A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my problem is my bf playing games with his ex. My boyfriend have just starting living together again after breaking up 8 mths ago. We have 2 kids. We separated because of various issues and he got himself a flat. However he didn't like living alone and missed family life. I agreed to try again as I felt he'd had time to reflect. One of our main problems in the past has been his ex. They have a grown up son of 27 and my partner has a poor relationship with him. His ex is always telling a sob story about how skint she is and he feels sorry for her. They haven't had contact since he came back as far as I know and I recently noticed he had sent her a email of a picture of our 4 yr old son. In the past he would sent her random pics of himself that I always thought was odd. I have took this as game playing and am now considering what to do. He also disappeared thurs eve after work and didn't arrive home till after 10pm claiming that he had been in the pub. I feel angry but don't know how to deal with this, any advice please or am I over reacting...
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 It definitely sounds like your boyfriend has some unresolved issues with his ex. Unfortunately when a partner has an ex with whom they've had children with, they are never really out of the picture.
Some of the stuff you have to deal with is just part of the game of having someone with an ex. Although his ex seems needy and he enjoys playing the white knight with her, which at times may be crossing the line. If that is the case, you need to state that it is making you uncomfortable. However, you have to look at this through his eyes: he is trying to make peace with his distant son, so he is in a tough position of trying to please you and trying to right something that isn't in sync with his life.
However, what is really crucial here is TRUST. If you don't have trust, you really don't have a relationship. Many people who are in relationships whose partner have children with someone else, know that their significant others are loyal to only them.
It sounds like you don't trust your boyfriend at this point. or are harboring resentment because his focus isn't 100% on you and your children. Either case, you need to let him know that his actions are bothering you and come to a compromise so that neither party feels cheated. Hopefully he'll take some sort of action to make sure he makes you are priority in his life.
Eddie
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 November 2012):
 If you split with him would you expect to have no contact at all ever in the future bearing in mind you have kids?
It's always hard to completely wipe the other parent to your children out of your life, there will always be some contact and that will last a life time.
It is a bit odd him sending her pics but maybe that's just his way of remaining on friendly terms...I don't think it's game playing and a lot depends on how he is with you.
Is he loving and a good father, is he supportive and contributing to the relationship?
Maybe it's because you are now living together that you are noticing every little thing, maybe you are looking for flaw where before you never noticed any.
There has to be give and take, if you arn't happy, the best one to talk to is him. If you split before, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to get back together but you must have thought there was a small chance things would work out?
Talk to him, let him know you are worried and need reassuring.
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