| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 9 May 2012: I'm so happy for you, what manipulative user and loser..I look forward to you finding happiness with others. Take care!... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whats wrong, could I possibly be pregnant even though I'm on the needle?
Q. Uh, i have no clue how to put this. ill just try my best. Lately iv been feelings a bit weird. i feel like im going to vomit pretty much all day every day. I get full off like nothing pretty much, i pee millions of times. i havnt had sex sinc...
A. 30 October 2011: How long have you been on the needle? Maybe your body is still adjusting to it?... (read in full...)
Extreme loneliness. Can I please have your opinions, before I discuss it with my therapist? I tried but her reaction hurt me
Q. As much as I try to suppress the feelings of loneliness, it always comes back to haunt me when I like someone. I'm 19 years old and I am an at home carer. I suffer from frequent periods of low mood, I have what I believe to be social anxiety d...
A. 24 October 2011: I sympathize with what you're saying about the longer you stay out of the social scene the harder it gets to return to it, but I think what should help is just ACCEPTING you're going be awkward until you get back into the swing of things. If you ... (read in full...)
After patchup , do I own apology to my grilfriend?
Q. I think exactly 50 days back, I dumped my girlfriend who would yell at me like hell for small thing like why my room sounds like garbage with everything all over the place. Finally, I gave up and dumped her . We were together for 4 years and ...
A. 23 October 2011: I think the real problem is that she doesn't accept who you are. yes, she didn't scream at you for how you take care of your room this time, but I think the underlying problems are there (ie. her controlling nature, shown through her talking about ... (read in full...)
My fiance slapped me. Should I dump him?
Q. im engaged and my weve been together for 3 Years. Yesterday we got in a argument and i told him something that pissed him off and he slapped me in the face twice. He has a bad temper but that was overboard.at the moment i told him that i was done ...
A. 20 October 2011: Cool off, give yourself some time to think about what you really want and where this road could take you. If you got married, you have the rest of your lifetime with him, and if he hits you this soon into the relationship, this could be a sign of ... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so broody all the time? Has anyone else been through this?
Q. I'm just wondering why I'm feeling this way and if anyone else has been through this? I'm in my late 20s and have been living with my boyfriend for the past few months. We've been together for six years and have what I believe is a solid relation...
A. 18 October 2011: I would look into a job where you could feel fulfilled in this capacity, possibly teaching, or volunteering with big brother/big sister, even babysitting like the first aunt mentioned. i think if you have that niche filled a little bit you won't ... (read in full...)
Should we just split, or can this turbulent relationship be saved?
Q. Hi there apologies if this is a little long winded I just really need the help right now and thanks in advance for any help I do receive, it will mean a lot. I've been with my fiance for three years now and we have two children (19 months and 4...
A. 10 October 2011: can you move in with your mother? I don't think inherently that you two are a violent couple that could never work out but he NEEDS to understand that you need time to think through things that upset you and that his coming at you is creating a ... (read in full...)
My husband (who cheats) wants to go off his anti-depressants, and it is way too soon!
Q. I've got serious issues, and no one to talk to. I have a great family, wonderful friends, but I'm so afraid of judgment. And now the plot has thickened. I'm 25, he's 29. My husband and I have been together 6 years, married 2. He is a former...
A. 10 October 2011: i mean, you've told him you've felt it's too soon? if so and he doesn't care then i think this is him breaking your deal. You seem sweet and I don't want to judge you for your choices, but i'm more in light with the first poster.Considering that ... (read in full...)
Will my husband change after 10 years?
Q. hi we have married since 10yrs, my husband is not romantic he never said I love you,I don't no when will he change...
A. 9 October 2011: I think it depends on a couple of things. He might not know he's doing anything to your dissatisfaction if you haven't communicated these things with him. also, has he ever been affectionate, before you got married of example? if so, tell him what ... (read in full...)
My "best friend" (girl) walks around me naked, teases me, and then when I try to do something, she refuses sex saying it would ruin our friendship!!
Q. So this girl I met this year is like amazingly gorgeous, and she has been my supposed "best friend" for a couple months now, even tho ive never been in a platonic relationship. The thing is were both really attracted to each other and she "swears" ...
A. 9 October 2011: she doesn't like you. you two don't have a friendship. she likes manipulating you. she likes the power she has over you. she likes being a cocktease. lust can be egoboosting. I don't know who she's fooling, she IS a hoe, just cause one thing doesn't ... (read in full...)
Why am I so shy with my boyfriend?
Q. How come i am so shy with my new boyfriend?? idk why, we been dating for almost 3 weeks and i kissed him yesturday. Why did it take me so long. And why am i fine when i don't talk to my x but when i do its kinda like why did i dump him, and when i ...
