A
female
age
36-40,
*wisted mind
writes:So for the past 4 months out of my 10 month relationship my boyfriend has not touched me. He says that he is not emotionally ready. Due to issues we have been having. I know one thing for a fact is that he is not cheating. I am becoming extremely annoyed besides that fact that my feelings are being hurt. Making me feel unwanted and totally unsatisfied. I never been with someone that refuses to have sex with me for such a long period of tome die to relationship issues. This is killing me on so many levels I don't even know where to began.
View related questions:
period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 It sounds as if he is still mad about the issues you had 4 months ago, and he is punishing you, intentionally or unintionally, by withdrawing sex.
Wow. He must have been pretty pissed off, to stay so mad all this time.
Anyway- this staying on the fence is not good , this is not a relationship, it's some uncomfortable, pointless ,empty compromise. Either in or out. Tell him ( as diplomatically as you want, I am giving you just the short version ) that either he can forgive and forget and move on to a normal r/ship again, or he can't ,in which case he needs to exit stage left,pronto.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): OP it's only been 10 months and nearly half of that he's "not ready emotionally" to have sex with you because of "issues" you've been having?
I don't need to know the details to be honest, he's either using sex as a weapon or your relationship has gotten so shit after 6 months that he can't even touch you.
Then you don't have a relationship OP, you have nothing. Why are you still with him?
OP what a shit relationship, 6 months in and things went to hell. Again why are you still in it? 6 months is barely the start of a relationship, the honeymoon period isn't even over yet and it's gotten bad enough for him not to even be able to touch you?
Walk away OP, the relationship is so very obviously dead. 4 months of not being able to sort this out, it's very nearly half your entire relationship has been nothing but issues and coldness.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 May 2013):
 What kind of issues?
And did you two have sex the first 6 months of the relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): He's lying. A man turn down sex? Puhlease.. Get to the bottom of it. He may not be cheating but something fishy is going on, you have the right to know what it is. This isnt normal.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (3 May 2013):
 You don't give us many details to go on here, but my first question would be: have you had sex before with one another?
If not, then I think his reasons for not wanting sex are largely justifiable... he isn't ready for that level of a relationship. I think after 10 months he should know whether you have something, or not. Not only may he be upset about something, but his hesitations could be based on religion or moral issues.
If you have had sex in the past, and now he has withdrawn, indicates to me something much larger than a lack of sex is the source of the problem. Either he is holding on to some sort of resentment and doesn't want to be close to you, or he knows you want physical intimacy and is punishing you by holding out on you.
I think before you can expect to get back to physical intimacy you are going to have to address the "issues that are holding him back" -- whatever they may be.
In my opinion, this is also a huge red flag in terms of your conflict resolution as a couple. Going by your perspective of things, I see this as him not getting his way and therefore he punishes you by withholding affection that you crave. Or it could be that he is unable to forgive and forget...
If after 4 months he is still harboring resentment and anger, or there is something you are (or aren't doing that bothers him), and you are unable to at least make progress in solving the conflict, you may want to consider finding someone who you are able to work out things better with. In relationships we hurt and disappoint one another -- that is a given. However, how we deal with them, determines whether the relationship will last happily or whether one party will be left wanting and hurt.
I would suggest you take some time out to figure out whether you two have the rapport to make one another truly happy.
Eddie
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): dear twisted mind. I understand your frustration in your boyfriend not wanting to be intimate. Speaking from my own relationship of three years my boyfriend is always trying to seduce me when he can. At times he can be a bit much but over all I love the attention. I can understand you being hurt because of his lack of attention. Could he have a medical condition? Was he a victim of child abuse? Did he know somebody who was abused? These all may play into his unusal behaviour. Did he come from a strict religious group that doesn't do or have sex before marriage? Is he bi or a homosexual and hasn't confronted these issues yet? Speaking as a woman with a successful relationship, I wouldn't allow no sex to go on for four months. My concern is not to have sex every four hours. Sorry for the poor comparison. But what I am trying to say that a couple who are in a successful relationship normally don't go more than a couple days at top without sex or being intimate. You have to put your foot down and get some hard answers. I only hope and pray the answers wont make you more unhappy than you are now. You know what you have to do...Good-luck..
...............................
|
