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*arbo

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Would a one night stand with a divorced man be wrong?

Q.   Someone I've known for years (although he's more of an acquaintance than a friend) recently got a divorce because his wife cheated on him. I've always liked the guy, he is very attractive, and we flirted, but never anything more than that. Well...

A.   24 October 2015: Sexual passion is such a strong emotional force that it does not require great deal of effort to find seemingly rational reasons to have sex. Restraining one self is much harder. So with your post: it brims with reasons to justify having sex with... (read in full...)

Could our marriage be fixed? We have both cheated!

Q.   My husband and I have been married for two years. We have only ever been with each other and both have a very strong religious upbringing. Shortly after we were married we moved across the country and both made major career changes. We agreed to put ...

A.   22 October 2015: If you both want to fix it, then it is likely fixable. Except, you may need some help in managing the fix and finding the common road to the fix. This is why using marriage counsellors or therapists often helps with this. Not having a person w... (read in full...)

I caught my girlfriend lying twice about where she spent the night

Q.   Hello everyone, so i am currently on a break with my gf because she lied to me twice in a row. However, with all this halloweens parties coming up that we had planned to go together it seems like added pressure to end the break faster. What ha...

A.   20 October 2015: What she is doing is called "trickle truthing" meaning she will come up with the "truth" only after being checkmated that her previous truth was a lie. So I think that you are correct not to believe anything that she is saying about this particular ... (read in full...)

Are my suspicions reasonable?

Q.   Hi, Something is playing on my mind and I need some advice please. I'm too embarrassed to confide in any of my friends or family and I feel sick thinking about this. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 3. I'...

A.   19 October 2015: What do you do? You do nothing because you have no evidence on your husband that he is cheating on you. In terms of "confronting" your husband, you also have weak and insignificant evidence so don't bother because you may reveal your hand and mess ... (read in full...)

I'm not ready for sex until I'm sure he's the one! What do I do?

Q.   I'm 22yrs in a relationship with a boy, who is ready to do anything for me and keep telling me he has gotten to his last bustop. He those ask me for sex But he is not pressuring me to give him my virginity and I'm scared of losing him because he ...

A.   18 October 2015: Don't ever have sex with anyone just because they demand sex out of you. Same with this guy. If you don't wish to have sex with him, for whatever reason, then don't have sex. Be sure you stay with your feelings and don't ever feel that you should ... (read in full...)

First time sex, and not wishing to cause my Gf to get pregnant - lots of questions, if you can advise please?

Q.   Hi Cupids, I am a 22 year old and my girlfriend is 21 year old. I need some honest opinion about sex. I live in a more conservative country, Singapore, where we are told to have sex after marriage. Recently, my girlfriend and I have mo...

A.   17 October 2015: 1) not having sex prevents pregnancy. But if you plan on having sex, what has worked for my wife and me, and it still works like a charm, is pull out. Some people say it does not work, but maybe for them, so as for me it's the best 2. Idk what are ... (read in full...)

Do I risk looking rude if I refuse to hug in future? Or do I have to fit in and do something I feel uncomfortable doing?

Q.   Hi all, I come from an Asian country, where hugging is not common. I will be moving to Europe next year for my studies, and perhaps work there. I've lived there for half a year before. During that period of time, I met many people and they ...

A.   17 October 2015: My ancestry is from those European countries where they hug and in some situations kiss, then spend time in endless chatter while sipping coffee... and like you I hate it, even though my cultural roots are from there. So I suck it up and do it ... (read in full...)

Suddenly I've developed Erectile dysfunction. I feel I'm too young to have this happen. What could be wrong?

Q.   AUNTS I NEED HELP I'm 22 years old. I shouldn't be suffering this right? I always get a very hard erection anytime anywhere Even very little things can make me hard.. i'm equally attracted to my beautiful girl friend But recently.. at lea...

A.   16 October 2015: You don't specify how long has your "limp" condition been going on so for it to be an erectile dysfunction it would, first, have to be repetitive under various, prolonged, circumstance and in circumstances where you have tried to remedy the ... (read in full...)

