| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My new boyfriend has a low sex drive
Q. I look after myself and love sex and intimacy. I have met a guy who after a few attempts admits he has ED and it feels numb and he hardly masturbates. It caused a rift in his marriage and viagra didnt work and his hormone levels are normal. I ha...
A. 18 February 2016: You already have the experience to answer this question. I've been in a mismatched Drive relationship before and I would live as a hermit before I would start another. It has nothing to do with his physical problem and everything to do wing the ... (read in full...)
My future MIL thinks we should get checked out because after 3 years together we still haven't gotten pregnant
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years now we are getting married this year... We have had unprotected sex for at least 3 years. If we get pregnant that great if we don’t that is still okay as we are 25 and 26 so there’s time. But his ...
A. 18 February 2016: Why exactly is it that you are avoiding a doctor? Because someone is pushing you to see one? So you are pushing back because, and only because you are being pushed. Make the appointments for you and your future.
Stop sharing intimate deta... (read in full...)
I'm dating 2 men, neither is quite right but I don't want to be alone
Q. Not really sure where to start with this one but here it goes...s I'm dating two men; one is extremely nice to me and loving and complementary. He buys me little things like roses and we have a good relationship. he's there for me if I need him, ...
A. 18 February 2016: Simple, You want the excitement of knowing he is an aggressive Alpha, always looking for a bigger and better deal. And you want him totally smitten with you so he will never actually find a bigger or better deal. All you have to do is be the best ... (read in full...)
This girl overheard me and now she know who my crush is. How do I react when he finds out?
Q. hi,so i need a quick answer right now.heres my problem:so i have this crush,and i was talking about him with my friends,but this girl "overheard" it and yelled at my crush,fortunately he didn't hear,but she was yelling beside the bus, i was making ...
A. 16 February 2016: araCp,
Why are you so selfish with your affections? Why hide your crush? Wouldn't it be much more satisfying to share your feelings with a wonderful guy, instead of living only in your own head?
Take a chance, You can't love without risk!... (read in full...)
How do I get the strength to leave the boyfriend who has been violent in the past?
Q. I've been in a 12 year relationship with my boyfriend. We never married. I'm 36 years old now and we don't have kids etc. We have had loads of ups and downs and yes I'm ashamed to say he's been violent in the past. I have little money etc, ...
A. 16 February 2016: Maloney,
Your question worries me. It is the unsaid but strongly indicated part that worries me the most. There have been some problems in your relationship, but you haven't left. You could be working and self supporting but you aren't. ... (read in full...)
I'm married so why am I having an affair with a co-worker?
Q. I put myself in a very difficult situation and don't know where to go from here. Recently I had an affair with a coworker.I'm a married woman and feel horrible about it. I wasn't planning on it, believe me. When I look back, I realize that we both ...
A. 10 February 2016: I would strongly advise you to forward his emails to his Girlfriend and your Husband. The brilliant light of exposure is the only cure for the festering infection of an affair.... (read in full...)
Guy touched butt on 1st date. Will he not call me again because of how I reacted?
Q. I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. He was nice but he touched my butt.Not grabbed, but knowingly touched it. Aafter we kissed, he tapped it. Not slapped it but tapped it with his hand. Nervously, i didn't know how to react and didnt ...
A. 10 February 2016: I disagree. You are in the USA. You accused him twice. He is playing it safe. Sexual harassment here is a quick conviction with little or no evidence required. If you ask him out he may accept, but I wouldn't expect another kiss. I would be on ... (read in full...)
His ex keeps asking for money!
Q. What do i do if an old girlfriend insists on texting my bf every week to lend money?...
A. 4 February 2016: There are a few ways of dealing with this. First, stop reading his texts. It's his Business (not relationship). If she quickly repays him no problem. Second if the loans are affecting the time (not money) he can spend with you. Then you can ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't sex be lasting longer?
