| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I think my gay classmate like me but I'm straight.
Q. Due to an upcoming project, our professor decided to pair everyone in the class room up. I was paired up with a gay classmate that I've seen from time to time. I'm very open-minded so this wasn't really a problem to me. In fact our professor ...
A. 4 October 2012: Well I think you can nip it in the bud if he tries one of these moves again, just emphasize, i enjoy our friendship, but you know i'm straight, right? or if you find that offensive, you could talk about some girl you think is really hot and how ... (read in full...)
Today marks the end of our month break... now what?
Q. Well today is day 30 of our 1 month agreed to "break". For those of you that have read my other posts you will know that I've been through a lot with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and while he kept telling me he wanted to marry me and that we have the ...
A. 30 September 2012: He's gotta be aware that this is the end of the break too. If he's not making a move, I think you know he likes the idea of being with you more than the commitment associated with it.
I doubt that your guy was traumatized/debilitated just by his ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband the real reasons why I left?
Q. I feel so confused and lost about my marriage. I separated/cleverly ran away from hubby 6months ago, went back to my country, and i never told him the real reasons for my leaving. He knows i'm in my country to manage a skin condition and i should ...
A. 28 September 2012: I would start looking for a job to support my daughter. you don't owe him any explanation and it seems like any he gives you will just be another chance to manipulate you.... (read in full...)
I can't take this distance for three more years, but I love her
Q. I am 25 and have recently entered a long distance relationship (1 week). We met 3 months ago and fell in love with each other rather quickly. I actually didn't want to fall in love, or start a relationship with her because I knew she had two more ...
A. 28 September 2012: You're in your first week of the distance? I'm going to be honest, it does not get any easier. I was going to suggest going to Africa with her but even so, that's years away. Why did she hide that there was a third year attached? This is someone ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend asked me if he could be friends with his ex girlfriend who he was deeply in love with
Q. We are engaged to be married and have been seeing each other for 3 years. His last ex-girlfriend dumped him badly. He was deeply in love with her. When we got together after their break-up which was only two months later, he called me her na...
A. 28 September 2012: well, I think asking permission is a good sign he's not already doing this stuff, and a good indicator he IS being respectful of the boundaries you two set together last time you discussed the issue. I know it's easy to say "he could have been a ... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 27 September 2012: I think you've definitely done the best thing- and hey your polygraph is going to come back clean!! Good luck, you're through the hard part! ... (read in full...)
Does size matter? I think he's going to be too big.
Q. I met this gentle loving person. However, when we got close I saw that his was way too big and wide. Now I do not know how to tell him that we cannot work out and best to part as I do not think I could take it, it is too big. ...
A. 24 September 2012: Maybe you're jumping the gun and try first before you decide it won't work. Lady parts that have to be flexible enough to let out babies will surely let in a large penis. ... (read in full...)
Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with him over his post?
Q. I had this boyfriend(S),we were together for about 7 months and everything was going fine. i really liked him and (S) was one of the few people i've been with that was good to me. about 4 months into the relationship we had sex. it was the first ...
A. 24 September 2012: well...what did the post Say?... (read in full...)
Boy advice needed. He clams up all the time and I can't work it out.
Q. Hi, I need some boy advice. I dated boy A, for a good year or so. When boy A finished it, I was pretty distraught. His friend, boy B then confessed that he was "in love with me" and had been for most of mine and boy A's relationship. I ...
A. 24 September 2012: If you can't have a non-sexual non-awkward encounter, then I'd move on. I don't know if he saw someone vulnerable, hurting and easy to pick up, but it doesn't sound from your post like he's made much effort to get to know you. Try one more ... (read in full...)
What do I do about this woman who keeps trying to touch me?
Q. All responses will be helpful, thanks in advanced. Firstly I'm lesbian. I'm a very quiet person regarding my personal life, as to whom I'm dating and am I gay. Reason being, I once disclosed my orientation at a previous job and the outcome was ...
A. 23 September 2012: this is sexual harassment, doesn't matter if she's female, she's violating your privacy. You don't have to come out to your boss or HR, you don't even have to say she keeps asking me if I'm attracted to women, your sexuality doesn't have to even ... (read in full...)
Guys, would you have reacted in the same way as my boyfriend to the fact that I am a virgin at 20?
Q. So this guy i'm seeing we were getting really close and things were intense, I wanted to go the whole way but I stopped him and said I can't i'm still a virgin, but told him I want to, just not yet. I'm ready, i'm just not sure yet if I want to...
A. 23 September 2012: Oh that's REAL nice- my favorite pick up line to get ME in the mood is to GUILT AND SHAME me into sleeping with someone! I think he just said that stuff just to make you feel bad and 'prove' that you could "do it." I do have to say though that my ... (read in full...)