His ex had big boobs. I have tiny boobs. What chance is there that I can overcome my insecurities over this?

Q.   I just don't know how to feel? My BF and I have an on an off again relationship when we first started I wasn't ready to settle down, yet even though at that time he deserved it. He was so sweet and 100% everything I wanted in a man but I was mu...

A.   16 October 2015: The fact that you have small boobs has already been factored into his decision to be with you. He has likely thought about that much earlier then you took a notice, so since his decision is to be with you, it, therefore, means that he has, in his ... (read in full...)

We never have sex and now another guy is interested in me! What do I do?

Q.   In a bit of a dilema! i currently have a boyfriend and hes lovely hes sweet thoughtful and really in love with me, the only thing is we barely ever have sex, ive repeatidly told him about this and yeah yeah ill change i havnt brought it up for ...

A.   7 October 2015: You are tempted to cheat and you very well know it is wrong. So don't cheat on your BF. You could break up with your BF, but that leaves you with 3 uncertainties: (1) you know nothing of the new guy as to what sort of a partner he is (2) you know... (read in full...)

Question for men: is it really difficult to leave your wife if you've been having an affair? Or am I right - is he just offering me excuses?

Q.   I have done the unthinkable for the last 8 years of my life. Please don't hammer me. I have been dating married man. No kids. He's much older than me and at first I was just having fun but it turned into love. He's taken me on many trips an...

A.   5 October 2015: Most married men, about 95% of them, never leave their wife for the other woman so your odds with this guy are virtually zero especially since he has been playing you for 8 years. In few years you will look back on these years and regret each and ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's anger is making me lose my confidence. How do I sort this out?

Q.   My boyfriend if 3 years is really starting to get me down and I feel stuck. He loses his temper easily, gets verbally aggressive when I try to give my opinion and blows things of by saying " I don't want to hear you anymore, I'm not talking to ...

A.   4 October 2015: He may have an anger disorder. Look into intermittent explosive disorder symptoms. These often come along with other things like bipolarity, autism or manic depression. Solution to this widespread problem is not talking and reasoning with the ... (read in full...)

Is a man's "first love" really the deepest?

Q.   This question is mainly for any guys that lost their virginity to someone they were in a committed relationship with and preferably in love? I'm just curious, regardless of how long it's been, or the circumstances of the break-up, do you still think ...

A.   4 October 2015: "First love" is a myth because you can only love the woman that loves you back so if the first one never loved you back you get over it and love the one that loves you. Losing virginity, to most guys, is meaningless because they look at it as the ... (read in full...)

My partner is a virgin. She keeps stalling about starting our physical relationship. What is there to "think about"?

Q.   My partner nearly admitted to me that she is a virgin as I think she is as when I approached the subject of us taking our relationship a little further and asked did she want to stay the night with her replying with could she think about. What i...

A.   4 October 2015: Your girl needs more assurances, security, deeper attachment, more commitment from you, time for that commitment to be felt, comfort at sex and aftermath... So give her all of that more of, see which she responds to best but most important, respect ... (read in full...)

I really do love her but I am troubled by something that happened four months ago. Is this a reason to break up with her?

Q.   So I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months and I found about 2 months in she cheated with another guy and had sex. She was very drunk and doesn't remember a thing. I've talked to people that were with her that night and they all say it wasn'...

A.   4 October 2015: To forgive or not is a personal decision and whichever you pick then that is the best one for you. So it really does not matter, in this circumstance, that I would, for example, dump her regardless of what people say or of her claims of innocence. ... (read in full...)

I'm questioning our moral compatability

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm torn, confused, and seeking your comments. I have been dating Mike for 10 months. I moved in with him a month ago and recently found out (two weeks ago) that he is into threesomes. He was invited (8 months ago) to participate with...

A.   2 October 2015: I think that you feel disappointed that things have turned for the ugly just when you thought there is a bright future ahead... But there is nothing that you can do for his shortcomings. He has 2 strikes here: (1) Two months into a relation... (read in full...)

How much do you have in common with your husband/fiancé/boyfriend?

