| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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The guy I'm just starting to date may have given me strep throat. Should I tell him?
Q. I have this crush on a guy who I think gave me strep throat about a month ago when we hung out. How do I tell him? What if I'm wrong? I met this guy this past summer at an event. He body painted me and we became friends on facebook and I finally got ...
A. 30 November 2012: Okay. If you had mono (or a cold sore) I'd be all on board with your assumption that he had given it to you, as it is sort of known as the 'kissing disease', but strep? Strep is pretty darn common, contagious, and I don't think it's only coming from ... (read in full...)
I'm not a fast learner which hurts my employability! Advice?
Q. Hope you can give me some advice. I'm feeling really sad and down for the past weeks. Since I graduated university in 2007 I'm having difficulty finding jobs and keeping them. I keep getting fired because I can't internalize information quick ...
A. 28 November 2012: well i think you need to think about how far you've come since '07. if you knew you had a problem processing information, you didn't get help until now, so that's an accomplishment. You've gotten your meds managed, which again, is great, it's rare ... (read in full...)
Read sexual texts from my girlfriend to another girl, should I forgive her or breakup?
Q. Please guide me with ur answers. N forgive me for the length. My gf and I are lesbians in a long distance relationship separated by an hour n a half. Newayz I noticed some changes in my gf and how she began to treat me. She stop texting sexual and ...
A. 28 November 2012: sorry for the tech glitch!... (read in full...)
Read sexual texts from my girlfriend to another girl, should I forgive her or breakup?
Q. Please guide me with ur answers. N forgive me for the length. My gf and I are lesbians in a long distance relationship separated by an hour n a half. Newayz I noticed some changes in my gf and how she began to treat me. She stop texting sexual and ...
A. 28 November 2012: oh man that is too much. end it and try to go for a girl closer to home where you can keep an eye on her ;)... (read in full...)
Read sexual texts from my girlfriend to another girl, should I forgive her or breakup?
Q. Please guide me with ur answers. N forgive me for the length. My gf and I are lesbians in a long distance relationship separated by an hour n a half. Newayz I noticed some changes in my gf and how she began to treat me. She stop texting sexual and ...
A. 28 November 2012: oh man that is too much. end it and try to go for a girl closer to home where you can keep an eye on her ;)... (read in full...)
My teacher is 2 different people around me! When we are alone he is great, but in front of others he makes me the butt of jokes!
Q. hey guys. so i'm in a really confusing situation, my teacher is 43 i think hes married because at the begining of last year he wore a wedding ring but now doesn't, and i'm well 16. and the problem is things are tense and i dont know why, and i c...
A. 17 November 2012: your staying away from him (and vice versa) sounds like it's for the best! Glad you aren't as wrapped up in his every move anymore, and try not to let him stop you from doing things you want to do. When I would see him I would keep it to a hello.... (read in full...)
How do you go from a drug fueled intense relationship to something normal? Am I weird for still wanting my ex?
Q. My life is going a bit out of control. My ex got me into taking drugs. When we took this we had such incredible sex, sometimes for 8 hours. I'm not saying its his fault that I took them because everyone can make up their minds about taking things. I ...
A. 16 November 2012: Well, everyone wants to feel pleasure. But you see what happens when you exclusively look for pleasure, whether it be sexual or chemically induced: the pleasure does not last. Pleasure in and of itself is not enough to sustain a relationship; you ... (read in full...)
Ending a friendship because of inappropriate jokes towards me
Q. well today a friend of mine hurting me infront of my friends when i say hurting he had joked in me that was uncomfortable and touching words. It has been repititive to me in one day difference. Well today morning i told him that he had hurting me by ...
A. 15 November 2012: I mean you made it clear that you did not want it to be said again and that you were really offended by it, that should be enough for him to stop but it wasn't. Would I end a friendship over it? I think it would depend on what he said, and how close ... (read in full...)
I just cant get this guy out of my head!
Q. I work in a bar where the majority of the customers are middle aged (I'm 20) and there is a group of friends that come in every weekend for a drink and stay all evening I really like one of them and Im not sure what to do, I think (but am not sure...
