A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and he says he's madly in love with me and that I'm his soulmate, but I haven't been feeling the same the past few weeks and I've decided I want to break up with him. My question is, how should I go about doing this? I haven't given him any hints about how I've been feeling so it will be a shock to him. How can I soften the blow? I really want him in my life, but just as a friend. He's helped me through a lot and hasn't done anything wrong whatsoever, I just don't feel attracted to him anymore. And little habits that he has that I used to find cute, I just find annoying or childish now.
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male
reader, married 21 years  +, writes (30 September 2015):
after having broken up with a number of loves in life, i can look back and know it was the right thing to do. you could soften the blow by doing some avoidance. don't call back right away, put some distance in there some how. he will know something is wrong and will want to know what it is. then be honest, and quick and clean about it. if you can, go away for awhile. distance helps separate. and I agree with others. don't play the let's be friends card. good luck, everything will be OK!
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (27 September 2015):
 Break ups hurt but the longer those break ups last the more they hurt. Therefore, be quick and tell him, within half an hour at most, that you don't want him anymore romantically and that you want to end it right now. You can elaborate why but be sure you end it in 30 minutes.
As for being friends afterwards, you should forget about that. The reason why you two were together in the first place were romantic and that goes beyond friendship so you can't reverse that. So in your elaboration on why you are breaking up don't think that "let's be friend" will soften the blow. It may actially worsen it: why would a guy wanna look at you afterward "as a friend" just to be reminded of the break up pain and keep feeling stupid that he lost you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (27 September 2015):
 Its good that you are a caring person and you don't want to needlessly hurt your boyfriend. The best advice I can give is to do it quick and clean. End it and do not say "lets be friends". Perhaps you can deal with that, but he may not be able to, and quite honestly its very painful trying to be friends with an ex.
My first boyfriend (I was 18) broke up with me after a year and we agreed to be friends, still talked on the phone, still did things together for awhile, but it cut me like a knife because he was seeing other people..and every time I seen him or heard from him it just gave me false hope that we would get back together. It just doesn't work. Let him go and don't stay in touch for at least 6 months or so. It sounds cruel, but its actually being kind..let him heal.
Good luck, you sound like a caring lady who has just fallen out of love or wants more than what you have now. Nothing wrong with that and to stay with someone you no longer love isn't fair to either of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): Hello, I don't want to sound mean, but there is a few things I like to say, first, don't say you didn't mean to hurt him, you did, he has a heart, didn't sound like he didn't do any thing wrong, but to love you,you are going to blindside him, that's the worst breakup,this can be done by men to,so am just saying,it works both ways, I would bet, there is another guy in the waiting, probably, a bad boy, who seems exciting, but that wont end good for you,then you will remember the nice guy, who would do any thing to make you happy,women, do this all the time, so young lady, think real hard about his feelings, some one down the line , will do it to you, it can hurt for years, but you have to be happy, if he doesn't make you happy, be with the bad boy, have fun, just remember, the nice guy, when he said he love's you, came from his heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Being on the receiving end of being dumped, I can say I'd rather get it done and over with. I was blind-sided and never knew how my ex was feeling. We had a great time together; but he told me I deserve someone better. I never got any explanation of what he meant by that. I did however find someone better. It was destiny calling.
There is someone out there making their way to either of you. Perhaps there will be a few you'll meet and love before you find that one who is best for you. That's how young love goes. Hardly changes as you get older.
So destiny calls. Be honest and get it done. He will be shocked. Who wouldn't be? It is what it is. You don't feel the same as he feels for you, and living a lie doesn't do either of you any good. Once you've done it, tell him you don't want him to contact you while he is getting over you.
That prolongs the suffering, and you'll pity him. Never keep someone out of pity. It's cruel to deceive his feelings.
For goodness sake don't poor salt on the wound by claiming you want to be friends. That's not what he wants, and telling him that will not make him feel better. It will rip his heart completely out, like breaking-up isn't bad enough.
It's hurtful, but you've got to do what you've got to do. He's a big boy, and he'll get over you. This is part of adulthood. You've gotten over him. You got a head-start. So don't coddle his feelings now. It doesn't make you a bad person; because you're not in-love with him. It's the truth that hurts; but it is also the truth that heals.
Be straight forward and give him a dose of reality; so he can detach, heal, and move on. So you both can move on and find the people truly meant for you. As I did.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 September 2015):
 There really is no nice way of breaking up. And I think wanting to be friends is ... not a good thing either. Because that means you want him in your life but you don't WANT him. You still want the support, but not him as a BF and that I think is a little selfish of you.
If he has much stronger feelings for you than you do for him, best thing you can do for you both is CUT the contact after you break up. LET him heal, if he WANTS to be friends 6-12 months down the line maybe you can be.
Be honest with him, don't drag it out. And don't play the "let's be friends card".
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