| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Is my attitude to work wrong? My work bores me, I can't wait to get out at 5pm.
Q. I really need your advice! I'm in my late 20's. I work in a chartered accountancy firm and my job is boring. I start counting down the minutes till 5 from the second I sit down. I know that's wrong and I should be grateful to have a job in th...
A. 4 April 2012: I think I would find that claustrophobic as well. I think you need to start feeling comfortable saying no to the linen functions and even drinks with the group. you are not obligated to do these things, and they obviously click in a way that makes ... (read in full...)
How can I be pain and flashback free after being abused?
Q. I'm 23 years old and Been with my boyfreind for 11 months we first start getting sexual with each other three months in to the relationship which it took a lot off trust and understanding on my bf part because I was sexually abuse when I was younger ...
A. 2 April 2012: I have a feeling it could be too soon for sex after your recent trauma. You may have healed physically but emotionally and psychologically you aren't there all the way otherwise you wouldn't feel pain and (depending on your history) have ... (read in full...)
I need to get past this shock!
Q. I've been in a serious relationship for 16 months now and everything has been perfect. We never argue, enjoy each others company. Have lived together since August and continually talk about our future together. This morning however, he popped out to ...
A. 1 April 2012: If he's deleted them after this discovery, you should take this as a sign that it was a mistake and that he wants to focus on you alone. I think it was genuine and that you shouldn't hold him past life against him. ... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to think anymore!
Q. Ok I had a child 3 years ago. Things didn't work out with his mother but shortly after we split up I fell madly in love with her cousin. Which is also my sons cousin. We have spent the last two years together and everything has been amazing. But we ...
A. 30 March 2012: i'm not seeing the problem, YOU'RE not related to the cousin, so it's not incest, and just because your son is related, what does that really affect other than her now taking care of him like a mother than a cousin?...or is the problem just that ... (read in full...)
Being with me isn't what's right for him, but encouraging him to move on hurts
Q. I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. A young man befriended us during his illness, and took care of me after his death. He came round every evening.He listened to me, made me laugh. He started flirting with me a bit - then more. I couldn't ...
A. 29 March 2012: why did you push him away, why couldn't you be his girlfriend, because you were so much older? why did he allow himself to be broken up with and set up by you, and if you're concerned about age, what's the difference if is now going after someone ... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but he is hurting me all the time! Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel lef...
A. 28 March 2012: You've taken some great steps, good for you! Come back to us if you waiver or have new love inquiries ;)... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but he is hurting me all the time! Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel lef...
A. 26 March 2012: I wouldn't bother, it's not worth the heartache associating with him. I think you're in too vulnerable a position to handle being around him and recommend you cut your financial and emotional losses and look towards the future--eventually with a ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my 7 year older 1st cousin
Q. I'm a girl and i have a huge crush on my older cousin. She is 7 years older than me but still, everytime when she comes over to our house she is all i can think about. I have known her since i was little and we are very close. But i can't help that ...
A. 26 March 2012: Personally I would try to sacrifice my lesbian feelings for my cousin as it could cause serious drama and negatively impact the family's equilibrium. Family dynamics may seem written in stone but are in fact one little thing can have a severe effect ... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but he is hurting me all the time! Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel lef...
A. 26 March 2012: I'd like to know what you think he's done to deserve a 'nice' break up. just delete his number, all contacts with him (like facebook or myspace), put any remaining items on the lawn or porch and call it a day. He knows you're a sucker for him ... (read in full...)
Met an aspiring actress, got on so well with her but found out she plans to sleep her way to the top!
Q. Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles! I was ...
A. 26 March 2012: so...I feel like this is assuming she actually achieves her goal of success. This isn't necessarily like.. a two year sleep around stint. could be 20! What happens if she's still unsuccessful? I just feel like this is a slippery slope, and I agree ... (read in full...)
Dad is being pathetic because I don't have a boyfriend!
Q. Every time I see my dad, the first thing he asks is if any guys are chasing me. He thinks I need a boyfriend. I'm a Sophomore in college and haven't had one since my Junior year of high school. I'm fine with not having a boyfriend, though it would ...
A. 24 March 2012: WOW. LOL I don't know what he would have done with my family--my sister is 28 going on 29 and she JUST got her first boyfriend a couple of months ago, and my younger sister, a senior in college also never had a love interest. I was a forerunner in ... (read in full...)
One of the girls my boyfriend used to sleep with is OBSESSED with him and it's causing problems in our relationship! Help!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year weve only started fighting the last couple of months, and its always over the same thing...or the same person i should say. basically when i first started talking to him before we were da...