A. 15 November 2012: Easiest way to deal with this is to write your name and number on his tab at the end of the night. If he's taken or disinterested, he'll throw out the number, but you might get lucky and get a ring!... (read in full...)
What is the best way to ask my boyfriend to touch my stomach when we are intimate?
Q. I am a big girl with many self-confidence issues. My boyfriend of two years tells me that he loves all of my curves, but almost avoids touching my stomach whenever we cuddle. What is the best way to ask him to touch my stomach when we are intimate?...
A. 13 November 2012: I'd be playful with it, have said things like, rub mah belleh! otherwise i agree with placing his hands there and say that you feel protected (or whatever adjective fits!) when he touches you there ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my older brother's girlfriend
Q. Ok, well all type this kind of long and kind of short so fell free for any advice. Well, I think I'm falling in love with my older brothers gf. It did not happen at first, I really love this girl. I don't know how to deal with my feelings any more...
A. 13 November 2012: You have not been listening to us.
Even if she becomes available, she is not someone you should get involved with, period.... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my older brother's girlfriend
Q. Ok, well all type this kind of long and kind of short so fell free for any advice. Well, I think I'm falling in love with my older brothers gf. It did not happen at first, I really love this girl. I don't know how to deal with my feelings any more...
A. 12 November 2012: You look for an available girl. It sucks but you said you weren't even ready to date, so either you are and you should start looking or you just find her comforting and safe, which is not at all- you would be committing a major act of betrayal to ... (read in full...)
I love my best friends ex... but of course there is more to it then that.
Q. For personal reasons I will not name the real names of the people I will be speaking about. Here is my situation. I have a best friend Kelly, who dated my best friend Dan. They were both happy at one point. He was madly in love with her, howeve...
A. 11 November 2012: 1- anna said she was over him, so i think it's fine territory; if it's not, you'll only get her silent anger again which you weren't even aware of so how bad was that?
2- you and kelly need to discuss your feelings for dan and where she lands in a... (read in full...)
I love my best friends ex... but of course there is more to it then that.
Q. For personal reasons I will not name the real names of the people I will be speaking about. Here is my situation. I have a best friend Kelly, who dated my best friend Dan. They were both happy at one point. He was madly in love with her, howeve...
A. 11 November 2012: 1- anna said she was over him, so i think it's fine territory; if it's not, you'll only get her silent anger again which you weren't even aware of so how bad was that?
2- you and kelly need to discuss your feelings for dan and where she lands in a... (read in full...)
I'm confused, some advice please!
Q. I'm still a virgin,but sometimes last month,i and my boyfriend had anal sex and he said he didnt come and i didnt see any sign of blood that my hymen is broken but i've been expectin my period for almost a week now,do you think i'm still a virgin or ...
A. 9 November 2012: When you get your period and/or take a pregnancy test and it comes back negative, you should really consider what kind of man you are dating: someone who controls your birth choices, without having a back and forth conversation and without ... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend on dating sites, after calling me a slut and a stalker he then claims it was a virus!
Q. I have found out my boyfriend has been going on dating sites. When I asked him about it he went mad at me and started calling me a stalker, said I dont trust him because I myself am not to be trusted, called me a slut and then turned it around to ...
A. 9 November 2012: gah who cares WHY he's deceitful or interested in cheating, the point is he IS. I think is overly defensive (AND offensive!) way of dealing with you, calling you a slut and untrustable are also red flags. you deserve someone who doesn't degrade you ... (read in full...)
Can I still get pregnant this way?
Q. so my boyfriend and I were not using protection, and I was on the second to last day of my period (there was still some blood). His penis did not go all of the way in, and he didn't ejaculate. When he did ejaculate, it was on my stomache.I waited ...
A. 8 November 2012: i agree that the likeliness is small. But, girl, aside from the stress of not knowing whether you've impregnated yourself, that doesn't sound like a pleasant sexual experience for either partner in general! I think Most guys (and girls) like being ... (read in full...)
Was this abuse and how can I get over it?
Q. I was wondering if someone could help me reflect on my five year relationship that I finally ended two years ago but remain broken. Short story I started dating my ex when I first started college I was 19him 23. I used to be very extraver...
