| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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BF is a financial burden We are to be married. It's really getting me down. Please advise.
Q. Hi all, I'm in bed today feeling pretty down. I'm in my 20's, engaged and feeling very stressed right now. I'm a medical professional, just decided to change employers from a stable community hospital to a prestigious teaching institution. ...
A. 16 April 2011: What he's doing to help out (dinner, etc) is still not enough because he can afford to do more but chooses not to. that 500/mo should not be saved for the marriage, it should be used now to lighten your load. it seems obvious that you two need the ... (read in full...)
We're doing all the work. Should we break up with our boyfriends?
Q. Hello so i have this new boyfriend i really want to make the new relationship work but i feel like im making all the effort. My best friend is with one of his friends so for the school holidays we have been spending time with them the first da...
A. 15 April 2011: I meant to say that you shouldn't even like send them something saying it's over because I have a feeling they don't even consider the kiss having 'begun' anything..... (read in full...)
We're doing all the work. Should we break up with our boyfriends?
Q. Hello so i have this new boyfriend i really want to make the new relationship work but i feel like im making all the effort. My best friend is with one of his friends so for the school holidays we have been spending time with them the first da...
A. 15 April 2011: I think "boyfriends" is a little too serious of a term for what they consider themselves. they're messing around with you, and they're waiting to see how long it will take before you wise up. Move on with dignity, I'm sorry they sound terrible, but ... (read in full...)
Sister is having a party when my parents go away. She asked me if I wanted to drink too. Please advise.
Q. Hey guys this isn't about relationships but this is now the only place I can get advice. My parents are going away for the weekend and my older sister is having people over. They are all gunna bring alcohol and some will bring fags. My sister asked ...
A. 15 April 2011: I'd like to offer a different theory. Drunk does not have to be blackout vomit/stomach pumping drunk. You can be tipsy and still be in control.
It honestly sounds like you don't want to drink. If that's the case, you shouldn't be pressured by your... (read in full...)
Is it okay to be smooth with women when your committed to your lover?
Q. What level off flirting is acceptable? Is it acceptable to flirt when you are in a fully committed relationship? I ask this question because i have no intention of cheating or getting with anyone other than the one i love. However saying that ...
A. 15 April 2011: I don't even find light flirting okay! I don't think you should even have an interest to portray yourself as smooth with the ladies because you are unavailable!! I mean, to me that shows that your partner is not really satisfying you and you're ... (read in full...)
BF is a financial burden We are to be married. It's really getting me down. Please advise.
Q. Hi all, I'm in bed today feeling pretty down. I'm in my 20's, engaged and feeling very stressed right now. I'm a medical professional, just decided to change employers from a stable community hospital to a prestigious teaching institution. ...
A. 15 April 2011: HOLD UP. He HAS the money, almost 6 figures, in his twenties. it's just that he's not spending it, pretending he's poor, making himself into a victim. It's UNFORTUNATE that he has to dip into his savings, but it's MORE unfortunate that he's making ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me. I thought I was just trying to make her feel appreciated. What do I do now?
Q. Dear Cupid, At first, sorry for long message. I was with a girl for a couple of months, however we knew each for a long time. I messed up.. even tough i wanted to behave good, deep inside myself I am probably very self-centered. Whenever i w...
A. 14 April 2011: Blonde30s basically said it all-she's mad because she probably wants to move on and you're holding her back from doing this. She broke up with you for a reason, and for you to disregard those reasons and do boyfriend-like things (send flowers, a ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my bofriend the truth and say I can't move in with him yet and risk upsetting him, or do I tell my parents I'm moving out in 5 days and risk upsetting them?
Q. I am in a really big mess at the moment and need help getting out if it! My boyfriend asked me to move in with him a few weeks ago, I said yes and I am really looking forward to living with him but I haven't told my parents yet because they are ...
A. 13 April 2011: yes, you waited a little too long, you sound like a sensitive person that didn't want to rock the boat/ cause drama, wanted it to work out without anyone opposing or stressing you out about it. Do you feel 100% confident in moving in with him? If ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my bofriend the truth and say I can't move in with him yet and risk upsetting him, or do I tell my parents I'm moving out in 5 days and risk upsetting them?
