| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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My gf is ignoring my calls. What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend has changed to the extent that she didn't call for a while now. When I ring her phone she will remain silent on phone, deny my audience time without number. This is bothering my mind. What should i do?...
A. 12 June 2011: I would say for whatever reason you're broken up and she's too much of a coward to actually tell you, but why don't you go see her at her house to confirm?... (read in full...)
BF possibly not sexually attracted to me, Can it work?
Q. BF not sexually attracted to me. Can it work? I have just been thinking. There are so many things I love about my BF and we get along really well. I know we have had a few issues in the past but we have sorted through these all. We have tal...
A. 5 June 2011: he's not going to suddenly know the ropes and do what you like if he doesn't know these are necessary things for your fulfillment. Has he ever made you orgasm? Has he ever performed oral? You talk all the time, do you talk really about why he's not ... (read in full...)
We dated for 9 months and only had sex 5 times. What is going on?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me after going out for 9 months. I thought we had a great relationship going, but there was always tension when it came to sex. He never seemed to be interested in it at all. we were 7 months into the relationship before ...
A. 5 June 2011: Are you sure he's straight? it's very suspecious to me that he'd put a show of affection only in public... ... (read in full...)
110 guys before me??
Q. how do i deal with the fact that my wife has been with 110 guys beffore me 107 all f buddys or one nighr stands and i know knew 20 of them? i feel like a fool. one guy did her in a bathroom at a party and never spoke to her.....
A. 5 June 2011: I understand that you feel humiliated that there is an extensive network of people who have sexual knowledge of your wife, but you should consider some of the suggestions we've laid out here.so people have 'been there and done that' but she has ... (read in full...)
My period is late, but I've never had sex before. What is going on??
Q. Alright. I'm 18 and a virgin but I haven't had a period in over 2 months. I'm not sure what's going on and I'm really afraid. I called my mom and asked her about it but she was no help as usual. I know I can't be pregnant because as I said... I'm a ...
A. 1 June 2011: don't worry. At your age, your periods are more likely to be a little irregular. Your panic makes it seem as though you've always been pretty regular, which makes me think that this change is unusual. These things can be due to stress, drastic ... (read in full...)
110 guys before me??
Q. how do i deal with the fact that my wife has been with 110 guys beffore me 107 all f buddys or one nighr stands and i know knew 20 of them? i feel like a fool. one guy did her in a bathroom at a party and never spoke to her.....
A. 30 May 2011: That's pretty appalling...but do you love her? do you want her in your life? does she regret the past or show any indication that she ever wants to go down that road again? it's important you focus on the present and the future, because you can't ... (read in full...)
I know he doesn't mean to but boyfriend keeps hurting me. I'm really unhappy in this relationship
Q. My boyfriend is in the middle of his final exams, and he needs to do better than usual to get the minimum results for the masters he wants. He tells me every day how my support is the only thing keeping him going and that I'm the only support he ...
A. 18 May 2011: If I were you I would wait so I wouldn't jeopardize my partner's future. Maybe you can just tell him you want to give him space so he can concentrate on school, and so you can sort of distance yourself from him before breaking up. exams shouldn't be ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 18 May 2011: that might not necessarily be the case, don't be so hard on what you two had. sometimes people run into new relationships to escape the sting of breakups and the loneliness being single can bring. She's not necessarily better off jumping into ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 18 May 2011: that is completely the right thing to do. do what you can to recover so that you can GET back to that friendship level, if possible; otherwise both of you will be in pain.... (read in full...)
She says all I want is sex!
Q. hi. My fiance makes me feel like im a sex pest. Since we have been together i am the one who always comes on to her. She never ever comes on to me not in the 5 years we have been together. She says all i want is sex. Yes i have a high sex drive but ...
A. 16 May 2011: This is clearly not the case if you've waited 8 weeks without mention of sex. something else is going on here, either she is uncomfortable with her own sexuality (that is, being a sexual person) or you really need to focus more on what feels good to ... (read in full...)
I don't like the way my friend acts now that she has a boyfriend. It's like they're bullying me! Any advice?
Q. I posted this question before but didn't get any replies :/ probably because I posted it quite late at night, anyway.. Me and my friend have known each other for around 6 years, she always used to joke around and was always up for a laugh. ...
A. 16 May 2011: Even though they've been going out for several months now, your friend probably thinks she still has to prove herself and continue to look cool in front of her bf. What apparently is cool to the bf is making fun of her friends. It's also obvious she ... (read in full...)
Hygenic to go back and forth between 2 places?
Q. I have a fantasy about having half anal sex and half vginal sex as in in and out of one for a bit then in the next hole, but is that hygienic!?...
A. 16 May 2011: agree with all the responses above, maybe your partner can do vaginal but use his fingers for anal.... (read in full...)
Why is my friend always embarassing me?
