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Is wearing a sheer or see thru bathing suit OK?

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Question - (28 March 2012) 15 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend (of many years) asked me to remove the lining from a couple of my bikini's, so that when we go to the beach they will be see through. I did this to one of my darker suits, the results being not too dramatic. More noticible on top, but you would really have to look on the bottoms as I don't have any hair to show thru. My wearing this got him very excited, so I guess I kinda enjoyed it too. I did not wear it around family and friends, but plenty of strangers could see me at the beach. Some people stared, but no one was bothersome in any way.

Now he is lobbying for me to do the same with one of my more pastel suits. The results will be much more dramatic, I'm sure. I know that if I agree, he will be spoo excited that there will be no turning back. I don't really mind doing this. I am a little nervous to be sure, but truth be told, a little excited too.

What I am wondering is whether the rest of you find this offensive. Have any of you done it perhaps yourselves? If you saw a woman at the beach wearing a suit where you could see her nipples and perhaps make out a little of what she had on the bottom, would you be offended, not care, perhaps a little titalated? In the end I think it would be OK as it's still much less revealing than what you'd see at a family beach in Europe. But again, I'm not really sure...

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A male reader, barleysinger Australia +, writes (21 April 2012):

First off, I will say that choosing to war a bit less (if you are the sort who is normally not into public nudity or sheer clothing or very very short skirts) is often a way to spice thig up for some people. Properly adorned the fully dressed form can dazzle as can the far less dressed on...but the less cloth there is the more effort at elegance might be necessary depending on the location you are in.

First some info. I live in Australia where all the beaches have been topless for over 30 years. I lived in the USA until I was 36. I grew up in a house of fundy baptists. I am now a nudist. I do not find a person being naked any more alluring than I find them when they are clothed...scratch that...the proper application of FABRIC can make a person look MORE SEXY as it can hide minor physical flaws, make a person look more slender, the bust more uplifted, the backside better shaped.

** IF YOU CHOOSE A NUDE BEACH

Next..if you wish to do this and feel you might offend too many people to do so at a standard beach...first know that on many US beaches it would not be breaking the law 0- even in many family locations..but laws vary and often the cops like to harass people for things that are totally legal. In New York City women can go topless anywhere that is not a private plafe where the ownder syas otherwise (a restaurant with certain policies, etc...but on that topic, a very sheer gown...even sans bra is not unusual in a 5 star restaurant if it is a NICE dress - but mostly only in larger US cities. Not in the bible belt. AGAIN laws vary.

Find out what yours are.

In fact in New York state the topless thing is true and and full nudity is also legal at least in New York city. It has been for many years now. However the cops still harass people doing it, occasionally even arrest them, and then the whole thing gets thrown out in the courts - but some cops like to force their narrow opinions on people using their badges even when their ideas are not in line with the actual laws.

*** YOUR WORRIES

IF want to offend fewer people you CAN do this at a beach which allows nudity. Incidentally, some nude resorts actually REQUIRE nudity of all the people there, in order to have a level playing field. I do not agree with this policy as people ought to be able to feel comfortable at where they are at the moment...and often teens go through an awkward stage even if they are used to nudity and otherwise would be OK with it (are often OK with others nudity but get PRICKLY about their own for a few years). There are also issues of the cold and sunburn.

*** ABOUT CLOTHING

Clothing exists for both safety and decoration. It does not need to cover any specific area of the body if it is not for protection from the environment. Many garments throughout history have not covered bits that are mandatory in the USA.

* Egyptian ladies in the old kingdom wore a simple dress with one strap that started underneath the bust and went down from there...for 1500 years. People wore gauze in both eras in old Egypt. Very sheer gauze was a sign that one was wealthy and/or important. It was also very functional as it is *HOT* in Egypt.

* In Europe, For 350 to 400 years (from a ways before Henry VIII onward) the height of European ladies fashion was "Extreme Decolletage". The entire bust was often exposed and the dress started under the breasts with a corset to shape the waist. Another common style of this which started earlier and lasted far longer, involved a corset pushing up the bust as high as possible on the ribs (mounded look) but the corset ended below the nipple area.

