| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 28 December 2016: I understand from your latest follow up that he is not an equal financial or housework partner, but that is not the part that bothers you. The emotional need you are most missing is recreational companionship. Not because you don't do things ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 27 December 2016: Thanks for the follow up. You did well to stand your ground on this one. I am still worried about your imbalanced relationship. You have invested too much in a relationship where there is not enough shared interest. I'm worried about his ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 26 December 2016: Nice Freudian slip in your title.
I would say that you are not ready for the level of commitment your Guy is interested in. And While you find him exciting, you really aren't compatible with him.
Your relationship is forced and uncomfor... (read in full...)
Do girls start to like guys if they spend this much time together? Or will I remain as just a friend?
Q. Hi everyone. I have question about this girl I like. Main question is does she like me? Background info about the situation. I have moved to a new country 6 months ago. I met this girl 4 months ago at a meetup. Meetup is where you go meet rand...
A. 23 December 2016: You are not hitting her emotional requirements. She wants Spark, and mystery, and some physical; attributes that you don't have. As long as you two are living together (as friends) neither one of you will find any romantic relationship.
You in p... (read in full...)
Could it be more than friendship?
Q. Me and my best friends ex have been rather flirty with each other for a couple of months now; we got pretty drunk one night in a evening establishment and very nearly kissed, although one doesn't remember who really initiated it and it has not been ...
A. 15 December 2016: Bro code. Never date your friends exes. And stop hanging out with her when she is drinking. Drunk consent is Not consent.... (read in full...)
Could it be more than friendship?
Q. Me and my best friends ex have been rather flirty with each other for a couple of months now; we got pretty drunk one night in a evening establishment and very nearly kissed, although one doesn't remember who really initiated it and it has not been ...
A. 15 December 2016: Bro code. And stop hanging out with her when she is drinking.... (read in full...)
Should I bring this up with him, or just cut him off ?
Q. So i've been talking to this guy for a while now. He lives in another state so we don't get to see each other often. There is definitely attraction towards eachother. We aren't dating, but we talk like if we were. So a while back i asked him if w...
A. 15 December 2016: So as a long distance girl friend, what do you have to offer that she can't give him?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont have sex because he is anxious about unwanted pregnancies
Q. Hey there! So Ive been with my boyfriend for a year(to keep people anonymous we can call him bob) and I wasn't a virgin when I met him, but he was when we started dating. We've had sex more than a few times but he admitted to me some months ago...
A. 15 December 2016: People tend to ignore the idea that sex is risky for men and focus only on the risk for the woman. One forgotten pill and one ruptured condom and he is in for 19 years of indentured servitude. Obviously your guy is well aware of his risks and at ... (read in full...)
How can I know if I'll be open to a boyfriend being sexually polygamous?
Q. I don't have a BF right now, and I have actually never had a boyfriend before. However, I realized that there are many men out there that cheat, not because they don't love their GF enough, (or so I think), but because they just love to have variety ...
A. 14 December 2016: Dear FrooFroo22,
First thank you for creating a profile and joining the site. As answerers it gives us some confidence that you will come back and read what we write.
Your question was "is there anything I can do or think about to make me know if ... (read in full...)
I found out he's communicating with his ex. What now?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and I couldn't be happier. We are so compatible and i feel like i've known him for years. He treats me very well and is the gentleman of my dreams. However, i would like opinion on a dilemma i have...
A. 13 December 2016: I hate it when questions about fidelity start with "I couldn't be happier". I'm going to explain why you could and should be happier, and why this is in fact infidelity.
You could be happier if you could trust your man. Trust is the stuff that... (read in full...)
I feel put off by the way he lost his virginity!
Q. I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to a prostitute, it wasnt on a lads holiday or anything he did it to lose his virginity. Is it wrong that i feel put off by this? ...
A. 13 December 2016: I think you should think about the whys behind your feelings. Honey proposed one, let me propose another.
Perhaps you feel that if he was more attractive or interesting then he would have had lots of opportunities to lose his virginity without a fi... (read in full...)
The one I want won't commit
Q. My problem is this , i have a male friend he knows i like him a lot and would love to have a relationship with him but at the moment he wants to be just friends (we did have a fall out a few week bk but i messaged him and we made up). i might sound ...
