| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I still want my ex-Bf back.Do you any suggestions on how I can convince him to date me again?
Q. I recently rekindled with my ex boyfriend, and after two months he tells me. He is "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back." I asked him twice what made him change his mind, and he has not responded. Here is what happened ...
A. 18 September 2015: Sorry, I'm so late replying to this. The system didn't flag your post as a follow up.
Thanks for the back story. It really clears up a lot.
Here is my interpretation of what happened and why you should stop trying to get him back, hoping t... (read in full...)
I still want my ex-Bf back.Do you any suggestions on how I can convince him to date me again?
Q. I recently rekindled with my ex boyfriend, and after two months he tells me. He is "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back." I asked him twice what made him change his mind, and he has not responded. Here is what happened ...
A. 31 August 2015: Somethings missing in this story.
What caused the first break up?... (read in full...)
No one talks to me at the swimming pool club. What can I do to stop being treated like I'm invisible?
Q. I have a lot of friends at school and I am in a choir and have a lot of friends there too! But in my swimming club nobody speaks to me, and I can't seem to figure out why? I always arrive late on purpose so I won't have to stand on poolside like a ...
A. 24 August 2015: I don't understand how your club works, because I have never had anything like it.
Here is How I see what you have told us. You show up late, hide a lot, run off to cry, and don't participate fully. You are doing all you can to be invi... (read in full...)
I'm conflicted. I love her personality but I'm not attracted to her physically
Q. I have always been attracted to thin petite woman however the past 3 months I've been dating a woman who I would consider overweight, nothing drastic though. I started dating her mainly because I love her personality and she is very nice and ...
A. 24 August 2015: there are a few cautions you need. If you want to be just friends be up front about it and make sure she has opportunities to meet more interested guys.
Don't try to change her. No one wants to be a project. Focus on the things you do love abou... (read in full...)
Am I unusual for wanting to be dressed feminine ?
Q. what do most women think of men who like to wear female clothing? I curiously started wearing bras and panties way back in the 1960's when due to not having enough room in the bedroom shared by my two older sisters some of their clothes were stored ...
A. 24 August 2015: After 50 years in this habit, I would think you know what "most" women think. They are suspicious, turned off, and prone to make a lot of baseless accusations.
I know that they all say that they want to know up front, to avoid surprise. I've... (read in full...)
I'm a little uncomfortable with her fetish!
Q. Hi there! i have just found somthing out about my girlfreind that i did not know. We have been together for going on six years now. sex has been good, just lately my missus(Sarah) has been having problems becoming aroused and sexually moist. And she ...
A. 18 August 2015: Advice and tips,
Use a safe word, if you don't know what that is find out.
A light weight paddle stings without bruising.
Some people like stingy some like thuddy. Communicate
Stay away from the tail bone.
Vary the rhythm. Anticipatio... (read in full...)
Know of any books on relationship building?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, Can you give me the names of any books that will talk about how a couple should build a relationship from their first introduction to their marriage? Sorry, but I do not want your advice. I want the name of a book to rea...
A. 18 August 2015: Light his Fire by Ellen Kriedman
His needs, Her needs
and another vote for the 5 love languages.
FA... (read in full...)
How come men get away with playing reverse psychology with women when they are dead wrong?
Q. How come men get away with playing reverse psychology with women when they are dead wrong? I snooped and found something that i really wanted answers to. If its true i will have trust issues with my husband. Well, i tried to control myself but he s...
A. 27 July 2015: Two ways for him to look at this. One he is guilty and hiding something. You demand that the tell you what he is hiding, or else. As a guilty person he is thinking what does she know. If he confesses the wrong thing he will get in even more ... (read in full...)
I'm horny and unsatisfied but not sure if I'n ready for sex
Q. Dear Cupid, is it normal to feel horny most of the time? I am 17 (which is the legal age for sex) and I have a boyfriend. I dont want to pressure him into anything though as I am not sure he's ready. But I feel really horny a lot of the time and ...