Q. Hey, me and my boyfriend have recently taken our relationship to the next step: sex. The only problem is that, while i found it very enjoyable, he only managed 10 minutes which was a little disappointing. I was a virgin and it had been a while for ...
A. 4 February 2016: That is not excessively quick. (to answer your title question. First times are always prone to timing problems. Practice makes perfect. As long as there is communication and willingness.
Yes there are some things you can do. You need warm up ... (read in full...)
What do you say to someone who is thoroughly convinced no one will like them for who they are?
Q. This question isn't really about help for me, but rather for my friend. Some info on him: he's 40, been divorced for just over a year, and is looking to date again. The problem? He hangs out in bars, claiming he's just "people watching", then com...
A. 4 February 2016: Worse than being a nice guy is being a whiner. Considering his divorced status he may have plenty of reason for the way he feels. If he wants to get back in the game (and there is a fair chance he doesn't), He should read No More Mr. Nice Guy. ... (read in full...)
Can a player fall in love????
Q. Hi there,thanks for reading my post. I am talking with a guy online. met him two times. he is 10years older then me. I am 36 he is 47.I really like him. but I felt he is player. I am interested to know can a player fall in love? Like, a guy wh...
A. 2 February 2016: And if he did fall in love, Would you want him?... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to propose to her on St Valentine's day? She never revealed earlier why she broke up with me, previously.
Q. We went out for a year and then she broke it off. After about 4 months we started seeing each other. We have been seeing each other for the past 2 months. I am not sure why she broke it off. I am a healthy 65 she is 54. She has never been marri...
A. 28 January 2016: At 65 the clock is ticking. You have dated for a year, you know your mind and heart. I'm as worried about the 4 month break as anyone except you, but if you feel comfortable with that, what is waiting going to gain?
Here is my prediction. Aski... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 2 years came inside me for the first time after sex. Why did he do this?
Q. My boyfriend came inside me after having sex. He always pulls out and this is the first time in 2 years he has ever done this. So I am wondering if I need to be concerned by the change in behaviour. Why do this after all this time when he has neve...
A. 28 January 2016: My advice would be to not have unprotected sex unless you want to have a child.
My opinion would be that he is a bit tired of pulling out. He also is a complete prat for not getting permission first.
... (read in full...)
Why was the sex so different between my ex and this man and which one is normal?
Q. A little while ago, I had sex with someone. I'd only ever has sex with one other person before this. My first "lover" was my ex. During the act, we did not really kiss or look at each other. Or talk much. Even when I lost my virginity to him...
A. 28 January 2016: Agree agree agree agree.
But, perhaps because I'm just in a mood, I want to answer your questions with questions.
Do you know what you prefer now?
Will you accept less in future relationships?
Congratulations on a great experience.... (read in full...)
I slept with my brother's friend and hated it
Q. I recently slept with my brother's friend. I knew the guy for a couple years and had a crush on him. We get along well and share common interests like playing boardgames so we always play games together with my brother. Whenever I hang out with that ...
A. 28 January 2016: Great, Now you art the Other Woman.
Chalk it up as a lesson learned. Don't be afraid of gossip, unfriend him and go no contact. He used you, he led you on, he acted like a jerk, and the "chemistry" wasn't really there.
For future referenc... (read in full...)
If I have to ask "where is this relationship going?" the answer is probably "nowhere".
Q. I am a 54 yo female, divorced for 6 years, no children. He is a 60 yo male, divorced for 5 years, he has a 20 yo son who lives out west, another son who lives away as a college freshman and a third son who lives with him who is a HS sophomore. ...
A. 28 January 2016: Guy sounds like a FAKE to me. He is happy with a long distance relationship. But for some reason (ED, Marriage, gender mismatch, legal issues) he is unwilling to actually see you in person. Toss him out with yesterdays junk mail.
FA... (read in full...)
