A
female
age
41-50,
*anniepeg
writes:My boyfriend and I have dated for 3 months. On the first date we noticed our similarities and differences. We are both loners and intelligent. He likes to talk about feelings while I like action. He had made a point that he is sensitive. He could be quite impulsive. If he likes a person he wants to talk about the future very soon. I have no problems with that. As I got to know him his true self showed. He is moody and gloomy. The waitress is rude. He doesn't like it when the store keeper asks me if I am filipino (I am Chinese). No one understands him. His partner at work is negative and he's always trying to be positive. Always trying to do his best when he's really feeling crappy. Feels very alone. He told me he had a bad childhood and was very underweight at one time. This is at the same time saying that I am very special and I am a wonderful mother. I visit him regularly I felt he was too negative and made the atmosphere very blue. I thought it was because of the fact that he never sleeps well and eats well. I made a comment that I am bothered by this and I wish he's healthier. He became very upset and we argued for hours. The result of this is I kept things to myself and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Last time we almost broke up because he was talking about getting a farm house an hour north of downtown and then he made jokes about him setting up an office on the second floor, put a bed there for his mistress too. I went on to joke that I will get a lover in my bedroom too. The tension added when he said that he has a greener pasture symdrome and is afraid to hurt me in the future because of the things he had done in the past. He is a person who seems to exaggerate his inadequacies and make minor issues a big deal. I am a person who never talks unless there is a real problem. This is our conflict. I also pointed out that I find him to negative. After that night we were not sure if there was a break up but I said I still wanted to see him, and asked to join him with his daughter to the museum. The next morning he asked if my son and I would go to the museum with them I said yes, even though I felt like dying because I had not slept the whole night. When I saw him his attitude changed. He wanted to smile, wanted me to connect, and was all positive. I didn't know what was going on. I thought he was trying to be spiteful and to say that I am the negative one in the relationship while he changed. He is no unsure of the relationship. I am unsure either. It is early on in our relationship. I am confused as to who he is. Can someone share some light as to, can somebody just become positive overnight?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 I would proceed very cautiously with this relationship, if I were you.
He has given you a lot of red flags and so far you haven't listed anything very positive about him. Why are you continuing to see him? What do you see in him that you haven't found in anyone else? What does he bring to the relationship table that makes you think he is what you want?
While I can't vouch for his sincerity in turning over a new leaf, generally people don't change dramatically overnight unless they have a religious experience of sorts. I am sure he'll have his good days where he is positive and other days where he will be morose. The question though is can you deal with his mood swings? Is this your ideal mate?
Hopefully his true personality will come out, but again, I'd encourage you to take things very slow. You very well may be in for some disappointment and a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
Eddie
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