A. 7 November 2012: yes it was abuse. you don't need to be assaulted (physcially) for it to be abusive treatment, and it's so much worse when it's your first love, or your first serious bf because you put that blind, full trust in them to see it be violated time and ... (read in full...)
Confusion over 'casual sex' guy versus strong feelings for my best friend.
Q. Hello, im not sure where my head is at... ive been having 'casual sex' with a friend, he really likes me and is very clear about it, hes lovely, and sweet but i don't want a boyfriend atm which he has a hard time adjusting to as i dont let him act...
A. 5 November 2012: a) stop leading on the guy you never see a real romance with. yes you'll lose a friend, but you have this bff don't you?
b) bring up the topic again with your best friend. it doesn't have to be immediate. consider flirting more to get him to catch... (read in full...)
What does "seeing each other" mean?
Q. What does seeing each other mean, does it only reference to dating? This girl and I have been texting for nearly 2 months and i see her every saturday evening when she'll happen to be on a night out with her friends just like i will. But we always ...
A. 4 November 2012: if you like each other enough then you two should have a proper date the one night the two of you share--you're so busy usually sharing it with friends that you're missing out on an opportunity to take it to the next level. They can take care of ... (read in full...)
Could it be that I'm ashamed to be Indian?
Q. There's this guy i'm friends with and he makes me feel ashamed to be indian, the comments he makes really grate on my nerves. I don't know what to do about it! It's not him being racist or doing anything malicious. It's just he'll keep referring t...
A. 4 November 2012: you're angry because he IS being racist, he's acting on prejudgements based on your culture and skin tone. Racist comes in different forms and it doesn't mean he wants to burn you at the stake, it means that he's reducing you to stereotypes--that ... (read in full...)
How do I keep from losing him? He's starting to drink and is becoming abusive
Q. So my boyfriend and I literally had sparks flying when we started off, I have two kids from another guy who is not in the picture at all. He wanted them to start calling him daddy and so they do, they love him so much and so do I. The past two ...
A. 4 November 2012: You don't see the irony in abusing the abused? Although I don't like his approach, anonymous is right. this guy's no longer the good guy for you anymore. something that is important for you to realize is you can't selectively like someone because ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset that he disregards my feelings?
Q. Am I right to be upset? My serious bf of 4 years and me have friends in common. I've been busy so I have not hung out with them. My bf kept hanging out with them, and it got to a point where they just do stuff all together and do not even invite ...
A. 3 November 2012: I don't think he didn't care or intended to disregard your feelings, I think he just thought he had it all figured out and that there was no reason to follow up, cause he knew what was up, and was just trying to respect your views of them (even if ... (read in full...)
My husband would prefer I not take medicine for my anxiety. I stop and we suffer in our marriage!
Q. Firstly, I understand nobody's perfect. Within each and every one of us lies a chemical imbalance of some sort. Mine is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is caused by my Attention deficit Disorder. ( ADHD) I recently learned this from my Psychiat...
A. 3 November 2012: (he=your husband)... (read in full...)
My husband would prefer I not take medicine for my anxiety. I stop and we suffer in our marriage!
Q. Firstly, I understand nobody's perfect. Within each and every one of us lies a chemical imbalance of some sort. Mine is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is caused by my Attention deficit Disorder. ( ADHD) I recently learned this from my Psychiat...
A. 3 November 2012: I really don't think it's his business whether you take anti-anxiety meds or not. Maybe he believes in the stigma of mental health issues or medication to control their symptoms, but that doesn't mean you have to adopt his view, too. If you feel ... (read in full...)
Does my wife want me back?
Q. I was married to my wife for over 20 years. She walked out on me 4 years ago.We haven't divorced and we have 2 college daughters. After she walked out we didn't talk for over 2 years.I started forcing divorce on her, she's been a liar and a cheater ...
A. 3 November 2012: I appreciate your honesty and understand that there is an understandable deal of resentment and bitterness but I would caution you about how you view your wife, in terms of, did you set out to marry a liar and a cheat, or did she develop these ... (read in full...)
What Love Masks by Frank Kermit
Q. What Love Masks By Frank Kermit, Relationships A mentor of mine taught me that love is not blind; it is just that categories are rigid. When you meet someone, you put that person in a category (lover, friend, temptation, fling, does-no...
