A
male
age
30-35,
*lfredo1400
writes:So this girl I met this year is like amazingly gorgeous, and she has been my supposed "best friend" for a couple months now, even tho ive never been in a platonic relationship. The thing is were both really attracted to each other and she "swears" that she could get me if she wanted to so she walks around me naked and teases me all the time. So just to proove her wrong I keep my hands to my self if you no wat i mean. Well last night I had enough. She came over and slept in my bed naked and after about 4 hours I couldnt take it anymore and I fell for it. She let me do everything besides penetration. Rejecting me because it would reuin our friendship (she keeps saying this while stroking my penis). But everytime I stopped trying to have sex she would iniciate it again. finnally she left with this victorious smile on her face declaring that shes not playing games shes just not a ho(even tho i didnt ask her), and wont let me hit as easily like the other girls i talk to(according to her im a ho). I so fuking confused. Is she crazy, is this a game, or wat. Weve been at it for a while and its obviously we both have feelings for each other so wats the point of all these games, wats her intentions with me. i never call her she calls me so y is she around if she doesnt want anything. I need female advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): She's got u by the balls literally, grow a spine and show her the door.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Are you for real? You're kidding right? Thats what you got from all the answers? That you should do the same thing as her?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 October 2011):
Haha...you're joking, right? Wow.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 October 2011):
 no, take the high road. Two wrongs do not make it right.If there is a problem, then walk away as the honorable one. You will know you have acted as the gentleman you are. It will make losing you so much more powerful when You are the honorable one
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Woah woah woah! People are looking too much into this! Have you ever thought that perhaps she has given it away too quickly in the past and had a man leave her after he got what he wanted? Perhaps shes teasing you to see how long you stick around? She may just be scared that if she gives you the full intercourse you'll ditch her having gotten what you aimed for. I don't think she's a controlling witch at all, she seems to have been totally misunderstood here! I'd say if you're enjoying her company then play along, if it continues for longer than you're comfortable with then leave. Its all fun. Jeez...
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A
male
reader, Alfredo1400 +, writes (9 October 2011):
Alfredo1400 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was thinking maybe if you guys are right and she is like that, maybe I should do the same thing to her?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 October 2011):
Dear Alfredo,
I have no doubt you are attracted to this attractive girl, like a moth to a flame. The replies you have received reflect that the writers have seen similar situations in the past, and have seen the subsequent fall-out as a result.
So all people can do is try to offer you the
benefit of hindsight. And try to suggest some options to help you avoid the usual outcomes in similar situations in the past.
Your attractive girl may be the exception. And that would be very good for you.
That said, women who do try to manipulate and sexually humiliate a man are remarably predictable and often replicate the same patterns of abusers from the past. Often offering little snippets of 'nice' to keep their intended victim 'sweet' as they build the momentum to more and more humiliation to break their victim.
Once again your attractive girl may be the exception.
The replies don't seek to do more than warn you that, what they have suggested represents the possibilities, based on their own observations of similar sets of circumstances and actions in the past.
No one wants to see a man broken to the point where he loses out, humiliated.
People bent on harm Can be very charming to their victim, until they achieve their aim. After that it is scorn and contempt and vilification and humiliation, once they have achieved their aim. It's down hill all the way after that if it gets to that stage. It happens. No one herein wants to see that sad outcome.
So in good faith the replies herein are simply trying to offer you the benefit of hindsight, and hope that you are not hurt by this attractive girl, if she decides to up the ante. Because if it does go down that path it will be sad. And no one wants to see you hurt. Hence the replies you have received.
Good luck for the future.
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A
male
reader, Alfredo1400 +, writes (9 October 2011):
Alfredo1400 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow I mean yea shes a tease. Im not deffending her. But I don't think shes evil like some of you say. She actually really nice and always buys me food when we go out. The only reason I say it's my fault is because when we were doing the whole platonic thing maybe I took it too literal because I shared a lot of stuff with her about other girls and such so now i feel like shes being deffensive or doesnt want to be another notch in my belt. Also she gave me a lot of chances to do whatever I want and I didnt go for it because I dont like to be just another guy chasing after her. I think we BOTH handled things wrong And now that I want to its like that boat has sailed. Plus I still rarely call her, shes the one that always calls me. I wouldnt say shes "hurting" me, I just think that the whole situation kinda sux because its rare for me to like somebody like this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 You also have to take into fact that women and some men don't say what they mean and what they say they want is not what they really want.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 October 2011):
I honestly don't hate this girl like you all do. If I like a guy and I know he likes me too but does nothing. I am not going to walk up to him and say do you want to be my boyfriend? No.