A. 5 October 2011: q1-maybe you're just getting used to your new guy, and you really like him and you don't want to mess up?I think it's normal to be cautious, especially after what sounds like a recent break up.
q2- you say you're fine not talking to him and occa... (read in full...)
I was sick, b/f assumed we broke up and now he's glad!
Q. Hi I was sick for the past 1 week, so i couldnt pick up my bf's call and didnt inform him also. Before that we had a fight since he insulted me in front of his friends. Yesterday i got well and returned his call (he called me thrice in this...
A. 3 October 2011: if he cared and didn't hear from you in a week, I'd think he'd grow concerned. if he cared and thought you were breaking up, then he would have come over. he's an A-hole looking for an easy way out. ... (read in full...)
I thought having a boyfriend meant I didn't need friends!
Q. Hi all, I'm 27 and I have a really big problem with my mood. I didn't stay in contact with my school friends when I went to uni. I went to an inner city comp and most of them went on to get pregnant at a young age whereas I went on to become ...
A. 2 October 2011: I agree with the previous post, and I would also like to add that while you shouldn't pressure your current bf, if he is so close to his family, his family really should accept HIS choice to be with you, if not you immediately. I think that family ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified of the "L-O-V-E" word!
Q. Hello, I'm in high school and have a long-distance boyfriend in college, and to put it plainly I am terrified of the l-o-v-e word and I want to make sure this relationship is healthy for me. Sounds simple enough, but it's a big of a long story. ...
A. 2 October 2011: When you see him just tell him how happy you've been these past couple of months getting to know him better and getting close to him and how you've really appreciated (even if you haven't had a chance bc of the distance) how slow you two are taking ... (read in full...)
Am I going to end up in over my head in this relationship?
Q. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19, and although we're dating long distance and really like each other, what if it's too much for me to handle? He is my first boyfriend (sure I've had a few summer hookups and whatnot, but still) and he knows that. I al...
A. 2 October 2011: If you're long distance then logistically speaking it doesn't seem like sex is right around the corner. Plus, that he hasn't brought it up is probably also a sign that he doesn't expect it from you. But if he's a good guy he won't pressure you into ... (read in full...)
I am so jealous! I have the right to be, he's MY boyfriend!
Q. This girl writes on my boyfriend's wall everyday, with like ten posts of stuff to make him laugh because apparently he's depressed. I wouldn't know that because he never tells me anything anymore and is always talking to her. Some days he just ...
A. 28 September 2011: I would be concerned too, but I think you should focus on communicating with him. You say he's not telling you anything these days, including that he's depressed. I'd sit down with him and ask if he's happy with you two, and if he's having a hard ... (read in full...)
What do I write in my bf's first anniversary card?
Q. Hey, what do guys like to read in a first anniversary card? I'm looking for ideas of cool but not too mushy things to write in my bf's first anniversary card, please. Thanks :)...
A. 20 September 2011: maybe you make a list of all the fun things you've done together, what you like about him, why you're happy with him, and just say, I have had a great time this year, and I hope we'll have many more.
I'm not too great at these things myself!... (read in full...)
At 27 I've never had a boyfriend and I'm starting to worry about it!
Q. I am a 27 year old female and i have never had a boyfriend or been in love. For most of my life, I have justified it with the fact that I have not met the right person... and while that is partly true... I have also never been asked out by any guy. ...
A. 15 September 2011: I would ask your friends why they think this is as they know you and your demeanor better but I would guess it's because you're waiting for it to happen instead of actually making it happen for yourself. How are guys supposed to know you're looking ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too quiet in bed! Is this normal?
Q. My new boyfriend is so damn quiet in bed that I dont even know when he orgasms. This is becoming quite embaressing because I keep going and I dont realise that he has already come. There is no noise, no movement, no facial expression, no nothing. ...
A. 20 August 2011: I think you could ask him if he's getting close or tell him you think it's sexy to know when he's coming, maybe he thinks that's improper to talk about but it's not like you're telling him to talk dirty, you just want to know how his experience is ... (read in full...)
How do I fix this?
Q. My boyfriends family dont have that much money (well they didnt before but do now) and my family have been always been comfortable lets say. I am use to giving and receiving big gifts at birthdays. My boyfriend has a very good job and big savings so ...
A. 18 August 2011: There's a class cultural disconnect between you two, and you do not understand his values that he holds on to as someone who actually knows/appreciates the value of the dollar. I believe what you did was disrespectful to what he believes in and you ... (read in full...)
How do we fight more nicely?
Q. I need helpful advice on how to fight fair/nice. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and he's a great guy except when we fight (like all couples do) we don't fight nicely. We both have shorter tempers which results in us ...
A. 18 August 2011: You probably shouldn't have suggested these things during the fight, but maybe when he's more receptive to your needs, I would tell him that the fights may not bother him as much as they bother you, but that you've suggested counseling because you ... (read in full...)