Q. I am in a really big mess at the moment and need help getting out if it! My boyfriend asked me to move in with him a few weeks ago, I said yes and I am really looking forward to living with him but I haven't told my parents yet because they are ...
A. 13 April 2011: I think you should tell your bf first that you haven't told your parents, and you need his emotional support on this, you are...nervous of their reaction, and you have a feeling not because of him but just because of their tendencies, they're going ... (read in full...)
I told fiance I was going to miss being with her while away and she started to cry. What did I do wrong?
Q. I am a 28 year old guy. My fiance is 24. We are separated for a few days as I had to go on a work related trip (in my hotel room now) and she could not come with me because of her own responsibilities. When we were in bed the other night, I told ...
A. 12 April 2011: Maybe she's just gonna miss you too, you can ask her if you hurt her feelings, I guess the worst case is that she felt like you guilttripped her, but I doubt that'll be her response.... (read in full...)
What do you think of this guy? How do we go back to having original, striking conversations?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been on four dates with this one guy. He is a gentleman, makes me laugh uncontrollably and I am attracted to him. On our first date,we had a nice conversation,about the concentration camps in Germany, other political matters...
A. 12 April 2011: 1) some people are just awkward on the phone. My bf and I never interact as naturally on the phone as we do in person.
you say two times per two weeks, but you spent both saturday and sunday together, even if the saturday meeting was in rela... (read in full...)
What do you think of this guy? How do we go back to having original, striking conversations?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been on four dates with this one guy. He is a gentleman, makes me laugh uncontrollably and I am attracted to him. On our first date,we had a nice conversation,about the concentration camps in Germany, other political matters...
A. 12 April 2011: how long have you two been dating? at least half of your dates were this weekend. There are a couple of possibilities:
1) he's just awkward on the phone, don't read too much into it
2) you're meeting TOO much so there's not much to say, if you saw ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with beauty way too much...When will I be happy?
Q. I am a 19 year old girl and a girl who can never be happy. .. I was a girl who got bullied since I was K2.. all the way until I was 15 years old. I used to be a girl where no one will say hi to me because I look "anti-social".. I was tan,geeky an...
A. 11 April 2011: The problem I think you're starting to recognize is that beauty will not make you happy. In a way, beauty is unattainable for every woman because new products and advertisements keep coming out to tell us that we don't have it all, and once we have ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to contact his mother? I haven't heard from her since.
Q. was i wrong for contacting his mum? in a LDR and ive met his mother and mailed her on facebook a couple of times. my boyfriend has recently got a severe case of depression and last night I have never been so terrified, i made myself physica...
A. 11 April 2011: I think you did the right thing, she sounded concerned when you mentioned it, and you were right to bring it up to her. As the mother of your bf, though, her alliance is always going to be to her son, so if he says nothing is wrong, or that you're ... (read in full...)
Is she acting entitled?
Q. ok gang, so here it is. its a little long, i know but it reads fast! :) this girl and i have been on rough terms for the past few months. i kept gettin more and more upset with her because i felt she took me for granted. we are not dating or an...
A. 10 April 2011: yea she wasn't really budging on things for you; it could be just a coincidence that yes she is busy in getting ready to leave the area, but I do think it shows a lack of consideration that she didn't even UNDERSTAND that that it was inconvenient ... (read in full...)
How do I reconcile our relationship and not be overwhelming?
Q. Last year, me and my best friend/guy I dated had an argument about our situation and we went our different ways. We were long distance and had work/studies at the time Only recently, he got in touch with me saying that he wanted to apologise for...
A. 10 April 2011: do you or he have any examples of how you were overwhelming? i tend to think this might be a case of incompatibility or undercommitment on his end, so I wanted to hear some examples.
two small tips until we hear back from you:
- if you ARE goin... (read in full...)
He says he loves me and then laughs. Is he into me or just messing about?
Q. I know I asked a similar question a few months ago but, since then, things haven't changed a whole lot with this guy I really like. I recently turned 18 and I am almost certain that I am gay. I am not out of the closet yet. If I ever do come out ...
A. 10 April 2011: Oh I'd also like to note that just because he knows who jenna jameson is, or whichever pornstar doesn't mean much, I mean, you were aware of them too, so take that with a grain of salt, people can explore hetero and homosexual porns without ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me and then laughs. Is he into me or just messing about?
