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My married boss wants to take me to dinner and to his beach house.

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 April 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I think my married boss likes me. He wants to take me to dinner and to his beach house. I would normally think this is wierd and way wrong but he has also said his intentions were just to be friends but he also said I cant tell anyone that we are friends. Im so confused.

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A female reader, Coffee8993 United States +, writes (24 June 2009):

Come on...you are an adult. You remind me of those girls who get invited to guys houses after a few drinks at the bar and he ask you to go back to his place and you really , really don't know what's on his mind...Oh he wants you to go back and play xbox with him, NOT!! You know what your boss wants. It's not work related, just you and him and the beach house. You should have told him, "Sir, if this is not pertaining to the job then, I am sorry, I can't to your private beach house you are a married man." I am sure you know this sexual harassment. Maybe you need approval to make this decision. It's wrong, wrong, wrong! I 've been through this before and i knew what was up when I pretended I didn't or i was confused. Tell him you have too much respect for yourself and from one woman to the next. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Now there's your answer.

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A female reader, mint United Kingdom +, writes (26 April 2009):

mint agony aunti advise you not to go imaging how is wife will feel when she finds out....jusy put yourself in her shoes hw wuld you feel if you found out that your husband was taking other women out on dates!!

avoid it!! its a no no

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (26 April 2009):

malvern agony auntQuite simply .... DON'T GO! Consider all the other answers, every one of them is correct. Refuse him politely, hold onto your job and just get on with your work.

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (26 April 2009):

Sweet-thing agony auntWhatever you do, don't go with him. He may be saying you're just friends, but I think that is just a cover-up for his real feelings of lust for you. By saying the friend-thing it puts you at ease, makes you think it's harmless to accompany him to his beach house. A little wine, a little sun and pretty soon you'll find your way into his bed while his poor wife stays at home with the kids, and in the dark about his double-personality. Thank him graciously for his offer but please decline. I notice he didn't mention anything about getting divorced, or being unhappy with his wife. My guess is, he's just looking for a little action and I hope you aren't going to be it. Keep your head on straight. Just say not and after this, keep your distance as well.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (26 April 2009):

jessica04 agony auntUhhh, unless he is bringing his wife and a few other co-workers, his intentions are to have sex with you and make you his mistress on the side.

Just don't go there. Politely decline, say you're busy that weekend. I mean think, if he just wanted you two to be friends then why would he tell you to keep it a secret?

This guy is up to no good. Don't let him make you a home wrecker just because he isn't happy in his marriage.

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A female reader, Manya United States +, writes (26 April 2009):

Hello! I wouldn't go to the beach house! I had a friend in a very similar situation to you, and her boss ended up by making a pass at her! She had a boyfriend, and

she liked the boss in only a friendly way, but in the end, that was the end of that job!! Tell him you would love to go to dinner -- with his wife and him!!

If he is really your friend, he would not want to jeopardize your career!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009):

Its very simple: his intentions are anything BUT honorable. Look, for one thing he is married and his primary commitment should be to his wife.

For another, if his intention was to be "just friends" why would he invite you to his beach house with nobody else there but him? (if he was on the up and up he'd say that he and his family were going there for the weekend, and wanted to invite you also. However, this would be rather unusual unless you have worked for him for many years and can be considered a friend of the family).

Then again, he wants to keep it all a secret.

Flat-out refuse any invitations to "be friends"; go to dinner, beach house or anywhere else outside of work.

You are quite right in thinking his behavior is weird and very wrong. It is, and you need to have no part in it.....

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