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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My wife's obsession over bills and no sex has lead me to having an affair
Q. I'm a 33 year old man who's been married for 5 years. I am writing in embarrassed but I caused the problem and don't know how to get out. I've been having an affair with a 24-year-old woman since September and this has all been because of my ...
A. 16 November 2021: The pandemic has done so much damage to people in so many ways. All of us try to cope and some of us don't do ad well as others. Perhaps this is what has happened to your wife.
I am already a very nervous anxious person. The pandemic has made Mr ... (read in full...)
He only asked if I wanted a drink but I was horrible to him
Q. I feel really guilty because I was pretty horrible to a guy who gets the same bus as me every day after work. I’d gotten the feeling that he liked me as he’d give me all these glances as we stood at opposite ends of the bus stop each time and then ...
A. 12 November 2021: Yes you should apologize. I doubt if he will ever look at you in quite the same way again but its the decent thing to do. Keep in mind he was decent and didn't deserve you being so harsh. He may avoid you like the plague and won't give you a chance ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hired a maid to clean his house now can't afford her and wants me to pay
Q. Hello and thanks My bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his ...
A. 18 October 2021: Your boyfriend sounds like a spoiled brat. I'd tell him to either stop being so messy or find another job to pay for his maid. In no way shape or form should you pay for his cleaning service or anything else for that matter just because he thinks ... (read in full...)
He told me I was fatter than he expected years later
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now (me: 23f, him 24m). Our first date is a precious memory for me. We were talking online for weeks before we met because he was out of town at the time, and met up at a small restaurant. He was so ...
A. 16 October 2021: A lesson I've learned over the last 60 years...never ask a man a question that you don't really want the answer to unless you really are prepared for what he says. Men have a tendency to just be point blank and say exactly what they mean. Women will ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend use to be a sissy in high-school
Q. I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a ...
A. 13 October 2021: Perhaps you are overthinking this? You can't believe everything that those women said. I'd put far more trust and weight into how he is now, how he treats you then the talk of some people you barely know. People do change and it was quite awhile ago ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend preoccupied with hobbies neglecting other things
Q. I just moved in with my girfriend and this is what i observe: she spends most hers days gardening or doing craft then doing nessesary everyday things like making dinner or cleaning. This is the situation: I moved into her house, i pay her ...
A. 6 October 2021: Sorry to say but this is a situation where you leaped before you looked. Apparently you didn't know how she lived or you had not seen her home? She is happy doing her thing, living her life and the neatness of her home isn't a high priority for her. ... (read in full...)
Am I been over sensitive?
Q. Am I been over sensitive? My boyfriend of 5 month is constantly hanging up on me in mid flow of a conversation. We can be talking on the phone and he just says bye I’ve got to go and hangs up. It’s really annoying and I have ended up telling...
A. 30 September 2021: I'm sorry I don't really get what the big deal is. He says goodbye, I have to go. Its not like he just hangs up without saying anything! I can't tell you how many times my husband and I have had to do this to each other. We call each other at work ... (read in full...)
My husband of 3 years is not talking to me for past 4 days now.
Q. Dear cupid My husband of 3 years is not talking to me for past 4 days now. He talks only when he need something essential from me, do not respond when I talk. Eats if I cook, refuse to sit with me, sleeps on the same bed but pushes me away i...
A. 20 September 2021: OP, this is a very sad and ridiculous situation. I feel incredibly sorry for you. Your husband is being mean and acting very immature. You obviously can't force him to talk to you if he won't but what he is doing is a form of abuse. Please see it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend demanded a new phone from me, got it, and then told me that I'm stingy and petty
Q. Hi and thanks! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. I recently purchased a new cell, it was well needed as my other one was old and not functioning properly. My bf decided he should also have a new one, at my expense. I was ...
A. 22 August 2021: Op I think you have realized that you made a mistake of being kind and giving into his demands. It would have been far better if you had just said "Gee I'm sorry I can't help out but you can buy a less expensive phone or else save up for a nice ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for refusing to babysit my niece and nephew until I get my drinking under control?