A. 24 July 2015: I won't say normal, (because that word causes problems) but at your age it's pretty common. Sounds like you are making good decisions. Keep it up.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't feel I owe him an "official" break up. My friend says I left my bf for minor reasons. Did I?
Q. Is it immature to leave a long term boyfriend for minor reasons? My bf has never spent any of his birthdays with me for the almost six years we've been together. It too four years for me to meet his mum and I've never been invited to family ...
A. 24 July 2015: In 5 years he didn't learn how to speak your love language with you begging for it? Yep you are incompatible.
Now whether someone "deserves" an official break up, or even wants one. That is a whole different topic. Common courtesy is never to... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get turned on watching lesbian porn?
Q. I just wanna know, is it normal how turned on I get watching lesbian porn? I am a 17 year old girl who is only romantically and emotionally attracted to boys. I could never see myself in a relationship or married to a woman, not that there's ...
A. 24 July 2015: Porn is powerful and designed to turn you on. Your sexual orientation is definedas what you are sexually attracted to. Don't worry so much.
FA
... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to want to perform oral sex on a man after just having sex?
Q. I love my husband. We are married 8 years and he was my first sexual partner. I was always the prudish type! Not by choice but i think by fact of low self esteem and the fact I probably have no confidence. I have only in the last maybe year or so ...
A. 24 July 2015: "is it normal?" is not the right question. Just because more than half the people out there like something is no indicator that you will like something.
My opinion is, it's no big deal. Sure it's a bodily fluid, but you are sharing bodily f... (read in full...)
If my bf really loves me why does he want me to have sex with other partners?
Q. I've been dating my bf since Jan 2015. I'm 18 and he's 35. Big age gap I know but love has no boundary. My family likes him and him and I know very well that we're each other's life partner. However I believe that because of his age he is too le...
A. 10 July 2015: Dear OP,
There are some inconsistencies in your post. Your ex was too narrow minded but your current guy is too Open minded. You consider him a life partner, but you disagree with him on the difining lines of the relationship. He seems to thin... (read in full...)
He has done this before only to be ok once finances are ok. what should I do I am devastated. How to tell if he is just running from stress again or is this the real thing?
Q. So things have been tough here, and we are both stressed my boyfriend of five years whom I live with just told me that he was getting himself an apartment and letting the house go in forclosure. He told me that because I lost my job that I am going ...
A. 10 July 2015: Look at the labels fly, He is wimpy and a loser. I can't dispute this. On the other hand broken33 has chosen to stick with him without a marriage commitment for 5 years. He has never pretended any financial repsponcibility for her needs. In ... (read in full...)
He has done this before only to be ok once finances are ok. what should I do I am devastated. How to tell if he is just running from stress again or is this the real thing?
Q. So things have been tough here, and we are both stressed my boyfriend of five years whom I live with just told me that he was getting himself an apartment and letting the house go in forclosure. He told me that because I lost my job that I am going ...
A. 9 July 2015: Well, he can't Support you and the house. That makes him feel less manly. That knocks his confidence. That leaves him feeling depressed.
You have a pretty good grasp of his patterns. You know what you need to do. Find ways to contribute to t... (read in full...)
She is a newer employee. Why would our boss give her preferential treatment not offered to the rest of us?
Q. My boss gave a female cowoker 'blocked days' off that were forbidden to the rest of us.. A manager refused to give her those days. Then she asked the head manager, who gave her anything. Even the better work schedule. She's newer than most of us....
A. 6 July 2015: Interesting Question, because it points out one of the differences between men and women. Men are less prone to worry about What everyone else is getting. With female employees a boss has to be careful that if he gives something to one he gives ... (read in full...)
My Bf is happy to spend and hour or two with me and that's it. I want to spend more time with him. Is my request to him unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend got mad at me because i've been asking for more time with him. He finds time for everything else then I get an hour here and there. He said he cant keep arguing about this and now won't answer my calls. What do I do? We've been to...
A. 23 June 2015: Some days you are reading the posts here and you think This is so typical for a teenager to feel like this. Then you look up at the age and it is 50's. Well this is a whole different thing.
Not answering your calls is a serious Red Flag. He seem... (read in full...)
