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Are my suspicions reasonable?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi,

Something is playing on my mind and I need some advice please. I'm too embarrassed to confide in any of my friends or family and I feel sick thinking about this.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 3. I'd say we have a good marriage and are happy.

A few months ago my car was in the garage so I had to rely on my husband to drop me off at work and pick me up for a week in his new car- he's had his car several months.

One day, when he picked me up I noticed that the passenger seat (where I sit) was in a completely different position to how I had it that morning. The seat was much lower (I'm quite short so have the seat high up), the back was pushed forward and the head rest was much higher. It seemed like a tall person had been sat there.

I asked if someone had been in the car with him that day and he looked a bit shifty and said no. I said that the seat was completely different to how I left it and he said he had no idea how it got like that and maybe it was a technical issue. Something didn't sit right with how he acted...

Out of curiosity and a sleepless night I called the car dealership and spoke to a technician who confirmed it was impossible for the seat to move itself and the only way was for someone to do it.

This now led me to even more suspicion.... So 1 day when he was out I literally looked everywhere in the house for anything suspicious. I didn't find anything.

I then went through his phone and saw a few texts from my brother to him which disturbed me somewhat - my brother who is a bit of a joker and has a rude sense of humour wrote in 1 of his texts to my husband about giving him "a blow job" as my husband couldn't find him a certain beer that he was after. My brother also said "if the priest finds out what you've been up to he won't allow you in church again"- my husband is Catholic and goes to church every Sunday.

My husbands reply was just "ha ha!"

I then ran out if time to read anymore as I could hear him come up the stairs.

My brother is much younger than my husband and single, he's never had a girlfriend and my mum had suspicions he may be gay but he has always denied it. I can't help thinking something is going on. I don't know what to do. I can't confront them incase I'm wrong and I won't be trusted as I went through his phone... What do I do? Does it sound suspicious?? My brother is tall so if he was in the car it'd make sense.

View related questions: at work, blow-job, never had a girlfriend, text

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A female reader, Sparklenation United States +, writes (21 October 2015):

You can always get into the phone, under the contacts find your brothers name and edit the phone number to yours. Save it. (when people text and call they rarely pay attention to actual numbers anymore, more about names) That way anything he says to your brother will come on your phone.

Just be ready for what you might read. Sounds to me like it might not be any joke. I don't know any men who are not gay that sit and joke with other men about blow jobs. They just don't.

Anyway just an idea

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (19 October 2015):

Garbo agony auntWhat do you do? You do nothing because you have no evidence on your husband that he is cheating on you. In terms of "confronting" your husband, you also have weak and insignificant evidence so don't bother because you may reveal your hand and mess up your ability to gather any evidence, if there is any. Which brings me to suggest to you to simply continue about your life and remain alert but not reactive to things that "may" suggest but reactive to things that "do" contain evidence.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2015):

I'm sorry to say but I think you are right. The text messages are very weird things to say to each other. Particularly the comment about if church found out you would get kicked out. (It might not be exactely what you think it would seem something dodgy is going on).are you brother and husband friends? Do they joke\text each other normally?

I wouldn't make this accusation without more evidence. As this could involve your brother this could be a horrible situation. Do you get on with your brother and do you trust him? if someone is cheating they need time to cheat in, generally making up a reason to cover where they actually are\making sure you aren't around. I would try to catch this out first.

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