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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this man for 3 months and he says he wants to be with me but he's scared. What does that mean? We are in the getting to know each other stage I suppose, not officially dating. Is there anything I can do to make him not scared? Or is this a nice way of not making it official? And we are sleeping together.. should I stop until he commits? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Manya  +, writes (29 March 2009):
I agree with britt429 that you shouldn't use sex as your bargaining chip! Once you've already slept together, as you have, it seems kind of mean to say, "no more sex until you commit!" No wonder he is afraid of commitment if you even THINK this! Sex shouldn't be forced one way or the other. BUT I think that what you are saying is that you would like the OTHER aspects of a relationship --
being best friends, getting to know the others likes and dislikes, having adventures together -- to CATCH UP to the sexual aspect which got ahead of things. BUT that being said, the sexual attraction is a good thing. Don't mess it up!!
Love,
Manya
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I think it would be difficult once you have moved to that level, to go backwards. A lot of men are scared of the "c" word. They have a hard time committing. I would give him time. Three months is not very long. He isn't ready. But as far going back to not having sex, it seems like you are withholding until he makes that committment, and that is using sex to get what you want. To me that isn't a healthy way to begin a relationship. If you had decided to wait in the beginning it would be different.
Whatever you decide I wish you luck!
Britt
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