How to turn down dates?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 23 June 2015: "Maybe later" means I'm busy right now but would consider going out with you.
"Yeah, Sometime" means Yes I will go out with you another time.
Stop using those at least.
Aside from that, You are too focused and compatmentalized. You just want to... (read in full...)
Why isn't he more at ease with me?
Q. Hi, Im 14 and am currently in a relationship for the third time with a guy. We dated for 3 weeks, broke up because the timing wasn't right, dated again for 4 months, broke up, and got back together recently. We are going to separate high schools so ...
A. 18 June 2015: So it's not so much that he flirts with other women it's that he doesn't act flirty with you. This sounds pretty familiar to me. When I was around 16, There was a girl I was like this with. Frankly it freaked her out and it died pretty quickly. ... (read in full...)
Why isn't he more at ease with me?
Q. Hi, Im 14 and am currently in a relationship for the third time with a guy. We dated for 3 weeks, broke up because the timing wasn't right, dated again for 4 months, broke up, and got back together recently. We are going to separate high schools so ...
A. 17 June 2015: Be patient, I will work on this a bit later. Possibly in the night. This is the area I will Focus on: "My concern is I feel as though he pays other girls more attention and can flirt and talk to them with ease but when it comes to me he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Why isn't he more at ease with me?
Q. Hi, Im 14 and am currently in a relationship for the third time with a guy. We dated for 3 weeks, broke up because the timing wasn't right, dated again for 4 months, broke up, and got back together recently. We are going to separate high schools so ...
A. 15 June 2015: If this is the same anonymous 14 year old american female as I answered earlier, this puts a little more light on the subject. I'd be glad to continue chatting with you about this, but we should probably keep it to one thread. On the other hand if ... (read in full...)
He innocently flirts with my friends and older girls/ women without realizing it. How should I deal with this?
Q. Hi, Im 14 and been dating a guy off and on all year... We dated once broke up because timing wasn't good, got back together after 4 months, broke up, and here we are now. I think this time around we are doing a lot better and he seems determin...
A. 15 June 2015: Hello,
I have a little bit of advice to you from the father of 3 girls who are around 10 years older than you now.
First I'd encourage you to take seriously the advice of people older than you. Don't assume that we are all out of touch, or that ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is a reasonable action on my part to ask my boyfriend for a loan? I don't think I can ask anyone else
Q. I'm a young female who is currently going through a struggle financially. I had lost my job and am in the process of finding a new one. I've been in a serious relationship with a great man for over 3 years. He has a great job and does good for hi...
A. 13 May 2015: I think it might be instructive for you to hear what I would tell your boyfriend if he was asking about this. I like all the advice you have so far but I want to share my take on money in relationships.
If you loan a friend some money you shou... (read in full...)
What needs to change? Guys never ask me out!
Q. I feel embarassed just typing this, but well... I am 22 year old, college student, I am outgoing, I have a lot of friends and I am quite popular with them. I am tomboyish as in "loving sports, fights and cars" but you wouldn't tell from the way ...
A. 11 May 2015: So you have rejected the advice of friends who know you well and have seen you interact socially, and you think strangers who don't have those advantages can advise you better. I'm pretty sure you will reject anything I say.
My first thought was ... (read in full...)
Will guys still want to date me, if I tell them I'll only go as far as oral sex?
Q. No, I'm not doing it for the sake of virginity, but to avoid pregnancy!!! I've heard so many horror stories from people, panicking for weeks because they were terrified that they or their partner was pregnant...I don't want to ever be in that kind ...
A. 23 April 2015: Good oral sex is harder to get than you think. Remember there are other reasons to practice safe oral sex.
FA... (read in full...)
No sex for the past 4 months, should I wait or move on?
Q. iv'e been going out with my girl friend for just over 4 years now.but the past few months she will not have sex any more just come's up with the answer i'm tired when asked why to say we had regular sex.she always come's to my house an when she ...
A. 23 April 2015: you ask, "i wonder if it is time to move on are wait to see if it blows over with her."
Both sound too passive. I would suggest you up your game. Dress a bit better, work out, get a hair cut. Also add some mystery, don't be home all the time... (read in full...)
