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Should I be suspicious of his ex-wife?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2024) 10 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2024)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Friend with benefits just got out of the hospital for open heart surgery.

His ex-wife has been at his house twice a day to cook breakfast and dinner since he came home, though I offered to help.

Should I be suspicious that something more is going on?

View related questions: ex-wife, his ex

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A female reader, Milkjuggles +, writes (9 March 2024):

He is allegedly single, and you are single. That's none of your business nor concern what he does with other women...unless you were to contract something in the process.

If you don't like what is happening or feel like he's married...end things. There's billions of available men in the world.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2024):

Friends with benefits usually means the man gets most or all of the benefits because he would otherwise have to pay a woman for casual sex. I never understand why women are so silly to agree to it. Some of them seem to live in this fantasy world where they want to believe that even though the guy says it is friends with benefits it will change later, or they can gradually worm their way into their life and know all their business and become an item. That is what you are doing. It is silly. You are wasting your time on trying to change one sort of relationship into a completely different type. This guy can see who he wants, when he wants for what he wants and none of it is your business.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (20 February 2024):

kenny agony auntI don't know how many years they were married, they may have been married for many years, have kids together, and had an amicable separation.

by your own admission you are both friends with benefits so on that basis he can do what he likes, and its really nothing to do with you at all.

If nothing more serious is going to transpire from this maybe you should walk away from the whole thing.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 February 2024):

Honeypie agony aunt If you want to be a casual partner (FWB) then you have no say.

If you want something more serious don't settle for FWB.

You WILL get hurt when you realize (and you really should see this) that his EX-wife is more important to him than you are.

Why are you settling for this FWB/friends scenario if you want more?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (18 February 2024):

Ciar agony auntOP, that's fair enough. To prevent you from being used, stop providing the benefits and see how interested he is in being friends.

Don't announce it to him, but if/when he's recovered enough to want to see you again, meet in public (lunch, coffee etc).

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (18 February 2024):

mystiquek agony auntIf you are just FWB then what he does is really not your concern. If you want more and don't want to be used as you say then you'd have to talk to him. FWB relationships don't normally work because one person gets feelings. Basically in a FWB you are both using each other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2024):

We’ve been friends for a long time go out to dinner and hang out at each other’s houses, go boating, bike riding, etc. but it seems now when I’m at his house visiting. I have to scoot out if she calls and she’s coming over. If he wants to get back in a relationship with her, that’s fine I wish him the best but I don’t wanna be used.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 February 2024):

Honeypie agony auntYou are just FWB, his friendship/relationship with his ex-wife is none of your business.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2024):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBy your own admission, you are merely "friends with benefits", i.e. no ties, no commitments, just sex. If he and his ex wife are on good terms, and especially if they share kids, she is going to want to look after him when he is not well. You know about her but I'll bet she doesn't know about you - and why should she?

Sounds like you want more out of a relationship than what you are getting. Perhaps this is not the man for you. Perhaps it is time to look around for something more serious.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (17 February 2024):

Ciar agony auntAn woman providing some care to her ex husband is more common than you think, and more often than not there is nothing more going on.

That said, since you're just a friend with benefits it's none of your business if there is more to this or not.

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