Q. I know I asked a similar question a few months ago but, since then, things haven't changed a whole lot with this guy I really like. I recently turned 18 and I am almost certain that I am gay. I am not out of the closet yet. If I ever do come out ...
A. 10 April 2011: This is a little tough, because you're in a team setting where homosexual behavior is to an extent accepted (the ass slapping as you mention) but I DO think he's crossed the line from making homophobic jokes or suggestive jokes into an interest in ... (read in full...)
They tell me I should like boys, but I don't How do I tell them I don't want to go to the dance without hurting their feelings?
Q. Ermm, hi, kay, here's the problem. My best friend, el, told me that at this age we 're supposed to like boys. But, I still sort of hate them. I mean, is it even normal to like boys. I've not even had my first crush or anything like that. Then, our ...
A. 10 April 2011: "El" is being stupid. If you're not ready or unwilling to hang out with boys, that is your choice. At some point in your life, you either will be ready or you won't be interested. Not everyone is El, and you might feel you have better things to do. ... (read in full...)
Does my ex have amnesia? Or has he been playing me?
Q. I'm just really confused right now. Here's the thing, my ex-bf of 7 months broke up with me through email 2 years ago since we have had a long-distance relationship, he told me he faded his feelings for me but wanted to stay friends even after the ...
A. 9 April 2011: in this day and age, remembering numbers not in address books are hard for us, so I wouldn't hold it against him. there is the possibility, if he still has that gf you mentioned, that it was actually her asking who it was. either way, it seems ... (read in full...)
Warcraft relationship. Is it just distance that keeps us apart or do I have other issues to consider?
Q. I know a lot of people would laugh but I figured this was a good place to ask about my problem. I met a guy while playing World of Warcraft about 7 months ago. We are in the same guild. We started talking, I mean REALLY started talking, and I deve...
A. 9 April 2011: Have you asked him how he feels with you visiting? I think it's a good idea so that he sees what kind of person you are face-to-face, and whether there's anything there.... (read in full...)
We fought over housecleaning and he walked out. How do I make him understand?
Q. Ok, living with my boyfriend is killing me! Lately we have been arguing because he doesn't clean up after himself. I do all the cleaning and I don't mind seen as I don't work as much as him but the guy does nothing and when he eventually does ...
A. 8 April 2011: have you tried not doing anything, and just let it go for like...a month or two? maybe there's a breaking point for him too, and you're enabling him by his inability to see how really bad it gets. I'm not sure if this is a solution, it's s... (read in full...)
I am dating my supervisor. We are discrete. Should I stay at this job or move to another?
Q. Hello, I am in a weird situation here. I work as a nurse aide and my supervisor and I have been seeing each other for two weeks now. He is so sweet to me. He always tells me how pretty I am and brings me flowers. When we are at work we keep it ...
A. 8 April 2011: I am under the impression that nurses are easily transferrable to other hospitals, hospitals are always shortstaffed. If this is the case for nurse's aides, I would look into transferring because of the tensions it could bring up. ... (read in full...)
How do I trust this moody man?
Q. How to trust him???? I love him soooooo much but his mood keeps on fluctuating although he is very loving but angry at d same time. i want to make him happy. i want to guess his nature we mostly talk on text and meet each other after 15 days i d...
A. 8 April 2011: If he lives in the same town as you, 15 days at a time is way too long of an in-between period to be considered a relationship. Personally, I have a hard time with hot and cold people, who are nice one day and mean the next. who needs such ... (read in full...)
Should I try to make her see that he is no good, or should I let her make he own mistakes?
Q. DearCupid.org, Okay, so my best friend keeps telling me over and over again that she thinks this one guy in our school is really hot. I don't think he's ugly but the problem is that he's a really big pervert. When I tried telling her this, she ju...
A. 8 April 2011: Been here. After a certain point of warning your friend and her disregarding your warnings, you have to step back and possibly be ready to pick up the pieces. There is a point where she knows where you stand on it, and if you push more on it, ... (read in full...)
Is it that he doesn't want to commit, or is he trying to protect me in case he doesn't make it back home?