A. 3 November 2012: I don't know if it was a dearcupid glitch or not but here's the link to post the articles, maybe re-submitting here will redirect it.
http://www.dearcupid.org/articles#more ... (read in full...)
What Love Masks by Frank Kermit
Q. What Love Masks By Frank Kermit, Relationships A mentor of mine taught me that love is not blind; it is just that categories are rigid. When you meet someone, you put that person in a category (lover, friend, temptation, fling, does-no...
A. 3 November 2012: I think you post it a different way, i'll check what I've done in the past... (read in full...)
Hot girl at work! What should I do?
Q. A small part of my job is to do pest control. The jobs that i do are all within a work environment like offices etc. I have had some bait boxes at this office for the last couple of months now and there is this really nice looking girl. She always ...
A. 2 November 2012: well it's not too late to say hey i thought about it and i'll make an exception for you something like that. it's unclear what her intentions are, i mean you could be picking up on the right signals, just go in with low expectations but if you see ... (read in full...)
My culture is uncompromising about virginity before marriage. BUT I am not a virgin. What can I do? I cannot tell him, as the shame is too much.
Q. hi..i had a relationship with an boy i was loved him deeply... Nearly 14 months back only once i had sex with him.. he was not loving with me just wanted to enjoy sex with me we broke up... i was really hurt at that time.. i met with a boy...
A. 21 October 2012: Do you think a guy who's never seen a vagina in 'real life' will know what an intact hymen looks like, let alone what a hymen is? if you stay celibate until marriage you will likely be as tight as though you were a virgin. you can even tense your ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give advice about a sexy surprise for my boyfriend?
Q. I want to suprise my fiance with a sexy night. I no the obvious ideas are candles in the bedroom ect but we dont live together at the moment so i cant do anything like that. Tomorrow night were going for a meal and to the cinema then back to his and ...
A. 21 October 2012: well you could blindfold him and set up the bedroom how you like, maybe make/buy some chocolate covered strawberries for you, and/or get some new lingerie to tantalize him with! ... (read in full...)
We started out ok, he's grown cold and nothing I am doing is working!
Q. I met this guy through my cousin, and it seemd like a good idea. We atrted texting, we met once but it was brief, and i knew there was just something about him. I thouhgt about him off and all, and he finally got my number. So we started texting, ...
A. 21 October 2012: He either isn't feeling it or you two went too fast and he started to think badly of you. Some guys want to fool around but when they figure out you're all too willing, they find that trashy; it sucks. I also think you got too invested too fast, it ... (read in full...)
What will his little girl think if we get married?
Q. I am going out with a wonderful man. I work with him, he is lovely and I think we could work out. However, he is 39 and I am 29. We have been dating for two year. He has a little girl from his wife who sadly passed away four years ago. I love tak...
A. 21 October 2012: First of all I would try not to assume anything with that ring, could be from an old flame, or even his wife. Nevertheless, how was her reaction when she found it, or did you cover up that it could have been for you? I think that's a conversation ... (read in full...)
I am wrong for her but how do I tell her I'm the problem?
Q. I have been dating a girl for about 8 months now and at first it was great but I have grown bored. I know I am the problem because this has happened to me in the past I just thought I had grown out of that stage but it turns out I have not. I have ...
A. 10 October 2012: Just rip the bandaid. Say what you've said here about it not being her but you and you love her but not in love with her. But after you break up, go get some counseling to assist yourself in breaking this pattern. Stay out of a relationship for a ... (read in full...)
How to stop my friend interfering in my relationship?
Q. My friend is starting to really tick me off! I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and though I wouldn't say I'm in love with him, I know I'm really crazy about him. He and I made a pact that we wouldn't just throw the "I Love You" around b...
A. 10 October 2012: Is SHE single? kind of sounds like it. I think that whether it's jealousy or what, her attitude is toxic. What's she's doing is not for you because you've told her what you need is her not to talk about this. Say it's your life and you're allowed to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is renting out spare room to another woman and I feel uncomfortable.