Can't turn back the clock on what I saw
Q. Hi Aunties A few weeks ago I walked in on my boy friend masturbating in my bedroom. He has a key to my apartment, and I let him sleep there during the day when he works nights and I am at work. At the time it happened, he didn’t know that I ...
A. 27 January 2016: Amy Writes: "My boy friend then said he would like to try to do things with me there to see if he could start to get over the strong and strange feelings of embarrassment and discomfort he is having with me seeing him.
I want to help my boy frie... (read in full...)
Can't turn back the clock on what I saw
Q. Hi Aunties A few weeks ago I walked in on my boy friend masturbating in my bedroom. He has a key to my apartment, and I let him sleep there during the day when he works nights and I am at work. At the time it happened, he didn’t know that I ...
A. 22 January 2016: You feel bad because he crossed your boundaries. He feels bad because he sees that he hurt you. Had your boundaries been more clearly stated . . . .
Well the fact is in young relationships there are going to be some surprises. You can't poss... (read in full...)
Should I be lead by my dream life?
Q. I have had most of my dreams not all come to pass. Over 10 years ago, I had a dream that I had an operation on my breasts and I wasn't happy. About 4 years ago, I discovered a painful lump in my left breast and both my breast have been hurting ever ...
A. 14 January 2016: Dreams can be many things. But, by and large they are random firings of neurons while you sleep. Some people (including me) use dreams to help guide life.
Aside from all that, what is it about your beliefs that is preventing you from seeing a... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of having a relationship with my mother-in-law!
Q. Dated my husband for 6 years before he proposed to me and now we've been married for 5 years. I got very bad experience with my MIL and my husband younger sister (she's my age) they interfered big time in our relationship to a point I absolutely ...
A. 14 January 2016: Forgive but don't forget. Trust but verify. As a christian it is your belief that people can and do change. you can give her the chance to prove it to you, but, you need to be cautious and protect yourself. ... (read in full...)
Now we've split should I try to win him back?
Q. Hi people... I split up with my boyfriend of 2 years on the weekend. He broke it off with me over an argument we had. I've posted questions on here a couple of times since and just need some advice now on how to deal with the situation now I ...
A. 5 January 2016: Reconnecting: A Self-Coaching Solution to Revive Your Love Life by Joseph J. Luciani
Read this, not to get him back, to understand how your own insecurities tell you lies that wreck your life.
There are two reasons to let him go forever. On... (read in full...)
Would it be vindictive to tell the wife that her husband is having an affair with my mother?
Q. This may seem like I'm being vindictive so I'd like to explain a bit of history behind my query... My mother is a toxic woman- my sister and I were mentally and physically abused by her as children leading us both to suffer with anxiety issues. ...
A. 30 December 2015: Right action Wrong reason. Affairs thrive in secrets. Bringing them into the light is the best way to end them. Exposure is the first step to healing. Send Proof, not just accusations. Physical copies of the texts at least. Photos if you can ... (read in full...)
How can I forgive and forget?
Q. Ok, so I need help from some people that have gone through this before. Me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up, and pretty much right away she slept with some guy. About 3 months later she wants to get back together but I'm not sure if I can ...
A. 2 December 2015: Dear Plan B,
Yes you are right she set up the break so she could try out the competition. Yes you feel hurt, and disrespected. No you have no obligation to accept this. The answer to your question is that it takes lots of time and positive expe... (read in full...)
Should I pay an escort to go on a date with me?
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or kissed a girl ever. I live alone. I have a big collection of films and film memorabilia. I'm very shy. Partially due to my obesity, and that lots of girls in high school and college would say I was ...
A. 17 November 2015: The first thing you should do is register here and get a screen name and avatar. Then start responding to people who give you advice. It's good practice for having a relationship. You communicate, take risks, let people get to know you. Instead ... (read in full...)
Should I lose weight to attract women?
Q. Hello. I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or kissed a girl. I'm pretty overweight and I know this a contributor. I haven't asked out many girls before because I feel they'll just say no. A guy who's in shape and muscled up is of course ...
