A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How does one start believe the positive affirmations - for example I'm reading a lot of self help books that say speak to the universeAnd it will give it back - it's logical if I say I would like to be successful and calm - or I would like to be able to find a man that works as hard as I do and is as respectful and caring but I can't seem to believe these things?! Why - how does one stand up for their "worthiness" I come from an abusive childhood- my parents were in an arranged marriage - both abusive towards each other and I saw that so my self worth is nothing. I don't want to be the girl that is self conscious anymore - I want to believe I can get things in life - how? I don't want to settle but it feels like I'm work and relationships my gfs settled- thank god the job and guy came- let's take whatever they offer us and be okay with it because we might not get more - help! I want to believe there is a change I can work hard to get something that gives me peace - anyone have any tips on believe u deserve better - I attract bad men and unstable jobs because surprise my insides are not okay- how can I change? Any tips besides working on the looks and degrees (apparently) those don't workIs it true u become what u attract or hang out with? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): What we see in our childhood of course effects adult life but it's only you who can change your thought patterns. .. tell your self you love your self until it makes you smile and do this every day ... if you go to a job interview say I can do this until you belive it ... if you know a man is bad stay away .... if your crowd attracts bad people try making new friends ..keep your friend ship circle small less bad influence. ..but as soon as a bad thought comes in say a good point after. .I have done this all my life and I am a posit itive person ..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): EDIT: "You've seem some unpleasant things between your parents, but that was as a child."
Correction: "You've seen some unpleasant things between your parents, but that was as a child."
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): No, it is not true you become what you attract. It isn't true throwing out wishes into the universe that they will reverberate off the stars and planets and fulfill your dreams.
You find better men in better places than bars and exclusively relying on the internet. The internet is great for shopping, but you don't always get what your bargain for. Dating on the internet is similar to online shopping; you don't know what you've got until it hits your doorstep.
Every event in your life is either planned or a matter of destiny. Yes, you do have to work at self-improvement and seek enlightenment in order to gain wisdom and experience. You also learn from mistakes, so you won't repeat them.
You can not approach life from the standpoint of defeat. You cannot look back on your childhood with the assumption nothing changes and everything is just leading you back to what you've left behind. This is cynicism and pessimism overtaking your thoughts. Negativity is having too much influence on your outlook towards men, life, and love.
Affirmations are only good when you actually believe them, not just repeating things mindlessly like a parrot. The universe is not out to get you and misfortune is not riding you piggyback everywhere you turn. You've seem some unpleasant things between your parents, but that was as a child. You were innocent, sensitive, and impressionable. The bad behavior of parents causes emotional trauma, that leaves scars on kids. They weren't mindful not to fight viciously in-front of you. That was years ago. You're no longer a child.
Here's what you, me, and everyone does until we know better. We go on a mission looking for someone to fall in-love with us, and end our troubles. Thinking love will wipe our slate of pain clean; and all life changes to unicorns and butterflies.
You've got to face life like a level-headed adult. Realizing there is good and bad, joy and sorrow. Practice being grateful when you find joy. Celebrate small victories. Go out of your way to bring joy to people you love, just with your smile and praises. Stop hating your parents, forgive them. Stop transforming them into monsters in your thoughts and memories. That's a major part of your sorrow and pain.
Clinging to pain and having a jaded opinion of everything and everyone will make life miserable. It's a matter of perspective and having a positive-attitude and outlook, not sending out vibes into the universe. That new-age blather and gobbledygook is to sell books. It's a pile of bull manure.
Engage yourself in artistic expression. Read, travel, and play. Be visible in public, make friends, and volunteer your spare time to charity and good causes. Create beauty around yourself, and bring it to others. Share your talents.
Spiritual enlightenment and worship helps to bring your mind peace and tranquility. It gives you balance. Join a dance class and learn to swing dance or do the tango. Latin dancing is the bomb. I love it, but I learned through friends. I get out and do it as often as I can. Take a jazzercise class to stay in shape.
I sense you are of Asian decent. Pardon me if I'm wrong. Do research on your culture and family history to restore pride and gain knowledge of your noble ancestry. Talk to your elders, they offer wisdom for just about everything. Especially grand-parents.
Education and training is the key to finding a good job. If you have to take classes and cross-train, that will give you something structured and disciplined; to take your mind off your failures and mistakes. You need a sense of purpose and control. Loneliness tends to make us feel like we're falling or aimless. That's due to the lack of anything else to focus your mind on, or activities to put your energies into good use.
As humans, we have more of a purpose on the planet than just coupling and making babies. We share with others, reach out to help others, and we contribute to society to leave a legacy for the future for children and this world.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 There are several things you can be doing. And perhaps you should be doing more than one depending on you preferences. Meditation and Mindfulness are helpful for many people. There are also online options. Some only require a few minutes each day.
You could consider attending a martial arts class. These build self-confidence in surprising ways.
There are other courses in positive reinforcement, some require quite a financial investment but work for a lot of people.
The thing I think is applicable to you is that you won't be able to read your way out of this on you own. You need the help of others.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 July 2017):
 Sweetheart, you are not your parents. You saw what a bad relationship did to them and you know you want and deserve so much better. That is a very difficult thing for many people to realize/believe. You have already reached that stage in your self awareness. It may not feel like much to you but, believe me, it is a MAJOR achievement.
You are also not prepared to settled for "that will do", which I see people doing all the time. You see, you DO have self worth. You just don't see it.
Most of us go through life searching for the partner who will make us happy, needing to kiss a lot of frogs before we find our "Prince Charming". You will attract "bad men". Most of us have had at least one of these in our lives. What counts is that we recognized them as such, got rid of them and used them as a lesson in what we did NOT want in a future partner. It really is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and wiser, in my book). Try to see these "bad men" as life lessons. Store the knowledge you gained from those relationships and, if you made any mistakes, try not to repeat them.
Assuming you are looking for a caring man, have you thought of volunteering for, say, a homeless charity? You will make new friends and, by the law of averages, some of these will be male. If you have other interests, passions or hobbies, indulge yourself in them and, again, you will meet new people, including new men.
Regarding unstable jobs, we live in a very unstable society at the moment. Most jobs are unstable. Have you thought about retraining for something which may be more stable? You are young enough to have a complete career change.
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