I'm terribly upset about the way my sister-in-law treated me 2 years ago and the fact that my husband did not stand up for me.
Q. 2 years ago my husband's mother died. At the funeral my husband's sister mostly ignored me, made me feel uncomfortable or made fun of me. I have had no dealings with her since. My husband did nothing to stop this going on. Since then a wedge has ...
A. 23 September 2012: I agree with the other aunts here. Your are letting the bitterness you harbor over this event destroy your marriage. Why are you punishing him for action that he cannot change now? His actions may have been hurtful to you but why are you choosing ... (read in full...)
I want him to really miss me and forgive me for what I've done!
Q. Hi its abit long but Basically I really liked a guy who's in the army we used to speak everyday and always kept in touch and got on really well we could talk about everything. He asked to take me out 2years ago and went on a date, I dint sleep wi...
A. 22 September 2012: I'm not really convinced by his story. I get that he didn't want to put you two through the deployment, but why when he got back was he still unavailable, esp. wasn't he just getting out of the military? there's no rule that you can't date in the ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting to this text from his ex the night before her wedding?
Q. I am getting married in a month to the love of my life. He broke up with this girl 7 years ago and one of the reasons they broke up after a 5-year-realtionship was that she wanted to get married while he didn't. Today my fiancé got home and told me ...
A. 22 September 2012: what IF his ex is still in love with your fiance? He has no interest in her and she's not trying very hard if her best pick up line is "i'm getting married tomorrow." for all you know, it was post-bachelorette texting shenanigans. Let this one go. ... (read in full...)
My threesomes have come back to haunt me
Q. I am really in a bind and I don't know what to do. A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About...
A. 21 September 2012: I think you just need to give him the space. Right now more than anything else it's bruised ego, and while he's hurt, the love he has for you should overcome this bump. I would NOT in 100 years tell him who the other partner was. He will obsess over ... (read in full...)
He lied to me about watching porn and now I feel I am losing my love for him
Q. I've been married since April to a man that I have been dating since I was 16. We have a long long history and a lot of ups and downs in that time. In the past he has hidden things from me and lied to my face about lots of things: seeing h...
A. 20 September 2012: I understand that you lost trust based on what turned out to be his fabrications, but I think you're patrolling his sexuality a little too much. Granted, my feelings on porn are open- my guy's allowed to look as much as he wants, and he generally ... (read in full...)
Where should I break up with my boyfriend of 3 years?
Q. Hello Cupid I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. This is the first serious relationship for both of us. Sadly the feelings aren't the same for me and so I've decided to end the relationship. I live far away from anywhere so breakin...
A. 20 September 2012: public is ok. go to a pastry shop or coffee shop like starbucks where it can be quiet/intimate even if it is public. other options are a park or go on a walk outside either of your houses. ... (read in full...)
My marriage is crumbling and I don't think my husband loves my daughter
Q. Currently, I have just survived cancer treatment. Going through chemo and radiation was torture but also made me appreciate life so much more and to not worry so much about problems because, life is more important. So, during my treatment, when I ...
A. 16 September 2012: First of all, let me say congratulations on your health, you have shown bravery and strength in fighting and beating cancer. You were given a second chance for a reason, and you should take every opportunity to enjoy every day as a gift.
Livin... (read in full...)
When you love someone shouldn't it be like fire? Not just warm?
Q. I have bestfriend. we were friend for 2 year and a half years. When we have any problem we alway talk to each other. For now He is the one who know me best..and same to him (He also said that I'm the girl he can say everything) but a few m...
A. 16 September 2012: Right now I think the feelings are just not there to jeopardize the relationship over. While you two seem like you're a little more than friends, you're still more like friends than like lovers, and so I would leave him in the friendzone. ... (read in full...)
I'm back and in need of some more tough love. I do everything for her and she constantly curses at me and says I do nothing. I need help getting away.
Q. Well agony aunts... It's me. The one that moved to Tennessee to be with a woman I love, that turned out to be a rough ride with 3 kids... Bring back memories now. I wanted to provide an update and get more brutality thrown my way because it helps me ...
A. 14 September 2012: never contact her again. change your number. rip up any mail from her and block her from email or change your email too. it's not enough to just 'try and cut contact' you need to block her or divert all forms of contact because she will worm her way ... (read in full...)
G/f always puts family before me because she needs to feel wanted by her family!
Q. I will try to keep this short... my girlfriend and I have dated for a little over 2 years, and we're in college together. Recently we've started to have some problems. Lately she's been "standing me up" a lot more, canceling plans frequently (more ...
A. 9 September 2012: I have a few thoughts, not very organized, I don't think.
Out of respect for your girlfriend, you're really vague about the details of what she's discovered, so without knowing more, I wonder if just her talking to her family about what she over... (read in full...)
How do I let my wife know I found her vibrators without it looking like I was snooping?