Q. Your Open Question: Why does my friend do this? am really upset:(? ? ? Am really upset, last week I went to a prayer meeting with the youth at my church and after the service my cousin's boyfriend gave me a lift home and in the car there were 3gu...
A. 15 May 2011: The clevage incident could have been her own insecurities about the possibility of you getting male attention and her warping that into you looking trashy.
I don't think she's much of a friend, not because she didn't think to let you know about your... (read in full...)
Should I complain about my treatment in the store?
Q. Hey guys. This is not a relationship question, but more a question for your view point. Im 18 years of age, and suffering from a condition that my doctor is not quite certain of yet. I also have crohns disease. My condition is something to do ...
A. 15 May 2011: What would be the benefit? Do you just want peace of mind, for all workers to be more aware of conditions that face their patrons? For people to work overtime to help someone in need? I think it depends on what your goals of talking to them and ... (read in full...)
Why do some nice people get exploited?
Q. Why do some nice people get exploited? I am a nice person and I've been walked on all my life. People take the piss out of me because they think i'm to stupid to notice and when i'm having a laugh and a joke, i always end the butt of it. I lived i...
A. 15 May 2011: I'm a lot like you in this way. It seems to me that the more people open people are, the more vulnerable they are to ridicule. Look at celebrities, everything they DO is public, and they are the most taunted, love-to-hate people out there. People ... (read in full...)
My friends have all turned against me and now I'm afraid to go back to Uni!
Q. I have fallen out with my friends at university, they have been leaving me out for months due to my depression. (Long story but basically they see me as a psycho). Anyway, we have all recently been on quite civil terms verging on friendship again ...
A. 11 May 2011: These girls are catty idiots. They're playing high school games and for some reason like screwing with your head, guess they see you an easy target for your mental instability to begin with, I don't know, they're being immature and NOT friends, and ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to get revenge after I had sex with someone else? Or does he just not care about me?
Q. I've had a relationship with a guy for about a year and a half now, we have never actually called each other " boyfriend, girlfriend" but when him and I are on good terms, he doesn't mess with other girls and I don't mess with other guys. We have ...
A. 10 May 2011: I feel like some people might consider him a jerk, but I'm not ready to go that far, he just seems like a confused scared person who doesn't want to be hurt..even having a big ego can be a cover for little actual self-confidence..
First, both of ... (read in full...)
I know need to move on, but could someone give me insight into his sporadic behavior?
Q. Hello all, Please can I have your thoughts on the following if possible. Thanks. I dated a guy coming up to a year ago now. All was well, until after a couple of months he turned out to be controlling and nasty. By the time I found this out, I...
A. 7 May 2011: you need to cut the ways he's getting access to you. Like you mentioned, you should shut down your dating profile and permanently close that account. Block or delete his number from your phone. If you're facebook or connected to any other kind of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's counselor may be trying to ruin our relationship. Should I suggest he try a new therapist?
Q. Last week my boyfriend and I were closer than ever. We've known each other more than eight years. Then, after talking to his medical counsellor, he starts saying that we should just be friends, which I can't do, and his counselor had asked him why ...
A. 5 May 2011: I am actually pretty much in your boyfriends position (have a very vocal counselor re: our relationship). At times, I do blame her for what comes out in our sessions, "oh SHE wants us to break up. SHE'S being negative" because I'm not willing to own ... (read in full...)
I broke things off before I get hurt but his texts confuse me!
Q. Ok, so I'm 20 and have been seeing this guy (27 years old) for 6 months now, but we haven't progressed at all. He hates relationships and said from the start he didn't want one, which was fine by me as I was still getting over an ex and didn't want ...
A. 1 May 2011: wed. night sounds like he likes you as a person so is sad that he's disappointed you, but he sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants--friday night says, he didn't want to lead you on [commit further to you]if it turned out you AREN'T what ... (read in full...)
My mom controls the way I dress!
Q. Know that i am a teenager in high school. So I like the way I dress. I basically wear jeans and a baggy shirt because they are comfortable. I enjoy this, but my mom is now FORCING me to wear dresses and skirts. She says that I walk like a man. Now ...
A. 1 May 2011: This is the worst. I had this problem around your age too, I had a couple of punk type items (basically, a studded bracelet my elementary school aged sister gave me from a birthday party) and she kept calling me a dominatrix and how I was really ... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel good about myself despite all the attention I get?
Q. I don't want to sound arrogant, but when i go on a night out, I get a heck of a lot of attention from guys!! Yeah sure, at the time it's fun and i love hearing guys compliment me and approaching because it makes me feel great!! Most girls would love ...
A. 1 May 2011: If you're going dancing or out to a bar and these guys are complimenting you, their comments are nice, but if there's no follow through with the male attention then maybe it feels empty to you. that kind of attention is just from guys usually trying ... (read in full...)
