A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been working with this married woman for about two years. I'm engaged. There was an instant attraction. She is this sexy hipster with a really cute face and a hot body. We started texting and the texts became heated. We decided to pull back because we didnt want to be cheaters. However, that was more than a year ago and the attraction and tension is greater than ever. I masturbated thinking about her almost every day. The sexual tension is so insane. Should I act on it?
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co-worker, crush, engaged, married woman, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 April 2012):
Let's rephrase the question: do you want to be a cheater? You know, the scum that inflicts hurt on those they're with and only look out for themselves? If you like the idea of seeing your name next to that description, go for it. It would be better to call off the wedding and spare the fiancee, but that requires courage and honesty, two things I'm not sure you have if you come looking here for permission to do what you want.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): All of us meet someone who brings out a kind of blood lust in us.You are never going to be happy with your fiancee because this other woman consumes your thoughts.
I am not going to b e judgmental.I am going to be practical.Even if you get married,you will always be thinking about her.Your fiancee doesn't deserve that whether you decide to have the affair or not.Speak to your fiancee and come up with a solution.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (30 April 2012):
 If this was MY boyfriend posting this question ?? I would be so sick to my stomach right now. AND I'm not even engaged to be married!! Yeah, I think you should show this to your fiancee and see if she approves...
The best advise I can give to you is to take your engagement ring back. Save this poor girl the heartache in the long run. Hopefully she will find a decent guy that will love her and be faithful to her. Guys like you make me wanna throw up. ~~
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (29 April 2012):
You are actually trying to find someone who will give you permission to cheat and if anyone does then they are not the people who should be giving advice on here. If you feel so strongly about this other woman and want to have sex with her then you obviously dont have the feelings you thought you had for your future wife. If you love your fiance and want to be with her and respect her then you wouldn't even think about having any relations with another woman. The heated text messages are already wrong so wither put a stop to the engagement or put a stop to this sordid little affair.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 You're wondering which woman you should choose, right? Then why did you only give us a description of ONE of the women? My guess is that you simply are consumed by this ONE woman, the one at the office, and to such a degree that you even forget about your fiancee. I mean you didn't even mention her at all in your post, you just said that you are engaged, but there is no mentioning of anyone you are engaged to!My advice to you is to look back at the woman you are engaged to and stop thinking with your penis. Use your brain, because your brain can think about consequences while your penis can't. Take your fiancee into consideration here, she's a HUGE part of the puzzle. Why are you with her, are you happy with her, do you want to marry her etc etc etc. How is your attraction towards your fiancee for example?You have no future with the one at the office. That's just sex. And it's gotten to this point because you've allowed it to. Don't start thinking that you were somehow "destined" to cheat, or that your lust for this woman excuses cheating.The question is simply this: do you want to end the relationship with your fiancee or not? And then take action depending on your answer.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Is this just sexual attraction, or do you have an emotional bond with this co-worker as well? Judging by what you have written, it's all related to sex. Do you want to sleep with her just once, or are you planing to lead a double life and turn this into a full blown affair? Would you tell your fiance if you cheat or do you intend to hide and lie for the rest of your life?
Ask yourself this: is having sex for a few minutes worth loosing your relationship with your fiance? If you're willing to cheat on your future wife because you're insanely attracted to this woman, then it's time to break up. If you have real feelings other than sexual ones for this woman, again, it would be time to break off your engagement.
If your relationship with your fiance is more important, then you must stop texting this other woman. No more sexting, or anything that would cross a professional working relationship. Tell her that you have been inappropriate and that you will no longer entertain texting, going out for lunch, or whatever other time you spent with her at work. Remove her from your phone, or better yet, block her. If you cannot put a professional distance between you two, then you might just go ahead and break off your engagement unless you prefer divorce.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 How can you genuinely be asking this question? You're getting married for god sakes...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 You've already basically had an emotional affair with this woman, it's not fair to your fiancée the way you've already behaved. If I knew this was happening with my bf, that he was sneaking around texting and wanking daily while fantasizing about a coworker, I wouldn't really care that he hadn't actually had sex I'd still be devastated.
You either need to break up with your fiancée or you need to completely and totally separate yourself from this other woman and stop fantasizing about her.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (29 April 2012):
How long have you been engaged? If the reasons for getting engaged are still valid and you love your fiance, then you should forget about your crush or you will loose you fiance.
You would probably loose your crush too sooner or later because crushes are usually very unstable affairs.
I've had a co-worker who actually was going to life together with his crush just weeks after they met. Seriously.
Well, a week later it was over. She quit. He learnt his lesson.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 April 2012):
 No you shouldn't...but you probably will if you think you can get away with it.
My sympathies to your future wife.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Sure you should act on it, don't forget to invite your fiance and her husband to join you for the post coital cigarette and debriefing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 April 2012):
 DO you really think that we are going to say yes?
DC is a bit moralistic about cheating..
this is my honest take on it..
go to you fiance and tell her exactly what you wrote here
tell her you want to "hit that and get it out of your system"
and see what she says...
I know you are sitting there going I CAN'T do that.
well as loose as I am about sex (I am a former swinger) I am very TIGHT about cheating...
so if your fiance approves
and her husband approves
go for it.
otherwise the answer is NO
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