A. 24 March 2012: I think it's somewhat problematic that he's more willing to be defensive of her than to honor your feelings on this. some of you may be jealous or paranoid--which i think is natural after so many people tell you to watch out for someone! How often ... (read in full...)
My friend owes me money and will not pay up!
Q. This isn't exactly a Relationship problem but I have a 'friend' who I gave a loan of €250 last year, she is now engaged to her boyfriend of two months and quit her job to spend more time with him. I have panic attacks due to lack of money and I ha...
A. 24 March 2012: in america, sometimes verbal agreements can be as enforceable
as written contracts but it's obviously more difficult bc of the he said/she said issue.
maybe just the threat of lawyering up or going in for a preliminary consultation in which th... (read in full...)
Caught mid kiss, now she wont talk to me!
Q. I went away recently to visit some family, my nans brother and his step daughter / her husband. We are all very good friends and have met several times before this visit. However this time was different, it started the same as always, meet up as I ...
A. 21 March 2012: Your 2nd cousins husband is basically a pervert, so if she should be mad at anyone it should be her husband for taking advantage of a drunk minor. Aside from those issues, this is really a spousal issue at this point. Consider writing an apology ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him why I acted so badly?
Q. There is this guy who I met early this year, we get along very well, had brilliant banter and quite a bit in common. He was the one guy who always texted back quickly and in fact everyday! Just seeing how things were and before I went to bed to say ...
A. 21 March 2012: I don't think you need to go into why you had cut contact--you could just say it was suddenly a busy time for you, a personally difficult time for you, or you just stopped text services for a while to save money. i think if you explained that your ... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to "train" my boyfriend in terms of sex.
Q. my boyfriend still has a lot to learn, especially to be more gentle. Simply telling him "Be gentler" only works for a few minutes usually. I know he's the one, we've already talked about marriage, and we want to wait till after we're living tog...
A. 21 March 2012: ok new ideas-instead of porn, get video 'how to's-which would likely involve women but won't be the full show, it more as a learning tool. or grab a book on these topics.
http://healing.about.com/od/sexualhealing/a/tantricsex.htm
https://www.g... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to "train" my boyfriend in terms of sex.
Q. my boyfriend still has a lot to learn, especially to be more gentle. Simply telling him "Be gentler" only works for a few minutes usually. I know he's the one, we've already talked about marriage, and we want to wait till after we're living tog...
A. 21 March 2012: It sounds like he gets a lot of his techniques from porn? I would suggest finding a porno where you see the girl being treated sensually and gently and not just shoving fingers in there to see boobs shake. practice as the tape is going. Have a ... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend don't know which day our anniversary would be!
Q. Please help us settle this debate. My boyfriend and I in a disagreement about when our official anniversary should be celebrated. Option 1: September 8th. This is the day we first slept together. We had been dating for two months before this dat...
A. 21 March 2012: I think traditional is when you have The Talk and make it official. Personally think it's a little weird you'd have a boning anniversary, may I guess that one was his choice? ... (read in full...)
Mother-in-law!!!!!!!!!!! HELP! The woman is insane!!!!
Q. My boyfriends mother is causing problems in our relationship. We've been together 2 years, we are incredibly happy and never argue as we're so laid back, compatible and very much in love. However.... he has an incredibly controlling mother. ...
A. 16 March 2012: Why can't your bf move in with you to your family's house in the meantime and separate his accounts from hers?... (read in full...)
How can I ever trust him again after he lied, he even swore on our kids lives!
Q. So I need some advice on if I can ever trust my Fiance again. To start we were having some problems back in October and we decided that we would be together but I went to stay with a friend for a week because I needed some time to sort things out. ...
A. 13 March 2012: Alright. Just because he expressed interest in other women on break doesn't mean he followed through on anything with them. And whether it's cheating depends on what you meant by break. Usually breaks mean no one is obligated to stay loyal to you ... (read in full...)
I feel like what we had was unfinished, but it didn't really have an official start
Q. So, I'm sixteen. I had a "thing" with this guy who just turned 18 yesterday. This past fall we started hanging out with a mutual friend and there was instant attraction for me. He took me on a few dates, kissed me first and we had this thing were I ...
A. 12 March 2012: I don't think he really liked you. I'm not saying he didn't enjoy your attention or the company, but you were just someone he could release some sexual tension with and that's about it. he gave you vague responses because he knew he could get you to ... (read in full...)
What if I gain weight and my bf isn't attracted to me?
Q. I am turning 21 soon and yes I am sexually active with my bf but we do use condoms every single time and I just had my period like a week ago so I know I'm not pregnant. I just want to know why I'm soooo hungry all the time now. It's been like this...