Q. I have a niece and nephew. My brother and sister-in-law are mad at me because I refuse to babysit them. The reason that I am refusing to babysit is that I realize that I have a drinking problem and I don't feel comfortable watching my niec...
A. 8 August 2021: You dont say if your brother and sister in law know about your drinking but if they know and have any brains then they wouldn't want you to babysit for their children. If they don't know then you don't have to tell them and you also don't need to ... (read in full...)
I wanted to cuddle after sex but he just rolled over and went to sleep
Q. Hi, has anyone had this happen to them. I’ve being dating a man for about 6 weeks. I’ve only ever slept with him once and that night, after we slept together he just turned over and went to sleep. I’ve never experienced this before, I like a cuddle...
A. 8 August 2021: I think that the best course of action is to let him know how you feel. Explain that you like to cuddle afterwards. As the other aunts/uncles have stated, he can't read your mind, he doesn't know what you want or need. Your relationship is very new ... (read in full...)
How do I get my sister-in-law to back off asking about us having children?
Q. My brother and sister-in-law are pregnant. I am married. The problem is my sister-in-law keeps on asking me questions like "When are you and your wife are going to have kids?" and making comments such as "It would be nice if our kid will have so...
A. 5 July 2021: I'd start out by telling her that you two have discussed things and children aren't in your plans. State it politely but firmly. If she doesn't get the hint then ask your partner to step in. Some people just don't seem to get it unfortunately so if ... (read in full...)
He acts like a boyfriend but will not commit
Q. I've got myself into a situation and think I need to walk away but it hurts too much. I've fallen in love with this guy. Id class him as a mate. He's picked me up when I've been at rock bottom and we message all day every day. We were supposed to...
A. 30 June 2021: You are Miss Right Now, not Miss Right. You gave him sex hoping for more, he took it. You expressed your feelings, he doesn't return them but he will take what he can get for you as long as you allow it to happen. Men normally say what they mean. ... (read in full...)
I don't trust my boyfriends actions on the cell phone
Q. Hi and thank you!! Little background. I have been dating for about 2 years. At times it's been a roller coaster. My boyfriend has been caught on hook up sites, ( he denies it's his, apparently it's his friends) of course I don't buy it. ...
A. 30 June 2021: A relationship with no trust is like building a building in the sand. Its going to collapse. You don't trust him and you're worried about what he is doing. Why are you wasting your time on him? ... (read in full...)
It is normal to be horny during my period?
Q. Hi,i really feel so horny during my periods,is it normal...
A. 23 June 2021: Yes its perfectly normal... (read in full...)
I am really in love with my male teacher. should I date him?
Q. i am really in love with my male teacher. should i date him?...
A. 17 June 2021: Don't go there. NO!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still communicating with the women he cheated on me with
Q. Hello and thanks So my bf and I have been together about 3 years. In the beginning he was cheating and I found out and he apologized and I had to regain my trust in him. Unfortunately he was an Instagram account and hes got the woman he cheated...
A. 12 June 2021: Ok so he's a liar and a cheater. Why are you still with him? Out of all the men in the world to be with you choose him. Why darling??? Thats what you should be asking yourself. You deserve far better. How are you overreacting? If anything, you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want me to get a dog. Is this petty? Or controlling?
Q. Hi guys and gals So for the past 5 years I have been in a relationship with a man who has massive anxiety issues, ocd , depression and has control issues to which be has admitted. Before I start I should mention, we are not engaged , we do ...
A. 19 May 2021: Short and sweet...get a dog, drop the boyfriend. A dog can offer much joy and companionship and will ask for nothing in return except your love and to be taken care of. Your boyfriend is ridiculous and gives you only 4 hours a week. Oh honey...you ... (read in full...)
He's broken up with me 5 times in 2 years. Should I continue to see him?
