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*arbo agony aunt


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Are his actions Red Flags? He's a confident guy but insecure with me

Q.   I've been dating a great guy (31 y/o) for two months. He treats me very well, initiates most dates and text greetings, and invites me to his friend/group gatherings. He's a successful entrepreneur, experienced, outgoing, and very socially capable ...

A.   3 June 2016: I see no red flags in any of this. Perhaps he wants to hear from you that you are interested in being exclusive and willing to offer commitment so you may want to discuss that with him as a possibility. So if if you see future with him, start ... (read in full...)

I'm no longer sexually attracted to my husband

Q.   I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not know this and I don't know if I should break the news to him or keep it to myself. I know the reasons I am no longer attracted. He was unfaithful and I haven't been able to forgive ...

A.   1 June 2016: Six months age is recent so you need to, first, tell him that you do. Not want to have sex with him. You are not obligated to have sex nor to have sex with the person that you wish not to. Second, he needs to know, in no uncertain terms that ... (read in full...)

My husband made a joke about me taking our mutual friend's virginity for his birthday. Should I?

Q.   Hi everyone. Me and my husband are both in our early 30's and have been married for 10 years. We have a mutual friend who is about the same age as us both and is still a virgin. Recently my husband made a joke about me taking his virginity for hi...

A.   27 May 2016: One problem with these sorts of sexual fantasies, where a third person is involved, is that once they escape the realm of your brain and become a reality, these sexual fantasies violate the monogamy, and the breakdown of monogamy leads to the ... (read in full...)

How do I tell him about my concerns?

Q.   Hi again, so I am trying really hard to stay in my marriage but some things need to change in order for that to be possible. I need to talk to my husband.... But I don't know how to do it, if I talk to him about anything serious he shuts down and ...

A.   24 May 2016: Idk how your finances are, but you should consider building them up in case your marriage breaks down, because it is headed in that direction. You at least recognize that, but your husband, like lotta men, thinks that work has ended after the ... (read in full...)

I need the morals, security and companionship of religion without the dogma

Q.   Hi there, I am hoping that someone out there can give me advice on the following, I am a 50 year old male. I have had a pretty dodgy past. From about the age of 20 I started to dabble with drugs, on hindsight I am shocked by how quickly I went fro...

A.   24 May 2016: Morals are a certain set of beliefs which you, yourself, is convinced that they are the most superior rules of behavior. God cannot convince you of anything - be it by sight, touch or any which way. In fact, if you read the Old Testament, in his ... (read in full...)

Uncles who lost your virginity at a later stage, how did you do it? Aunts what will really help me lose my virginity?

Q.   How do you shake off being a virgin? While I have kissed a couple girls and have been sexual with some, I feel down on myself for not having had intercourse. I've read articles on this site, other sites about not feeling bad about it but it ...

A.   22 May 2016: I always wondered why those men who crave sex so much don't get themselves a loving GF because then they will get all the sex that they want, when they want it and in unlimited quantity. Instead, lot of men decide that they will look for meaningless ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Is it understandable that I'm hurt that my boyfriend wants to be friends with a woman he cheated with?

Q.   Last night my phone was dead and I could not find my charger. So I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone because I had to call my sister for something important. I'm not the type to snoop but I saw 3 calls in the call log from a woman my...

A.   22 May 2016: You are not jealous but upset, and rightly so, that your BF is keeping in contact with a woman he should be running away from. His answer about casual talk about work is such a huge BS. Nobody casually talks with someone you have been cheating with. ... (read in full...)

Should I keep the door of communication open to following our breakup?

Q.   My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago, and I've been through all the crying and sulking and now I know that I need to just focus on my self. I am getting better, less irrational and hopeless. Our relationship was great, and we were both right ...

A.   16 May 2016: Whatever he needed to figure out in life, he could have done it with you around. Apparently, what he had to figure out is how to get rid of you yet string you along. And he did that: you no longer have him yet still have his "friendship" and hope he ... (read in full...)

He only sends me a text when he's horny. Is it time to show him the door?

Q.   me and my boyfriend have dated over 7-8 months now. Over the past 2 months it's so happening that he only texts me when he's horny.. Otherwise he never texts me nor speaks to me. so like i'm really confused. should i continue my relationship...

A.   16 May 2016: You need to drop this guy right now. No contact would do just fine. He does not deserve an explanation why you don't want to hear from him, see him. ... (read in full...)

Met this guy and he has a Gf. What should I do? I am yet to tell me that I'm divorcing my husband.

Q.   My husband I have agreed to divorce. We still live together because it's convenient but we treat each other as roommates and I will probably stay at our house for at least next three months. About two months ago I met a guy through mutual friends....

A.   16 May 2016: Anytime someone committed in a relationship comes out claiming how unhappy he is in a relationship and instead wants you - do not believe. If he is unhappy with his GF then there are but only 2 options: either leave her or fix the relationship. ... (read in full...)