A. 9 March 2012: Eating 7-9 little meals is not necessarily a bad thing, if the content of what you're eating is good for you. Are you eating meals of fruits, veggies, fish, eggs? Or is it junk food? I think part of the problem could be the lack of conscious eating. ... (read in full...)
Why did I get butterflies from a random man's touch?
Q. Hi all. Okay this might be long but thanks ahead of time for reading it all. I have been with my fiance' for 3 years now. I have always thought he was the one and still do. About a year ago (almost) I had to go get fingerprinted for my job. There ...
A. 7 March 2012: This happened a YEAR ago?! you are inflating the event as something catastrophic. you don't want the cop, you are not WITH the cop, you're with your fiance. Basically you can't get rid of sexual attraction to others even if you find your soulmate. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my FWB guy and I think he's in love with me too. What do I do?
Q. Im in a very complicated fwb situation. We started out as drunk and completly random... he admitted after a few months he kind of had feelings for me, which i hadnt even acknolowdged in myself yet. Few weeks later i see him making out with another ...
A. 1 March 2012: I think you just have to lay it all on the line and say straight out what you feel like you are losing if he leaves because that is your only chance he won't leave with it making it work. at the very least, you will never regret saying your piece. ... (read in full...)
Did my g/f perform oral on me just to make me feel better?
Q. Hello everyone I have a question about what has happened earlier in the day. She came over to my house and well things got heated and I was performing oral on her which I love to do but she likes to finish off herself which I don't like. An...
A. 22 February 2012: as a sidenote, she should generally be able to finish as she sees best, it can be a lot more difficult and less pleasurable when you are more used to your own hand than a partner's tongue. that you were barely paying her attention and playing with ... (read in full...)
He's changed, and is there any point in being with a Bf who behaves this way?
Q. So here's my problem... I'm 15 and have been with my boyfriend for the last 13 months. At first it started out and he was so perfect, but the last few months I've been having doubts. Everything he says annoys me, he's clingy he's turned all c...
A. 17 February 2012: sounds like you didn't like it when he expressed how much he cared about you (I think camp means cheesy, right?), and now you don't like it that he's gone the other direction. You say he's changed not for the better but you didn't even like him when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to marry him and move to Hawaii but my parents/college are stopping me from doing so
Q. Hey all, My boyfriend is in the Marines, we've been together for 2 years and we are very much in love. I've known him for 6 years prior to this, as he was my best friend in high school. He is stationed in Hawaii currently and I am in my junior ...
A. 8 February 2012: You have so much time don't give into this pressure. I was basically in your position three years ago, a senior in a relationship with a marine with 2 years left in his contract; the culture, social pressure and financial incentives to marrying a ... (read in full...)
My Mexican neighbors have made life hell for us. Do I just suck it up and ignore them as I have been doing, or do I stand up and nag them back?
Q. Hey, this isn't really much of a relationship question but I don't know where to ask this. I really dislike confrontation and it makes me nervous because I start getting so angry I start crying and it's unstoppable. I live in an apartment. I...
A. 2 February 2012: I have a feeling just the cultural/racial tensions and your being taught to avoid conflict have just made it difficult to see that these are typical neighbor squabbles. They have not done anything particularly physically threatening or dangerous to ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend so much but I don't like him!
Q. Ok. So i have been reading peoples posts on here for days and have finally plucked up the courage to ask for some advice on here. The p[roblem is i dont think i really know where to start... but here goes. I met my current boyfriend when i...
A. 29 January 2012: I know you said you don't want to dwell on it, and maybe this trajectory of events would have occurred regardless of your rape, but it seems like a couple of things might be happening: 1) he doesn't know how to handle you after that event and he m... (read in full...)
Why do my parents never want me to leave home? How to become more independant and not alienate them?
Q. My family thinks we have to be married just to leave home. I don't know why, as we aren't remotely religious and not an ethnic minority. NONE of my extended family is like this at all. So why are my parents? Even the movie Failure to Launch m...
A. 23 January 2012: It seems to me that while they are certainly not making your life easy or pleasant, you're directing your anger at yourself [for not leaving and letting yourself be beat up] towards them as the instigators. which do you hate more, your parents' ... (read in full...)
Why would girlfriend have contact details of guy who raped her?
Q. My gf, who is now 27, was raped at 16 by a 26 year old guy she used to hang around with. She never told anyone except me when i met her 5 years ago. She has never dealt with it and has kept it blocked out. She made me promis never to tell anyone or ...
A. 20 January 2012: I think the thing is here that there is slim to essentially no way that she is romantically interested in the guy. It is possible she keeps tabs on him as a way of feeling in control. It is possible that he has contacted her or she has followed up ... (read in full...)
