A
female
age
41-50,
*103kln
writes:Alright. I have been with my fiance for a year now. He asked me to marry him about 3 months ago and I said yes. I wasn't really initially attracted to him but he became a rock. My father passed away about two months after we started dating and he was amazing through that period. He is so in love with me and I love him. However; after we decided to marry things changed . . .he started missing work more due to drinking too late and we fight all the time. I am a bartender and thats how we met, but since he asked me to marry him he gets incredibly jealous all the time . . .he's even accused me of cheating on him (which I did not). But through all the fighting I have become lost because he really has a good heart and my family (which is everything to me) really likes him. I guess I'm wondering If I should work on this relationship and make it work or get out. I'm so unsure. Sometimes I want to leave him and sometimes I'm scared to lose him. My mother told me that If I found a man that loves me like he does I should keep him because If I just wait around for that perfect guy I'll never find him. She said their is no perfect relationship and no perfect guy that I should be happy I found someone who has an unconditional love for me. I'm lost. Please any suggestions?
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female
reader, Auntie Soph  +, writes (1 April 2009):
 Only you can make that decision but if you are not happy you need to discuss things with him and tell him if he truly loves you he must stop being jealous because it is making you think twice about marriage and that you dont want to have to think about that because you love him and he is youre rock but things need to change you cant work on the relationship if he isnt willing to make it work to if he loves you that much he shouldnt make you unhappy. :)
Just do what youre heart says maybe leave it a little longer but i would say something to him like get you're act together harsh but you shouldnt be unhappy you only live once. x
A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (1 April 2009):
Well, first of all, you're engaged but you don't HAVE to marry the guy. However, to me he sounds pretty good!! A good man is hard to find, and you do seem to love each other. However, it also sounds like maybe you should think about
couples counseling re: his jealousy, and what your fights are about. Especially, do you live together or apart? If you aren't living together, how to you envision that being? Think about it. You should try to resolve the issues between you before take a trip to the altar!!
If you feel "lost," i.e. that he's smothering you or something, then you need to have more time to yourself and
he needs to be mature about letting you have this time.
If he really loves you, he will want to have a good balance!
Good luck!
Love,
Manya
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Most controlling and abusive men are attracted to women that are vulnerable like you were when you met him. Instead of viewing his behavior as scary, you justify it by saying he's just "less than perfect". This isn't love, it's control and this is just the beginning stages of it. If you sit and wait around for Mr. Perfect then you'll just collect a long list of these type of men. Get out and live your life and be more selective.
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (1 April 2009):
 it really all depends on what you can/cannot tolerate...if you don't want an alcoholic husband then one of the stipualtions to your marriage would be that he'd have to slow down or stop drinking...
or just extend your engagement until you feel his the one...it's evident you indecisive and that's not good...if you have a gut feeling that he may have alcoholic tendencies, be to possessive (he knows your a bartender from get go, so your going to be in contact with several men), unemployed (misses work due to alcoholism)...then don't marry him...
sorry girl...but these are all red flags...don't ignore them regardless of how much your family likes him...your the one who has to live with him 24/7 not them...
best hopes
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