I'm love struck. How can I tell him how I feel?
Q. I am still love struck for my secret love he is smart funny and makes me laugh I need to tell him I like him in some way I cant hide it anymore it bugging me what should I do? we hang out all the time and whenever we are around his siste...
A. 21 April 2015: emma,
Thanks for crating an account. It gives us aunts and uncles some reassurance that you will be back to read what we write.
Secret love is a ticklish situation for someone your age. I think it is an experience that is so common that it is li... (read in full...)
Am I mad to keep thinking of a friend from childhood?
Q. There is something going on my head that is making me want to contact this bloke I knew from School years. We were really young when we first met, both went to the same pre-school, then kindergarten, etc, pretty much stayed together all the way thro...
A. 16 April 2015: You are a bit crazy to keep posting the same question over and over to us, when you are unable to pluck up enough courage to ask him a question. I suspect that he will always be a mystery to you. Just a fill in fantasy, for the real life you deny ... (read in full...)
What should I do about the painful photographs from the past?
Q. I have a slightly odd problem relating to trying to put a relationship - and the past in general - behind me. I have a big bag of photos - both of family and my ex partner (20 years). Problem is, my Mum and Dad were abusive to me and my sister...
A. 15 April 2015: I'd like to encourage you to have these photos archived. Scanning them yourself and adding notes would be the ideal solution. If for emotional reasons you can't do that, at least scanning them or having someone scan them would be next best. ... (read in full...)
Could there be anything there?
Q. Don't know what to do?? There is this guy I know from years ago, I am friends with him on Facebook but we haven't spoken to each other properly for years. We don't live close by to each other anymore and not in the same social circles. We are...
A. 13 April 2015: Thanks Cindy for taking the time to flesh out my too short answer. It really is a low risk.
FA... (read in full...)
Could there be anything there?
Q. Don't know what to do?? There is this guy I know from years ago, I am friends with him on Facebook but we haven't spoken to each other properly for years. We don't live close by to each other anymore and not in the same social circles. We are...
A. 9 April 2015: Only one way to know.
Is he worth taking a risk?
FA... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to know if she enjoyed it and if he wore a condom?
Q. I have a 27 year old girlfriend of 3 years and we have recently been having some issues in regards to spending time together. She has been spending a lot of time with a co-worker (going out, going to his place but just as friends as she claims). ...
A. 9 April 2015: EliChris asks, "is she bullshitting me?
There is no way to know the total truth, but what you are receiving is "trickle truth". If you are willing to wait and pressure her long enough, you will get the whole truth. That truth may contain many thin... (read in full...)
Is it okay to keep secrets in a relationship?
Q. My bf wants to know everything about me and wants no secrets between us. If I tell him something is a secret like what I did last weekend he pressures me to tell him what it is. Is it okay to not share everything in a relationship? seeing him for 3 ...
A. 9 April 2015: I've been married for 27 years. If my ex-girlfriend stops in at my office to talk with her relatives by marriage who work here, I tell my wife that day. If I get a private message here on cupid from a woman looking for advice, I tell my wife that ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 dating a 21 year old and don't know how to tell my parents
Q. I'm 15 and my boyfriend recently turned 21 I'll be turning 16 in june, my brothers 18 and he and the rest of my siblings and cousins are okay with it, weve been dating 7months yesterday and im really happy....but i really want to tell my parents but ...
A. 9 April 2015: It is too bad that your relationship with your parents is so bad that you can date someone for 7 months without your parents knowing. You are close to the age of consent in your country, but by that time you will have been dating him for three ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got pregnant by another man while we were dating
Q. am confused me and my girlfriend we've dated for 5years now she caught with another chick at my place she got angry at me and she dumped me she got another boyfriend while we separated she got pregnant with the child of that guy while she's pregnant ...
A. 9 April 2015: I don't see a problem if you are both committed to fidelity from this point of forever. If you are still thinking about other women, if she is still interested in changing partners frequently there is no point in either of you settling down at ... (read in full...)
