A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I guess I don't understand - how do you socialize with people and make friends? It feels impossible. People don't want to be your friend, they've already got enough. They don't want to take a risk on you - you could be crazy or dangerous and they're already happy with what they have. I just don't understand how people build social lives.And that's where the hopelessness is setting in. I'll be turning 23 soon - it's been two years since I left my home state, and five years since I left home. I haven't made a single friend since then. I don't see how I could possibly get a date when I can't even get a friend. And all of this failure is really starting to depress me. I am absolutely worthless. I feel like I've failed as a human being at the most very basic level.What am I supposed to do? I feel so hopeless. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, sweptshadow  +, writes (26 December 2010):
i know exactly how u feel i have prety much the same issue with a slight variation......., except im only 16... I stay in my room and im my own little world, watch anime and wonder . get good grades play games but i dont want to be at a party. i sometimes cant even stand being with the few little friends i have i sometimes even bail on spending time with them. I dont know why but i cannot even get a GF or any girl to be my friend. i feel very sad. so i hope that you'll be happy to know that your not the only one out there but please if anyone wants to help me in ay way such as with advice please do......I do not like to leave my room,n my anime.....:'( HELP please?
A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 I feel for you, man....no I feel WITH you! I've always had a similar problem making friends because the way I think it very different from your average Joe...! But maybe you're not like me: the main thing you have to do is just do the thing(s) you most like to do!
What are your hobbies or interests? No matter how "out there" they may or may not be, you WILL find other people who share the same hobbies/interests as you, and then BOOM!: there are your friends!
Don't be too hard on yourself, in fact, you don't need to worry so much about "making friends", but more about just doing what you like to do...Do what you like to do, and then you'll find the friends you're looking for!
Follow your passion, it will lead you where you want to go!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Stop using the computer.Get out there.Go to the library,dances,concerts,hobby classes.Meet like minded people in REAL LIFE.Smile at people in your work place.Be genuine.The good ones always succeed in the end.
Luck to ya
Kevin
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Quite a lot of people have difficulty making friends, apparently, but not for the same reasons. Some are shy, some lack interpersonal skills, and some are just too different. I fall into the last category. Since I was a small child, I've always been too different to make friends easily. Friendship requires chemistry, just as much as romantic love does. If you're not operating on the same wavelength, if you don't share common interests, values, perspectives, attitudes... you're just not going to click. The percentage of people who are as fundamentally different from their peers as me is extremely small. Extraordinarily small. So small that no matter how much I search the Internet, there's almost nothing posted anywhere around this problem. (Aside from postings by parents about their lonely gifted child.) DOES ANYONE OUT THERE SHARE THIS PROBLEM?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): I never had any friend for the longest time. Not one. For years. It was getting me down, nobody seemed to want to talk to me, and I never knew what to say anyway. I was always so self conscious, i wanted people to like me so desperately that i would say stupid things, and agree with things i really didn't agree with. I tried to please people, but in the end people walked all over me. I get upset even right now thinking about the constant nights of loneliness and that horrible "useless" feeling you're referring to.Then over a period of time, I stopped eating, I was always too depressed to eat, never went anywhere, never did anything and eventually my body started to shut down. Bottom line is I nearly died.Lying there in hospital i realized something. Those people I spent all that time so desperate to please, where were they now? All these people I wanted so desperately to like me...do you think they're thinking about me now? No.From that day on i decided I'd be my own person. Be my own best friend. It's so important to be happy in yourself. Love yourself and others will love you. Now I'm myself, I'm always myself. I always have my own opinion. If someone doesn't like me, then stuff them. They're the ones missing out.And now I have so many close and real friends. I always have something to do at the weekend, someones always texting or ringing me and asking me out.It's mind over matter. In my opinion, who WOULDN'T want to be friends with me? I'm a kind, caring, fun person. Some people will just generally never like me or understand me - and that's ok. I don't beat myself up about it anymore, because the people who are my friends are friends with me for me.It's time to be friends with a very special person - YOU. The minute YOU stop telling yourself you're worthless and useless and START reminding yourself of the wonderful caring person you are, friends will follow. Believe me. I've been there, lived it, wrote the book.All the best to you. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): I am 50 years old and I have always had trouble making friends. I have had less trouble with the opposite sex because there is on-line dating. What is strange to me is how I know I am a good, caring person and I meet people who are not very nice and they have tons of friends. What seems more important in a friend to people is they are exciting, funny, and entertaining, rather then someone who will be there for them.My advice is to join groups, take classes, volunteer, get the most opportunity possible to meet as many people as possible. I find that I am just to lazy to care anymore.
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A
female
reader, ij +, writes (17 October 2009):
 I know how you are feeling, the same thing is happened to me,i moved from south America to the US like 5 years ago, and it took me a long time to make some friends, things will look up for you just be confident, all you need to do is get out there it will not hurt you, everything we do in life is a learning experience and I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (17 October 2009):
 There is a wise saying which goes
"to have a friend you have to be a friend"
If you feel worthless and a failure other people are going to pick up this bad vibe and keep away from you. You wont attract friends.
If however you choose to love yourself irrespective of what others think of you, you will find yourself with many good friends surrounding you.
This has worked for me and i am sure it will work for you also.
Dont feel hopeless about life, and just be respectful for everybody and watch how many people love to be in the company of such a amazing person.
hope i've helped,
& Goodluck!
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