Q. Hi Married for 10 yrs, wife and I have great sex, when we have it. Over the last 6 mth or so, we only have sex when she drinks, which is maybe once a month. I heard all the excuses...You smell like choclate, you smell like garlic, you are ...
A. 9 September 2012: Well she knew you were going to be working on that chest, right, so either she knew she had them in there and wanted you to find them or she forgot but either way I don't see why, if you two are VERBALLY open about sex, it should be a taboo thing. ... (read in full...)
How do I break this to her without her thinking it's about her?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a 17 year old for about a month and a half. Its long distance so we only see eachother once a week and for me, its a 5 hour round trip. She is in a big exam year so I feel guilty asking her to come to mine, but the ...
A. 9 September 2012: pretty much just say what you said here. FIrst wait til her exam(S) are over because you don't want to jeopardize her future just to fix your own. Next, just tell her that the distance is an added burden to the relationship, has made it too serious ... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 7 September 2012: I don't think it's the most unusual thing to steal at a young age, but you shouldn't minimize it. It's best to just say it happened, you were young and ignorant and you would never consider doing that again. Way I see it, what you did as a teen ... (read in full...)
Should I just back off when g/f is having her period?
Q. Okay so through some careful questioning I have learned that my girlfriend is on her period as of now. The thing is while on her period I've Noticed that she becomes very erm....independent. She doesn't want anything to do with me or others. I asked ...
A. 3 September 2012: The severity of periods depends on the girl, as well as the period--sometimes mine are painful, like someone's stepping on my lower stomach, others are like I don't have one at all, others give me chills like i have a fever. The pain though can be ... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend blew off my birthday. His birthday is in a few days. Should I blow it off or at least send him a card?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of 1.5 yrs allegedly forgot my birthday (*actually, I think he remembered 2 days before but decided to be cheap and blow it off). When I didn't speak to him for 2 days, he still didn't try to make it up to me, so I asked him to ...
A. 3 September 2012: Does he have a job right now?... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same about him but am afraid of starting the break up.
Q. Hello Cupid. Long time no see and since last time I asked help from people I didn't actually know, I've had a really good nearly 3 years with my boyfriend who is half a year younger than me. We both were eachothers firsts and we've been throu...
A. 2 September 2012: you just tell him all of what you've told us, that you aren't feeling it anymore, that he's a great guy but you aren't ready to settle down, you want to play the field, you want to explore your options, you're sorry and maybe someday you two can go ... (read in full...)
This guy I met a week ago won't leave me alone!
Q. I met a guy a week ago, yes that's just a week ago, we talked and generally got on. I told him from the offset that I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship and he seemed cool with that, but now he won't stop calling me. Apparently we are ...
A. 2 September 2012: tell him it's not working for you, you're not interested, and if he calls again you'll block him. and then block him. if you're really worried maybe ask the police what they can do (I think here you need physical harm before you can actually get a ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just overwhelmed by my miscarriage and shutting himself off because of that? Or is he a jerk?
Q. Hello. I'm new here :) I am pretty distraught right now. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a few months, though we've known each other about five years as friends. We were supremely happy. I have two daughters; he has a son. We are both ...
A. 31 August 2012: This was atrocious, completely unacceptable behavior. I understand he has his own grief to process, but even your grief had to be put on hold until deal with the physical aspects of your loss. One thing that I'm not gaining from reading your entry ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wanted to take a break and now it's been over 2 weeks. How do I know if it's over or if she will come back?
Q. I need help interpreting an email from my GF I am currently on a break with. Some background: My girlfriend of 2+ plus initiated a break about two weeks ago. Since we live together I've been staying at my mother's house while she finds a new apar...
A. 30 August 2012: I think the false hope phrase + that it's better to do now than when things that were going to get ugly down the line together say it's over. ... (read in full...)
Disastrous attempt at first time sex!
Q. Okay me and my gf lost our virginity to each other. We had sex but I dont believe I fully went inside her. She kept jumping. It was my first time so I didn't know what to do. So now im fustrated and believe I did a terrible job. She wouldn't let me ...
A. 28 August 2012: Okay first off, it's probably not you, it's her hymen. unless you lube or foreplay (she's naturally wet) and even then, it can be uncomfortable and painful for the girl. you're also larger than average, to top it off! have you SEEN how small the ... (read in full...)
Thin line between real and imaginary.
Q. Hello cupids. I felt like writing this question, well more like an asking for help about a stupidity of mine that I did. So after I broke up with my real girlfriend because she was seeing a friend of mine, I was starting to become sentimentalist on ...
A. 26 August 2012: So she lied to you about what she looked like? why should this really matter if the rest of her personality is what you fell in love with? I understand she misled you and that's dishonest but why is it unforgivable?... (read in full...)
I fell for an intern while my boyfriend was recovering from a crash in the hospital!
