A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, another 3some gone bad. I have history with 3somes' they ruined my first marriage. After I stopped them, he went on to have affairs. I learned my lesson and for 15 years didn't have another while in a relationship. I met my sweetheart almost 10 months ago. It's my first relationship in about 3 years. I was honest with him, told him everything about me. He was great and understanding. Once in a while he brought up my history, and spoke of them being the things fantasies are made of, etc. Recently, he started speaking of them more and more. Saturday, he spoke of it in great detail non-stop. Literally all day. I gave him great detail why they are difficult to balance, and why I hadn't done it in ages. He continued to encourage me to try again, for him. Saturday night, I had a female co-worker over, I made it clear before she came over she was not someone I wanted to do anything with because I have to face her at work. So, we ate dinner, had some wine and started watching a movie. He started talking with her about his favorite porn sites (REALLY??)I made it clear to both of them, I'm not into porn, never have been. She pulls up the website on her phone, he went into his office and pulls it up on the computer and called both of us in. Two bottles of wine later, I allowed him and even helped instigate the situation - we moved into the bedroom. It quickly progressed...having drank a lot, I was leaving to go to the bathroom, a lot. I ended up being the third....Finally, I was sick, they continued their situation while I was sick...fast forward, I went to bed he in the middle she on the other side. He kept telling me he loved him, I couldn't answer him. Kept moving his hand off of me while he tried to snuggle - because she was snuggling HIM! She had too much to drink to drive home so she stayed. He woke up between the two of us, and asked me to take care of his..."problem" I told him I'd be sick again, but I was helping him. Next thing I know she was also, and his hand was on her, I realized this, he then asked me if that was ok, I told him it didn't really matter since he was already doing so. I got angry and left the room. He followed me out, asked me what was wrong - he already knew. But he acted like I was the one in the wrong. He went back into her, where she took care of him. :( It was awful. The next day, I tried to tell him I felt it wasn't really a 3some when I wasn't in the room - that he didn't respect me by continuing with me not in the room. He told me I ruined his fantasy. He told me I'm an angry drunk and he doesn't like angry drunks...it was horrible. I feel just terrible...I did not want this in the first place, I made that clear. It happened because it was what he wanted...I know, from the examples I gave him, I know he knew what NOT to do,..and he did it and I'm crushed. :( I don't know how to move past this nor do I understand how I became the bad guy.
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affair, at work, co-worker, crush, drunk, moved in, porn, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): It is the high time should we re-look on how much of sexulaization we want to have it in society. 3-some never worked for any one.
A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 You poor broken hearted baby... He behaved like such a bastard. To continue with it AFTER you had left must have been indescribably painful for you to have had to sit through and suffer. My heart goes out to you at having been treated so harshly. As for your work colleague, she's a real B****. She would have picked up on the vibes and knew what you were feeling. I know with alcohol, things can get out of hand, but the fact that you were sick and vomiting and they were going for it is just abuse. DISGUSTING behaviour on both of THEIR parts. She deserves a good serve for muscling in on your partner. Please take care, I know that it must have been hard for you to let someone in after being single for 3 years... And having to face him with your children involved is so hard for you. Please be brave and strong you beautiful soul. Sammy x
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A
male
reader, Flashtony  +, writes (5 July 2011):
drop him, start again, I will be hard I know but b grateful that you learned about him now rather than in 5 years time. he cheated on you and is trying to make it your fault, it's despicable. this was not about consenting adults.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I think this guy had already laid down his plans for you long before you moved in. But saying that. If you didn't want anything to happen, i am a bit puzzled that YOU invited a woman over, got drunk with her and your partner and then got into bed with them. Couldn't your co worker have slept on the sofa if she was too drunk to leave? She was your guest, so couldn't you have called her a cab and ended the evening when you saw the way things were going with the porn and drink? I really don't get why you even invited her over if you weren't interested in doing anything, unless it was due to pressure from your partner. In which case, you sort of knew how the evening would go down. You say you already talked to her about threesomes and said you didn't want one. How did THAT conversation even get started!? When i invite people over for dinner, i don't start by explaining i don't want a threesome! So i assume it was his idea and you knew what he had planned.