Q.   When I started dating my fiancé he told me all about the activities he did with his last girlfriend, such as them jogging together, bicycling and going to a concert. He told me the concert turned into a magical night for the both of them. The ...

A.   1 October 2015: Obviously, the more in common you have the better the relationship. Over time, tho, people develop new activities to be together... but this depends whether each in the relationship actually wants to develop these. So it is often the desire to make ... (read in full...)

How do I soften the blow? I want to break up with him and he has no idea I feel this way!

Q.   Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and he says he's madly in love with me and that I'm his soulmate, but I haven't been feeling the same the past few weeks and I've decided I want to break up with him. My question is, how should I ...

A.   27 September 2015: Break ups hurt but the longer those break ups last the more they hurt. Therefore, be quick and tell him, within half an hour at most, that you don't want him anymore romantically and that you want to end it right now. You can elaborate why but be ... (read in full...)

I tricked my boyfriend because I wanted to know if I could trust him and he failed!

Q.   i made a fake profile to test if i can trust my boyfriend, i added and chat with him and ask if he had a girlfriend and he says yes, but the next day i ask him to meet up at a private place and he agrees. after i confronted him he said he's sorry ...

A.   25 September 2015: What you did is very wrong on a very big level. The legal term for this is "entrapment" and that is when you set up a deliberate bait in order to criminalize someone who otherwise would not have done that had you no set up a trap. Those who entrap ... (read in full...)

How long to wait to have sex with a new partner? Do I have to tell him how bad my sexual experience was with my first boyfriend?

Q.   I'm dating a guy who is 7 yrs older than I am which is fine as I really like him, however I'm the younger one at aged 22 years. We haven't spoken about our past yet with regards to my past boyfriends. I had a really bad time with my first boyfrie...

A.   25 September 2015: You should not say anything to your BF. Past is past and let it stay there. You will gain nothing by telling him and you risk exposing information that he may find compromising and potentially harmful for your relationship. Instead, use your past as ... (read in full...)

How am I supposed to continue into the future with someone as spiteful as she has been towards me?

Q.   I've been dating this girl on and off for a little over three years and I just recently found out that whilst we weren't together for a short period of time, she had sex with a guy that was clearly my enemy, but she didn't come clean about it until ...

A.   25 September 2015: Your situation requires that you remove that woman from your life. You can forgive her, or not, but either way she has got to go, and go away from you. There is too much negative and destructive atmosphere such that nitpicking as to is it ... (read in full...)

Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?

Q.   I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...

A.   25 September 2015: Reason you are happy since the divorce is because she is not into your life. There are no legal grounds under which she can squat into your home and that means if she tries to squat in you call the cops and have her removed. The fact that she... (read in full...)

I need some dating advice and some clues to help me decipher body language. Can you help?

Q.   Hi guys and girls I am a female aspie (mildly autistic). I am hoping to get some dating advice here. Here's the thing, there's this cute guy at work, I totally have a crush on him. But having Aspergers, I am pretty bad at deciphering body language. ...

A.   22 September 2015: Sorry, but I still think that you are not forward enough, especially that he is so shy. Also, some people have an issue with dating people whom they work with so perhaps you could chat with him about how he feels about dating someone with who he ... (read in full...)

What exactly are morals?

Q.   What exactly are morals? I would define morals as standards set by society. Are morals flexible? I am very guarded about my sexual side. I have often read about people who give advice on this forum saying keeping your body till marriage is outdated. ...

A.   22 September 2015: Your question can fill up thousands of pages, so my remark will be limited to your question about sexual morality. Under the absolute, utopian standard, sex apart from devotion of love for the person with whom we are having sex is, first and ... (read in full...)

I need some dating advice and some clues to help me decipher body language. Can you help?

Q.   Hi guys and girls I am a female aspie (mildly autistic). I am hoping to get some dating advice here. Here's the thing, there's this cute guy at work, I totally have a crush on him. But having Aspergers, I am pretty bad at deciphering body language. ...

A.   20 September 2015: I don't know what mind games girls play, but having Aspergers should not prevent you from getting to know if he is interested or not. Nor is reading body language reliable cue. Besides, mind games are very annoying to guys because men are generally ... (read in full...)