I love my b/f but don't wish to have sex with him anymore
Q. Okay, so I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and I am 20 years old. He is very affectionate, caring, and I know he would do anything for me..he is my best friend. He wants to marry me. However, we argue constantly because I am not very ...
A. 8 April 2015: Dear Desperate,
You already know the reason for your feeling. That is a big plus. To put it briefly, you are not comfortable with sexual intimacy with one man because you are in love with the other. Your body is telling you what your heart know... (read in full...)
Confused about this new feeling. What should I do? Genderfluid and wanting to dress like a guy.
Q. Lately, I've started feeling like I'm more genderfluid. I'm a girl, but I really like the idea of dressing up as a guy and being a guy as well. I'm a little confused, because this is a new feeling. What should I do? Is there anyone in the same ...
A. 8 April 2015: I see that no one wants to touch this one. First let me say that every passing thought and feeling are not definitions of your personality, gender identity, sexual orientation, and so on. Also I understand being confused. You know what you are ... (read in full...)
Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?
Q. I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...
A. 3 April 2015: The statistics on this are confusing. Most cheaters are not serial cheaters but because serial cheaters cheat so much, most of the cheating that happens is done by serial cheaters. While there is no way for us to predict what your affair partner ... (read in full...)
My problem is that I'm attracted to guys outside my relationship!
Q. I have a problem - I'm attracted to guys outside of my relationship. We only see each other two weekends a month and I miss him terribly. And when I go out, I find myself strongly attracted to random men. I'm quite pretty so I wouldn't have a ...
A. 17 March 2015: Dr. Dad's diagnosis of your condition is: You are in love with being in love. You are more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than you are in love with him. He really is giving you plenty of affection and attention. You just aren't ... (read in full...)
It was not my kid but I lost my girlfriend over it anyway. I'd like to get her back but am worried she'll take me to court!
Q. I cheated on my girlfriend with this skank from work that everybody slept with. She knew I had a girlfriend I loved and it was just sex. She wanted me to be with her but that would never happen. She told me she was pregnant and my world ended. My ...
A. 17 March 2015: You've been warned. But you just don't get it.
Let me lay it out to you so you can get your mind around this concept. You Cheated. You were in a committed relationship with your girlfriend but you went and had a fling on the side with a girl that... (read in full...)
If I tell him I like him will it spoil our friendship?
Q. Ok so I've decided to that I want to tell the guy I like that I like him, the only problem is I'm not sure if he likes me back and every time I've told a guy I like him it's been met with a crippling rejection (once when I was 12 and another time ...
A. 12 March 2015: OP writes, "Ok so I've decided to that I want to tell the guy I like that I like him, the only problem is I'm not sure"
Stop right there you have decided. For whatever good reasons that you have you have decided to do this. Now you are telling your... (read in full...)
Aside from telling his ex to really stop it, what else can we do to make stop calling him?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles, I've posted here before about my boyfriend's ex who has been contacting him on a regular basis. It started with her grandmother being in the hospital in October, then her grandmother's passing in November - my boyfrien...
A. 12 March 2015: The more you say, the more I regret my advice. Not that I was wrong, but that my advice may be inappropriate to your situation / personality.
Here is an updated bit of advice. If you are determined to maintain friendships with both of your exes... (read in full...)
Aside from telling his ex to really stop it, what else can we do to make stop calling him?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles, I've posted here before about my boyfriend's ex who has been contacting him on a regular basis. It started with her grandmother being in the hospital in October, then her grandmother's passing in November - my boyfrien...
A. 2 March 2015: OP asks, "I also don't know what is the right way to maintain a platonic friendship with an ex while already in a comitted relationship."
It can't be done and here is the reason. Because there is history. Sexual history. Shared memories... (read in full...)
Aside from telling his ex to really stop it, what else can we do to make stop calling him?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles, I've posted here before about my boyfriend's ex who has been contacting him on a regular basis. It started with her grandmother being in the hospital in October, then her grandmother's passing in November - my boyfrien...
A. 20 February 2015: On the other hand for a mechanic you can trust . . . ... (read in full...)
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