This guy sounds like a complete manipulator and he is taking advantage of you. You have only lived with him for a few weeks and he has already bamboozled you into a threesome and called you an 'angry drunk'! If i were you i would repack your belongings, gather up your children and dump him quick before things get worse. In future, try not to tell you're next partner about your past. It is your past, your private business and should really stay that way. Otherwise you will leave yourself wide open to the same type of thing happening again if you are unlucky enough to find yourself with another guy who is an emotional abuser.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I really don’t understand why people need this threesome thing to ruin their relationship. I am sorry about what you went through but why again? you should not tell everything! He is very selfish person ,he knew how you suffered about it in the past and he asked for it because he knew you have done it and he can take an advantage from you to force you to do it again! You should learn something about all that has happened: 1- sometimes is better to keep some stuff to yourself and do not tell them 2- You know your boy friend now, a selfish person that did not respect you, if he had one epsilon of class and consideration he shouldn’t ask you to do that! I think just move on, forget about everything, star again and keep all that has happened JUST TO YOURSELF. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease allow me to clarify; I told him of what had happened in my first marriage because I wanted to be completely honest with him - he's in law enforcement - I felt the need to be the one to tell him rather than someone else. I'm a genuine person, honest to the core. And did not tell him in a "Hey, I'm cool" way, I told him so there would be nothing between us. He is the first person I've allowed myself to have a relationship in 3 years...obviously I feel quite like a fool.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy children and I moved into his house about 2 months ago. The children were all away this weekend. We were supposed to be moving around furniture all weekend. The situation unfolded, and I take the responsibility for my part in it. I just ache, that now we live here I feel almost stuck. I am a single parent with four children. I though he was my own personal Mr. Incredible, he didn't kiss me until the fourth date. We weren't even intimate for a while either...this situation is making me question everything. He received a card and gift certificate from an x-girlfriend for Fathers Day, and acted like I was the one out of line because she was a nice person to have thought of him. This situation has me re-thinking EVERYTHING.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Your boyfriend just cheated on you.
Doesn't matter if the three of you got out of hand the night before, when he continued with the other woman after you left and clearly expressed your opinion about the situation, he betrayed and cheated on you.
You have an unfaithful boyfriend who respects you so little that he just cheated on you...in your bed...with you in the next room.
What are you going to do about it?
I suggest you drop him. You are his plaything. He didn't care that your sexual history traumatized you before. He just wanted it for himself and pushed you.
He is no man.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I'm so sorry about this, it sounds like a nightmare.
1) dump him. I understand you weren't an innocent party but if he can't see the pain the actions caused you, then you have to get rid of him, I can't believe how selfish he was saying you ruined his fantasy and that HE CONTINUED without your presence. he just wanted an excuse to try more women, he's not going to commit for the longhaul. leave leave leave.
2) if i were you i would NEVER even tell another guy that you've done a threesome. Just by saying you've been open, you're opening up a door that you are vulnerable to and have trouble closing. It makes sense you want to please your partner, you dont' want to look boring or prudish, but I think it's better to have a white lie on this, say you never have and never will have a threesome and your partner must respect this boundary. tell him it's a dealbreaker early, early on, so you hopefully weed out the same guys.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Wow - He utterly and completely disrespected you. My heart is out to you. Dump him, and don't look back.
I mean, you did sort of put yourself in the situation, but he clearly was pressuring you and disrespecting your wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Well if you had a horrible experience with it before, you shouldn't have done it in the first place. Even though you were trying to please him you should've put yourself first and said no to this. The only possible reason a man would want a 3some is to be able to have his cake and eat it too. 3somes lead to cheating and that's inevitable. Talk to him again about it and if he can't see it from your point of view then you two should never do things like this again.You need to think about if your relationship is good enough to not let it be ruined by this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant, to say, he kept telling me he loved me....sorry. I was typing without proofing.
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