I need some dating advice and some clues to help me decipher body language. Can you help?

Q.   Hi guys and girls I am a female aspie (mildly autistic). I am hoping to get some dating advice here. Here's the thing, there's this cute guy at work, I totally have a crush on him. But having Aspergers, I am pretty bad at deciphering body language. ...

A.   20 September 2015: I don't know what mind games girls play, but having Aspergers should not prevent you from getting to know if he is interested or not. Nor is reading body language reliable cue. Besides, mind games are very annoying to guys because men are generally ... (read in full...)

Why do guys give the promiscuous flirty girls so much attention?

Q.   Do guys usually like the flirty and promiscuous type of girls? I need some advice because I hate to say I'm a little jealous of this girl I know who gets so much attention from my guy friends and just a lot of guys in general. She sleeps around wi...

A.   20 September 2015: That girl is effortless sex so, naturally, guys will give her the attention because they are assured that, with a simple smile or another meaningless gesture, they will get some. How many of those men will want her as an exclusive GF? Zero! H... (read in full...)

Porn is ruining our relationship. When we do have sex he cannot climax. What should I do?

Q.   Porn is ruining our relationship My problem is lack of sex. I crave sex all the time and so does my partner however he now has a smart phone with access to the internet. Im lucky if I get it once a month. Every morning he goes to the bathr...

A.   19 September 2015: Make him choose: porn or you. Give him some reasonable deadline, like 3 weeks or a month, to get off porn and detox from it, or you will leave him. If he does not change, then do leave him (or kick him out) then negotiate from the distance. Porn ... (read in full...)

How do I cope with being disowned by my mother because of who I married?

Q.   I need some help coping with basically being disowned by my mother. My mother doesn't speak to me anymore now since I married a man she didn't approve of. In my opinion her reasons for disapproval were very petty and she refuses to meet my husba...

A.   19 September 2015: I have a friend who, according to his mother, married a wrong woman and the mother did not speak to his wife for years. Her list was absurd like yours: the woman was not the same religion, she was fat, he could have gotten a better looking woman, ... (read in full...)

Is it true that size doesn't matter? My family tells me this but my friend say elsewise

Q.   Is it true that appearance doesn't matter? I am a plus sized black woman and I feel like men judge me by these factors. I got bullied often because of my race and for being big in high school and no men ever really showed interest in me. I ...

A.   19 September 2015: Your situation is what you make of it. Everyone to some degree has been discriminated on some bases and everyone has some handicap at beauty. Take Oprah: she is fat and black, I'm sure discriminated on by someone, but she took her talents ... (read in full...)

My body is "flat" and I feel a woman should look more womanly

Q.   I am a 25 year old woman. I have very small A cup breasts and absolutely no butt. I have a very 'flat' appearance to my body. I hate to say that I'm somewhat insecure and quite unhappy with my body. I find myself comparing myself to curvy women w...

A.   18 September 2015: If you feel that you should look different then do something about it. Join a fitness club, lift heavy weights, run, get on protein supplements and others that will bulk up your muscles like creatine, then work out for 2-3 years and build up your ... (read in full...)

Guys, would you rather date Girl A or Girl B?

Q.   Girl A: -quite "generic" -long hair, decent sized boobs but slim, wears dresses and hardly ever trousers and a lot of heels -doesn't wear makeup -bit of a goody two shoes, always annoyingly nice to everyone, comes off as fake, ridiculousl...

A.   18 September 2015: It all depends what the guy is looking for. So if I was looking for sexual adventure and had no intent on getting married then girl B. On the other hand, if my priority was marriage, family, children... then girl A. This is subject to change ... (read in full...)

Men: Do you consider it cheating when you go to a Buck's Night out?

Q.   So my question is mainly for men. I was just wondering why when men go to a bucks night they enjoy the shows that include sex toys and watch a woman use them? What is the fulfilment of this? Do they fantasize about it? what is arousing by that when ...

