2 already with ex) but that ...
A. 3 September 2011: Talk to her. Whenever she says something like that again, tell her "you don't know what it's like to have your husband's ex calling and begging for money, rubbing in that you don't have children while all she really has to do is ask nicely." Now the ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be unlovable???
Q. I know a lot of you think this is stupid but I have my reasons for this question. This is examples from everyone in my life... My dad thinks I'm the worst person. He often laments about how I am not a boy (or I guess a man now.) He constantly re...
A. 3 September 2011: You're not unlovable, darling. You know you have good qualities; your kids see them and kids are the most honest among human beings. The big problem is that your self esteem has been kicked into the ground. It makes you an easy target because people ... (read in full...)
I try to force myself to like guys when they like me
Q. Okay, do I've been having a problem. Its come to my attention and I really don't know how to stop myself from doing this. Okay, so even though I don't like a guy and when they like me I'll try to force myself to like them back. Usually these ar...
A. 1 September 2011: I had this 'habit' myself. I always fell for the wrong guys and when a guy would come up who liked me, I didn't like him. It's really frustrating. So like you I decided to give those nice guys a shot. The problem is that when you're not really ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting "No" so often? What are the requirements to work as a Lap Dancer?
Q. Hi, I need some advice as to if I'm just not good enough to get the work I want to do. I hate my job and so am leaving in few weeks and I've decided to lapdance for a while till I figure out what I want to do. I'm degree educated and can talk to p...
A. 31 August 2011: I know I'm not supposed to reply to a thread twice without a follow up, but having read my post again I see I do come across as being unkind. I do not mean it that way. Like Sexlessintheuk says, maybe you are simply not 'trashy' enough for that line ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting "No" so often? What are the requirements to work as a Lap Dancer?
Q. Hi, I need some advice as to if I'm just not good enough to get the work I want to do. I hate my job and so am leaving in few weeks and I've decided to lapdance for a while till I figure out what I want to do. I'm degree educated and can talk to p...
A. 31 August 2011: First of all, why do you even want to get into this line of work? There are different ways to make money while you figure things out. But fine, your decision, not mine to judge.
As for why you're getting "no's", how do you approach them? Are they... (read in full...)
Tips for high school?
Q. I know this isn't the best question for this site, but i know there are many smart people on this site who can help me. Any tips for high school? I'm an incoming freshman and I am nervous! Anything you can give me, tips for making friends, ...
A. 31 August 2011: You're welcome! I've got a few more things I'd like to add.
#1. I was a total slacker in high school, thinking I'd deal with the future...in the future. Because of this my grades weren't so great and I spent quite a few years making up for that... (read in full...)
Tips for high school?
Q. I know this isn't the best question for this site, but i know there are many smart people on this site who can help me. Any tips for high school? I'm an incoming freshman and I am nervous! Anything you can give me, tips for making friends, ...
A. 30 August 2011: I'm happy you ask this question because that means you've thought it through more than I did at your age. I will list some of the things I wish I knew 10 years ago (when I was 13) and hope they will be helpful to you.
1. Always be relaxed ... (read in full...)
How can I kick the habit of swearing?
Q. How can I kick the habit of swearing? I feel very bad mannered and want to kick the habit alltogether but how? I feel guilty everytime I swear but I need to learn to control my language before it comes out. I find it really difficult becaus...
A. 28 August 2011: It's a matter of willpower and discipline, my friend. I used to swear a lot when I was younger; a typical case of hanging out with the wrong people. It got so bad I couldn't complete a sentence without putting a foul word in it.
You can get rid ... (read in full...)
I'm broke and in debt, and have been offered money for sex
Q. I've been talking to a friend of a friend. He is 19 (I am 18) and we've never physically met. Recently he offered me £1000 to give him anal sex for two months. I REALLY need the money. I am broke and have a lot of debt to pay off. I've tried g...
A. 27 August 2011: Don't do it. You're basically selling yourself to be a sex slave to a stranger for a bargain price. No matter how much you need the money, you should NEVER consider to go that low. Besides, who says he won't rape you while he's at it?
... (read in full...)
Am I the only woman not threated by porn?
Q. I just read an article about porn here on DC so it made me interested to post a question. Am I the only woman who is not threatened by porn? I mean, I read a lot of questions here about it, of ladies breaking up with their boyfriends and w...
A. 24 August 2011: I'm not bothered by it either (as I said in the thread person1234 mentioned) but I know a lot of women are. Some even view it as cheating. That to me, is kinda ridiculous, but if someone feels that way, that's just how they feel and what I may or ... (read in full...)
Male, 20 and still a virgin
Q. Just as the title says. I absolutely hate myself for it too. What a loser i must be. Worse, everyone's always telling me how good looking i am and what a good sense of humour i have. So why the HELL cant i make it work for me?? Im a useless failure. ...
