A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy at a party,had sex, we both thought it would be a one night stand, but we've been talking ever since..After 2weeks talking to this guy.. we talked about where we stand. He said we should keep our options closed and get to know eachother more. He said we are in the "process." He got mad at me one time and was just going to stop talking to me completely cus he thought I didn't keep my options closed. Like I'm confused! I feel like if I don't have a boyfriend, I'm free to talk to anybody I want. I feel like were are dating becus we do everything a couple does, but we are not official. I feel like he should ask me out and that's when we'll be commited.He even explained that.."To other ppl we are a couple, to us.. We are in the process" I don't get it..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers, they both make sense. We do go on dates, I guess in this case it is different because we slept together and then were now getting to know eachother and going on dates, I shouldn't rush anything I guess, but I know where I want us to stand, hopefully he does soon.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): It is way too soon to expect exclusivity and I agree that he is trying to monopolize your time and attention until he makes up his mind. This is unacceptable. Either you're official or you're not. Don't waste time with anything in between.
To be fair though, it is also way too soon to be sleeping with the man and you did that right after meeting him at a party. It's not unreasonable of him to imagine you might do the same with any other man you talk to. Knowing he hopped into bed with you so quickly how confident do you feel about him talking to other women?
If you hadn't already bedded him I'd suggest you make it clear to him that it's only exclusive when it's official. However in this case you'll have to word it carefully because I think he will assume you just want to remain free to sleep with other men. Be prepared to let this one go.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Keeping options closed would usually mean you're dating exclusively, but if talking's going well why aren't you going on actual dates, his only explanation is that you're in the process? It seems to me that he wants you to be exclusive while he figures out what to do with you because he saw something special there, and THEN he'll make a determination whether to date you, maybe you took him off guard and he doesn't want to screw it up with more sex. But this is disconcerting because I think at this point he should already know whether he wants to take you out. I'd consider telling him he won't hear from you unless he takes you out.
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