A
female
age
30-35,
*elseybreenan
writes:I am 18 yrs old and in my first year of college. I have been seeing this amazing guy (Matt) since early september. He is sweet,funny, fun and just an all around nice guy. He is very focused on school and works a part time job. My parents met him several times and they thought he was a really nice guy until they found out more about his family. His family are polygamist. His father has 2 wives and is dating a new lady and he has 9 brothers and sisters. When my parents found out that he was raised is a polygamist family they flipped out. My father told me I was no longer allowed to date him and that he wasnt welcomed in his house any more. I have met his family before and even though I dont agree with their life style they all seemed very nice. Matt has told me that he doesnt want to be a polygamist and has no plans on having more then one wife when he has his own family. I have tried explaining this to my parents but they refuse to listen. I really like this guy and I want to continue our relationship btu how do I convince my parents to understand and accept my new boy friend? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 The short answer answer is that you are unlikely to convince your parents that your boyfriend is safe to see. Not only do you have the polygamy issue, your parents probably are worried because you may have religious differences (he was raised under a traditional Mormon system apparently) Also if your relationship turned serious (where you actually got married to one another or accidentally had a kid) they would probably feel very awkward at family gatherings seeing your father in law in tow with his wives.
It sounds like your parents call the shots and rightfully so. They are providing for you and probably paying for your college education. Until you reach financial freedom, they will make the rules. Sadly it is a right of passage for someone your age.
In order to convince them, I would attempt to write your parents a letter or sit down and talk to them. Explain to them that your boyfriend doesn't believe in polygamy and that you are going in this with wide open eyes. You have no intention of being a sister wife and that for right now you enjoy your boyfriend's company despite his parents' belief system. Finally explain to them that you are old enough and that you were instilled with their good sense AND values and if they don't trust you with your judgement, then how will they ever believe in you. Communicate with them rationally and calmly. They'll respect your maturity in the matter.
Remember, though that your parents call the shots -- especially if they are footing for your bills and they are doing this because they do have a bit of wisdom and know what family life might be like if you were to somehow make this relationship permanent. They only want what is best for you. As soon as you can claim independence you can do as you see fit but until then you are under their rules.
Hopefully this will work out for you.
Eddie
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