Is this classed as 'fantasising about someone else'? I didn't mean to!
Q. Hello, so long story short two important girls in my life my gf and my best friend..so me and my gf were having sex the other day and im just keeping it cool trying to last longer for my girl.. and its working im doing good..the sex prolongs for ...
A. 18 August 2011: It was sort of an accident, that both you came and that you didn't know that you were going to be turned on anymore by the idea of your best friend. I kind of think of fantasizing about someone else intentional, and you didn't intend to, so as long ... (read in full...)
Did I destroy my friendship with a guy because of my curiosity?
Q. I've had this guy friend for a couple of years. I thought there could have been something there feelings-wise, but I never pursued it because I had a boyfriend. We were very financially reliant on one another, we went in on a kiddie pool endeavor, ...
A. 11 August 2011: well...I don't know if he even has a phone in cape verde, it's kind of remote?, but i get your point, thanks.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex became an emancipated minor....because of him...so wrong!!!
Q. I have an unhealthy obsession with something that happened in my boyfriend's past 15yrs ago! He was a Professional singer and moved around the country with work when he met his ex. He told me a story that she was 16 and had had an abusive child...
A. 9 August 2011: I think what's important is, were you the same person as you were 15 years ago? yes you're more adult than child at 25, you should know what's right and what's wrong, but if you believe that your children are not at any risk, that he loves you then ... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with him because he's big?
Q. I met this guy while on holiday, he is so charming and I like being with him. He has fallen in love with me and openly says so, I dont feel like I love him, so I dont lie about it. I gave him a blowjob and played with him, I really liked him, he ...
A. 9 August 2011: I think if you believe he is honest about having strong feelings for you, I would not do it because you're just going to hurt him because he's going to be more emotionally invested and you're just running an experiment. I do think two weeks is a ... (read in full...)
What can I use other than sex toys for masturbation?
Q. What things can I use to make me orgasm during masturbation. I don't have any sex toys since im too young....
A. 8 August 2011: for "vibrators" I've done the electric toothbrush but I think it could be dangerous, if you have those brush heads that twist side to side. I've been pinched by them and i'm scared they could do more if you don't watch out. There used to be a ... (read in full...)
I thought it was normal to masturbate?
Q. so the other day i was playing never have i ever with my friends. we are all 15 and we are like the more popular girls in school. a few have them have had sex and everyone else has been fingered. anyways someone said "never have i ever mastraba...
A. 13 July 2011: well, after doing some quick math, I'll say 15 was the age I started. I'm sure, given the uncomfortable giggles received, that at least someone in the group was just like you. It took me a while to get to that point because I felt like my hand was ... (read in full...)
Can I get herpes from being fingered?
Q. Yesterday I got fingered for the first time by my boyfriend and it hurt when we tried the first couple of times but then it was fine. He washed his hands before and after and his nails were cut so everything was clean.This morning though I was a ...
A. 10 July 2011: I'm pretty sure herpes doesn't show up overnight, and you already said you had that bump before hand, so it's really just your vagina adjusting to a stretch. What you're describing is normal,esp if you don't finger yourself ever, you're just swollen ... (read in full...)
G/f suddenly giving me cold shoulder and saing it would be easier to date someone of her own race
Q. dear cupid, my girlfriend spent the summer in colorado for an internship where she is having the time of her life which is awesome, but i never here from her anymore and any time i ask her what she did i get one word answers and just talks about...
A. 9 July 2011: You two are broken up. She doesn't care about you, you need to move on and stop contacting her. I don't really think it's appropriate for a girl to go to the movies at night with any guy other than her boyfriend, and that it's a boss makes it ... (read in full...)
I am very depressed over the way my calves look! Can ANYTHING be done with them?
Q. Even though this isn't a relationship question, please, please help me. This is bothering me so much that I am literally almost in tears as I write this. I hate my legs, so much that I have become depressed. I am cursed with the most freakishly ...
A. 5 July 2011: Knee boots will come and go out of style. don't base your self-worth on a fad. I don't mean to minimalize your feelings regarding your calves, but the way to make yourself beautiful is to embrace difference. Most guys don't want a barbie. Men don't ... (read in full...)
Threesome damage and I knew better!
Q. So, another 3some gone bad. I have history with 3somes' they ruined my first marriage. After I stopped them, he went on to have affairs. I learned my lesson and for 15 years didn't have another while in a relationship. I met my sweetheart almos...
A. 5 July 2011: I'm so sorry about this, it sounds like a nightmare.
1) dump him. I understand you weren't an innocent party but if he can't see the pain the actions caused you, then you have to get rid of him, I can't believe how selfish he was saying you ruin... (read in full...)
Should I ask my dad if I can stay for a while?
Q. Hi. I used to live with my dad up unti last year. I am 27 years old, and i have always lived with my family, partly because i haven't had enough money to move out, and partly because i haven't had the confidence or been independant enough to get my ...