A. 23 August 2011: Please DO NOT hire an escort. You will regret this later, I can guarantee it. Please stop beating yourself up for being a virgin, OP. I was 22 when I lost mine and I don't consider myself a failure.
Do not let anyone use your virginity against ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have a relationship with a much older man?
Q. An older man contacted me. He is older by a lot but likes me and wants to have a relationship. I like him but he is old! and i am waaaay younger. He wants me sexually but is it wrong to like someone with a 50 year difference? Is something wrong with ...
A. 22 August 2011: Yes, to me it´s wrong. When he was 50 you were a baby. In this case, the age gap is the size of the grand canyon and can´t be bridged with a simple rope. It can´t be bridged at all. He could be your grandfather. It just reeks of creepiness. What ... (read in full...)
Why do some women feel so bad if their man watches porn?
Q. I ask this question as I'm fed up seeing questions about porn coming up frequently and women complaining about their men watchin it. I'm 26, I've had 3 serious relationships and each man has loved to watch porn. Sometimes I've watched it with the...
A. 22 August 2011: I'm in the same camp as you OP. I don't see the big deal.
That said, I do draw a line. If we're having sex regularly and he still spends a lot of free time watching porn, it could be a sign of addiction. Also, I do not want him to watch it with ... (read in full...)
I'm 22, she's 15 is it best to stop before things get started?
Q. I started talking to this girl recently, she seemed really nice, really pretty. Then one day we find out how old each other is, she thought I was 17, I'm 22, and I thought she was 18, the girl is 15. Nothing has happened for it to be a legal matte...
A. 20 August 2011: Ah, stupid I didn't notice the little flag, while I knew that the UK had different laws when it comes to legal age.
Well in that case the hurdle isn't that big. Wait till she's sixteen like you intend to and then take it from there and see wher... (read in full...)
I'm 22, she's 15 is it best to stop before things get started?
Q. I started talking to this girl recently, she seemed really nice, really pretty. Then one day we find out how old each other is, she thought I was 17, I'm 22, and I thought she was 18, the girl is 15. Nothing has happened for it to be a legal matte...
A. 20 August 2011: When I was 15 a girl in my class of the same age had a 24-year old boyfriend. She looked older than her age and he looked younger.
They had sex regularly but when the relationship went cold she talked to me about getting him into trouble because ... (read in full...)
I cant get over the fact I'm not going to be her first kiss!
Q. I've never been kissed. My girlfriend has. We met in person, now long distance, it has been almost a year. She was kissed years ago, and it still makes her feel used to me. It hurts so bad, and I am so depressed. I've waited my whole life for h...
A. 19 August 2011: At one point you have to ask yourself where the line is OP. If someone else has touched her, would that make her vile? You know, the quick brush of the hand on bare skin. Doesn't even have to be sexual. Okay, how about the peck on the cheek? Is that ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when an older man tells you to get a boyfriend your age?
Q. An older man I was very fond of (and who also liked me very much)suggested I should find myself a boyfriend my age. Does this mean he doesn't like me anymore or just that he cannot handle me? How do I put him behind me if he appears in my mind every ...
A. 19 August 2011: I think what he meant is that to him, the age gap is too big. He simply doesn't feel comfortable dating/having sex/relationship with a women as young as you are.
"Am I a low person for thinking that someday in a few years, when I am married,... (read in full...)
Guys: Are you more or less attracted to a girl when you've seen her without makeup?
Q. guys, are you more attracted to a girl after seeing her without makeup? perhaps less? I'm just curious to know what guys think on this topic. ...
A. 18 August 2011: Guys think they prefer women without makeup.
The problem is that there are few women out there who leave home without applying atleast a minimum layer of foundation to cover up blemishes. So the look that a lot of guys consider to be natural ... (read in full...)
I don't get hit on! Is it because I'm a redhead?
Q. Hi guy, just a question thats been troubling me for sometime now. I hardly get hit on by the opposite sex. I was wondering if its to do with the fact that im a redhead and have a lot of small freckles on my face and body?. After seeing comments...
A. 18 August 2011: As a non redhead I have to say I love red hair. I even got my hair dyed in that shade (not fire engine red, but natural looking) and I got more attention from guys with it than when I had it in any other color.
I'm naturally a dark ash blonde, ... (read in full...)
Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?
Q. I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...
A. 17 August 2011: The fact your asking this (=looking for validation of your opinion) means you're not so sure about it. After all, if you really believed that there's nothing wrong with having an affair with a married man you wouldn't care about what others think. ... (read in full...)
I don't know what I want to do with my life!
Q. I've been always trying to avoid to answer when someone asks me about my dream and what I wanna be because I've never been able to tell. I don't know what I want and what I wanna be. I'm 21 now with no goals. I'm not sure of my life. I'm studying ...
A. 16 August 2011: Hello dear,
I've had the 'now what' phase as well, ironically exactly at your age. I'm 23 now and I am finally getting things on track, but I still wonder if it'll all work out. What helped me get into the right direction is talking to the prof... (read in full...)
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