A. 16 November 2015: Something is missing in this picture. If you are male in the USA, over 26, and never been kissed. It's not just about the weight. Women are generally not so shallow. You need to think about the whole package. Mostly stop assuming. Your ... (read in full...)
Nudity - his family are comfortable with it. I am not comfortable. Am I right to feel this way ?
Q. Hello dear Aunts and uncles, First of all let me thank you for taking your time. I've been visiting this years for quite a while now and it's time that I'm going to ask a question. I am in a five year happy relationship with a guy two y...
A. 16 November 2015: I'm going to put this very concisely. You have a right to be comfortable. He also has a right to be comfortable.
New that we have covered rights, let's talk about wrongs.
While it is wrong for people to be sexually active with close relative... (read in full...)
Has my wife had an affair?
Q. Well to cut it short basically im married and have been for 5 years. One day my wife left my house as she says she was getting a few bits and peices from the shop and yet was gone 3 hours. On return she couldnt wait to get out the house to go to ...
A. 16 November 2015: Smoking gun. You should have gathered more evidence before confronting.... (read in full...)
How long should a break last?
Q. So my problem is that my boyfriend of 6 years ended our relationship last week. I had noticed he'd been acting a bit strange for a few days, distant and things, but didn't really think much of it until he started ignoring me. It went on all day,...
A. 13 November 2015: He needs 3 or 4 dates to check the other woman out thoroughly. That could take as much as 6 weeks. I know you believe there is no other person but the red flags are all flying.... (read in full...)
Should I confess to cheating? I don't want to lose him, for he's my rock and I love him dearly
Q. I have been with my boyfriend over 2 years and we are completely in love. He means everything to me and he's the kindest, most caring and loyal man I have ever been with. We argue like most couples and one argument we had while I was visiting my ...
A. 1 November 2015: Don't you mean "he means ALMOST everything to me"?
It's ok to risk the relationship by putting yourself in a vulnerable position and then drinking too much. But, it is much to risky to be honest to your real boyfriend.
You need to get your pri... (read in full...)
Will I ever love a man again as much as I loved my first Bf?
Q. I just broke up w/my 1st "real" boyfriend for whom I wanted to give the world to, I eventually found out he didn't care for me that much (he told me how much he loved, but I could feel in my gut he wasn't that in love), so knowing this would tear me ...
A. 30 October 2015: Meh2014 writes "I never pressured him to marry me, he talked more about marriage then me! He talked about saving money to marry me all the time, but made no effort."
That's not the important bit. That relationship is over by your choosing and for ... (read in full...)
Why can't people just accept not everyone wants children?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have no children because we chose not to have any- we are both very happy with our lives and children are not for us. My cousin who got married 8 months after us has just revealed she is ...
A. 29 October 2015: Not wanting to risk GBH, but I can see your decision. At your ages we were not interested in any more children. Thanks to Aiden for making me feel less selfish in my decision not to have children later in life. I honestly cant imagine being ... (read in full...)
No contact since our breakup. Could we date again? And what does kissing on the ear mean?
Q. Hi I had a boyfriend who kissed my ear the first time he kissed me. He was so concentrated on my right ear with his tongue participating mostly. We broke up after i found out he had a girlfriend somewhere else and was dating us both. Though he doe...
A. 29 October 2015: Like everything else in your story, Kissing your ear (with tongue) probably meant that he was trying to see how fast he could get to sex. It is an incredibly intimate thing to do, and never for the first contact. Get that cheating bad boy out of ... (read in full...)
Will I ever love a man again as much as I loved my first Bf?
Q. I just broke up w/my 1st "real" boyfriend for whom I wanted to give the world to, I eventually found out he didn't care for me that much (he told me how much he loved, but I could feel in my gut he wasn't that in love), so knowing this would tear me ...