A. 11 December 2016: He's not ready for a relationship. This path leads to pain.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend bought me a chastity belt and expects me to wear it
Q. I have been with my bf for 6 months now. last week we were out, i was sitting at this table and a bloke came over and we were just chatting but my bf was like super mad and he hates me to chat to any guy. He is such a control freek that way. but i ...
A. 11 December 2016: There is more than one way to look at this. Today I want to offer an alternative point of view. Like the other respondents, I don't see your relationship as healthy.
He is wrong because he thinks this will make any difference. You are wrong be... (read in full...)
How can a single mom find a boyfriend?
Q. Im pretty active, I go to school and work 24 hours a week. I have a beautiful 16 month old son. The dad and me are still ok but he lives 4 hours away. It seems like the only guys I can attract now are guys who already have kids, have been in trouble ...
A. 11 December 2016: It doesn't seem equitable. You also already have a kid. You also have no real money. You spend half your time with men who are not old enough to be thinking about settling down and supporting a family. And last but not least you are not old ... (read in full...)
Was 'going to the dentist' just a cover story? Was he ever 'seeing the dentist' ? Does the evidence suggest my husband is cheating?
Q. Here is an interesting question and it involves speculation and coming up with possible explanations. I am hoping to see how people think and what conclusions they can draw from this situation. It is something different from the usual. Might be ...
A. 7 December 2016: in my town, his mechanic picked up his car for an oil change while he was in the dentist office for the 2 hours it takes to get a crown. That is assuming the dentist is like mine and can do it in one visit and not like my kids who put a cheap ... (read in full...)
Could his tongue be different?
Q. This may sound a bit of a strange thing to say but is it possible for people to have big tongues and this would affect them kissing. I've just started seeing this man and when we kissed it felt like he had a massive tongue which made kissing a bit ...
A. 5 December 2016: It is possible. There is variety in tongue size shape and dexterity. Of course there is variety in kissing style. ... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying or just accept my husband doesn't give a damn?
Q. It has been a tiring and very eventful year. A lot of major events have happened. Though none of these events were a result of our marriage. However, I fear that these trials that have been tearing at us as individuals is starting to affect our ...
A. 2 December 2016: So he doesn't understand your "emotional need" for intimate conversation. He is conversed out and if you ignore him for 2 weeks he will probably feel relieved. I would recommend the book His Needs, Her Needs. You will both need to read it and do ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating but there's only one life
Q. I'm a guy who is happily married in a long term relationship. While sex can sometimes be an issue between us- she has a very low sex drive- and it's often a discussion/argument that we have, it's not so bad that I would consider ending the ...
A. 29 November 2016: Dear No Lothario,
I'll give you the respect of believing everything you have written, as is. There are some things you don't know, or are choosing to ignore that you need to understand very well before you proceed any further.
The Thrill you are ... (read in full...)
He told me that he is falling in love with me but is he just trying to get into my pants?
Q. I've been friends and getting to know this guy for a month now. We hang out and he messages me everyday through text without fail. So two days ago we were texting because both of us were about to go to bed, before he says goodnight he say...
A. 29 November 2016: Well I am happy that you got to the truth without wasting a lot of time. I'm disappointed in him. He isn't the first or the last you will find with the 3 date rule. I do agree that it is particularly rotten to pull the I love you card just to ... (read in full...)
He told me that he is falling in love with me but is he just trying to get into my pants?
Q. I've been friends and getting to know this guy for a month now. We hang out and he messages me everyday through text without fail. So two days ago we were texting because both of us were about to go to bed, before he says goodnight he say...
A. 29 November 2016: Thanks for the follow up!
I have a little more to add based more on what others have said than what you are saying. In this case your gut is telling you exactly what you are predisposed to believe. It is not intuition it is you following your scri... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into what my boyfriend said?
Q. I would appreciate some insight from the following...I am questioning whether or not I am reading too much into it or if it is indeed something I should be concerned about. A few evenings ago, my boyfriend of a year and I were having some cock...
A. 28 November 2016: He put his foot in his mouth and you are not handling it well. If you continue visualizing him leaving you for someone hotter you can make it happen. ... (read in full...)
He told me that he is falling in love with me but is he just trying to get into my pants?
Q. I've been friends and getting to know this guy for a month now. We hang out and he messages me everyday through text without fail. So two days ago we were texting because both of us were about to go to bed, before he says goodnight he say...