In his message to me, he said "don't run off with the circus in the meantime ". What did he mean?
Q. This guy cancelled our date yesterday, and i have an update on the situation. I sent him a private message last night saying that it was a shame that we couldn't meet, and that we could meet again sometime if he wanted, and i said i hoped he liked ...
A. 20 January 2012: I guess he means don't disappear on him, and that he's still interested. I would text him this evening and ask if you can come over or if he wants to catch a meal. ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my husband about this incident I had with an ex boyfriend?
Q. I don't know what to do. I cheated on my husband. I've only ever had sex with my husband, but I did have a boyfriend before him. We've been married for a few years now and everything is great. This ex-boyfriend contacted me on facebook, and I ...
A. 20 January 2012: I agree with MarieClaire. First off, your past life and sex life is NOT your husband's business. You haven't done anything wrong withholding this information because it's your right to have it and do what you want with it. As for the kiss, I think ... (read in full...)
.He loves me, but now wants kids that I cannot give.
Q. I am 46, seperated for 1.5 years, I have been dating someone of 45 years of age for 6 months, he's never been married. I have 2 children, he knows that I cannot have anymore. We are serious about our feelings of caring for each other, wanting to ...
A. 28 December 2011: I'm probably naive, having not had kids myself, but I don't think that 60 year olds having kids in college is actually that ridiculous. My father is 60 and he's still pretty spry, I mean he's not doing cartwheels but he's not in a nursing home by ... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend kissing another girl but I want to give him another chance. Any advice?
Q. Sorry in advance if it's long and thank you for reading. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. We're very serious and talk about marriage. Back in October we took a break because of the way I was treating him. I treated him horribly when he ...
A. 27 December 2011: This might not be what you think it looks like..what if it's just a cousin? a family friend? or just a friend he hasn't seen in a while that you've never met? a kiss on the cheek doesn't scream romance to me. Ask before you accuse; I also agree with ... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend kissing another girl but I want to give him another chance. Any advice?
Q. Sorry in advance if it's long and thank you for reading. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. We're very serious and talk about marriage. Back in October we took a break because of the way I was treating him. I treated him horribly when he ...
A. 27 December 2011: This might not be what you think it looks like..what if it's just a cousin? a family friend? or just a friend he hasn't seen in a while that you've never met? a kiss on the cheek doesn't scream romance to me. Ask before you accuse; I also agree with ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from him for 2 days!
Q. Hi, I met a very sweet guy online who I really got on well with. Due to him working abroad we spoke almost everyday for around 2 months before we met. We had our first date just before Christmas and I thought it went really well, we have lots in ...
A. 27 December 2011: yea...it's the holidays...let him breathe a little, you said you two would meet up after new years!... (read in full...)
Missed LOVE Opportunity - Do I still have a chance??
Q. I spent 6 months studying in the UK January to July. I met this guy soon after I arrived (also Australian but settled in UK). I’m 33 and he’s 41. We were together for 4 mths and during this time he was very serious and wanted to commit, however as I ...
A. 25 December 2011: I think you've done too much damage to this relationship. I think he did love you, and you pushed him away too many times before realizing what you were doing, that it's really not healthy for either of you to get back into. ... (read in full...)
Why do my parents never want me to leave home? How to become more independant and not alienate them?
Q. My family thinks we have to be married just to leave home. I don't know why, as we aren't remotely religious and not an ethnic minority. NONE of my extended family is like this at all. So why are my parents? Even the movie Failure to Launch m...
A. 18 December 2011: What happens if you do leave, are they going to disown you? You're old enough to leave and establish some family meal nights, or move out and stay on the weekends, my sister did that for several years (and still does that maybe not every weekend ... (read in full...)
She loves me but should I believe her?
Q. ahh good ol Cupid, have not been here in many months or years to be exact! Well its that time again where i am falling in love and iv hit a BRICK WALL, to say the least. Iv been seeing this girl for about 6/7 months now, we are not officiall...
A. 17 December 2011: First off all, she doesn't sound like someone I would trust. She declares her love to you consistently for several months and then when you reciprocate interest, you've called her bluff, and she backpedals? I think she just likes the idea of love, ... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken! When I asked my Bf if he saw us having a future together, he replied saying "I don't know."
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years. I finally bring up the question... "Do you see us together in the future? Do you see us having a future together?" He comes back with the answer.. "I don't know." To ...
A. 10 December 2011: well first and foremost, I would not use parents as a comparison basis, because they usually have their romance stories down and the actual events' bumps along the way are smoothed over after years of happy marriage (at least in my parents case ... (read in full...)
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