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My partner is a virgin. She keeps stalling about starting our physical relationship. What is there to "think about"?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My partner nearly admitted to me that she is a virgin as I think she is as when I approached the subject of us taking our relationship a little further and asked did she want to stay the night with her replying with could she think about.

What is there to think about?

I want to start a physical relationship with her but she keeps on making excuses saying that she cannot stay over.

I love her very much and told her this and said I want to make it perfect with y

Her telling me that I would be better off with somebody knowing what they were doing in bed.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015):

what is her age?

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (5 October 2015):

femmenoir agony auntHi,

your gf is obviously not yet ready to have sex with you, it's this simple.

Whatever her reason/s is/are for not wanting to take this next and huge step, is totally her right and if you continue to press this subject and pressure her, she will become more fearful of your relationship and the entire situation.

She may just be assuming here, that you are only wanting her for 'one thing' and nothing more long-term, more lasting and concrete.

Most females won't sleep with a male, until they feel a deep connection, commitment and until they feel safe, secure, respected, but above all else, loved.

You say you love her, but in my personal opinion, if you truly loved, cherished and adored her, you'd be happy to wait as long as it takes. Yould want her to feel comfy and secure enough to want to sleep with you and to perhaps lose her virginity to you. That is if, you are the right guy for her and only she would know how she feels.

For most women, losing their virginity is a huge deal, especially if they know and value their own self-worth.

Your gf, wants to make dead sure, that she doesn't regret it in the aftermath, so she is treading lightly and so she should.

She won't simply sleep with you, just because you want sex with her, or because you tell her you love her.

This isn't actually enough, because words are cheap.

You need to put your words into action.

If you are in love with her and you are fully committed to her and you're both old enough to make commitments, then perhaps she may expect a marriage proposal, prior to consenting to have sex with you.

This is obviously pertaining, to your depth of love for her and i would say, if you don't love her to this degree, then you shouldn't expect her to sleep with you.

This isn't actually about your needs, what you want. It is more about her and what she is totally comfortable with and right now, it appears that she isn't too keen to have sex with you and you need to honour and respect her wishes and not push her in any way.

On a final note, you mentioned within your msg, that she told you, that you'd be better off with somebody who knew what they were doing in bed.

Is there also a possibility that she is insecure and worried, because she has had no prior experience with sex?

If so and i would say yes, then this would have a lot to do with her lack of desire to take things to the next level with you, but still, she is within her rights to say no.

She has the right to do and not do, whatever she wants and whatever makes her comfortable.

She is letting you know that she doesn't want sex, whichever way you look at it and if you're so, so eager, you will just have to be patient.

If you cannot wait, for whatever reason, then you really need to question your relationship with your gf.

I hope my response helps you in some way.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntHow old is she?

How long have you been seeing each other?

Hard to answer with out know those "tiny" details.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 October 2015):

olderthandirt agony auntLook here...A woman calls the shots here! You need to take a deep breath. Her needs are much more complicated than yours plus there's but one chance to have the first time and then it's gone. I don't blame her for wanting a Real comitment before giving up her virginity. You come off sounding petty and imature in your anxiety. Sorry, just keeping it real.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2015):

your partner needs to think about contraception and protection from sexual diseases.Also your partner may value your friendship but not want to jump into bed with you for fear of being used.Finally your partner may be a trans gender person who has had an operation and may be unwilling for you to know that.You need to think about ways that you can get to know this person..just a few dates and a nice smile and a bit of breasts doesnt mean she is availabke for sex.Perhaps this is just a friendship and you should sow your wild oats elsewhere!

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (4 October 2015):

Garbo agony auntYour girl needs more assurances, security, deeper attachment, more commitment from you, time for that commitment to be felt, comfort at sex and aftermath... So give her all of that more of, see which she responds to best but most important, respect her views, don't push her into things and build positive emotions around sex because impatience and ridicule at it builds resentment which can be a lasting scar for both of you, her at the act and you at the joy of it.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 October 2015):

chigirl agony auntHow long have you been dating? Perhaps she needs a deeper commitment before she wants to move on. How old is she? If she's quite young then you're gonna have to wait. If she's the same age as you then I think you should try with more commitment and see how it goes. For example, has she met your family yet? Have you gone on vacation together yet?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2015):

Ummm... Obviously a lot?

As in there is obviously a lot there to think about. It doesn't matter to yu whether she is or not (and maybe losing your own virginity didn't matter to you either?) however this is obviously important to her.

Stop pressuring her into something she might not be ready for.

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