A. 4 July 2011: Honestly, I think being dependent on family is not the way you get independent on family. you become independent by being independent. when i've lived on my own and come back to visit, I realize how coddled I was, but I fall into letting my family ... (read in full...)
She hasn't been reaching her "max climax" and it's starting to make me feel bad!
Q. So me and my gf talked about our previous sex lives. I was a virgin for our first time and she was not. She told me her previous boyfriend was able to make her reach her "max climax" most of the time they did it. For me she she said that im able to ...
A. 2 July 2011: I'm almost ten years older than you and maybe I'm out of the loop but you or your gf seem a little confused about...things. An orgasm=cumming=climax...in my opinion, a girl is lucky if a dude has the stamina and the patience/drive to want to have ... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 22 June 2011: May 2010? and your last "date" was a funeral? It's over I'm sorry. I don't know why he didn't end it like a man, but you need to start looking around for someone new. If he loved you he wouldn't notice the three hour drive. Hell, he'd move in with ... (read in full...)
Girl I am dating drives me crazy by calling everyone "honey", "darling" and "baby"!!
Q. this may sound stupid but i cant help it that it is driving me crazy. this girl i am dating for 5 months is really getting to me because she calls people she knows casually things like "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "love" and "darling"!! i'm ...
A. 22 June 2011: HONESTLY, I'm on your side, I'd find this a dealbreaker. I don't find perhaps ingenuine like you do, as much as condescending/demeaning. Whenever I meet someone and they use petnames, it is very likely I'll find it cringeworthy, unattractive, and ... (read in full...)
I'm a girl, and I like my friend(girl) but I don't know how to tell if she likes me back
Q. Ok, Im not too young, but im pretty young..... im about to go in high school (graduating on the 24th of June) but i think ive fallen for one of my female friends..... i never felt this way before! we just have so much in common: we both draw, were ...
A. 17 June 2011: at least if you made a move now and it didn't work, then you'd have the full summer to recuperate. I'd consider asking for a slow dance if you all have a graduation party, or ask her out to a movie and try to become more than friends.... (read in full...)
Should I let her know I'm not thrilled with her behavior? Or is "eyes wide shut" a better way?
Q. Hello, guys, There's a girl I really like. We've been dating for 2 months already, and she is 5 years older than me and seems to be very nice and intelligent. The first time we went out was at the #VERYFAMOUSROCKBAND# concert, we were both ve...
A. 16 June 2011: Glad to help! :)... (read in full...)
Should I let her know I'm not thrilled with her behavior? Or is "eyes wide shut" a better way?
Q. Hello, guys, There's a girl I really like. We've been dating for 2 months already, and she is 5 years older than me and seems to be very nice and intelligent. The first time we went out was at the #VERYFAMOUSROCKBAND# concert, we were both ve...
A. 13 June 2011: You definitely shouldn't ignore this part of her personality. That said, it sometimes takes a bit of time for people to allow their true personalities out in a relationship. I would mention it maybe indirectly, maybe point out a girl on the street ... (read in full...)
Are my friend and I out of line?
Q. Be grateful for the people who manage to trek through this! Since primary school, me and 4 friends have been in a close knit group. Me and my friend X were the closet, and A,B,C were the three best friends within the group. Now however, we are ...
A. 13 June 2011: Even though it sucks that you were second choice with C, this time in your lives SHOULD be about exploring what kind of people you like, who you want to be and be with. So her return, maybe it appeared fine to you all, but I would think would be ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by keeping my options closed!
Q. I met a guy at a party,had sex, we both thought it would be a one night stand, but we've been talking ever since..After 2weeks talking to this guy.. we talked about where we stand. He said we should keep our options closed and get to know eachother ...
A. 13 June 2011: Keeping options closed would usually mean you're dating exclusively, but if talking's going well why aren't you going on actual dates, his only explanation is that you're in the process? It seems to me that he wants you to be exclusive while he ... (read in full...)
Do I hold onto him just because I might have an issue with someone leaving me?
Q. I am 29 yrs old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years. He is 32, and since we met he has always lived with his mom. This year , he finally agreed that we should move in, after years of me trying to take our relationship to the next ...
A. 13 June 2011: I think that even though you're highlighting here a kind of negative or unhealthy history, it's history nonetheless that ties you to another human being, maybe it's the intensity of emotions and fights that make you feel like you can't just give up ... (read in full...)
My gf is ignoring my calls. What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend has changed to the extent that she didn't call for a while now. When I ring her phone she will remain silent on phone, deny my audience time without number. This is bothering my mind. What should i do?...
A. 12 June 2011: I would say for whatever reason you're broken up and she's too much of a coward to actually tell you, but why don't you go see her at her house to confirm?... (read in full...)
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