Q. Hi I need some advice about a relationship I am a widow, my husband died 8 years ago and two years ago I met a lovely man and fell in love. But he has finished our relationship 5 times so far and caused me a lot of heartache. The last time it ...
A. 15 May 2021: OP, I think you have to ask yourself how much more can your heart take? You love him and wish to be with him but at what cost? It sounds like being with him you are always just waiting for the other shoe to drop! It can't be a very stable or ... (read in full...)
Should I try to pressure Jack into going to prom so he won't regret it later or just let him and his friends do their thing?
Q. My youngest son, Jack, is graduating from high school this year. He is refusing to go to prom. Instead, him and a group of friends are just meet up and do their own thing (they are talking about going bowling, than having a pool party at their ...
A. 11 May 2021: No I would not pressure him to go. Its his choice and at his age he should have the right to make the decision. My last 2 years of high school, one year I went to the prom. It was fun, but I was very shy in high school and didn't have a date so I ... (read in full...)
The man I'm seeing doesn't seem to want to get vaccinated. I think its a deal breaker
Q. Hi, I have reconnected with a man, who a had a few dates with, a few years back. We really hit it off, but life sort of got in the way. I was an empty nester, but he was a widower with three kids home from 10-21. We started chatting in late ...
A. 7 May 2021: If its a deal breaker then walk away. I understand where you are coming from, but the man has right to do what he wants, feel like he does, just as you do. If you aren't comfortable with the way he is handling things, then its time to end things. ... (read in full...)
What would you do if your partner called you an idiot and other names?
Q. What would you do if your long time partner called you an idiot, stupid, or insane or told you to shut the fuck up or fuck off, or go fuck yourself during arguments? And continually hang up on you? Or hang up when you cry or want to speak? Or hit ...
A. 30 April 2021: I would be gone. There is absolutely no reason to put up with that kind of behavior. NONE. When I was 19 and got married, my husband treated me in a similar manner. He also hit me. I was very young and frightened and it wasn't until he broke my arm ... (read in full...)
I was his mistress. Now that he's left his wife for me, I live in fear. How can I stop the anxiety?
Q. My boyfriend left his wife for me. He says he loves me. If so, why do I always feel so anxious, scared and insecure around him? Even though he's divorced and proclaiming his undying love and devotion to me? Do you think I could ever be happy with ...
A. 29 April 2021: I am not here to throw stones at you OP. The sad truth though is that he cheated to be with you, you also were cheating so how can you honestly truth him and feel good about the relationship? The odds are that you will never totally trust each ... (read in full...)
My husband and mother in law are making fun of me
Q. my husband is making fun of me all the time in front of others; when I said that huts also he is repeating, and my mother in law is also taking it as an advantage and making fun of my skin tone, really hurts as I am susceptible to those things ...
A. 21 April 2021: OP I understand that this isn't pleasant for you. Your husband should not be treating you the way that he is, and your mother in law is being disrespectful. I see you are from India and I know women are treated differently over there BUT you are not ... (read in full...)
How do I come clean about my age?
Q. Hi all. I need an advice. I'm a 41 years old woman. Recently I met a guy. When he approached me I thought he was my at least exact age or maybe 2 or 3 yrs young. When we met I told him that im 37 then he said his 37 too. Then 5 months down the l...
A. 19 April 2021: Ok so you both lied. Its not a great way to start a relationship! Why not just come clean and say "Hey, I found out that you weren't quite honest about your age. I know how old you are. I fibbed about my age too. I'm really 41." Then go from there ... (read in full...)
I am having a relationship with a woman 1/2 my age. She has sex with other men. I don't mind but my family does
Q. Im a 75 year old man who would like some honest advice...my entire family is upset with me..for over a year now Ive been having a relationship with a 36 year old woman..we spend alot of time together, traveling the world, going to restaurants, ...
A. 17 April 2021: OP, as long as you have your mental facilities and are fully aware of what is going on, of course you have the right to do what you want to do. It certainly looks like you are fully cognizant but I certainly get where your children are coming from. ... (read in full...)