I know that sexual teasing is the worst way to do but however may be she is frustrated that she can't move on from you so she would do something silly to finally "Screw it!" Provoke something in you. Forcing you to say something back.
The reason why you are posting this question is because you want to know what to do. Can you honestly say that you feel at peace dropping this girl, never knowing what her real intentions are?
She could be teasing several men at once, or she could be frustrating trying to get you to pursue her. How are we strangers to judge that the former is what she must be doing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): Too late for what?!
She's bored, moved on, got a boyfriend whatever..and she IS a ho. The worst kind, the tease.And she is not a friend - unless you think this is how 'friends' should behave toward you. Shes just boosting her own ego and laughing at you as she does it
You've had a lucky escape because she's now focusing on some other lapdog....But you won't see all this until you meet a decent normal girl, one thats not a teasing Ho.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 October 2011):
Yes, she's just playing games. I don't think that she doesn't "like" you in some way, but she likes having power over you. She's getting off on driving you crazy and that's not cool. It would be different if she kept her clothes on, but she is going a little too far. She's testing you and seeing what she can get away with.
I don't think that she realizes that she's hurting you as much as it really is. I think she probably thinks it's fun at your expense...but she obviously has some sort of problem. And to say she's not a 'ho' but then prances around naked and fools around--doesn't mean that she's some sort of prude either.
It sounds like you're starting to get over the games. It would be frustrating to anybody. I think you should talk to her--call her out on her games and that you're tired of her playing hard to get, and that either you two can have some sort of real relationship or you need to move on.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 October 2011):
 You don't want to seem like you're chasing her, but everyone, including her, knows that you're chasing her.
The fact that you've allowed her to use you for attention when she is being a first-rate Bitch to you is pretty lame.
It doesn't matter if she's pretty and you like her. SHE. IS. USING. YOU.
You teach people how you think you deserve to be treated by accepting treatment. Since you've accepted her using you, she knows she can.
Drop this girl like a grenade and fucking RUN, buddy! She's TOXIC!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (9 October 2011):
She's humiliating and disrespecting you and doing it IN your face! Who is she to test you??! And this is not the behavior of a woman who likes a guy. This is the behavior of a cheap woman, who just wants to tease you, get some thrills out of it and feel victorious. She's inviting trouble. Not only does she have zero morals, she's downright disgusting.
"Rejecting me because it would reuin our friendship (she keeps saying this while stroking my penis)." Really???!! What "friendship" is she talking about here? There wasn't any friendship even to begin with, forget ruining it now. This is NOT how friends behave. She is toxic, dangerous and very pathetic.
Listen to what everyone's saying and stop defending her. You want advice, you're getting it loud and clear from everyone, without anything being sugarcoated.
You are allowing yourself to be humiliated.
You are allowing yourself to be used.
She does not even like you, forget love.
This is all one big ego boost for her.
Sadly you still think she's "all that". Pity you cant see the real picture. What's the point of the post then, if YOU dont think there's anything wrong with her? What are you complaining about then?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 October 2011):
it is absolutely NOT your fault. She is setting you up. And as another poster says, when a woman is controlling and with-holding like this it is first level abuse. Which will only get worse.
And is about undermining your masculine virility and humiliating you. Until it gets to the point where she will 'tell' you when you can ejaculate.
Run while your self respect is still intact before she hurts you emotionally.
Even very cruel people can look like 'knockout gorgeous gals'. It makes it easier for them to become abusive in the future.
read up on the internet about such women, they do exist.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 October 2011):
 No! She's teasing you! A woman who honestly liked you wouldn't even begin to treat you like this! She's playing you! Walking around naked and telling you she's not a "ho"?
Getting you to initiate sex, then when you do, she stops you, and when you stop, she re-initiates?
These aren't the acts of a woman who "likes" a guy. These in fact are the acts of a woman who hates men. She'll deny it, but if she truly liked you, she could never cause you pain and get off on it.
She wants your attention. You said yourself that she has guys after her. You think you can make her give in. It would be a boost to her ego if she breaks down and gives it to you.
Truth is, you're being castrated, man. Drop her unless she stops playing games for good. But she won't. She likes what she's doing to you. It's cheap. It's shallow. It's cruel.
