A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We broke up for about a month or so in between, in which he admitted to kissing a girl. That's it he says.I don't care about any of that, we were broken up. However, I found a condom in his backpack. We don't use condoms. I asked him about it, and he said the following reasons: a) he moved it into his new backpack (which he purchased a year after we started dating) from his old backpack b) he likes the packaging, it's pretty and he is a graphic designer c)it makes him feel cool to have condoms in his backpack.These all sound ridiculous to me, but he has cried, professed his love, and offered to move in with me to prove his love, commitment and dedication. So so confused. I need to add that, before the condom thing, he lied to me about asking a girl out for drinks. It was innocent enough, but he went to the extent of deleting the messages (which I had already seen) where he asked her out for drinks and then told me to my face that he didn't know what I was talking aoubt, and showed me the chat convo, with the messages deleted. After which I called him a liar, told him it was over, stormed out, and then he chased after me and confessed that he lied because it was so long ago and meaningless and he didn't want to fight over it because it was nothing and she's an old friend who he wanted to have drinks with to catch up as she just came back from a trip. The part that upset me was the he lied directlt to my face, and if I hadn't seen the original message I wouldn't have know he was lying. But, I also am not naive and know men lie often out of fear and it doesn't mean guilt, they ofen do it to avoid drama and fighting.
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broke up, condom, kissing, liar Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 July 2017):
 I have heard off men going down on one knee and proposing, having a child together, buying a house together and still out cheating! Yes it does happen and you should be extremely careful.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017): Also to add, the girl in the convo declined his invite to drinks simply by completely ignoring the request.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017): Thank you for all your answers, which 100% lead to...he's a liar and I should leave him. As we know, it's not that easy, I do want to believe him, perhaps I am in denial and making excuses because I love him, I want a happy future, and kids and a partner who loves, cares for and supports me. When we are together, he is caring, thoughtful, generous, funny and we always have a great time together. I find it unlikely that I have managed to find such a psychopath that I am completely misjudging him and his intentions. Or perhaps those types of humans are more common that I know, and I'm blinded by my eagerness for him to be this type of man? What are the odds though guys, I think most people are good and the minority are bad. It's hard and I feel a bit lost, as if i do not know what is reality and what is my imagination.
However, I am trying to be logical. Why would one go to such extreme efforts for someone they do not care about? I.e. update: We are looking for an apartment together. Seems so much effort for what purpose, control or power? If this is the case I lose all hope in the good of mankind. We are planning a future together, why do so if there is no interest or love?
Would love to hear your thoughts on the above.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 July 2017):
Stop making excuses for his lying. He lied to your face that is fact, and for me that is someone I would not be able to trust, also its cool to have a condom? What age is he 12?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 July 2017):
 I guess your question is, should you trust him?
Well here's your answer.
You choose your worries.
If you decide that he's not worth the headache and the drama then just leave. Why bust your head over someone who's not worth it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): Yes.
They need protection from him!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 July 2017):
 I think there is a question in there somewhere. I am guessing it is should you stay with him? This is essentially a matter of trust. There is also the matter of his being able to cry to order which could be worrying. If he is a consummate liar that would be a useful asset.
Whether you give him a chance is up to you. It depends on how well you think you can read his lies, white ones or not.
The fact that he is carrying a condom suggests that in certain circumstances he could fall into bed with someone else. The upside is that he is taking precautions.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 July 2017):
 First of all, until you want to get pregnant, you *should* be using condoms.
Secondly, this all sound s like unnecessary drama and I really think you should break up. No crying, no moving in, no excuses - be single and find a better guy in a few months.
Please use condoms, though! Even if you're on birth control.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): I read your part about men do this " lie " out not wanting drama and thought wait a minute your already giving him a out clause
What you want is for us to reassure you all is well . And I can assure you it's not. .- a lie is a lie ...whatever your sex is . Male or female .. it is done to deflect and to hoodwink the other person ( namely you ). I think I would be really upset if my other half felt the need to met up with another female for drinks etc .. I mean that's more like a date . Did the other female agree or say no I wonder ..
You are skating on what's known as thin ice ..
This guy is not that into you .. or the relationship or anything to be honest . And if I were you I'd give him a reality check and just leave him to it .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): This guy is trouble. You've caught him in a lie at least once and you suspect him of other lies. Please don't rationalize that his lies aren't an indication of guilt. That's just you in denial. He's already proven he's not worthy of your trust.
I'd say talk with him and ask him for honesty, but he sounds inmature and he'd probably just lie, cry and profess his love again. In my opinion, you would be foolish to believe him. If you decide he's worth the trouble and you catch him out again, walk away. Don't yell or storm out the door. Just end it.
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