Q. Me and my guy friend have been seeing one another, we didn't have a verbal commitment but more of an unspoken one bc he just went away to war. With that being said, one morning I was laying on his chest and asked him if he wanted a life with me ...
A. 8 April 2011: sounds to me like he doesn't want commitment, just wanted some fun before he goes away. 'anything is possible' is a far cry from any expression of 'i want this' and i don't think it's wise for you to assume he said it to protect you. i'd play the ... (read in full...)
Girls, thoughts on chewing tobacco?
Q. Quick question for the girls on here. How much would it bother you if your guy dipped. By dip i mean used chewing tobacco. Enough to leave him or view him differently? What if you have been with him a while and you barely find out hes been dipping?...
A. 7 April 2011: I guess I'm the only one that has stayed with a dipping boyfriend. I am grossed out by it, and warn him about the health aspects of it, but at the end of the day, don't judge him and love him any less. It is a habit that he himself is ashamed of so ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend in service will be away for 7 months and I need ways to cope
Q. Hey All, I know Dear Cuprid isn't necessarily for this type of question but I honestly don't know where else to turn. Many of my questions have been answered from people who genuinely seem to care and I'm hoping it's the same case with this o...
A. 7 April 2011: I have had to cope through two of my bf's deployments so I know a little bit what it's like.
The thing you said about strength is very important. If you are the only one you know with a bf in the marines, it is hard for anyone to completely unde... (read in full...)
Stepmom instigated Dad and older brother to beat up my BF.
Q. me + my bf(15) have been dating 4, 5 months (the only thing we do is kiss cus we decided 2 wait.) my step-mom hates me so last nite we were sitting their watching t.v. (my step mom was home the whole time) so she told my dad + big bro he was "on top ...
A. 6 April 2011: Considering your age, you still have at least 3 years of living with your parents, and not ultimately forgiving them will make your home an even more hostile environment by hating them. This isn't to say that the situation shouldn't be addressed: ... (read in full...)
He likes me only as a friend, has a g/f but I can't get him out of my head
Q. I really like this boy at school we've been friends for ages but a couple of months ago I started to like him more than a friend. I spoke to my girls about it and they said that I should tell him because if I didnt I would regret it incase he felt ...
A. 6 April 2011: I think it's one of those things where you won't be able to move on unless you end the friendship. It's too hard when more-than-friends feelings are involved with friends, you can never heal, and you settle for second best knowing that there will ... (read in full...)
I should be on top of the world, but I'm too scared something will go wrong. Please help.
Q. Before I explain, I will state that I have been diagnosed with depressive anxiety and I do have cognitive behavioral therapy which probably goes a long way to understand my problem. But right now I should be so happy and all I feel is sick and ...
A. 3 April 2011: You have a choice: accept that it's over before it begins, or accept and enjoy it as it develops. If you doubt every step of the way in your relationship, you will be your own worst enemy. There's always that chance that it might not work out, but ... (read in full...)
Caught my dad in bed with my friend. Please advise.
Q. My Mum and Dad are still married but I found my Dad in bed with my friend. My dad is 62 and my friend is 26, they don't know that I saw them. Should I tell them and my Mum?...
A. 2 April 2011: I would consider at least confronting your father and 'friend'...... (read in full...)
I keep drifting from my LDR. Any advice?
Q. Hey there, I would be grateful for any help regarding my issue. I'm involved with a man whom lives long distance from me. Due to the distance, we rely heavily on technology to communicate with each other. However, this has become somewhat restric...
A. 2 April 2011: I've been exactly where you are. The burden needs to be shared by both of you, and when you realize you're taking on more than he is, or that at least it's WEARING on you more, then yes, you have to readjust by letting him know what's going on. I ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about taking our relationship to the next level because I've never had an orgasm.
Q. Hi guys, okay well me and my fella have been goin out not for about 8/9 week casually, dates, few kisses, he stays over at mine and i stay at his, but no sexual contact whats so ever, we've been taking things slow, which i think is real nice, he ...
A. 2 April 2011: If you premise sex with the fact that you haven't had an orgasm (probably NOT mentioning the whole 10 partner thing in your factoid), I think a lot of guys will consider that a challenge they're willing to undertake, especially a male with so much ... (read in full...)