I still have feelings for him, but don't feel we have a future together. What should I do?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I was in love with a man who divorced 3 years ago. We had known each other for more than 2 years at school. Before our relationship started, by reading comments on his social media accounts, i already suspected that he had a number of ...

A.   15 May 2016: "He also mentioned he just liked me but not loved me and was not considering having a commitment. " You may have feelings for him, but he has none for you. He just wants to get into your pants, and he tested that water by sticking his hand int... (read in full...)

What does it mean when a man plays with his wedding ring while he talks to you?

Q.   Hi Aunties! Just wondering if it means anything if a man slides his wedding ring up and down his finger while he talks to you and twists it? It is so distracting!! ...

A.   14 May 2016: It may mean nothing, but if it does, then it probably does not mean what prompted you to ask this question. ... (read in full...)

I just wish she would initiate contact first!

Q.   I’ve been dating a lovely girl for four weeks. I text her good morning every day, to which she responds right away. We usually have conversation, with both of us keeping the conversation going. It’s very balanced. The conversation usually tapers off ...

A.   14 May 2016: What is your intent with this girl? To keep dating endlessly or to eventually close the deal and make her your GF? She is probably like me, clueless at your intent. She responds because she likes you but lack of initiative means confusion. And the ... (read in full...)

Why do intense passionate affairs always come to an end?

Q.   I'm a married woman whos been having an affair with a single man for about two years now...I know its wrong, but he's so good looking, interesting, kind, and really seems to care about what I have to say...And the sex is best friend ...

A.   14 May 2016: Your marriage will also come to an end if truth be told about what you do. Even if not told, the marriage will never be what it was intended in the first place because of the legacy of your affair. The taint of deception that you are sowing now will ... (read in full...)

What’s the best response to a break up message?

Q.   If you are in a long term, committed relationship with a man, and he decides to break up with you [either because he's found someone else, or has just tired of you, or whatever his reason], in your experience, what is the best way for the woman to ...

A.   11 May 2016: Second one. There is no point at a tantrum because it will not change a thing plus. No answer, no response, no contact... Then just move on. At least he can wonder why you haven't reacted to something that he was expecting a reaction to. ... (read in full...)

Would our guests from Scandinavia be horrified to see ants in our home?

Q.   We live in the USA and are not really into using poisons. Thus we have a fair number of ants in our house. Mainly the tiny little ones that don't bite or anything LOL Anyway, we have some houseguests coming to visit from Europe (Scandinavia). D...

A.   9 May 2016: The reason why these little ants keep staying inside your house is because they are feeding on the wood that makes up the structure of your house. You may feel nothing with a structure for a while, until all of a sudden your house collapses. Most ... (read in full...)

Of those who chose to remain married, though unhappy, I ask, did you regret doing so?

Q.   Just want to do a survey to married/divorced folks: Which of you have stayed married despite being unhappy? Do you regret it? How long have you been married? Why were you unhappy? Which of you decided to divorce because you were unhappy? Are...

A.   8 May 2016: I have a family member who stays married even though she is unhappy. She is unhappy because it's a sexless marriage, and her husband is gone 7 months out of the year with work leaving her to raise children. She stays married because of the kids, ... (read in full...)

What do I tell my friend about her 'relationships' ?

Q.   My friend has just shocked me with what she has just said, she told me she is seeing 2 guys. They dont know about each other and they live miles from each other and have no friends in common and she's kept this quiet until now. No-one knew she...

A.   8 May 2016: If you look at it from the guys perspective, both of them would dump her if they found out that she is dating another guy. So option number 2 is out of the window: while waiting to fizzle, she is cheating on both of them. There is always a third ... (read in full...)

How can you know if you are marrying the right person?

Q.   How will someone know and sure about marry someone and live all their life with the others as there maybe unwanted things happen in the future. How will they know that they wont regret? How can people be so sure about other people? Or they just risk ...

A.   8 May 2016: A book could be written on questions that you have posed but in a nutshell, to focus on your title, nothing is certain in life, including whether any of us will wake up tomorrow let alone certainty in marriage. Yet humans still function acting o... (read in full...)

A week after our second date she has sex with someone then texts me making small talk unaware that I know about it. What does she want?

Q.   I recently went out with a girl whom we share mutual friends. I kissed her goodnight and later on she texted me what a pleasant time she had. The next day I texted her something about wanting to kiss her again before some party we were both invited ...

A.   6 May 2016: She does not know what she wants, but it is for sure that she does not want you because had she, she wouldn't do what she did but would be excited to get another date with you. If this was me, I would go no contact with her because she is not ... (read in full...)

Why do low-income families go on to have more children when it's hard to make ends meet?

