A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear Aunts and uncles, First of all let me thank you for taking your time. I've been visiting this years for quite a while now and it's time that I'm going to ask a question. I am in a five year happy relationship with a guy two years younger than myself. I truly love him and we complete each other. We don't fight and we are the best of friends, besides of being partners. We even play in multiple bands together. However. I was raised in a much more...'closed' way I presume than he has been. While I have never seen my father or mother naked, not even my sister, he sees his parents and younger sister in their birth costume on a regular basis. Let me explain. Of course it's no problem to take a bath with your sibling when you are an infant or a small child. I did that too. But I have never, NEVER seen my parents nor siblings naked. I like my privacy and they like theirs and thus we were raised that way. When I'm showering, no one will enter the room and vice versa. I think it's wrong, certainly when a daughter reaches the age of puberty or gets a boyfriend. When I walked in on my father showering, we avoided each other for weeks.My boyfriend was however raised in a free-spirited way. It's perfectly normal for one of them to take a shower and the other one to take a dump in the exact same bathroom at the same time! When his mother is in the bath tub, my boyfriend will just casually walk in and go number one. I think it's odd and most of all inappriopiate. Certainly his sister, who is 17 years old -I think it's absolutely wrong for them to see each other naked, even when they were raised that way. I am uncomfortable when I am laying in bed, hearing how he is brushing his teeth and his sister showering at the exact same moment. Just like that. The walls of the shower cabinet are see-through, mind you!They are both in the age where hormones take over and such things.I think in this age it is just not done. Both the siblings have partners and sexuality and nakedness should be kept to your own bedroom. It is just my opinion. I voiced that I am uncomfortable with this way of bathroom business multiple times, but he always says that it's nothing to worry about, that it's just the way he is raised. That I am trying to change him. Is it too much to ask just to wait a little longer outside before going to brush your teeth?Is he right or do I have a right to be uncomfortable? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): I'm afraid I am disagreeing with advice given thus far. I think it is important as children grow older (reach puberty) to exert some privacy boundaries for them. Nudity and sexuality are closely connected and lax boundaries can, however unintentional, lead to difficulties. Sometimes a mother can exert her sexual 'power' through casual nudity over her adolescent son for example and this can lead to issues regarding him being able to fully express his sexuality to another woman (girlfriend or wife). Of course all families are different but when another person (you) is invited into that family with very different boundaries it can bring confusion about right and wrong. If I ask myself whether I would have been comfortable with my Dad having walked into my bedroom or the bathroom whilst I was naked from the age of 12 onwards the answer is an emphatic no. Why? Because I was becoming aware of my sexual attractiveness and it seemed 'wrong' for my Dad (the opposite sex) to see my naked body any more. I think that is a normal response but other people will disagree.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): It has a lot to do with culture and ethnicity. Many cultures bath together or sleep together in one room. So being naked in each others presence means little or nothing; because it has no sexual context. Personally, I'm with you. I prefer my privacy; and I don't wish to see my sisters in their birthday suits. I've seen my brothers. My Mom only by accident; and I've used the public showers with my dad at the beach, or at his country club gym. I've been in the military; and you shower with 20 or 30 men at the same time. The latrine is next to the showers in military situations. I'm not shy using the shower at the gym.
I don't prefer anyone using the toilet, if I'm in the shower. If my boyfriend or my brother wants to pee; that's okay. I don't care who you are, you don't move your bowels when I'm in the same room. Never!!!
What they do around each other isn't for you to judge. That's how he was brought up. There are odd things all families do that some other family may not care for, find weird; or even judge as inappropriate. I think you should keep your opinions to yourself, and only speak up if your personal privacy is violated. If his family are that comfortable around each other, it's nobody's business but theirs.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): Never seen my dad naked but I have seen my mum naked millons of times over the course of our lives ... no big deal when you are used to it. Just natural to be comfortable.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): I wish I had your boyfriend's family relationship - the level of acceptance and openness is wonderful. To be comfortable with who you are rather than having to hide away. Beautiful whether at your most beautiful naked or most disgusting taking a dump :) To be free! My mum raised me with an open door policy until I was about 14 then she started closing off. I hid my body and took more shame in it from that point. It was only when I started breastfeeding my son did that body freedom return. My 45 year old brother has seen his 30 year old sister (me) and 5 year old nephew in bath tons of times now. I think i would be shocked if he decided to go to the toilet with me there but it is only because we don't do that. Not that we can't do that. I would barge into the bathroom to him now too. I think if you are comfortable with family then that is perfectly normal. He is brushing teeth and taking a dump with sister is in shower. Only worry if they start showering together *smiles*
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (16 November 2015):
 I'm going to put this very concisely. You have a right to be comfortable. He also has a right to be comfortable.
New that we have covered rights, let's talk about wrongs.
While it is wrong for people to be sexually active with close relatives. Is it really Wrong for them to be comfortable enough in their own sexuality to be naked in front of a near relative? Do you think that this 19 year habit of your boyfriend's has damaged him in some way? Because if it has, you sure have stuck with him for a long time.
...............................
|
