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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I apologize if this is TMI. I have been dating a wonderful man for several months now. I lost my virginity to him (and I was fairly old to be losing my virginity). I grew up with a significant amount of sexual shame and guilt. I masturbated maybe once or twice a month since my teenage years and occasionally used pornography to do so. I always felt guilty afterwards. I was typically able to climax when masturbating. Several months on, and I have enjoyed great sex with my BF. However, when he gives oral, it feels fantastic but I have not orgasmed from it yet. Penetration unfortunately does not bring a ton of pleasure although we keep experimenting with positions. I'm wondering why it is so hard for me to climax when it feels so wonderful. I know I have some sexual shame from my past and guilt over feeling pleasure. He is a very kind and attentive partner, but we both want me to orgasm eventually. Any tips on how to relax and let this happen? I feel that I have gotten close but not quite there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): First – just relax and have fun. It is supposed to be fun. Make your love making happy and joyous for both of you. Just love him and let him love you. Don’t even think about having an orgasm, think about giving him an orgasm. Try asking him to do oral from beside you, rather from only between your legs – that made a difference for my wife. And when it really, really feels good, be sure to tell him so. Don’t worry, yours will come, I think you are well on your way.Second – shame and guilt are emotional baggage – you do not need it. You can get rid of it. And whether you know it or not, baggage does affect your actions and relationships. So do not ignore baggage, do not sweep it under the rug like most people do, do the brave thing and deal with it and get rid of it. That would profoundly improve the rest of your life, because if you learn how to get rid of baggage, it will improve your relationships and it will prevent you from accumulating more baggage in the future.Do a search on “how to get rid of emotional baggage” or "how to get rid of shame and guilt". You will get many hits. Don’t just read one of the results – some of them will look crazy or shallow to you, keep looking until you find one that seems to match your situation. Or ask around, maybe you could find a friend or counselor who knows about this. It would be very wise to consult with a counselor – the pay-off for you would be tremendous.Wishing you a very happy future…
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (17 September 2015):
 Some statistics show that up to 80% of women do not orgasm through penetration, which is a staggering number, so perhaps you belong to that group. Of these women, most report that they are able to orgasm from oral, so have your guy go down on you. As for shame issue, anecdotally, it is a popular thing to blame particularly by the promiscuous crowd but again, statistics don't show that in a long run, shame impacts quality of sex. Shame impacts quality of monogamy by promoting attachment but not quality of sex. So, in your case, focus on variety of sex, positions and particularly oral.
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