I keep drifting from my LDR. Any advice?
Q. Hey there, I would be grateful for any help regarding my issue. I'm involved with a man whom lives long distance from me. Due to the distance, we rely heavily on technology to communicate with each other. However, this has become somewhat restric...
A. 2 April 2011: I strongly believe it's natural to become emotionally distant from someone you have physical distance from. I have been there for 5 yr. There is no hard and fast answer. My guy was also more forward, expressive while I withdrew. Distance hurts, and ... (read in full...)
My friend says she is too old to be on the Contraceptive Pill. When does a woman stop needing to take it?
Q. One of my friends from work is 26 and she told me today that shes no longer on the pill. I was like wtf why not, cuz she doesnt have a bf but she does have booty calls or one nights stands etc (i dont judge). And she said cuz she went to the doct...
A. 2 April 2011: Unless your friend is postmenopausal she will still be able to get pregnant if she doesn't use protection. The longer one is on the pill, chances of getting cancer are higher? but I don't think a doctor can refuse you for this reason if pills are ... (read in full...)
Does this mean love?
Q. if you're kissing a boy and you put your hands down his pants and start to masturbate him, and he starts to breathe really hard and heavy and put his head on my shoulder, what does this mean? and can a boy be in love with a girl but not tell any...
A. 2 April 2011: The heavy breathing is just what comes with sexual activity. You shouldn't read any kind of romantic feeling into it. That he still looks at you sort of shows that he's still interested, but he's MORE interested in doing what his friends want him to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend scares me when he drinks
Q. I have been with my bf for almost 2 years, and everything is wonderful. We are both very social and every weekend we used to clubbing and drink with his friend etc. However, in the past 2-3 months when we went out he would drink the same amount and ...
A. 1 April 2011: You have to understand that even though you're young, you want to have fun with him via going out and drinking, he really doesn't have that luxury, he has a problem. I would encourage him to get help if you care for his health and wellbeing... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable...do you think he'll call me back?
Q. My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable at the best of times - and even when I ask him things he can never give me a straight answer! - Anyway, the other day I text suggesting we don't see each other again if he can't make more sense to me - and he ...
A. 30 March 2011: dude even if he resists this break up, you should want more commitment from him, and I would do it anyway. another word for his unreliability in this relationship is laziness.... (read in full...)
No one knows how unhappy I am. I'd appreciate some advice.
Q. I have been feeling very lonely and upset lately. I have a boyfriend of 6 years and everything is fine with him, but in the last while I have become really self conscious about how I look and I feel really awkward around people. I think that people ...
A. 30 March 2011: I disagree with Thornbirds because it sounds like you have been positive, happy on the outside. why do you feel like you have to put up this front, especially in front of your boyfriend or your family? admitting your struggling is not an admission ... (read in full...)
His photography is creeping me out
Q. My boyfriend recently took some pictures of my teenage daughter and her friends in a running race. However for the last couple of weeks I have noticed that most evenings he continually goes back to these pictures for hours retouching them in photo...
A. 30 March 2011: I agree with the other aunts. tell him you're fine if he plays with photoshop on nature pictures, or stills of the town, etc. but little girls, gets a little shady. I wouldn't want that kind of person in my house with access to my girl. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave him, but he does drugs and it really worries me.
Q. Hi everyone I am really really looking some help. I am 22 years old and i live with my partner of 7 years who is 24 years old. During the working week he is lovely but at the weekend he takes drugs (goes out on a friday and returns home on the ...
A. 28 March 2011: Would you say that he uses recreationally or he is an addict? I would think recreationally if he can handle himself during the week okay. If that's the case, I think it's worth issuing an ultimatum, because he can make a choice of his own fre will, ... (read in full...)
My sister babysits a boy who knows things that freak me out.
Q. Hello readers, so this is just a bizarre story that I'd just like some other opinions on. It has nothing to do with love etc. I'm just creeped out. Anyways, my older sister happened to be babysitting this 8 year old boy (which she's been doing for ...
A. 27 March 2011: a couple of theories:
your sister is making a practical joke on you because you're gullible
it was just a coincidence/accident, which can happen with common names, forgetting babysitters names is easy to do..
maybe she had been talking abou... (read in full...)
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