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Caught him watching porn

Tagged as: Family, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2017) 19 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset.

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A male reader, lovecat48519 United States +, writes (20 July 2017):

You know I don't really care either way but there is one thing that all you women seem to be forgetting. All the sex in porn is real but simply put most people chose a type of porn due to the WAY the women look in the videos. Yea daddy daughter is wrong in real life but in every type of porn requires a women of a certain type of looks. He may be looking at "daddy daughter" porn, but he most likely is not watching it for the "incest" he is watching it because it's an older man most likely around his age having sex with a "hot" young women. most married men do love there wife's but at the same time you have to remember that a man's brain is attracted to young women of "birthing" age. It's a simple fact of life. It's not about incest, its about our brains urging us to procreate. plus remember you know that the actors are not really related before the video even begins so it removes the whole incest thing before it can truly begin.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017):

I'm not an expert on porn but I believe that Father daughter porn is when an older man 'seduces' a younger typically teenager girl. It doesn't depict acted father daughter porn scenes it's just a name for that older man younger girl genre. Think a few posters don't understand the difference.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

in terms of it being legal in some states. Many things that are abhorrent and disgusting were once legal

- slavery

- infanticide of female babies

- beating ones wife with a stick no thicker than your thumb ( rule of thumb )

Only a few examples

The portray of abuse of a female by her father is in NO way sexy and defending this as a form of sexual entertainment will never be sexy to normal

People .

If you find the sexualisation of fathers having sex with their daughters ( which IS abuse ) ok then that your decision and you need to live with that but to call someone who doesn't agree with the abuse of a daughter is sexy sick and to tell her that she had a problem ? Well that really says a whole

Lot more about you than about the woman

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017):

Do women deserve to live in a world where a common form of abuse against women is defended as acceptable ? YES so of course you are shocked it's legal as am I and any other decent person

Do women Deserve to live in a world where incest in not considered acceptable 'theatre ' to sexually excite sick people ? YES!!!

Denizen ! You assume , wrongly that I am one lone woman with some issue again you are wrong . I am one of the responders here yet only wrote a couple of answers so obviously many other women feel the same . From my friendships with other women I know for a fact many others do

Perhaps it's yourself who needs to talk to somebody 'just once ' to see why you consider the portray of a fathers abuse against a daughter to excite a man sexually is acceptable entertainment to you simply because the porn

Industry( which incidentally also produces many other sick things) produces it

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2017):

Denizen agony auntI asked that people get things in proportion. Some clearly cannot accomplish this. In fact, Anonymous Female Reader is making up replies to arguments not made. Her blinkered responses ignore the valid and salient points that were previously put forward.

Her heated responses are clearly outside the norm and hint at matters unresolved. It is time, I would suggest, that she consider counselling on these issues. Just go and have a chat with someone. See how it goes.

However probably best to avoid New Jersey, USA, where incest is still legal I am shocked to read.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017):

Denizen, you can try justifying it all you like by calling it theatre but there is no excuse for sexualising incest ! And even less excuse for sexualising a situation of father daughter incest which involves an abuse and imbalance of power in that by the very nature of the relationship a father is far more powerful on Every level than a daughter

Even the theatre as you like to call it of this is a celebration and recreation. Of a horrible and terrible abuse that occurs all around the world for many

Women and girls !!!! Men who find this exciting have issues . Men

That even think the recreation of this incentive to as theatre to sexually

Excite is OK are concerning too

It's time to start taking women's experiences seriously and stop thinking Anything goes in porn just because it makes some sick men hard

And for the record this has nothing at all to do with the women's movement ( which is concerned with quality for women which I fail to

See why you have a problem with that ) and everything to do with recognising that women are human beings who are frequently abused particularly in family situations and deserve to live in a world where things

Like incest porn are not seen as normal and defended

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2017):

Denizen agony auntLet’s make a few things clear before the poisonous side of the women’s movement condemns all men who have ever watched porn. First, like all things, in moderation it is not harmful.

The next thing of which I would like to remind the Sisters is that women watch porn too, and have their fantasies – the pool guy, the well endowed schoolboy, scenes of domination and submission. Do I have to mention the success of, ‘Fifty Shades…’?

Women in the porn industry are not all sex slaves. They have high earnings for exploiting the carnality within us all. They dress as nuns, schoolgirls, fake lesbian sex. It is all theatre.

One may not have seen the film Rambo. It offers a vicarious experience derived from righteous retribution delivered by an ex vet’ moulded to violence by the state who then returns the violence on a red-neck town which now rejects him and which has tried to exterminate him.

What has this to do with sex and porn? Only that it is theatre. It offers a vicarious thrill. Does it hurt anyone? Not in moderation. It may not be to our personal taste – with daughters of my own, father/daughter sex repulses me.

But as I said in an earlier post, let's keep things in proportion.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017):

You ask "What has porn done to men?" It has hijacked their brains and desensitized them. Desensitization leads to tolerance and tolerance leads to the desire for more intense, more increased stimulation, which apparently is why there is lots of father/daughter porn available (according 'Been there now over it'). I wouldn't know and I hope that is not a true statement.