A. 28 November 2016: He may know his heart, at your age he should. It depends a lot on his experience. Does he know how little you trust him? As much as you resist physical intimacy, you seem very open to emotional intimacy.... (read in full...)
Do I confront her about her ex?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I've been seeing this girl for about a month. We were set up through a mutual friend. I've grown to really like this girl. But when we first got together she told me she had went about with a guy who was a bit of a...
A. 22 November 2016: Personally I can see why a past with "bad boys" has you nervous. The stats are not in your favor. You ask "why is she still in touch with him if she no longer wants to be with him?" The answer is twofold. One he has a strong personality and ... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 22 November 2016: It seems to me that the most likely reason is that she wants To get as much information as she can before she gets involved sexually. She may not be as ready as you think she is. Perhaps she wants to get a hpv vaccine before having oral. perhaps ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want to work on our relationship he just wants to please himself
Q. Hello so i have a question i have been with my highschool sweet heart for 20 years things have not been good lately i have tried talking to him about how im feeling and maybe how we can fix our relationship but he says everything is fine with him ...
A. 19 November 2016: You don't want to have sex, he doesn't want to go on dates. Sounds fair to me.... (read in full...)
Am I "withholding love" and therefore being manipulative??
Q. When my partner and I have a bad fight, she leaves for days, and I'm unable to display love. It feels fake if in the middle of everything I said "I love you so much" or "How are you doing, I miss you". I'm not withholding love as a punishment or to ...
A. 17 November 2016: DARVO
Deny
Attack
Reverse victim and offender.
This is a common pattern used by abusers. I'm seeing an abusive relationship here. She withdraws her person to win an argument. Then she denies that anything is wrong by saying I Love You, Then s... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me I want a relationship but I don't want sex?
Q. Hey Cupids,I'm still a young woman who is truly in to sex with men but I have been single for years and now I want to get into the dating world but not ready to have sex with anymore.I'm ready to travel and just do me but I do feel lonely at times ...
A. 17 November 2016: Yes, I do seem to be having a language barrier in understanding what it is you are looking for.
Your post comes off a bit like a personal ad. But it seems very much about what You want.
I like that you have a positive attitude. I don't like tha... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me I want a relationship but I don't want sex?
Q. Hey Cupids,I'm still a young woman who is truly in to sex with men but I have been single for years and now I want to get into the dating world but not ready to have sex with anymore.I'm ready to travel and just do me but I do feel lonely at times ...
A. 17 November 2016: Ann Writes "I want him to be designed just for me."
You can find those down at the book store or available for download to your kindle reading device. Look in the romance section.... (read in full...)
I am infactuated with this single dad!
Q. So there is this man at my church and he is a single dad. We've started to casually talk here and there. Two weeks ago he was saying to me how he would love to have more kids. Then last week he asks he personally if I ever wanted kids. This might ...
A. 17 November 2016: I hate to give advice based on generalizations. But, there is so little here to go on.
In general if a guy is interested in dating he will arrange a date.
In general if a guy is interested romantically he will talk about you, not his kids.
I... (read in full...)
Does he have too much baggage?
Q. I'm dating a guy that is a 100% gentleman, is God-fearing, has a great job, is goal-driven and has committed to being celibate with me..But, he is divorced (for 5 years now), and has two children (10 years old and 7 years old). He's 33, so I can ...
A. 10 November 2016: Sure it could work. Have you met the ex wife?
... (read in full...)
My heart belongs to another and I want out of my marriage but I won't be able to support myself/kids
Q. I am married and have been for 10 years. I have three beautiful children that I love more than anything. I stay home to care for them, as one of them is too young for school. Here is my dilemma. I am not in love with my husband. I haven't been for ...
A. 10 November 2016: UBST translation of original post.
I am married and have been for 10 years, But only Faithful for half that time. I have three beautiful children that I love more than anything except my own lusts and ego. I stay home to care for them, When I a... (read in full...)
I'd like to get to know this girl better but I'm unsure how to do this
Q. I'm a guy, sophomore in high school, and took this girl to the homecoming dance. I asked her the night before just kind of randomly but she agreed to go so we went out to dinner and had fun at the dance. We spent the whole time there together and we ...