I found out on my birthday my husband has been having casual, meaningless sex with another woman!!! How can I ever trust him again?/
Q. Can ANYONE here tell me HOW and WHY A MAN can go behind his wife or girlfriend's back to GET A BLOW JOB or HAVE MEANINGLESS CASUAL SEX here and there and CLAIM to LOVE his wife or girlfriend??? And PRETEND to be committed to his primary ...
A. 17 April 2021: Sadly OP, you probably never will trust your husband again, at least not totally. The odds are if you stay with him you will always wonder where he is if he's late or what he's doing when he doesn't call or is he REALLY just going to the store? Some ... (read in full...)
My fiance wants to move from Italy to Manhatten. Could we make it?
Q. I'm uncertain of how to deal with this. Thought I'd ask. My fiancee told me on Saturday that the coronavirus pandemic made her really question her priorities in life and realize life's too short to stay in Italy. She told me that she'd secretl...
A. 15 April 2021: Manhatten is extremely expensive. Your fiance will NEVER make it on McDonald's salary! My husband and I lived in Boston, Massachussetts and we thought it was expensive there. A small studio apartment there was $1500 if you didn't live RIGHT in ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my jealousy of not being a grandmother when I am around my friends who are grandparents?
Q. My son, John, is a only child. He is 36 years old and he became a Catholic priest in his 20s which is completely fine with me. The issue that I am having is all my friends now have grandchildren and they always talk about grandchildren th...
A. 1 April 2021: I am in my late 50's. I have 2 children a daughter almost 40 and a son 33. Neither of them have or want children. My daughter is a doctor and doesn't have time and my son says he knows he is just too selfish to have a child and doesn't want that ... (read in full...)
Casual Nudity with Mother In Law
Q. This past summer, my wife, kids, and I went on vacation with my in-laws. We shared a lovely condo on the beach. Since we were at the beach, I went shirtless most of the time and typically just wore my swim shorts or athletic shorts with no underwear ...
A. 23 March 2021: I know this may come as a shock to some men but many ladies do not find the totally naked male body attractive. I'm one of those ladies. I find leaving a little to the imagination is FAR more attractive. I would be dismayed and certainly turned off ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I are considering become a throuple with her ex girlfriend
Q. I've been with my fiancee Becky for 8 years, we got engaged in 2018 and are getting married in 2022; it was planned for 2020 but got cancelled, first due to our work schedules from January to March, and now the coronavirus pandemic. I'm 38, my wif...
A. 21 March 2021: This kind of situation NEVER works out. Want proof? Go back through DC's archives. Yes people want to try it out an think they are different and their relationship is strong enough and then one of them writes on here saying how it destroyed their ... (read in full...)
My ex lover wants me to send back the vibrator he gave me as a present
Q. This is a pretty bizarre and embarrassing question, but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I dated a guy for just over a couple of months, and it was pretty intense fairly fast (this was when the pubs and bars were still open). He got me...
A. 19 March 2021: No way would I send the vibrator back. Personally I'd go with the story that you threw it out. What you did with it is none of his business and I find it very disturbing and creepy that he wants it back. I sincerely doubt that he has innocent ... (read in full...)
I am declining to go to a wedding. What is an appropriate response if asked why I can't attend
Q. I have a "friend" that I known my whole life because our dads work for the same company. We went to the same high school and hung out often. As an adult, I can't stand him. He always wants to go places but wants other people to pick up his tab....
A. 17 March 2021: Quite honestly OP, its really no one's business why you don't want to attend so I certainly wouldn't offer any explanations. If someone should be be rude and uncouth enough to ask, I would say that you have a prior engagement. END OF STORY. Honestly ... (read in full...)
Why would my new boyfriend still be talking to his old girlfriend?