Trying to rationalize with a porn addict is not much different than trying to rationalize with a drug addict. They both lie and deny.

Comparing father/daughter porn to Rambo First Blood (which I did not see, but assume it's a macho violent movie) seems to me a cop-out sort of analogy. Denizen gives no explanation of how violence compares with porn. They are two different vices and they both have negative effects on the brain. I wouldn't want to be with a man who was interested in watching macho violent movies all the time only for the sake of watching violence. When men watch these macho movies don't they vicariously place themselves as the hunky tough hero? So then, also wouldn't the men who watch the father/daughter porn do the same?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017):

It's scary to me that men on here are defending it . What has porn done to men

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017):

I would also be extremely concerned if a man I loved got off on watching violence and most people would agree that's worrying . So why is incest ok and violence not . Has pirn really screwed up men so much that anything goes now ? Just incredible that they justify anything and e turning by claiming it's just ' fantasy 'and expect women to be ok with it . Gross

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (30 June 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntRight “let’s put it in proportion”. Rambo [R - restricted] violent entertainment vs. Incest porn [X-rated]; violating entertainment, a game the whole family can play...

Yeah like we hear a lot of complaints about my hubby viewing blah blah blah, here at Dear Cupid? E.g. I caught my husband watching “RAMBO First Blood” twice now, is this normal, he denied it and got very upset?

Anyone remember, The Columbine Massacre? Extract; ...the killers noted references to Natural Born Killers (Movie) in their journals :(

There are numerous Movies that are documented that have entertained and inspired the sick to carry out their fantasies! How do we know if the husband of the OP is not a deviant merging out? He's evidently not watching the everyday garden variety porn?

There’s a fundamental imbalance in a person who chooses or ventures into this particular X-rated Taboo material; we’re talking about Incest good people and everything that it implies.

Surely we can agree to class this as entertainment for a select twisted group... How and if it inspires them to carry out their fantasy is chilling in the waiting!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017):

Who on this green Earth have you married? I'd be vomiting, disinfecting myself from his touch and protecting the children!!!

There's NO rationalising the viewing of this subject matter other than he’s an INCESTUOUS WEIRDO!

If you condone his viewing behaviour, heaven help you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017):

No That's correct that watching Rambo doesn't mean your going on a rampage but what it for mean is that you CHOSe to watch it and find it not too disgusting to watch

This is even more so with porn , where the content is chosen not just to be ABLE to watch but to EXCITE !

as a woman I find the idea of incest sickening and even more so the idea of father daughter which is a reminder of the exploitation happening to SO many girls around the world

Although it's true he may never do this I ( and I imagine many other women

, particularly those with daughters ) DO NOT want to be

With a man who finds this exciting

In fact I wouldn't even want to be with a man who doesn't understand why a woman would find it so upsetting that a man finds this exciting

In the world we live in perhaps it's time men started looking at boundaries , abuse and the way they respect ( or Do not ) respect women. Thinking about how your partner would feel knowing father daughter porn turns you on would be a start in a world where there's a one in three chance she was molested !!! And a much higher change she knows at least one other female who was .

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (28 June 2017):

Denizen agony aunt If you watch Rambo First Blood on film it doesn't mean you are going go on the rampage. Let's get this in proportion.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017):

Yuk , I don't know how men can defend it , it's totally sick . As a mother of daughters I wouldn't want any man who watches this near wither myself or my daughters . Honestly , have men gotten to the point where they have zero boundaries now !

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (28 June 2017):

There is a lot of father/daughter porn available. If producers are spending the money to make it in volume, it can't be too unusual for a man to have this fantasy. Hopefully, he wants to fantasize about it happening next door and not in your house.

It is harmful to your relationship for him to watch porn and then deny it. If you have a daughter, then I'd have to wonder what is going thru his mind. But chances are he is not fantasizing about his own daughter. There is a lot of mother/daughter porn on the internet but I doubt that many viewers are thinking about their own moms and sisters when watching it.

The husband/boyfriend-watching-porn-problem is quite common here on DQ. While it isn't something you want him doing, at least it isn't so unusual.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2017):

Short answer is no, this is not normal. I don't care how many people try to rationalize this as "just a fantasy" or "curiosity", I don't buy it. If he had just watched it once I'd say it might have been by accident. Maybe he didn't look at the caption describing it. Twice? No! The fact that he's denying it tells you he knows it's not normal.

I hope you don't have a daughter. It would sicken me to think he might be thinking about her in that way.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2017):

Denizen agony auntYes he denied it because he is embarrassed that you caught him. It is probably just some naughty fantasy he is exploring. However if he were to relate it to any real-life situation I hope he would find it repulsive.

So in answer to your question, I don't think it is normal but, in sex-fantasy land, what is?

Has he ever wanted to role play with you? You might get a better idea of where his head is at if you can gently direct his energies towards sex with you.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIt's all faked and I'm sure many watch it, but it would make me uncomfortable. It's up to you what you do.

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