Q.   Just curious, as I see tons of family's that have sometimes 4 or more children, yet have an extremely small income. You'd think it'd be the opposite, because the low-income families have neither the time nor the money to properly care for these ...

A.   2 May 2016: In some parts of the US, like large city ghettos, news kids are viewed as assets because government gives them money for each new one. Some women have upwards of 10+ kids. These phenomena also go hand in hand with illiteracy, mental disorder, ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   2 May 2016: When it comes to love, you want to do what makes it work and not what it sounds good. It may sound good that persons sexual past does not matter, but that does not necessarily mean that it works. There sure is lot of stuff out there that people ... (read in full...)

Why will a married man NOT leave his mistress, even when affair is in danger of being exposed?

Q.   Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave hi...

A.   2 May 2016: It could be lot of reasons, but one thing for sure that will have him dump his mistress is if the mistress stops having sex with him. So, while all the reasons are different as to why he keeps being attached to his wife, there is only but one reason ... (read in full...)

He's drunk and abusive. How do you reason with someone like this, for the sake of your kids?

Q.   I've been with my partner, "Bill", for 12 years and we have a family together. Tonight he told me for the umpteenth time that he was sick of my bad attitude and that I need to "know my place". Then he told me it's over and to expect all my thing...

A.   1 May 2016: Alcoholics of any kind will not decide to stop drinking unless they are faced with some sort of a loss that they deem catastrophic. I don't know what that is for your partner, but as long as you stay there he will keep doing what he is doing because ... (read in full...)

Are there any life reasons anyone can suggest for why my brother seems uninterested in forming friendships and or relationships?

Q.   Dear everyone I'm not sure if this question is suited to this site, but I found everyone on here to be thoughtful the previous time i used it so i thought i'd try again. I wonder if my brother has some sort of mental condition that hasn't bee...

A.   30 April 2016: Definitively look as Aspergers spectrum autism. There are no set behaviors but lot of the stuff you say matches it. People who know autistics folks can tell by looking at him. Aspies are delicate ... (read in full...)

When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?

Q.   This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...

A.   30 April 2016: Lack of lavatories, bathrooms or as east Europeans call it WC. You go into a huge, expensive store, nothing. Or since lot of commute is by foot, you end up seeing people relieving themselves on corners behind trees on a busy street. In India, I was ... (read in full...)

I’m worried about going bald, how do family genetics cause it?

Q.   Hi I sometimes struggle with low self esteem and confidence and I've always been critical on how I look, but recently I had my hair cut, 3 back and sides short on top, standard, and I cannot seem to tell if I receading or not , or if it just me been ...

A.   28 April 2016: There is nothing you can do about a receding hair line, if you truly have one. You could strengthen your hair with B vitamins and beta-sitosterols. ... (read in full...)

Is this rosacae or an alcohol problem?

Q.   I met a guy for a first date last night. I noticed after one pint he looked flushed and had broken blood vessels around his nose and a thickening of connective tissue around the nostrils, a bumpy appearance. He then had a second pint and had driv...

A.   27 April 2016: His facial redness can be from rosacea. Alcohol can cause the flushing which is called erythema and is mistaken for alcoholism. Same with blood vessels. They can blow up or be permanently dilated like that so you see them. There is a name for that ... (read in full...)

What in blazes in going on here? What's the Guy Code and is that what you see in this situation?

Q.   Men, there is such a thing as a code of honor among friends when two or more like the same woman, right? The past two months have been strange and I'm confused. Three male friends of years and all the sudden they are all showing strong signs of ...

A.   27 April 2016: I never heard of any guy codes. If 3 of them want you, the 2 who sense that you like the other one will disappear. So make a firmchoice and stick with it. ... (read in full...)

Do I stop making our favorite food because it bothers our 80 year old neighbor?

Q.   Hello We live in an apartment building and are a mid aged couple. I cook for my husband on daily basis, we are both Canadian. We really enjoy curry and maybe twice a month I will cook it. My neighbour who is in her 80s and frail health mention...

A.   26 April 2016: I was on the receiving end of the curry cooking at one period of my life. At that time, I came across this huge, lavish apartment on the third floor with a balcony and a gorgeous view, so I signed a 2 year deal. Little did I know, below me were ... (read in full...)

How do I tell potential FWBs or hookups that I only want oral or manual sex, not intercourse?

Q.   I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks. So I decided to try having hookups but only going as far as foreplay. What I'm worried about is what if they think I'm childish since we're all over 18? Or they may even be angry we're not f*cking... ...

A.   26 April 2016:  Committed couples develop, over a period of time, certain language and gestures that are judgment free yet comfortable for the levels of prude in them to tell one another what sort of sex they want. Regrettably, in hookups and ONS, no such lang... (read in full...)

I lost my erection just before sex, is this ED?

