A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,mine is going to be a pretty long story so please be patient and kind enouf to read itI am 23 years old,and in my final year of med school,throughout my life I have been controlled by my parents,not that they hit me or anything they give me what I want,when I want..but they control my life. I am not allowed to drive I have to take a driver,I'm not allowed to stay at a friends place,no late nights..and now they even want me to get married to someone they pick for me,they won't let me have boyfriends..I respect them and love this but I feel so controlled that I feel like I am in jail,plus I have so much pressure since I am in my final year..I want to move to another city once I finish school and even for that they are not willing,I know a lot of you will tell your 23 just leave your house,it doesn't work like that I am indian ,here its not easy to just walk out on your parents but I just can't take it anymore..I was very interested in modelling\acting and I got a lot of offers but I said no to them cuz my parents weren't supportive now that I am done with med school I want to pursue that..I don't know what to do!?!please help me..I am just so depressed in life now!
View related questions:
depressed, in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI used to live in australia but I am in india now pursuing medicine..!I study in this small town which has one of the best medical colleges in india,we don't have much to do here,the place is only well know for its education level..once I'm done with med school I'm planning to move to a bigger city and pursue my dreams and I hope I can do,cuz this time no matter what I am determined to..thanks aunty bim bim for all your advise,I now know I need to HELP myself cuz noone can understand the depth of the problem..thanks again everyone
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 May 2012):
 I repeat, your profile says you are in Australia, all major tertiary institutions have counsellors available for students, please make an appointment and talk to them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advise,and I wish it was as simple..each day is a struggle for me,m losing interest in life in everything..I'm just waiting for my med school to finish I hope I can do something for myself then..it gest harder each day and I am not saying this for any kind of sympathy or pity I just feel I am breaking each day!
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 April 2012):
Where ever you are studying there will be a student counsellor. I suggest you make an appointment and talk to them about the options available to you in Australia.
You can then either take those options, or use them as bargaining points with your parents.
If you feel your parents would rather lock you up than have your own life be sure to let the counsellor know this.
At this point your future is in your hands, they are not tied, there are options, you are not bound to follow your parents wishes IF YOU CHOSE TO NOT DO SO.
If you chose to ignore the services available to you, as an adult student in this country, that is your choice.
If you are serious about having more say in your future now is the time to arm yourself with facts and face the folks.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 You are going to have to risk losing your family to stand up for yourself.
I'm often amazed at how most parents later on (like when GRANDCHILDREN come into being) relent and accept back into their lives the children they disowned for standing up for themselves.
Your choices are two
a. live your life for your parents and be miserable doing what they want the way they want forever and ever
b. JUST say NO and when you finish school move out and live your life to please yourself.... many kids do it...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoken to my mom sooo many times,I told her u can't control me like this..this is not done she keeps telling me she can't help me cuz of how dad is..my brother is in newyork pursuing his mba once he comes back its goin to get worse cuz he is as controlling as dad!!I never got close to anyone as in guy cuz I'm scared I'd have to break his heart eventually,now I really think I meet the right guy who will fight for me and do whatever he can to get me,and stand up for me..half of the guys In my town get scared to talk to me cuz of dad
...............................
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 You either carry on like this, or you kick, scream and fight for your right to make your own choices!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy dad is a pretty well known person in the city and he is usually called as guests to inaugrate and daily articles abt my dad are given in the newspaper and he has been given private government guards who accompany him everywhere,so now you know if I leave my house and go anywhwre what's going to happen..for dad its all abt prestige,what are people going to think?but what about my happinness,does that matter at all??I am blessed I know they give me whatever I want,infact I point at smthng and I get it,but those are all materilistic things not this..and I can never talk to dad he is very very strict..I don't know what to do:(
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): well if you are living in your parents' home then you have to follow their rules. that's obvious, isn't it?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 April 2012):
Tell them they are the ones who chose to live in Australia, and their choice is giving you choice in how you live.
Remind them you dont need them to live, you can walk out of their house right now and find somewhere to live and recieve money to eat.
Tell them you love them but if you are smart enough to be a doctor you are more than smart enough to make your own life choices, and that includes deciding who to marry and when.
You could try telling them if they want you to live as an Indian you should all pack up and move back there .... if they want to be Australians they need to accept the good and the bad of the country, and that includes some of the aussie cultural norms.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 April 2012):
I don't know much about Indian culture, I am sorry to say, but what would happen if you finish med school and leave and choose not to marry the person your parents picked for you? What are the consequences? I can understand you feel like you're suffocating.
Can you talk to your parents about this? Explain that while you appreciate all they've done for you, you feel like you're not able to grow and mature as a person because you're being sheltered from everything and that they make all the important choices in your life. I really fell on my face when I had to fend for myself out in the real world simply because my parents had never taught me the basics. At one point, pampering can become a real liability.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 You have a life that many people envy. Many people live a messed up life like teenage pregnancy and not being able to pay bills. You can still have control over you controlled life. You can choose to be happy that you are priviledged to live a high profile life, you can choose to love a man that your parents carefully picked for you, or, you can choose to be depressed over having no say, you can rebel against your parents and feel guilty about it. I studied music which I am talented in and now I wished I had studied medicine instead. A common parenting thing in Asia is that they think, "You hate me? That's okay. But now you are up there and successful. There is no room for trial and error or learn it the hard way. When you get older and have kids you will understand why I did this to you." Asian parents are very ready to sacrifice the parent-child relationship if it means that the children get the best life and have their own money to afford the things they need.
...............................
|