A.   18 September 2015: From my experience with these situations, there was nothing arousing with those shows. Most of the guys I know did them because it was a taboo and it was funny that there are stupid and trashing women willing to do all that. After it was all said ... (read in full...)

Is there is a point of no return with regards to personal failures and disappointing lifestyles?

Q.   I am ill disciplined and have no ambition. I am the source and creator of all my current misery. However, I would like to change myself. I have been able to work myself into a "better" version of myself but my problem now is that I am afraid that it ...

A.   17 September 2015: The point of no return occurs at the moment of death so thereafter your intent is pointless. This means that, until that time, your life is loaded with points of return. So get passionate about something: environment, church, God, stock market, ... (read in full...)

I'm wondering why it is so hard for me to enjoy an orgasm?

Q.   I apologize if this is TMI. I have been dating a wonderful man for several months now. I lost my virginity to him (and I was fairly old to be losing my virginity). I grew up with a significant amount of sexual shame and guilt. I masturbated mayb...

A.   17 September 2015: Some statistics show that up to 80% of women do not orgasm through penetration, which is a staggering number, so perhaps you belong to that group. Of these women, most report that they are able to orgasm from oral, so have your guy go down on you. ... (read in full...)

I am miserable in my marriage and in love with a married man

Q.   Hi everyone! I’m confronted with a situation I cant’ handle any longer, so please give me your advice. I’m married for 15 years, childless. We used to have a good relationship until the daily problems, mainly the financial ones, haven driven my ...

A.   16 September 2015: What you see in that married guy is what you want to see in your husband but you are not. Instead of working on your marriage, you are working on wrecking in by getting baited into infidelity. Once you cross the red line and have sex with that ... (read in full...)

I can't get over things an abusive step mother did to me. Would a psychiatrist be able to help?

Q.   I have a step mother who was very abusive to me and really messed me up emotionally. When my father died she told me she never cared about him or me and up and moved and left me alone. Wouldn't give me any of my dads belonginngs or ashes. I am...

A.   16 September 2015: Psychiatrists privide medical treatments for patients who have a chemical imbalance in their brains. You haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, so you don't need a psychiatrist. You need a psychologist so that you can get an evaluation as to ... (read in full...)

Why is my ex-friend even trying with me?

Q.   My female friend treated me badly - she had an affair with my boyfriend behind my back, lied to me and basically treated me like dirt. We fell out obviously - but now she wants to make up and says she feels bad about everything she's done. ...

A.   15 September 2015: The only reason that I see why she is doing this is to be a bitch that will rub it into you. Don't respond, go no contact and be sure she is out of your life for good, so you can move on. ... (read in full...)

Is this what men are really like in their thoughts and feelings?

Q.   I have only had one bf before and I'm just really confused if it is my lack of experience or in fact, what men are. My new bf been with him for over a year. We live together and he tells me how I'm perfect and how much he loves me and wants to be ...

A.   15 September 2015: You did get lot of good advice and great insight from many here but I would like to remind you that most perplexing and confusing problems of life need simplification and so it is in your case. Your BF has given you a huge load of sexual desires, ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend admitted that he's attracted to another woman but says it ends there and has no feelings for her. Do I believe him?

Q.   My boyfriend (not sure what to call him right now) have been dating for over a year now. We have had our ups and downs but have a lot of love for each other. I just broke up with him last week because I found out that 8 months ago he had a crush o...

A.   15 September 2015: Everyone gets crushes, and happens to even those who are madly in love in a relationship. Perhaps men get those crushes much easier because the beaty of a woman sweeps them up like a storm. But crushes do not imply that he will dump you over som... (read in full...)

I'm feeling scared, because in the past his mother has been violent. How can I feel comfortable around his mother?

Q.   I recently got out of a five year relationship with a man I had been with since I was sixteen. I ended the relationship as it got to the point where I saw no future. He’d never had a job, he wasn’t motivated in university, we never did anything and ...

A.   13 September 2015: Frankly, I am less worried about his mother but more alarmed about him who needs to discharge his "anger out on a man who may just look at him the wrong way." You will not live with his mother so you can always leave if she goes crazy... but you ... (read in full...)

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