Q. Hey everyone,I am not here to be judged I just need advise so please be kind.. About 3 years ago I met this wonderful guy when I was in college,we started dating,let's call him blaine,so blaine and I we got into a pretty serious relation...
A. 25 August 2012: I think if he's now in a stable place, then there's no reason to stay for him. You were probably tremendous support for him and needed you for recovery, but if he's not in that life-threatening position anymore, you have no obligation to still tend ... (read in full...)
Married one year. He disgusts me and he will not sleep with me. What should I do?
Q. My husband and I just passed our 1 year anniversary ... However he disgusts me. I can't stand to be around him, he won't even sleep with me.. So I resent him for that. He won't take showers for days, doesn't even change his underwear, won't brus...
A. 25 August 2012: I think you should sit him down and tell him that you need to see more of an effort from him, just because he married you doesn't mean he should stop all modes of KEEPING you attracted to him. you can tell him that you loved the person he WAS when ... (read in full...)
What's my Coworkers problem?!
Q. Ok so I have been working at my job for 2 years now and so has my coworker. When we first started working there and started to get to know each other our relationship was pretty good. She would even invite me to hang out with her outside of work. As ...
A. 24 August 2012: sounds like you two just don't have that much to say to each other anymore aside from work. maybe she's just uncomfortable with not having much to say so she's avoiding you. you can change it if you want, and ask her out to a movie or something. or ... (read in full...)
I am lonely with her. Should I let her go and be lonely without her?
Q. Hello. This is a very important query. Here is a little background on me. I am a 23 year old guy who has been rejected all his life by girls. At the age 14, a family friend cousin, at the age 16, a class fellow girl, at the age 18, another class ...
A. 21 August 2012: Lot of things going on here. If you really like her, you need to respect that she has ideals that will not budge until she has married you in 2 years. They cannot be and should not be adjusted for your tastes. She is allowed to have these ideals. ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel like shit but some days I feel as if I want him back, What should I do?
Q. Me and my now ex boyfriend stuart broke up a month ago. We were together for almost 6 months I really was in love with him and still am. We said that we would be friends but I feel he is making it really difficult for me to be friends with him. I ...
A. 9 August 2012: he's clearly unable to act in a friend capacity. I agree with Bim; stop babysitting and going where you're going to see him. ask your friends to either also cut him out of their lives or not mention him again so you can get over him. he's completely ... (read in full...)
My best friends stopped talking and hanging out with me, I did nothing wrong, How do I get their friendship back?
Q. Since we were born, I was best friends with these two girls. As close as possible, you can't even imagine. Things went smooth for 14 years, and then we graduated middle school. The two of them went to the same high school and I went to a different, ...
A. 7 August 2012: If I were you, I would just unfriend them, only because seeing them is making you miserable. You don't need to have that misery in your life, just get cut out that kind of cancerous energy.
In my experience, every change in school (elementary to m... (read in full...)
I'm 25 while he's in his 40s'. Is dating someone so much older really a good idea?
Q. I am 25 years old and I work with an older man in his 40s. He sits in the cubicle behind me and another girl. The three of us always chatted and had silly conversations. I'd always greet him in the mornings and speak with him. We'd go out for coffee ...
A. 5 August 2012: you're getting too far ahead of yourself to be worrying about the implications of your ages. He sounds great, and you're having a fabulous time with him. To leave or doubt because of age would only do a disservice to yourself.You deserve the ... (read in full...)
My wife has a crush on a man she met online. She denies it, I know its true
Q. wife has a crush? My wife of 2 years has recently been speaking to a guy daily since they met online about a week ago. They meet online every night speaking by mic, he compliments her very often and flirts as does she, they spend hours talking ...
A. 16 July 2012: I think I would ask her if it's not romance, what DOES she get out of it? i would mention that her actions hurt your feelings because that used to be, and in my opinion, should still be you. If I were married I would not stay up that late talking to ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my b/f won't come back home!
Q. My boyfriend got a job out west. We were driving together as I decided to go with him. We got in a car accident and came back home. The next day I took him to the airport, and I stayed behind. He said he's coming home to stay with me in august but I ...
A. 23 June 2012: why can't you join him at that point in Dec? I thought he was coming home in aug for good? I think when he comes you'll need to sit down with him and have an honest talk about how long distance is going and where you two are headed, whether he still ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my b/f won't come back home!
Q. My boyfriend got a job out west. We were driving together as I decided to go with him. We got in a car accident and came back home. The next day I took him to the airport, and I stayed behind. He said he's coming home to stay with me in august but I ...
A. 1 June 2012: If you've healed from the accident, can't you catch a plane to be with him? Trust in him. He can BOTH enjoy a new area of the country AND be in love with you, and you have no reason to doubt him when he says he can't wait to put a ring on your ... (read in full...)
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