Q.   Hi all Ive been with my partner 7 years now, we are both in our 40's and in decent health Recently we were intimate, i gave her oral to orgasm, then went to have my horror i had gone semi hard, and couldnt have intercourse My p...

A.   25 April 2016: I don't think this rises to the level of a doctor visit. It could have been a distraction of sorts, although things like alcohol could take out the erection. Also, testosterone depletion in 40s is faster during the day, meaning men have harder time ... (read in full...)

Does this sound like a normal close best friends relationship?

Q.   I met my current female friend Lucy over 4 years ago thro our children. We started texting each other more and I invited her and her husband round for dinner one night. We took up cycling together to get fit. We meet up 3-4 times per week for 2 ye...

A.   25 April 2016: Everything sounds normal except for all this hand holding, "love" and kiss stuff. In my book, that is romance and something that married women should do to their husbands, not to one another. ... (read in full...)

He's with a girl I know. I have a crush on him. Is it love? What should I do?

Q.   Dear Cubid Basically I have had this crush on this guy for a long time now. I know I feel something for him however I do not know if I love. I am young and I do not know what love is yet, but I know I care about him a lot He is is so sw...

A.   24 April 2016: Love is something that occurs after the crush is gone. Therefore, it isn't love, it is infatuation. Infatuation occurs frequently, but love doesn't. Love cannot happen unless the infatuation phase is completed during which time you discover what and ... (read in full...)

Is he into me or just looking for friendship?

Q.   Long story short, I recently met this guy in one of my classes. He seemed really cool and he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him Friday night. First off, we both paid for our own ticket..I mean we're college students and imax movie ...

A.   24 April 2016: First date is always problemstic because of uncertainty of what the other side expects and with which speed. So he did a standard thing, not to push for a kiss goodbye because you did not hint at it. It's called not spoiling his chances. So he ... (read in full...)

I want to try FWB. What should I consider?

Q.   I want to try friends with benefits. Any women on here have experiences with sleeping with multiple guys at the same time? Most of the stories I've heard usually only have the male fwb sleeping with multiple girls. So I figure if it's inevitable ...

A.   24 April 2016: So you "don't get jealous" about what? There is nothing to get jealous about in meaningless activities. If nobody cares about anyone, as in FWB situation, jealousy is not an issue. And your statement that men sleep with multiple women is a carica... (read in full...)

My girlfriend suddenly has a fantasy about a MFF threesome and won't let go of it!

Q.   Hi I have been with my girlfriend and soon to be fiance for 6 years Through out the relationship she has been very possesive and jealous, to the point where if i looked at porn or say another girl in the shopping centre, had pictures of a bi...

A.   23 April 2016: My suspicion is that your girl is watching too much porn, and that she maybe so desensitized by it that REAL sex with you is no match with the intensity of fantasy porn instigates in her. So before you acquiesce to MFF, and thus probably ruin your ... (read in full...)

What do you do for someone who made your life happy again ? my friend helped and supported me after abuse I suffered

Q.   I had a horrible childhood, I was physically and sexually molested and raped by my step father for 7 years. When I was 20, I met a guy on an online adult site . He was 15 years older then me. I was still living at home and my step father cont...

A.   22 April 2016: Being yourself is most of the time good enough for people, and if we force the issue, others notice we are fake. So don't stress over what you should do for him because the time hasn't come up yet for you to do stuff in return. Perhaps it might in ... (read in full...)

If I don't orgasm does that mean I was used for sex?

Q.   I've been struggling with this idea lately. I want to lose my vaginal virginity, but I know I probably won't get off so...How do I deal with not getting off but knowing the guy will? I could probably come from oral...But I still wouldn't be gett...

A.   19 April 2016: If certain kind of sex bothers you, then don't do it. It does not matter why such sex bothers you, nor does it have to be rational to another person. You can refuse sex for irrational reasons, and that is legitimate. Therefore, if vaginal sex is ... (read in full...)

Should I be concerned about my wife's strange sexual dreams?

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 40 years, and our sex lives have always been 'satisfactory', nothing out of the ordinary really, only occasionally doing something rather daring. However, about six months ago she started taking medicati...

A.   18 April 2016: You should not be concerned with her dreams. Whatever is in her head, stays there and she does not act upon it. She has you to fulfill the reality. You should be concerned about the medication as in what other side effects might it have given th... (read in full...)

My ex and I talk about reuniting but I can't compete with her current boyfriend

Q.   My ex girlfriend and I talk about working things out on a very deep, personal, and regular basis, but her new boyfriend is ten years older, four inches bigger in penis size, and gives her drugs. She says she wants to get back with me and as soon ...

A.   17 April 2016: You need to look for another girl, and not worry about penis sizes. Penis size does not determine a relationship. That girl would have left the guy she is with if she cared for you. Irrespective if it's drugs or whatever, that girl does not care ... (read in full...)

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