A. 29 October 2015: Meh2014,
Thanks for the followup. I have some more advice.
This was your first real boyfriend and you are pushing for marriage. You are not ready for that. You do want it.
When you tell a man that you are hurt and he says you are too sensitiv... (read in full...)
Will I ever love a man again as much as I loved my first Bf?
Q. I just broke up w/my 1st "real" boyfriend for whom I wanted to give the world to, I eventually found out he didn't care for me that much (he told me how much he loved, but I could feel in my gut he wasn't that in love), so knowing this would tear me ...
A. 28 October 2015: Meh 2014, There are two other issues besides your specific questions. If you will indulge me I'd like to address them. First Why you decided to derail your relationship. And Second Why you are not comfortable flirting currently. I want to reas... (read in full...)
Why did I cheat on the perfect husband?
Q. Why did I cheat on the perfect husband? I have been married for 4 years with a man I love dearly, but I cheated on him for about 1/2 a year with a former co-worker. I only did it for the attention so I changed jobs. I love my husband and now ...
A. 28 October 2015: Courtney,
Frankly, I disagree with anonymous female.
He deserves the right to choose. He deserves to know why his wife is paranoid. He deserves to have a relationship with a person he can trust. He deserves to know who is the father of his chil... (read in full...)
Could it be masturbation causing bad luck
Q. Could it be Masturbation causing me bad luck?? Im one person who hated wanking n everything those days went on very well. Happened one day when i got some advice form a friend who told me that jerkin yourself helps to last long during sex. De...
A. 15 October 2015: Luck is made up of opportunity and preparation, in about a 20 / 80 mix. So if you are running short on luck. Go out and make some by getting prepared to take advantage of the opportunities that will come.
... (read in full...)
I still want my ex-Bf back.Do you any suggestions on how I can convince him to date me again?
Q. I recently rekindled with my ex boyfriend, and after two months he tells me. He is "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back." I asked him twice what made him change his mind, and he has not responded. Here is what happened ...
A. 18 September 2015: Sorry, I'm so late replying to this. The system didn't flag your post as a follow up.
Thanks for the back story. It really clears up a lot.
Here is my interpretation of what happened and why you should stop trying to get him back, hoping t... (read in full...)
Why do some men turn really nasty when they dump you?
Q. Why do some men turn really nasty when they dump you? I had a bad fall out with my ex. We had only been seeing each other a short time but after a few months we fell out over a misunderstanding and he dropped me - just like that - no warning, noth...
A. 18 September 2015: Narcissistic personality disorder. Chalk it up and move on, only pain here.... (read in full...)
Is it really hard to find real love?
Q. Hi Friends! Thanks in advance for taking time and giving me your suggestions/advice. I am 31, Indian, 5'6" and recently divorced. I come from a rather conservative background. Didn't really date much outside my culture. I had a very bad relations...
A. 18 September 2015: You will be stepping so far out of your culture / comfort zone that you may as well visit the moon. It's hard to advise from zero. get some good books like the mars and Venus series. Keep posting here for advice.
Take it slowly start with... (read in full...)
Guys, would you rather date Girl A or Girl B?
Q. Girl A: -quite "generic" -long hair, decent sized boobs but slim, wears dresses and hardly ever trousers and a lot of heels -doesn't wear makeup -bit of a goody two shoes, always annoyingly nice to everyone, comes off as fake, ridiculousl...
A. 18 September 2015: Of course the one with the biggest breasts!
Just kidding, but this question is so obviously a competition between you and the woman who got the guy you were after, that a smart man would never answer it.
FA... (read in full...)
I still want my ex-Bf back.Do you any suggestions on how I can convince him to date me again?
Q. I recently rekindled with my ex boyfriend, and after two months he tells me. He is "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back." I asked him twice what made him change his mind, and he has not responded. Here is what happened ...
A. 31 August 2015: Somethings missing in this story.
What caused the first break up?... (read in full...)
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