I knew he was going to dump me and he did
Q. Okay. So I knew my boyfriend was going to dump me and he did. On the phone, and so I cried and begged him not to. I think I made him feel bad but he said he was sorry and that he didn't know what was going through his head and five minutes later we ...
A. 1 May 2011: ask him what's not working. Is it you, has the spark been lost, or is it something fixable like, it drives him crazy when you talk about only yourself, something like that, I don't know, something you both can work on. The problem is he's not ... (read in full...)
I don't have any friends!
Q. This may sound a bit pathetic to people reading this but I don't have any friends. I live at home, with my sick mother and so don't have housemates to hang out with. I have tried to go to social events with different interest groups, etc b...
A. 30 April 2011: is it possible you could move somewhere WITH her?... (read in full...)
He says we have to move states because Arizona has a lot of bad memories for him
Q. Hi dear-cupid. I need your help. Me and my bf been together for 4 years. We live in state of arizona. We both have job, apartment for living and car. He said he want to move to another state. This state have a lot of bad memory of him. We had one ...
A. 28 April 2011: If the only bad memory he has is being locked up after hitting you then that's not a super reasonable desire to leave. states don't change people, people change themselves. even if he's changed to the point of not abusing you, this seems borderline, ... (read in full...)
How do I change a habit that has become ingrained? my daughter in law has complained about it.
Q. My son has asked me to stop repeating myself when I speak to his wife. He says she doesn't want to speak to me any more because I repeat myself so often. My son says he is used to me doing this and thinks nothing of it, he says I have so many good ...
A. 27 April 2011: If I were you I would just keep on keepin' on. It's not like your mannerisms are directed offensively towards her. It's not like you're tourette's syndroming at her. She shouldn't be offended. She should have enough respect for you, or at least her ... (read in full...)
His daughter is ruining our relationship!
Q. I been in a relationship for 4 years he's 59 and I'm 41. I have no kids, he has 2 boys and one of his girls is 35 years old and the other 32. The one girl is a pain; she's married to an army guy and has a daughter. Her boyfriend pays her electric ...
A. 26 April 2011: I agree that at that point, a woman should be independent enough to not use someone like that. I'd imagine it would be frustrating and feel like she's the more important woman in his life, but I also feel like there's more going on than just his ... (read in full...)
I can't make friends! My abroad teaching experience has been a failure
Q. I'm from USA originally, but I'm living abroad right now, and I have become extremely depressed about something. I feel that I can't go to my parents because it would torture them... they're far away and can't be with me to comfort me. I'm ...
A. 21 April 2011: Well I don't know if you've been teaching for only a year or what, but just cause it's not-hometown doesn't mean it's going to feel Right either. Goals are idealized, and that's the only way we really achieve them, so congrats on getting to where ... (read in full...)
Sometimes we see what our heart WANTS to see..is that what happened to me?
Q. dear friends I'm asking for your advices because I'm facing something new and I don't know what to do.I'm 19,and I have never had a boyfriend before,because I have never been attracted by those who tried to approach at me.When I was at high school I...
A. 20 April 2011: Let's assume that he DID try to friend your friends or your cousins. Besides that now making him a liar by denying it, what else does this action mean to you? Are you considering it cheating, is it outting your relationship to people you didn't want ... (read in full...)
My parents think I am fat, should I just lose weight to shut them up?
Q. Hello everyone. I hope anyone out there can help me. Ok so i am 20 years old and am at University therefore i no longer live with my parents. I go to the gym almost every single day and work out, and swim, though in the last week i have slacked o...
A. 19 April 2011: You're like the perfect size. I believe the rule is that for every inch above 5', you add 5 pounds and that's your 'ideal weight' ; 5 pounds over that is more than fine. You are being healthy. You are doing what is good for your heart, exercising ... (read in full...)
Help! I feel so lost. What can I do? My boy friend refuses to let me end our relationship.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I'm 17 and at the beginning it was great. He treated me great and I was so happy. He still takes me out etc, but it's just not the same. You see, my bf seems to have an idea in his head that I am going...
A. 17 April 2011: You're starting on the right foot. You've identified this guy as out of control and seen some really scary sides of him that you do not want in your life. that's excellent. If I were you I would find out from the police what it takes to get a ... (read in full...)
My gf needs cheering up after a rough patch. What are romantic ideas to do this?
Q. my girlfriend and myself have gone through a rough patch the last few weeks. She has to work tonight, but will be back home with me tomorrow. I really want to make tomorrow romantic and create some chemistry back between us as i want us to be back...
A. 17 April 2011: aw sounds like you've been doing some of the right things already. I hope you two work through this rough time and she appreciates your efforts.
... (read in full...)
Can you lose sexual attraction for someone?