A. 28 October 2016: Teens here tend to focus on big major events for dates. I was suggesting CHEEP dates. Generally I think movies are a poor option for early dates because you have no talking time. Netflix is a good option because you can pause the show and talk ... (read in full...)
I'd like to get to know this girl better but I'm unsure how to do this
Q. I'm a guy, sophomore in high school, and took this girl to the homecoming dance. I asked her the night before just kind of randomly but she agreed to go so we went out to dinner and had fun at the dance. We spent the whole time there together and we ...
A. 27 October 2016: I know this is going to sound very weird to you. But if you want to get to know her better, go out on dates with her. and not to big school events. Play Frisbee in the park with friends. Share a Pizza and Netflix. Things like that.
Also ... (read in full...)
How should I deal with my wife's kinky up and down thoughts? ?
Q. Hello everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this and offer advice if able. My question is how do I deal with my wife's constant changing thoughts on sex and her naughty behavior. For some backstory, we're both mid 30's, been mar...
A. 27 October 2016: drunk consent is not consent... (read in full...)
My guy friend held my hand what does it mean?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and and one of my guy friends were on a group trip last night and he started to hold my hand. What does this mean? What do I say? What do I do?...
A. 24 October 2016: I'll tell you what it means. the new tech generation has largely redefined relationships. You probably think a person of my age could not possible understand all of the new social media terms and all of that. but hey we use phones too.
So here... (read in full...)
Should I follow my therapists advice?
Q. Most recently I had dated a man for 8 months; we were introduced by friends and hit it off right away. He asked me to be exclusive right away which my therapist back then said it was weird since he didn't know anyone thing about me or had never be...
A. 19 October 2016: Tell me more about minimal effort? It appears from your description that he was loyal but uncreative. He also seemed to have a preconceived notion of what a relationship is, that didn't include emotional depth. I was quite taken aback by his ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she's bored of sex and I'm fantasizing about other women. We're doomed, right?
Q. Mf gf said she is bored of sex yet I am the only one trying to be kinky or sexy in bed. It's doing my head in. Maybe I should be honest with her and tell her Ive been fantasizing about other women because you arent doing anything anymore. I have ...
A. 18 October 2016: It could be a lot of things. The best thing is to talk it out as you have tried. What you need to work into the conversation is that you are not happy in the relationship. That you need sex in any relationship to be happy. And that you are ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: She refuses to control herself, she refuses to be controlled by you. There is only one thing left to do. Prove to her that you can not be controlled by her either. File.... (read in full...)
Should I give up on this girl?
Q. Dear All, First and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read this. To preface my story, i havent dated many women. I am 31 years old and have been with a handful of women. This is the first girl that I've dated seriously in 7+ years. We'...
A. 5 October 2016: Thanks or the follow up. I don't see a future for you two because you desire interaction, regular dates, and don't like being told off every day. While you self report that you are abrasive, say the wrong things, and lack patience. Her methods of ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on this girl?
Q. Dear All, First and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read this. To preface my story, i havent dated many women. I am 31 years old and have been with a handful of women. This is the first girl that I've dated seriously in 7+ years. We'...
A. 4 October 2016: Dear Human,
You have learned almost all of what you can learn from her.
Both from her advice / coaching, and from her poor example. It is clear to us that you two are incompatible. When you find someone more compatible it will be clear to you a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ran into a guy from high school that made me feel insecure. I feel upset about their encounter
Q. Ive been dating a guy for a few months now. He has been very good to me , kind , caring, selfless, all those things. I hate that this has bothered me so, but it has. He shared with me tonight that he spent some time the other day with a guy I went ...
A. 4 October 2016: Dear anonymous Original Poster,
Whatever the history between you and your classmate is, apparently it still affects both of you. The emotions that divided you then are still alive and active.
You need to disassociate him (old classmate) from you... (read in full...)
My future husband doesn't want to raise a family where I want raise a family. How can we reach middle ground and negotiate a solution?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I are the perfect match. We are contemplating marriage early next year which will take place in my families backyard in Atlanta. It will be a small, intimate wedding because we want to take the remaining funds we'v...
A. 1 October 2016: That is a pretty major difference of opinions.
Off the cuff I would advise you to hold off the wedding until you resolve it.
Some things you should consider.
He has gone back on a previous agreement. That is Bait and switch. Sell you one thin... (read in full...)
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