Q. My fella of 6 months is struggling with bills even though he works. He has a mortgage to meet and has been worrying about winter fuel bills taking more. He cannot afford to go out except once a month, without me, so we stop in and one of us cooks, ...
A. 10 October 2012: You know it's for financial reasons, because you helped him with it, he didn't just underhandedly decide he needs to live with a female. So you shouldn't be threatened by her. Most roommates keep to themselves and aren't looking to be friends, let ... (read in full...)
Can relationships last and be enjoyable in the platonic stage for an extended period? I just dislike all the emphasis on sex everywhere.
Q. (I'd be most appreciative if somebody could reply ASAP) I've never been the best person to talk about sex, as it upsets me to talk about it. I've been in a relationship for just over 3 months now (not thinking about sex, don't worry) but I'm just...
A. 10 October 2012: Why do you get so upset you to the point of tears to talk about sex? Is it because you're scared of losing virginity, you feel the pressure but you're not ready, or what? A couple of thoughts. You dislike sex everywhere. I get that. It's really a... (read in full...)
Is this a cultural thing? I'm not sure if it means more or not? He's from England and I'm from Australia
Q. Now this might sound a over reaction but my boyfriend text me goodnight and said see you soon luv?!!! Isn't luv what you would say to some random girl not your girlfriend of a year? He's English and I'm from Australia so is it common to use suc...
A. 9 October 2012: Yea it's casual but it just sounds like a term of endearment to me. ... (read in full...)
Do you think our date went well?
Q. We met and drank tea for an hour. I offered to pay but he didn't let me. He was very tried; we both have had a very long day. We talked continuously and had a nice time (I would say) but then he had to go back to his work to his cubicle in the ...
A. 9 October 2012: seems promising! Great that the conversation kept flowing. Maybe suggest evening or a restaurant for dinner for a more romantic/less platonic rendez-vous!... (read in full...)
Video chatted for a few months. Then he claims I got weird? Should I be patient, or is something else going on here?
Q. He found me online this June. We haven't met in real life. For the past 3 months, we video chatted with each other almost everyday.(Just chat.) Most of the time he initiated the conversation. He's divorced for 2 years and is looking for a se...
A. 6 October 2012: He's either married, using you for your professional expertise, or not romantically interested. Move on. ... (read in full...)
I think my gay classmate like me but I'm straight.
Q. Due to an upcoming project, our professor decided to pair everyone in the class room up. I was paired up with a gay classmate that I've seen from time to time. I'm very open-minded so this wasn't really a problem to me. In fact our professor ...
A. 4 October 2012: Well I think you can nip it in the bud if he tries one of these moves again, just emphasize, i enjoy our friendship, but you know i'm straight, right? or if you find that offensive, you could talk about some girl you think is really hot and how ... (read in full...)
My teacher is 2 different people around me! When we are alone he is great, but in front of others he makes me the butt of jokes!
Q. hey guys. so i'm in a really confusing situation, my teacher is 43 i think hes married because at the begining of last year he wore a wedding ring but now doesn't, and i'm well 16. and the problem is things are tense and i dont know why, and i c...
A. 6 December 2010: i do not know why this man delights in messing with your head, i hate him just hearing about him, but stick to the back of the classroom, study hard so he has no reason to dock you points, and if he DOES give you a grade you dont deserve, take it up ... (read in full...)
My teacher is 2 different people around me! When we are alone he is great, but in front of others he makes me the butt of jokes!
Q. hey guys. so i'm in a really confusing situation, my teacher is 43 i think hes married because at the begining of last year he wore a wedding ring but now doesn't, and i'm well 16. and the problem is things are tense and i dont know why, and i c...
A. 3 December 2010: will you have him next semester too?... (read in full...)
My teacher is 2 different people around me! When we are alone he is great, but in front of others he makes me the butt of jokes!
Q. hey guys. so i'm in a really confusing situation, my teacher is 43 i think hes married because at the begining of last year he wore a wedding ring but now doesn't, and i'm well 16. and the problem is things are tense and i dont know why, and i c...
A. 25 November 2010: first, think about it, get your friends' opinions, try to make sure that you're not being overly sensitive due to your close relationship with him. it does sound like he could be trying to cover his tracks for his at the very least, a close ... (read in full...)
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