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I still want my ex-Bf back.Do you any suggestions on how I can convince him to date me again?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 September 2015)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I recently rekindled with my ex boyfriend, and after two months he tells me. He is "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back."

I asked him twice what made him change his mind, and he has not responded.

Here is what happened previously: I went to his car detailing shop to get my car wash. He saw a picture in my car with me hugging another guy, and he stole it from my car. (Note: The other guy was my cousin at my uncles 50th birthday party.)

I asked him if he took the picture, and that's when he stopped responding to my texts and cut all communication.

After about a week or two of silence. I sent him a text message and ask him if he wants me to back off. Which is when he stated, "I'm not interested in a relationship with you. Just fall back."

I am not ready to move on. Especially over a picture with me and my cousin.

Do you any suggestions on how I can ask him to enter back into my life?

Thanks.

View related questions: cousin, move on, my ex, text

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 September 2015):

Fatherly Advice agony auntSorry, I'm so late replying to this. The system didn't flag your post as a follow up.

Thanks for the back story. It really clears up a lot.

Here is my interpretation of what happened and why you should stop trying to get him back, hoping to get him back, thinking about him, or even wasting emotion on this guy.

First, he was never exclusive with you. he could have cleared time to be alone if he had wanted to. He wanted to string you along.

Next you broke trust. Sure you had reason, sure he wasn't trustworthy. But what you did forever branded your relationship as a relationship of mutual distrust. You did what we call a Sh!t Test. The trouble with this behavior is that the only way for a guy to pass this test is to break off with you. So in a way he passed. But, he failed first, because you did in fact find out that he was willing to open a new relationship with anyone.

So you reconnected. He let the past abuse slide. Then he snooped your car (remember a relationship of mutual distrust). When he saw the picture it brought back the cell phone prank test. All the emotion came back and he wisely realized that a relationship of mutual distrust was going to lead to more tests, more fights, more break ups, and in short more pain.

You need to learn the same lesson. Build a relationship with someone you trust, not someone who is convenient, cute, exciting, funny, or what ever else excites you. Not that those things aren't nice or even essential without trust, there is no relationship.

FA

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2015):

Fatherly Advice, We broke up the first time because I played a prank on him, and he found out that I was responsible for the prank and told me that he needed his space.

The background before the prank: About a year ago I returned back to the US from teaching abroad in China, where I taught for about one year. When I came back home. I found a job were I worked late hours and it limited the time we were allowed to spend together. The few off days a month I had- I dedicated time to spend with him, and their was ALWAYS someone of the opposite sex around. It did not appear that he had an intimate relationship with the ladies, but just having them around made me uncomfortable. Skeptical about the type of relationship he had with women when I was not around I decided to pull a prank on him to find out.

Now the prank: I found out about a phone app where I can disguise my voice and have my number to appear as another caller, and I called him and disguised my voice as another girl.

He and other girl, who was actually me talked on the phone for hours. The conversation ended with he would give her a call back, but he never did. Until about two months later, which is when he found out it was me.

He asked me to give him his space. Which I did.

Recently, we started back seeing each other once maybe twice a week. which is when he saw the picture in my car, stole it, and told me that he was "not interested in a relationship with me. Just fall back"

I am not ready to move on.

Which is why I asked for suggestions on how I can ask him to enter back into my life?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 August 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIf he gets so pissed off over a picture of you with a guy that he DUMPS you instead of just ASK you who it is, he is not really serious about dating.

You can't dump a partner at the drop if a hat every time you get pissed off...

As far as getting him back? I'd back away from him like he asked. IF he at some point find out the truth... I'd tell him to take a hike.

HE dumped you over a picture.... seriously... why waste time on this guy? He is acting like a 5 year old.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (31 August 2015):

Fatherly Advice agony auntSomethings missing in this story.

What caused the first break up?

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