You say you want female advice?? Stop making excuses for her and listen to what we're saying! To give her any more attention and let her come near you in a sexual way is emasculating and masochistic. Get it?
Are you a man, or a toy and a little chihuahua kick dog?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 October 2011):
Everyone's right. She wants to control you sexually. This stems from a deep hatred for men. She wants power over you, and right now, you're giving it to her.
Think about it. If she was so worried about ruining the friendship, she would never have gotten sexual with you in the first place.
What she is doing is hideous. Tell her to stay away from you, keep her clothes on, and don't ever talk to you sexually again. I know...you're a guy and you'd love to have sex with her. But what she's doing is emasculating you...emotionally cutting your balls off and using them for dice.
You need a woman who will care about you, won't be mean, and won't play games. You need someone for whom sex is an expression of how she feels about you. She won't play with you and delight in making you suffer.
Next time she comes near her, say in a very loud voice looking right into her eyes,
"GET AWAY FROM ME."
Then look away from her and find someone who actually deserves your desire for her.
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 A woman who wants to "respect" her friendship with a male and not "ruin" it would NOT be naked in front of her male friend or even go anywhere near his penis, let a lone stroke it. This girl seems entertained by this torment she is causing. You are not her toy, I too suggest you drop this "friend" and try dating a girl who is straight up with you and herself on what her intentions are.
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A
male
reader, Alfredo1400 +, writes (9 October 2011):
Alfredo1400 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly I don't think shes a ho. We've been back and forth for a couple months now. I really like her but I don't show it. And I know she likes me a lot because she does a horrible job at hiding it. And if were still "friends" it's because I havnt aloud the relationship to go any further. Mainly because I dont want her to think Im chasing her like every other guy. And basically the same vice versa. It's really a sad story because even though it's mostly my fault, I think I like her more than any other girl Ive ever met mostly because we were friends first. Now for some reason Im not sure if she got tired of playign whatever game she was playign or what but I dont see her as much. She just pops up like couple times a month really late at night but besides that we dont talk. Do you think its too late
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 October 2011):
 Chicks can make great friends, but only if you can handle them. Until you are ready to see a hot chick parading around, strutting her stuff, and not care, you're better off restricting relations with females to either actual dating, or to girls who can and will set you up with their cute friends.
Stop talking to this chick, get some guy friends, and go try to find a chick to actually date.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 October 2011):
Dear Alfredo,
you poor man. You need a real relationship with a real woman. Show this manipulative unkind woman the door. What a silly inane time-wasting teaser. She is potentially cruel. Withholding, control freak.
All she is capable is delivering a sick humiliating sexual teaser experience.
She is not worthy of you. Whether she
loooks like Miss World or Attilla-the-hun's ol scrubber she is still bad news.
And an exhibitionist.
She enjoys torturing your mind.
This is not a sexual relationship it is an exercise in humiliating and teasing you in a negative way.
She is not a friend. Friends are not this cruel.
Her control freak tendencies will impact on any potential relationship - now or in the future. Be it sexual or non-sexual.
She has some very warped ideas on mutually satisfying (for both parties) sexual relationships are alll about.
Ditch her.
And find a better class of friends
Then find a real girl who respects you, likes you, is attracted to you, and who behaves in a real way.
And NOT as a prick-teaser.
Celebrate with some real friends once you have excluded her from your life. Things can only improve after that, once you also find a real girlfriend
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 October 2011):
I can say this relationship is no longer platonic. She only says she doesn't want to ruin the friendship because she has this internal dilemma of wanting to prove herself attractive, feeling horny but not wanting to be seen as a whore. She wants to feel in control, and having sex without the security of a commitment makes her she has no control. What you have to do is to simply express that wanting sex does not make one a whore. In order for her to feel secure you have to declare her a girlfriend first. In exchange she has to respect your feelings and not continue being a cock teaser.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 October 2011):
 she doesn't like you. you two don't have a friendship. she likes manipulating you. she likes the power she has over you. she likes being a cocktease. lust can be egoboosting. I don't know who she's fooling, she IS a hoe, just cause one thing doesn't go up her vagina, she is acting loose with her body and and she isn't acting out of regard for a friendship bc she doesn't care about what her actions do to you or her. I 'm sure if you said any of this to her she would say that she just thought you two were having fun, but I would completely cut her out of my life. it's possible she might come around and really show that she cares but I highly doubt it. I think she really just wants to see how much she can push you and how much male attention she can get.
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