A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would love some advice as am confused about the below situation with my girlfriend:She has a large family and when younger use to share her bed with her grandmother. As she grew older and family member left the house (therefore more space) she still stayed sleeping with grandmother. Currently there is a spare bed in the house which doesn't get used as she still sleep with granny?? She is now 26 years old and i find it very wierd. bordering on wrong?Worringly she couldn't see the oddness about the situation, only after i raised it. However she will still sleep with granma as she doesn't want to hurt her feelings?She says the situation is diffrent and they are close. I know nothing untoward happens, it just sounds odd to me, especially as there is space in a seperate bed in the house.Am i overreacting, does it just depend how you have been raised.I think she will stop sleeping in granny's bed this year but why so late in life?Hope i haven't rabbited on to much but just wanted to get your oppinion about this issue thats bothering me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Thanks for the responses... it helps put things straight in my head.I believe its a two-way thing as her granny is very clingy and controlling, (she doesn't like her being independant).I think this may have prohibited her growth. However recently she wants to move to a spare bed in the house but doesn't want to hurt grans feeling and i think is emotionally trapped by gran's demands.I'll do my best to help, but also let her make her own decisions and support her. I think this is the best way forward.From the responses i believe you all feel its not a major issue, just something that needs my help not condemnation.Still abit confused though....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): man i think the problem is really on u here! there is nothng wrng 2 share a bed with a family member! dude im a male and im 21 sometimes share a bed with my granma wen i visit her!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Well, Im 19 & stay over at my nans sometimes & I usually stay in her bed, mainly because its extremely comfy.
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 It could be a security thing. When she was younger she got to sleep with her grandma and it might have made her feel safe and comforted. Don't be so quick to rip that feeling away from her unless you are sure you could properly replace it.
Also, unless it is creating problems for her or her grandma, nothing is wrong. You didn't say that she gets separation anxiety or depressive if she does not get to sleep in the same bed as her grandma, so I have to say that it sounds like you are the one with the problem.
Many other cultures still share beds with family, and it's members aren't scathed or damaged by it. Just because western cultures don't often share beds doesn't mean it is wrong or distressing.
If she is ok with moving to her own room, then help her, but don't make her feel like she is doing anything wrong by staying close to her grandma.
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A
female
reader, shguy33 +, writes (4 May 2009):
well maybe she is that attached to her granny..be happy its not her grandad! lol!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (4 May 2009):
 She may have just got used to it and ot want to hurt her grandmas feelings so give her a break and deal with it!
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