Versions of this look were even in vogue at the old Fort Nisqually trading post into the 1800s, In their version the women often wore a shawl over their breasts (I do not blame them it is *COLD* and damp there most of the year)

* In some tribal groups all the women wear is a string around the waist and they would never go out without it on as then they would be naked.

NOW ---- About nude beaches

First and most important - Nude beaches - or nudist beaches - or clothing optional beaches (which is usually a more accurate description) are family "all age" beaches. They are not for 'swinging' or being an exhibitionist, although I expect there will always be people who go there to show off. Highly sexual actions at a nudist beach are NOT ON. It is not a place for people to get hot and heavy. So however you dress you must be discrete if you are there to have fun with one another.

SWINGERS beaches and resorts are the places for the other stuff (and occasionally certain pieces of specific nude beaches) are for people who just "want to be seen" naked, in an erotic situation or want to be picked up.

On most nude beaches there is very little tolerance for people there to be obviously sexual. People go to them to be unclad WITHOUT that meaning being attached - wearing what ever degree of clothing they feel comfortable with... old, young, toddlers and babies are all seen at them,...people of all shapes and sizes from the "gorilla hairy", the very fat and very thin; various degrees of waxed (or not at all)

Often it is people who just do not feel the destructive shame that is attached to nudity in this era. It was not always so...not even among the religious. "Mary of Orange" was a Puritan Queen and she wore the Extreme Decolletage style..and she was considered to be the most modest and religious lady of her time.

Nudity is just skin,. It has nothing to do with sex unless you WANT it to, or you are stuck with that fetish...(one that is currently being forced on people...ingrained on them from shortly after birth). Some people simply do not like the feel for cloth on their skin. Frankly with my medical problems modern poisonous dyes and synthetics are a real issue. They make me feel ill when they are on my skin full time, I spend most of every summer in the buff and feel much healthier for it (my liver detox pathways don't work that well).

Do overly sexual things on a nude beach and you can easily get the attention of the commonly available "old guard" who watch the place for safety whenever they are around and tend to be the ones who keep the places safe for families, and keep the cameras away from anyone who has not given permission. They are not shy about calling the cops on those with a sexual motive for being there.

That is not to say that people at nude beaches do not want to look good. Everybody likes to look nice. In fact, it is harder to do that nude than when clothed. Part of the whole nudist thing involves getting past the idea that nudity is about sex...realizing that real people have real bodies and some are very delightful looking on a visceral level (which is normal and good and wonderful) and others are older, or wrinkled, have scars from surgery, are more flabby ... and that is just fine. People come in all sizes. If they were on the beach to "parade" then they would DRESS...and wear something that helps them look more attractive...from a boring suit, or speedos, or a one piece, or a bikini or an extreme suit (sheer, just string)..which is also OK...but is done in order to BE NOTICED whereas nudity generally isn't. The nudist thing requires getting over your feeling of "being flawed" dropping your clothing and enjoying the freedom and lack of participation in the cloth fetish.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntON a public non-nude beach with families... tacky and rude...

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWHAT AN INSULT!!!!! I've been listening to hear you laughing in his face at this childish request.... but I guess we're too far apart for that.....

Don't sell your soul (never MIND your body) for ANY man....

Remember, men are like taxi cabs... if you wait in the right place(s) you'll find that another one will be along any minute now....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2012):

Honeypie agony auntHere in the US it would be considered tacky. Americans have such an odd relationship with the nude body.

Where I'm from we have nudist beaches, topless people in the park in summer and no one lifts an eyebrow. But that is EUROPE... In the US I can only suggest you find a Nudist beach and go all out.