Q. Hey y'all. My boyfriend of 6 weeks and I have run into some interference from his ex girlfriend of 8 years. He moved to my country and we started dating after he broke up with her. She was not in touch with him at all during those 6 weeks and then ...
A. 15 March 2021: The odds are they aren't finished and you are going to get caught in the crossfires. You know what is going on, I just don't think you want to believe it. You've invested 6 weeks. Let that be the end of it. I wouldn't even tell him what you found ... (read in full...)
S it wrong that I sometimes get jealous, bitter and resentful towards teen couples and early 20s couples, couples in their 20s? because I was single for most of those years
Q. I was single for all of my teens and most of my 20s, i didn't really start dating until i was 29, i lost my virginity at 25, it was a fling, casual sex, so no emotional connection, but my sex life has been non-existant for most of my life, just a ...
A. 11 March 2021: Looking back and having regrets doesn't do anyone any good. Yes you can learn from mistakes but there are some things in life that you can't change so why waste time and energy on them? It is what it is.
And yes, I agree with Kenny that I think ... (read in full...)
MMF With wife to explore Bi side
Q. Married for 8 years with 2 kids. Wife comes from a conservative background and did not have much sexual experience when we met. Neither did I but I had more than her. We have both grown sexually together and have what I would define as a good sex ...
A. 10 March 2021: Some things are much better left alone, OP. Bringing a 3rd person into a marriage is one of them. I've been a moderator on DC for almost 14 years. I have NEVER Not even once seen where this kind of relationship works out. IF you no longer want or ... (read in full...)
Lifestyle/swinging destroying my marriage
Q. I need advice. I’m trying to decide whether my marriage is worth saving. I’ve been married for 12 years. Several years ago my husband approached me about experimenting with swinging. I said that I wasn’t comfortable with sex with others. He ...
A. 9 March 2021: This is a very sad thing about couples that decide to try the swinging life. Very seldom does it improve the relationship. It normally tears the relationship apart. I've been on DC for over 10 years and I have NEVER seen someone say that swinging ... (read in full...)
I left my ex girlfriend during the pandemic because I felt suffocated but now I realize I made a mistake. Should I contact her or leave her alone? Title
Q. Hi. I am a guy who made a real dumb ass mistake. I left my beautiful girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We had an argument about my being inattentive towards her. And she was right. I was taking her for granted. I was not treating her right and got angry ...
A. 7 March 2021: OP it sounds like you had a sweet girl and you freaked out on her. You may have pushed her too far this time. Its hard to say. All you can do is try. Why don't you tell her all of the things that you have said to her in this post? Bare your heart ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of my deceased husband. I can't take the stress
Q. I really need help and advice. My bf ( partner ) and me are almost 6 years together already. I am widow and he is divorced. His ex wife cheated on him with another man. He dont wanna get married anymore because of his divorce he lost a lots, "money ...
A. 7 March 2021: Aw OP, I'm sorry. You are relatively young to have had a heart attack. Your doctor is right, your health should come first sweetie. You need someone who loves and cares about you and TRUSTS you. Your boyfriend sadly sounds extremely insecure jealous ... (read in full...)
Why would a colleague send me this?
Q. I am a married man. A married female colleague of mine, whom I adore, has sent me a fresh pantyliner, what does she mean by that?...
A. 1 March 2021: I think someone has noticed that you "adore" your colleague and is winding you up. I really doubt that she actually sent this. You might want to keep your adoration in check because you may be showing your feelings far more than you realize. I agree ... (read in full...)
My dad plans to leave my mom but doesn't want me to tell her
Q. A week ago, my dad said he needed me to come and help him with going the supermarket and shopping. I thought nothing of it, was only trying to be a good daughter. But it later turned out he wanted me to meet his girlfriend, Rachael (not her rea...
A. 28 February 2021: OP, I am really sorry that your father has put you in this situation. My heart cries for you. I have 2 children and I would have never wanted them to be involved with something like this. I know you are hurt and confused and wondering what to do. It ... (read in full...)
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