Q. is it possible to loose sexual attraction to someone? I was in a relationship for five years it ended because he was too verbally abusive."ur fat, the "b" and "c" word and all that nasty stuff.Anyways months have passed and he has been dying to come ...
A. 17 April 2011: Don't let him second guess your choice to be without him. stay strong, and you'll find a better guy for you that respects you!... (read in full...)
Can you lose sexual attraction for someone?
Q. is it possible to loose sexual attraction to someone? I was in a relationship for five years it ended because he was too verbally abusive."ur fat, the "b" and "c" word and all that nasty stuff.Anyways months have passed and he has been dying to come ...
A. 16 April 2011: That sounds completely normal and reasonable to me. Generally, it's not a turn on to be degraded by someone who is supposed to love you. I think that it's impossible to fully separate the emotional pain from the lack of sexual attraction, but that ... (read in full...)
Friend invited herself to join me on a trip and I can't stand to spend that much time with her!
Q. Frendship question: we ve been friends for a few years now. We ve met when we were adults with husbands and kids. We are the same age, but complitely different personalities. Frankly i never met anyone like my girlfriend: loud, extremely bubbly, ...
A. 16 April 2011: I would say that you hadn't considered all the factors and logistics of the trip, but you had really been looking forward to some alone time and that you'd really prefer doing things your way. maybe this is too forward, but maybe you two could plan ... (read in full...)
My gf needs cheering up after a rough patch. What are romantic ideas to do this?
Q. my girlfriend and myself have gone through a rough patch the last few weeks. She has to work tonight, but will be back home with me tomorrow. I really want to make tomorrow romantic and create some chemistry back between us as i want us to be back...
A. 16 April 2011: I don't know what time it is over there so I hope I'm not too late. First I'd make a bubble bath for her, something nice you buy, maybe even put some candles around the tub. If you don't have a tub, buy some baby oil or heated oil and offer to ... (read in full...)
BF is a financial burden We are to be married. It's really getting me down. Please advise.
Q. Hi all, I'm in bed today feeling pretty down. I'm in my 20's, engaged and feeling very stressed right now. I'm a medical professional, just decided to change employers from a stable community hospital to a prestigious teaching institution. ...
A. 16 April 2011: What he's doing to help out (dinner, etc) is still not enough because he can afford to do more but chooses not to. that 500/mo should not be saved for the marriage, it should be used now to lighten your load. it seems obvious that you two need the ... (read in full...)
Does depression make people fall out of love?
Q. does depression make people fall out of love? my bf(ex) used to love me he couldnt explain it but he just did. Then he got lost in life and got depressed, next thing I know he wants to be friends. He wants to be alone and have no girls in his ...
A. 15 April 2011: There are a couple reasons that may have lead to this breakup. some of it may have been guilt as you said. I've had bouts of depression, and you don't really want anyone to see your state, in a way, you feel like a failure because everyone else is ... (read in full...)
I wasnt the best parent myself, and I don't want to take my child from her mother but I do want to make sure that she is living in a safe environment.
Q. I want to start off my saying I know I messed up in the past and I know some people may not think I deserve forgivness but I am only trying to do what is best. When I was 20 I had a one night stand with a much younger girl Kylyn (she was 16), 4 ...
A. 15 April 2011: If you're going to court anyway, I would think that there'd be a way that you can document the state of the apt, I don't know if your lawyer has any ideas on this (ie. if he can go in there and take pictures, or if he can get a social worker in ... (read in full...)
We're doing all the work. Should we break up with our boyfriends?
Q. Hello so i have this new boyfriend i really want to make the new relationship work but i feel like im making all the effort. My best friend is with one of his friends so for the school holidays we have been spending time with them the first da...
A. 15 April 2011: I meant to say that you shouldn't even like send them something saying it's over because I have a feeling they don't even consider the kiss having 'begun' anything..... (read in full...)
We're doing all the work. Should we break up with our boyfriends?
Q. Hello so i have this new boyfriend i really want to make the new relationship work but i feel like im making all the effort. My best friend is with one of his friends so for the school holidays we have been spending time with them the first da...
A. 15 April 2011: I think "boyfriends" is a little too serious of a term for what they consider themselves. they're messing around with you, and they're waiting to see how long it will take before you wise up. Move on with dignity, I'm sorry they sound terrible, but ... (read in full...)
BF is a financial burden We are to be married. It's really getting me down. Please advise.
Q. Hi all, I'm in bed today feeling pretty down. I'm in my 20's, engaged and feeling very stressed right now. I'm a medical professional, just decided to change employers from a stable community hospital to a prestigious teaching institution. ...
A. 15 April 2011: HOLD UP. He HAS the money, almost 6 figures, in his twenties. it's just that he's not spending it, pretending he's poor, making himself into a victim. It's UNFORTUNATE that he has to dip into his savings, but it's MORE unfortunate that he's making ... (read in full...)
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