Why not get something like this? It's sexy but so not tacky

http://www.zappos.com/body-glove-smoothies-sexylicious-love-bra-one-piece-black?zlfid=111&recoName=zap_zc2

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

I know you'd be doing this to please him, but since you're exposing yourself to everyone else too I don't think it's appropriate. I'd look for a nudist beach to do this. This, to me, is more than just doing what you're comfortable with; it affects other people too. They and their children did not come to the beach to see your private bits on display.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012):

No I dont think its OK if the beach you have in mind is a public beach with children running around. Acting out a sexual fetish in front of them would be very inappropriate. Try a nudist beach then no one needs to be offended.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (29 March 2012):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou can do this at a nudist beach but anywhere else, it would just look tacky and an attention drawing tactic . Plus, its not even right to expose yourself in this way in the presence of children. Keep your fantasies for the bedroom, the world need not be a witness to that. Its not in good taste.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2012):

Miamine agony auntHere also, we got people who dress like that and walk on the street. We do have nudist beaches and camps, but people can't find them and it's much too cold, we usually pop over to Europe when we want to walk nude.

Is it offensive. Yes, to the religious, to the shy, to parents of children, to some old people, and as Cindycare says it's offensive to anyone who cares about looking good in clothes. Most of the women who dress like this don't get looks of admiration, instead they are laughed at and pointed at and treated as a bit of a joke.

I seen women go out in Bikini's in the middle of winter, but they looked appropriate, due to it being New Year Party season. I seen women covered up on a beach and looking sexy. It really is a matter of how you do it, and what everyone else is doing.

But since your doing this only for you and the boyfriend, then ignore everyone else, and continue as you are. Your not trying to please the world, your only trying to please him. But as has been said before, both of you would be more comfortable on a dedicated nudist beach.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (29 March 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt I come from a place where ALL the beaches ,kids or no kids, overflow with topless girls and brazilian thongs, no big deal. But.. a see-through bathing suit ? Eeewww. People would get offended ... in their esthetic sense :) They would call the fashion police and have you put under house arrests,lol. Or they'd laugh you off the beach.Or probably would think you are an out of luck escort trying to drum up some business.

See, it's not how much skin you show ,it's HOW you show it,that makes it skanky or not.

Here, if you 'd show up at the beach with a bikini bottom not much bigger than dental floss, it would be OK, moms would not be covering up their little tykes' eyes. But if you'd show up, say, wearing a more covering burlesque outfit , with bustier and garter belts, yes people would find it inappropriate and vulgar. People do not want to be privy to your erotic fantasies and be shown your titillations down their throat.

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (29 March 2012):

Yes do it, but first get you bf a really tight swimsuit and enjoy watching him deal with his erection on the beach! :)

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

person12345 agony auntIf it's a nudist beach it's OK to be mostly naked. If it's not a nudist beach it's not appropriate to be essentially naked. It's true it's not as revealing as what you'd see at a nude beach in other countries, but you aren't in other countries, you are in the USA where nudity is not acceptable. Just because it should be doesn't mean it is. Also most people at nude beaches in other places aren't naked because of a sexual fantasy, it's because that's just normal to do.

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A male reader, xgod United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

xgod agony auntI would hope that you have everything in the right places and not too much in the wrong places.

Some older (more conservative) individuals may be offended. Parents of small children or teenage boys will most likely have some case of mild to extreme disgust at you showing off your goods.

You should consider keeping a backup swim suit that will hide the good parts - in case there are parents with kids (boys especially) because you could cause problems.

Otherwise, if you are well-proportioned, in great physical shape, and nice on the eyes, why not have some fun if it turns you on?

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

I agree with a nudist beach, not that you have to get nude because there are people that go there that aren't nude, but there will be just adults there that are going to be seeing people in the buff. Myself, I wouldn't be offended, but if I was there with my friends and saw a girl with a bit too much showing, we would probably laugh. But I think out of consideration for people that are there with their children, you shouldn't wear swimsuits like that.

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A male reader, Cole Turner Australia +, writes (29 March 2012):

Cole Turner agony auntGo for it! sounds like this gets you very excited as well as your man! don't be shy to show off! As long as it is not in an area with kids etc. then you will be fine! This could be just the excitement your relationship needs! :)

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2012):

Hugh.J agony auntI would be worried about getting sand on my tongue due to its hanging out so far......

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